Softcore actress Amy Lindsay appears in Ted Cruz commercial!

Amy Lindsay Ted Cruz Conservatives Anonymous

Wait, I meant to sign up for a Caribbean Cruise, not Ted Cruz!

It seems presidential candidate Ted Cruz has a problem, and that problem is being too lazy to Google the actors appearing in his commercials. Thus Amy Lindsay made an appearance in his Conservatives Anonymous spot, which is all fine and dandy except that she starred in a number of softcore movies. Cruz freaked out and yanked the spot, but not before it became a big new item (and he summarily released an Office Space parody video instead to try to cover this up!) We’re doing our part at TarsTarkas.NET to keep this in the news for two reasons: 1. Fuck Ted Cruz. 2. We’ve actually reviewed several Amy Lindsay movies, so this topic is relevant to our site!

BuzzFeed of all places broke the story:

“The actress responded to an open casting call. She passed her audition and got the job. Unfortunately, she was not vetted by the production company. Had the campaign known of her full filmography, we obviously would not have let her appear in the ad,” Tyler said.

Prior to the Cruz campaign pulling the ad, Lindsay told BuzzFeed News in a phone interview on Thursday that she’s a Christian conservative and a Republican. While she emphasized that she did not do hardcore porn and that she also appeared in non-erotic films, Lindsay said she thinks it is “cool” that an actor who has appeared in softcore porn could also appear in Cruz’s ad.

“In a cool way, then hey, then it’s not just some old, white Christian bigot that people want to say, ‘It could be, maybe, a cool kind of open-minded woman like me,’” she said of people supporting Cruz.

Though Lindsay initially told BuzzFeed News that the person at the campaign who hired her “absolutely knew everything that I had done,” she later called back to say that she realized that was not the case.

“I have clearly talked to the filmmakers and stuff and just to be clear, I assumed that they knew, but none of the filmmakers or the casting director knew about my complete filmography in the past that you’re talking about, so I was wrong in that statement,” Lindsay said, saying that she had assumed that an old friend of hers from an acting class who was present when she was hired was aware of her film history.

Amy Lindsay is rightfully peeved by the turn of events, so let’s ignore the fact that she aligns differently with this site and celebrate her filmography as reviewed here! We’ve encountered her three times: Bikini Airways saw Lindsay playing a former model turned lesbian who was looking for a rich guy to marry and take care of her. Insatiable Obsession featured Lindsay as a married woman plagued by a haunted house that held a secret. And Lust Sessions featured Lindsay as a love coach who helped her patients with their relationships, but also needed help on her own. (She was also on Star Trek: Voyager, which means she will live on forever in Trekkie circles regardless of her other films!)

Let’s keep Ted Cruz angry by keeping this is the news!

Old Fashioned – Meet the Christian 50 Shades of Grey movie!

Old Fashioned movie

As 50 Shades of Grey prepares to make the Valentine’s Day box office submit to its commands, a challenger has appeared. Old Fashioned is exactly the same movie, except exactly the opposite. Instead of two characters moaning and groaning together after having just met, the two leads engage in a chaste courtship ritual:

A former frat boy and a free-spirited woman together attempt the impossible: an “old-fashioned” courtship in contemporary America. Valentine’ s Day 2015.

I guess the moaning and groaning was just people finding out about this film! Courtships are all the rage thanks to those reality shows featuring unnaturally large religious families undergoing courtships. Old Fashioned is written and directed and starring Rik Swartzwelder.

Swartzwelder describes the film as “not a religious film, per se” but “a film with faith,”

Which is just a weird way to say it’s a religious film, because it is, and Swartzwelder even has a novelization and companion literature prepared to be sold in religious bookstores. But it’s “not a religious film, per se”. Right. Hey, more power to you for getting a film made and all that, but at least be honest, because bearing false witness is just as much a commandment breaking sin as coveting your neighbor’s wife in a non-courtship manner.

Old Fashioned also stars Elizabeth Ann Roberts, LeJon Woods, Tyler Hollinger, Nini Hadjis, Maryann Nagel, Lindsay Heath, Joseph Bonamico, Dorothy Silver, Ange’le Perez, and Anne Marie Nestor.

