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Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (Review)

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Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Here we go with another amazing Bikini film from Fred Olen Ray (once again directing as Nicholas Medina) that has a fun time spoofing genre movie conventions and making the production look like it was make for ten times the cost. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini diverges from one of the classic plots of bikini films. Normally a relative dies and leaves a business to be saved by bikinis and boobs, but here the dead relative just leaves a bunch of money, and the plot springboards to a murder mystery with a surprise musical thrown in for good measure! In addition, we get the titular ghost in the teeny bikini (played by Nicole Sheridan) running around amidst the over acting. The film itself is a lot of fun and entertaining, but if you were watching for a quick fix of naked chicks, you’d have to put up with distracting plot elements in between, and I can realize how that would turn off people at 3am flipping back and forth between Cinemax channels looking for a flash of skin. Bikini films are known to be chock full of terrible puns, but the puns in this film are the thickest that I have seen yet.
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

We have a return of many familiar faces. In fact, I have seen so many of the more recent Bikini films that when I watched a few older ones, I was disappointed that most of the actors were different. Yet, there is no clear line jump between generations, as the casts blend into each other, a continually evolving mesh. Thus some older people run around with newer members all the time. It’s like the Circle of Life, except there isn’t a gay lion tossing Darth Vader off a cliff. That’s in Bikini Lion King, due out in 2011. The title obviously refers to the movie The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, this is so obvious I won’t even point it out.

First, the cast. ROLL CALL!

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) – Yes, Muffin Baker is really the name of her character. Christine Nguyen heads the cast of this Bikini Epic as actress Muffin Baker, who has to go attend the reading of a will of a dead rich uncle, only to be the target of….MURDER!!!! Christine Nguyen was seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Tabitha the Ghost (Nicole Sheridan) – Our title ghost in a teeny bikini, is listed here second because she is sadly only in a small portion of the film. Nicole Sheridan is in so many of Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini movies that she had to give someone else a spin, and it let her be a cool ghost character who can make sarcastic comments. Nicole Sheridan was also seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen here again.
Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – I wonder what person Ted Wood Jr. could be a reference for? Obviously acclaimed director Ted V. Mikels. I’m good at getting references! Director of B-movies and boyfriend of actress Muffin Baker. Victim of drugged sex. Voodoo is married to Nicole Sheridan, and stars with her in a bunch of these film.
Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram) – The evil Archibald Weisenheimer is evil, which you can tell from his evil name, evil accent, evil mustache, evil daughter, and evil evilness. And he’s evil. So that’s bad if you aren’t evil, like Muffin Baker, who evil Archibald has decided to kill to get lots of money. That’s what evil people do. See Brad Bartram be not evil in Bikini Airways.
Marsh (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is in so many of these movies playing goofy characters, you spend time watching them just waiting for him to show up in a ridiculous costume. And here he is, in some sort of emo butler role. Stone breathes life into the role of Marsh, who seems like a simple butler following Archibald’s orders at first, but soon blossoms into a full-fledged independent man. Who gets it on with the maid and the psychic. Boo-yah! Evan Stone was also in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Evilyn (Rebecca Love) – Hey, where is Skeletor? Evilyn has warped over from Eternia and is now posing as the daughter of Archibald Weisenheimer, who is no better of a schemer than the old Filmation Skeletor. Rebecca Love is another of the parade of adult actresses in Bikini films. How can she not have back problems? That’s all I’m saying.
Madame Zola (Syren) – Madame Zola is the psychic brought in to try to contact Uncle Cyrus from beyond the grave. No contact takes place, but Madame Zola’s private parts make contact with Marsh’s after she is possessed by Tabitha looking to score a quick booty call. Syren has become a fixture in the later Fred Olen Ray bikini films, and has been seen her before in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Fuscia (Michelle Lay) – The maid at Uncle Cyrus’s estate. Very enthusiastic about getting it on. Michelle Lay shows up again in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
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Bikini Airways (Review)

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Bikini Airways


2003
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Airways
Bikini Airways follows the old Inherit A Business Plot, which is a branch off of the Help a Relative Save A Business Plot, but with the added benefit of not hiring the relative actors. Girl inherits business, it is failing, so dump a bunch of bikinis all over it and everyone wins! Especially the audience. The only problem is by now this is a by the numbers plotline, which is why the bikini movies have moved more into erotic parodies of film genres instead of following the same plot over and over just at a different job. This film’s location will be an airline, so expect referenced to the Mile High Club, lots of stewardess fantasies, and jokes about cockpits.
Bikini Airways

