Sexy Wives Sindrome (Review)
Sexy Wives Sindrome
2011
Written by Steve Goldenberg
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)
Let’s do all the Seven Deadly Sindromes!
Sexy Wives Sindrome IS a Jim Wynorski joint, baby! So it follows all the Wynorski touches that make his films unique, from camera angles that peer around womens’ bustlines to characters acknowledging the camera. That also means we got a whole host of Roobie Breastnut songs making up the soundtrack (and, yes, Pussy Pussy Bang Bang IS in the film!) Additional music is also done by Chuck Cirino, as some of the scenes that use a score to help enhance the mood or are more serious just wouldn’t play right with Roobie Breastnut songs blaring.
The core of Sexy Wives Sindrome is relationship therapists who conduct unorthodox fantasy solutions to couples’ problems, which usually involve a lot of sex, and usually involve the therapist herself in a lot of the sex. You would think this would be a gross violation of ethical practices and cause a whole host of legal issues, but it turns out things are even more weird and bizarre than you could possibly imagine, yet the solution also resolves all the lingering problems. I think it’s hilarious how everything worked out in the end, and how the conclusion basically destroys any long ethical argument I could bring up, hence there won’t really be one for this review. I know, I know, you are all disappointed. You better hope the next one doesn’t have a game-changing twist!
What do you mean there isn’t a fireplace, only a big microwave???
There is plenty of pseudopsychological mumbo jumbo going on to justify some of the relationship issues. It basically boils down to couples loving each other and trying to keep things interesting for each other. You could argue that letting other people into relationships can potentially cause lots of drama, but let’s face it, these couples are all pretty much swingers anyway, so they know the score.
Coffee is the real sexy sindrome!
The title Sexy Wives Sindrome comes from the made up syndrome discovered by one of the characters about how men become afraid of their attractive wives because they are so attractive and the men just can’t handle the possibility of losing them. None of that is really worked into the relationships in the film, but it’s the title so it’s important.
But enough about your Psych 101 class, it’s time for the Roll Call!
Side effects include anal black tar discharge???
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Which one is the sexy wife, and which one is the sindrome?
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Housewives from Another World
Housewives from Another World
2010
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Yes, it is all so clear now how Honey Boo-Boo is a good show.
It’s been far too long. We need an application of Fred Olen Ray, STAT! Thankfully, Housewives From Another World is here to deliver us from the torment, the torment of not seeing one of Ray’s bikiniverse films on TarsTarkas.NET recently. Don’t laugh, this is a recognized medical condition. In that I edited it into a Wikipedia article on medical conditions before I was banned for “trolling”. But how is spreading knowledge trolling? Wikipedia is the true monster.
Housewives From Another World features invading aliens who possess some local women in hopes of sabotaging a satellite launch to prevent a war that ends up destroying their species. These women never regain control of their bodies, and are essentially dead. The aliens would declare that it’s all in the name of saving countless lives. So a moral choice is presented: Is it worth killing a few innocent people in order to prevent a genocide? Obviously, the aliens have made their choice. But did they really have to kill the women as they gain control of their bodies? And why not just gain control of Max, the designer of the satellite, and use his knowledge to sabotage all chances of it being launched?
Oh, great, someone wake up Bruce Willis…
It’s also interesting so see that the aliens travel back in time to Earth, instead of going to warn their own people to get them prepared. Or maybe they do, we just don’t see those characters. After all, some of the alien women leave at the end (with Max), and they must be going somewhere. The aliens may have advanced technology, but they have dubious planning skills (unless their technology only allows them to travel to Earth in the past!) and who knows what their time meddling may have done to history. Technology from the satellite may have saved the galaxy at some point, but the whole thing is tossed to save their skins. And let’s not even talk about how this would be a minor setback at best, human technology can easily catch up and eclipse the work of one man. Though that might mean the time sequence to discovery and war is very quick, perhaps enough that they will be able to develop defenses (heck, there might even be a Team B that is warning their own homeworld!) or even arming their own side, who may come to conquer Earth instead.
These ethical and mysterious quandaries add intrigue to Housewives From Another World. Also there are naked people who have sex.
Cut loose like a deuce, another runner in the night
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This is the only shower in all of LA!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: bikini movie madness, Billy Chappell, Christine Nguyen, Frankie Cullen, Fred Olen Ray, Heather Vandeven, Lesbians, Rebecca Love, Ron Ford, softcore, Ted Newsom, Tony Marino
The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.
The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.
2007
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
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I keep mine next to my Merry Marvel Marching Society card!
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In TarsTarkas.NET’s quest to eventually get around to things, several Fred Olen Ray Bikini flicks are on the bucket list. So let’s begin to empty said bucket(which sadly had been buried beneath a pile of thousands of buckets filled with thousands of lists since 2004!) The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is the first of the Tanya X movies (so first that she’s called Tania X here!), which went on to have two sequels (Bikini Royale and Bikini Royale 2) and a webseries that I believe was edited into another film. But this is the one that started it all.
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Attica! Attica!
