The Right Wing nuts at Liberty Council made a film – Uncommon!

Liberty Counsel was founded in 1989 by attorneys Mathew and Anita Staver, who are still involved today as Chairman and President, respectively. They handle a lot of “religious liberty” cases, which means they fight for discrimination against minorities such as gays under the basis or religious freedom. Liberty Counsel is closely affiliated with Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University. They are currently defending Russia’s anti-gay laws in the media as we build up to the Winter Olympics.

My favorite ridiculous thing Liberty Council has done is prevent a public library from giving out a “Hogwarts’ Certificate of Accomplishment” to students who read one of J.K. Rowling’s books under the basis that “witchcraft is a religion”.

Mat Staver is a guy totally obsessed with gay marriage and how it will turn everyone gay. Repressively obsessed, if you get what I am hinting. So of course he has a speaking part in the movie!

The film Uncommon is a feature-length, narrative motion picture starring Erik Estrada (CHiP’s), Ben Davies (Courageous), Irma P. Hall (Soul Food), and Grammy Award-winning Christian Musician Jason Crabb that highlights the struggles of a group of students at fictional Rosewood High School. Fighting overwhelming challenges, the teens struggle against political correctness to defend their privilege to worship, meet, and perform. Will months of constant bullying by the establishment defeat the production and dismantle their faith? Armed with expert legal counsel, these teens realize what it means to be . . . Uncommon!

I wonder just how cartoonish will the bullies be in the film? I’m guessing hilariously!

“Religious liberty in public school is certainly a fitting topic for our first feature film,” said Mat Staver, Founder and Chairman of Liberty Counsel. “Many of the calls Liberty Counsel receives are from parents and students whose speech and religious viewpoints are being censored in the public schools.”

Uncommon premieres on February 1 at Thomas Road Baptist Church, Lynchburg, Virginia, and it’s free if you’re into that sort of thing. JC Films produced in association with Liberty Counsel.

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Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Story by Peter Sullivan and Jeffrey Schenck
Written by Peter Sullivan
Directed by Terry Ingram

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
That’s what you get for not having a basement!

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo retells the battle of the Alamo with a modern twist. And has an ending that might enrage certain people with an unhealthy Texas obsession, which gives it bonus points in my book. There is also Erik Estrada gunning down chupacabras while getting over his wife’s death and reconnecting with his distant children. But mostly chupacabras.

It’s one of the few horror films with a largely Latino-American cast. Spanish is sprinkled in in levels not unusual for a border town or a town with a lot of migrant workers. Both most of the police characters and most of the gang members are Latino, giving a wide slice of personalities.

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
Do you think Larry Wilcox could deal with these chupacabras? Please!

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo is not afraid to address issues of modern border life, from drug smuggling to Mexican gang violence to illegal immigration to the lack of concern in government response. You can easily see some symbolism in the invading immigrant chupacabras attacking heroes holed up at the Alamo on Cinco de Mayo. But inside the heroes are mostly Latino, and they’re fighting to save their homes. The chupacabras are not illegal immigrants, but crazed gang violence, represented in the monstrous form it deserves to be regarded as. Agent Carlos’s son Tommy spent time in jail for bombing a Mexican drug lord (actually for possessing explosives because they didn’t have proof he killed the man), but it’s revealed he did it to prevent the drug lord from killing more innocent people like his gang war was doing. The mix of ethnicities shows that everyone must come together.

Instead of the classic chupacabra image from witness descriptions that loos sort of like an alien grey with claws and spikes, we get a chupacabra based on those dead “chupacabras” that make the news every few years, which are really just foxes and dogs with mange. Thus, the fierce creatures tearing everyone apart are played by tiny dogs. If you ever wondered what would happen if the cast of Beverly Hills Chihuahua went feral and started chomping necks, now you can find out! As you can imagine, it makes the attack scenes range from ridiculous to ridonkulous.

This movie loves green-screening Erik Estrada on a motorcycle! Why not have the star of CHiPs driving around on a bike for most of the film? If you can, you must! Despite the craziness of the title and premise, some of the action sequences are pretty cool. Notably, Erik Estrada running through a high school blasting chupacabras with a shotgun. The ending also takes some guts, especially since it was filmed with the cooperation of the Alamo. The film knows it’s roots and gives us some winking nods to more famous genre films. Though symptomatic of many of the problems that plague SyFy’s low-budget creature features, there is an energy and fun with Chupacabra vs. the Alamo that makes up for it. The important thing for these films is to be fun and entertaining, and Chupacabra vs. the Alamo definitely is.

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
I’ll be chupacaback!