A Retromedia release, directed by Nicholas Medina (the Bikini films pseudonym for Fred Olen Ray) and filled with the usual jokes mixed with sex scenes formula that has proven popular. Four of these films come out each year, with varied settings that allow lots of fun spoofing of film conventions. There was a while when there was a big influx of imitators, with dozens of movies with the word “Bikini” in the title came out set practically everywhere (the most ridiculous I have see was Bikini Traffic School) but the Retromedia series has endured due to the entertaining scripts and settings, mixed with the very talented performers. Basically, they are a whole lot of fun, especially compared to many of their competitors.

Terri Williams (Regina Russell) – Never done real work as she had money growing up to give her the freedom to be a fulltime animal rights activist and overseas volunteer in Afghanistan. Only child and orphan. Inherits Janus Air when her Uncle Hugh passes on, and must save the company. Because that’s what you do in these films! Regina Russell also had a part in The Mummy’s Kiss.
Gary (Brad Bartram) – The groom is an oil tycoon’s son, he is about the marry the “virgin” Francine. Unlike the Virgin Connie Swail, she is not. Eventually drills for oil in the Terri Williams protected reserve, if you catch my inuendo. Brad Bartram is in a bunch of these films, he will show up again soon.
Jim (Noah Frank) – The boyfriend of Terri who won’t be the boyfriend by the end of the movie, due to his cheating heart. And his cheating wang. Is a photographer, who doesn’t make money, instead works by the barter system.
Traci (Loni Lynn) – The large breasted one who didn’t do well in high school. You will like her signature move. Loni Lynn is also known as Kim Maddox. Is very entertaining.
Vicki (Kylie Biscayne) – Has red hair, is a speedster in the car (especially while nude), and a cockpit fanatic. Spent part of the dance sequence staring right at the camera. Kylie Biscayne can be seen in several other Bikini films and is also known as Belinda Gavin.
Pam (Julie Snow) – former famous model who lost all her money, became a lesbian, and then decided that the real way to go is to marry the first rich guy who comes along and do nothing for the rest of her life. Julie Snow is also known as Amy Lindsay
Captain Sam (Jay Richardson) – Captain Sam has been a pilot for 25 years. Enjoys Irish Coffee with whipped cream while he flies. A big fan of Polaroid. Also a big fan of making a quick buck off of opportunity. Jay Richardson is in a billion Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski films. He even played a “Hugh Janus” in Final Examination, filmed about when this film was.
Co-Pilot Dave (Sam Silver) – Dave spends most of the film staring at various curvy parts of the women. He is a UFO buff. Likes to get high…in a plane!

Bikini Airways
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Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle (Review)

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Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle

aka Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island

2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Tarzeena Jiggle of the Jungle joins a long line of Tarzan-themed erotic movies. It is an anomaly in this genre, though, because it is actually entertaining and not a complete waste of celluloid. Director Fred Olen Ray manages to craft together a nice little homage to not only the Tarzan films, but those old jungle films where people wander through stock footage and movies with crazy mad scientists. Tarzeena is a great throwback to anyone who has suffered through borefests such as Nabonga. As viewers of traditional jungle flicks know, up to 25% of the film is stock footage (and sometimes shamefully more than that), there are jungle girls worshiped by natives, and there is usually a guy in a gorilla suit. We have all of those things, plus sex scenes. Tarzeena was one of several made at the same time, also including Super Ninja Doll.