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The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.‘s biggest problem is the date rape sequence. I’ve watched enough of these types of films that I know that slipping a woman some drugs that makes her super-horny is occasionally a thing, but here it’s done in an ultra-sleazy manner and Tanya wakes up with memory loss the next day. It’s disturbing.
Something that is interesting is the scene where Mong Lee (played by white actor Evan Stone), a sort of white warrior servant who wears mixed Asian combat garb, dresses in yellowface as a super stereotypical Asian person, right down to greasy black hair, ridiculous Coke-bottle glasses, and buck teeth. He wears the disguise over his own clothes, which bulge out from underneath, and it is insanely obvious that he is not what he appears to be. Needless to say, the disguise works. The thing is, is this disguise racist, or is the character using Asian stereotypes that the heroes fall for to his advantage to do his job, despite not being Asian? And if so, would that make the heroes racist, and Mong Lee someone who takes advantage of the ignorance of the masses? These are the questions asked by so many people watching these Skinimax flicks at 2am!
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Mission: Impossible 5 was almost as bad as Mission: Impossible 2!
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While the problems all go away by the next Tanya X adventure, we must discuss them, because them’s the rules. The spy genre’s campy nature makes it a ripe ground for parodies, allowing the adding of fantastic elements in addition to the expected hot babes in little clothing. The genre’s mainstream acceptance also means there will be spy erotic parodies for decades to come. Heh-heh-heh, I said “come!”
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The Mime from BIKINI!
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Bikini Pirates (Review)
Bikini Pirates
aka Harlots of the Caribbean
2006
Written by Fred Olen Ray
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
You would think that one day we’ll get to the end of the Retromedia Bikini films, but you are wrong. They are being made faster than I’ve been getting copies of the films, so they’ll continue to appear on TarsTarkas.NET forever! Luckily, they are pretty entertaining, hence why they continue to appear and I haven’t given up and started reviewing The Dead End Kids films. (Okay, the Dead End Kids films are pretty good, too… Some of them.)
Bikini Pirates features a small cast, and thanks to moving the action to the remote woods, the small cast feels natural and not like they’re avoiding plot points on purpose to hide from hiring a bunch of extras. So a good call there, though it does keep people like Ted Newsom from popping up, which is sad. The opening credits play over stock footage of diving scenes set to a Pirates of the Caribbean-ish theme song. As most of these Retromedia Bikini tales open with credits over cgi effects or stills that have been run through Photoshop filters, this is a colorful and interesting diversion.
To keep from listing the prior Bikini films over and over again in the roll call below, we’ve switched to linking to the actor’s tag so you can just click that and see everything they’ve been in that we’ve covered so far:
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Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (Review)
Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros
2010
Written and Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
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Hey! Zip it while I’m translating ancient ruins, buddy!
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We’re back in black and back in bikinis for yet another entry in the ever-growing Fred Olen Ray Bikini Movie Madness! This time, the world of Indiana Jones gets bikinied a Bikini Jones! Join that ever-sexy science field of archeology as Bikini Jones seduces her hands onto the Idol so she can unlock its secrets before the never-do-wells get their mitts on it and on Bikini Jones’s own golden idol. Bikini Jones features many of the regular cast members circa 2010, most of which have appeared in enough films it’s simpler just to link to their tags than to list all the films over and over again for each actor. Fred Olen Ray reuses the talent because they can get the job done, and done right, and done quickly. But mostly done right.
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The later seasons of The Dog Whisperer started to throw in gimmicks for ratings…
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Bikini Jones is fun, has fun things going on, and is worth your time. But don’t take my word for it, read the review and then take my word for it! Wait a minute…
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Olsen Twin Cop! She’s a cop, and an Olsen Twin.
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What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks? A dinobore! I’ll be here all week, folks.
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Cleavagefield (Review)
Cleavagefield
2009
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Salvadore Ross)
Yes, this is an erotic parody of Cloverfield, and it follows most of the plot to the nines. It is complete with random shots of other days, and most of the film is a first person hand held camera. Since the film isn’t entirely taking itself seriously, there are a few instances of breaking the fourth wall. The film occasionally breaks into shots of Tom’s visit to Hawaii where there are two blonde girls (Davina Murphy and Dallas Lowe) that just ended up being annoying, so I fast forwarded through those parts.
Cleavagefield is a humor movie, so don’t expect cool monster sequences and military fights. Expect naked chicks and a monster strolling along every once in a while. The origin of the film is interesting, it started out as a joke on the Retromedia Message Boards and people got interested. Thus, the joke became reality. It was originally joked under the title Chestyfield, for those of you who are interested. At this time there is scant information about the cast online, and due to the fact I am not as knowledgeable about some of these actresses as I should be, I don’t know what other names some of them are probably better known as (Brandee Schaefer in particular) I tried, that is all I can say.
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Amy Ried, Brandee Schaefer, Dallas Lowe, Davina Murphy, Frankie Cullen, Jim Wynorski, kaiju, Lesbians, Lucia Santos, Rebecca Love, softcore