What do you think, is this a harbringer of a wave of Christian versions of Hollywood films that will be released the same weekend? Will Christian films become their own mockbusters, taking pages from The Asylum? And when will we get word of Asylum’s version of 50 Shades of Grey? Whatever happens, February is the date to mark your calenders to keep up with Old Fashioned, unless it’s preview screening tour hits your town.

Official Site
Official Facebook
via Time

Rick gets his frothy Santorum all over the Hobby Lobby!

The ink has yet to dry on the idiotic Supreme Court decision on Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, and a movie is already set to be released from Rick Santorum’s film studio. The timing of this release – the day of the ruling – is patently obvious that they were looking to capitalize in on the result of the case. And the subject of the documentary, that religious “liberties” are being taken away by godless atheist communist Islamic liberal homosexual Obama voters, actually gets a bit weakened by the ruling in their favor. But a quick voiceover edit about how the war is still going on should cover that up nicely!

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty is the culmination of the current rebranding of religious bigotry as freedom, which has accelerated in earnest as state after state has struck down anti-gay marriage laws.

In a way, the awful ruling is sort of hilarious at taking the wind out of this documentary. Now suddenly the Religious Right has very special privileges that override what a woman wants to do about her own body. In fact, the argument specifically tries to say it doesn’t count for all sorts of other religious exceptions like blood transfusions. The logic behind the reasoning is strained at best, and nonsense at worst. What has happened is SCOTUS put omen as second class citizens beneath corporations, which suddenly have a lot more rights than they should.

Conservatives have gone extremely nutso over birth control access in the past few years. Who can forget Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a slut because she wanted birth control for her fellow law school students, including one affected by polycystic ovary syndrome which is helped by birth control hormones? Or how about this lovely tweet from noted goat sex expert Erick Erickson:

My religion trumps your “right” to employer subsidized consequence free sex. —@EWErickson

Exactly why they go so crazy over this, I will never understand. I’ve heard plenty of theories, but when it comes down to it, these guys just don’t like women having sex at all, except if it is with them. And even then, they shouldn’t enjoy it. I can say with certainty that every one of these guys must be terrible in bed.

But enough about how awful old Republican white guys are, let’s get to the film. Echolight Studios has decided that making money by producing awful films isn’t enough, they need to get in on the distribution methods as well! So One Generation Away is the inaugural release of EchoLight Cinemas, which will have special screenings in churches before the nationwide rollout. Heck, maybe they’ll even give away sweater vests!

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty is written and directed by Ken Carpenter, who has made a career of producing Christian documentaries with subjects you might find familiar. Also stuff on John Tesh and hunting, but sadly nothing on hunting down John Tesh. Expect lots of prominent rightwing media personalities yakking and yakking, and then obligatory Reagan quote.

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty releases September 1st.

More on Hobby Lobby CEO David Green
More on the Religious Liberty rebranding
More on Rick Santorum, Echolight Studios, studio infighting, and their recent releases
One Generation Away site
via THR

Rick Santorum Frothy

Glenn Beck slimes his way into movie production

Glenn Beck My Little Pony Brony

As you may have guessed from the numerous articles over the years slamming Glenn Beck, we do not think too highly of him here at TarsTarkas.NET. But Glenn Beck is good at one thing, and that’s grifting right wingers out of money. After getting booted from FoxNews for just being too darn crazy, Beck set up his own television station, GBTV, which eventually merged with his other media works into the channel TheBlaze (under parent company Mercury Radio Arts). Now Mercury Radio Arts is expanding to the world of film, a world Beck has toyed with before thanks to some one night only theatrical productions (such as Man in the Moon)

Now it will be full force, with Mercury Radio Arts having acquired The Studios at Las Colinas and prepping three films. The only details THR had on those films at the moment are one is set in ancient history, one in modern history, and one is faith-based. National Review had more information on two of them. One will deal with the real story of Christmas, and complain about Christmas being too commercialized. I don’t know, that sounds like Commie talk to me! Where’s the Free Market, Glenn? Another film will vilify Thomas Edison, which probably could be a cool story done by anyone else ever. But I will find joy in Glenn Beck making a hitpiece against a capitalist that he would be defending

In addition, other films are projected for longer term, including a film based on Beck’s book The Christmas Sweater, which was optioned to Sony, but they’ve bought the rights back.