Tarzeena (Christine Nguyen) – Tarzeena the Jungle Girl is the Queen of the Jungle and an expert in jungle love. She commands animals and has zero body hair. The missing granddaughter of Uncle Milton and heir to part of his fortune.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Amanda “Mandy” Sellers (Nicole Sheridan) – Stepdaughter of Uncle Milton and recieves several million dollars after he dies, under the condition that she look for his missing relatives. Often has to urinate. Nicole Sheridan was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Ted Kilton (Voodoo) – Boyfriend of Mandy and getter of lots of money. I sure hope his relationship is an open one, as both of them are bumping uglies with other people before the film ends. Adult film actor Voodoo is credited as Alexandre Boisvert and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jack Carver (Evan Stone) – Jungle Guide Jack Carver helps our heroes find the wreckage of Bradly’s plane and the mysterious Tarzeena. and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jed Slater (Ed Polgardy) – Lawyer for the estate of Uncle Milton, helps organize the trip to Kong Island to look for Bradly and his daughter.
Shana (Syren) – Native girl who is in love with Jack Carter, yet also assisting Dr. Mortimer in his mad experiments.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Dr. Mortimer (Mike Gaglio) – Mad scientist performing the brain control operations. Mike Gaglio was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Tabonga (Don McLeod) – Gorilla and friend of Tarzeena. Captured by the crazed Dr. Mortimer and implanted with a mind-control chip. Eventually freed and can turn on his captor. Tragically, his life is cut short by an exploding evil lair. He will be missed. Pour a 40 for Tabonga!

Tarzeena lives on Stock Footage Island – I mean Kong Island. Tarzeena’s skimpy clothing allows her to keep cool in the jungle heat, but at times she must shed her clothes and get naked. Thus she must take a shower in the waterfall. Luckily, a plane filled with hundreds of shaving blades must have crashed on the island at some point, allowing Tarzeena’s skin to remain smooth as an android’s bottom.


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Super Ninja Doll (Review)

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Super Ninja Doll

aka Super Ninja Bikini Babes

2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Super Ninja Doll premiered on cable TV under the title Super Ninja Bikini Babes, but we will be calling it Super Ninja Doll because that is the title that we first were introduced to it as on the Retromedia message board. Director Fred Olen Ray has crafted a mix of cult movie/Japanese comics with softcore elements, resulting in a great film that is both entertaining and memorable. Fred Olen Ray shoots these films several at a time, oftentimes reusing the same sets and actors. (Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle is one of the others shot with this one.) The problem with a lot of softcore fare is it blends together an becomes unmemorable. Stuff you catch late at night on Skinimax or Showtime, then forget about as the next night something completely different is on. These types of softcore movies have been given the name Erotic Parodies, which fits as they have names like The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I., The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. As Super Ninja Doll is not yet on DVD (as of when I wrote this), the screen captures are taken from a TV broadcast (thus the alternate title screen), but they look better than our previous TV captures because the screenshots weren’t taken off of a VHS tape of the movie.

The artwork for the Super Ninja Doll comic was done by Noel Anderson. There is an actual Retromedia Comics Group, which is making a Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers comic book!

Eriko (Christine Nguyen) – A comic book fan, a big comic book fan. Gets lost in the exciting worlds of the comics she reads. Enrolled in college. Enlisted to have the powers of Super Ninja Doll! Christine Nguyen is a former Playboy Cyber Girl and has a long modeling resume.
Super Ninja Doll (Christine Nguyen) – Super Ninja Doll fights against the evil Tantella and Gorath, as well as having sex because that’s how you get power in the Super Ninja Doll universe. Can fly, shoot energy, and shrink baddies.
Tantella (Nicole Sheridan) – The evil Tantella plots to invade the Earth because she is evil and that’s what evil people do. Nicole Sheridan is the first of many adult entertainment stars that will be making appearances here.
Gorath (Evan Stone) – The vile Gorath is powerful, but gets more powerful after sex. Kidnaps the great minds of Earth to foster an invasion, but runs afoul of Super Ninja Doll. Evan Stone really gets into the part, muttering “Gorath” and other things, you can tell he is having a blast. Stone is another adult entertainment actor and is hilarious.
Marsha Applebee (Beverly Lynne) – A nuclear marine physicist and tuna expert. You wouldn’t be asking how they are connected if you knew the terrible secret of nuclear tuna! Amazingly young for being such a big expert…
Jim (Voodoo) – Marsha’s sarcastic boyfriend, and setter up of menege a trois. Voodoo is yet another actor in adult films and has starred in numerous Fred Olan Ray films.
Megan Rhodes (Syren) – Is said to be in the sexual research department in a newspaper article, but called a rocket scientist in spoken script, therefore she must do both like Marsha. Her mind was blanked from amnesia and she gets captured by Gorath. Syren is the final adult star in the Roll Call, but more will appear throughout the film in the synopsis…


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