Whatever the results may be, here’s hoping Glenn Back finds the same success in producing films that Rick Santorum found when he got involved in Echolight Studios and lost a lot of money as The Christmas Candle flopped. Then again, God’s Not Dead made $40 million, and Heaven is For Real just came out in theaters, so I don’t have a box office tally for that.

Being that this is Glenn Beck, the films will certainly be insane and somehow feature a lot of Glenn Beck, because it’s all about Glenn Beck for Glenn Beck. And they will be trainwrecks! Get your popcorn!

via THR

The Right Wing nuts at Liberty Council made a film – Uncommon!

Liberty Counsel was founded in 1989 by attorneys Mathew and Anita Staver, who are still involved today as Chairman and President, respectively. They handle a lot of “religious liberty” cases, which means they fight for discrimination against minorities such as gays under the basis or religious freedom. Liberty Counsel is closely affiliated with Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University. They are currently defending Russia’s anti-gay laws in the media as we build up to the Winter Olympics.

My favorite ridiculous thing Liberty Council has done is prevent a public library from giving out a “Hogwarts’ Certificate of Accomplishment” to students who read one of J.K. Rowling’s books under the basis that “witchcraft is a religion”.

Mat Staver is a guy totally obsessed with gay marriage and how it will turn everyone gay. Repressively obsessed, if you get what I am hinting. So of course he has a speaking part in the movie!

The film Uncommon is a feature-length, narrative motion picture starring Erik Estrada (CHiP’s), Ben Davies (Courageous), Irma P. Hall (Soul Food), and Grammy Award-winning Christian Musician Jason Crabb that highlights the struggles of a group of students at fictional Rosewood High School. Fighting overwhelming challenges, the teens struggle against political correctness to defend their privilege to worship, meet, and perform. Will months of constant bullying by the establishment defeat the production and dismantle their faith? Armed with expert legal counsel, these teens realize what it means to be . . . Uncommon!

I wonder just how cartoonish will the bullies be in the film? I’m guessing hilariously!

“Religious liberty in public school is certainly a fitting topic for our first feature film,” said Mat Staver, Founder and Chairman of Liberty Counsel. “Many of the calls Liberty Counsel receives are from parents and students whose speech and religious viewpoints are being censored in the public schools.”

Uncommon premieres on February 1 at Thomas Road Baptist Church, Lynchburg, Virginia, and it’s free if you’re into that sort of thing. JC Films produced in association with Liberty Counsel.

LC via RightWingWatch
Actual Right Wing Extremist LC card via RWW:

Liberty Counsel Right Wing Extremist

Atlas returns to shrug yet again.

Cooking with oatmeal Bert

A much better book to read!

And the audience will shrug back. The never-popular Atlas Shrugged franchise has begun production on Atlas Shrugged Part III: Who Is John Galt?, and the plan is to get the film into theaters by September, thus influencing the 2014 elections just like Atlas Shrugged Part II influenced 2012 and prevented Obama from ever becoming president.

Oh, wait…

As is tradition (because of incompetence!), the entire cast of Part III will be different than Part II, which was different from Part I. Free market, baby!

John Galt will be played by Kristoffer Polaha, while Laura Regan is Dagny Taggart 3.0, and Rob Morrow is Hank Rearden.

Smart readers will recall that Atlas Shrugged: Part III is partially funded by begging for donations, after failing to ignite the box office during either of the first two parts (Part I made $4.6 million and Part II made $3.3 million!) This welfare queen irony is not lost on Ayn Rand, who spent the last years of her life broke and on government assistance. Because free market, baby! Where would we be if it wasn’t for wingnut welfare keeping useless hacks employed writing things bashing the common man? Much better off.

via THR
image via