Director Terry Ingram is a veteran of genre films and shows, such as Ice Road Terror, the SyFy Ice Truckers vs. Monsters movie, as well as some episodes of Relic Hunter and Honey I Shrunk The Kids: The TV Show. Writer Peter Sullivan took a break from writing all his The Dog Who Saved… scripts to give us this masterpiece about dogs gone bad (He also wrote Christmas Twister!)

Agent Carlos Seguín (Erik Estrada) – Famed DEA agent and struggling single father since wife died two years ago on Cinco de Mayo. Instead of being a good parent, threw himself into his work. Is said to be a descendant of Texas hero Juan Seguín, who was at the Alamo and in most of the battle, but was sent out as a courier and wasn’t killed. His nickname is Jaguar.
Sienna (Nicole Muñoz) – Carlos’s daughter who is violating curfews left and right, and thus getting grounded left and right Not going to let being grounded on Cinco de Mayo stop her from sneaking out with the boy she likes.
Tracy Taylor (Julia Benson) – A new partner for Carlos, who is at first dismissed, but she proves to be rather brilliant and becomes a valuable asset. Is one of the first to recognize the menace for what it is.
Agent Dani (Vanesa Tomasino) – DEA agent that acts as sort of an assistant to Carlos. Thus she’s helping with most of the bigger attack sequences.
Tommy/Spider (Jorge Vargas) – Carlos’s estranged son and demolitions expert. Is upset that his father let him spend time in jail to straighten him out. Still upset over his mom’s death. Now hangs with a tough crew.
Brooke (Anja Savcic) – Sienna’s best friend who just has bad luck when it comes to attacking chupacabras. Is very good at ironing.
Chupacabras (CGI and dogs Loki and Duffy) – These rabies-infected chupacabra have crossed the border to search for new victims for blood sucking. There are dozens and dozens of them. Are immensely strong despite their small size.
Medical Examiner (David Nykl) – One of the most intense medical examiners ever. Knows the killed animal brought in is not a coyote but something else.
Crockett (???) – Alamo tour guide who is a descendant of Davy Crockett. Knows the Alamo inside and out and even knows secret rumors that help the team escape. No, there is no Tubbs.
Chupacabra vs the Alamo
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

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Chupacabra vs. The Alamo on SyFy!

chupacabra vs the alamo
We reported on Chupacabra vs. The Alamo during our 69 Must See Flicks from The American Film Market article, and it’s great to see some of the films beginning to emerge. Chupacabra vs. The Alamo premieres March 23rd on SyFy

Reminder that Chupacabra vs. The Alamo has two synopses:

Over the course of one night in the historical fort, an unlikely band of heroes will form a defense against an onslaught of vicious monsters.

A mysterious creature devours citizens in a suburb of San Antonio, Texas. Could it be the fabled “Chupacabra.” As the attacks increase, police officer, CARLOS SEGUIN must stop the creature before its appetite grows.

Erik Estrada and Vanesa Tomasino Rodriguez star. We will be watching. There better be no basement in the Alamo! And will Ozzy Osbourne make an appearance to give the Chupacabra the ol’ firehose?

chupacabra vs the alamo

Tuesday Never Comes (1993)

Tuesday Never Comes

Directed by Jason Holt
This is going to be a review that begs for the angry comment. Once I misinterpreted a character’s inflection in Beauty and The Boss (1932) over at my blog and I got a three paragraph response which basically called me an Obama/Bush-loving atrocity-condoning socialist.

I need that here. I need someone to point out to me what actually happens in Tuesday Never Comes and I need them to do it quick because this may be a wholly inaccurate review and I’ll never know about it. Then again, anyone else watching may come across a different interpretation by design; maybe this movie is whatever you want it to be.

The reason for the confusion is that a good three quarters of the dialogue in this film is muffled beyond recognition. The other quarter is either screamed or comes from a man who has what can generously be called ‘the fakest Irish accent in the world’. By comparison he makes Chief O’Hara sound vaguely Russian.

Zack (Jason Holt) – You know the leprechaun who shills for Lucky Charms cereal? Now imagine someone made a movie about him where he’s an assassin who’s into dirty sex and crack cocaine. Not enough for you? Now imagine he’s played by the guy who directed the film, so his performance is completely uninhibited. Scary, right?
Mecelli (Erik Estrada) – Estrada is in full scenery chewing mode as he pretty much plays Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables; hell, he even kills a goon with a sporting implement, though here it’s a golf club. He also enjoys the company of women, running drugs, rubbing guns up and down, and laughing maniacally.
Michelle (Karen Black) – Cross eyed, Academy Award nominee Karen Black needs some money to satisfy her crack habit, so she sleeps around to get it. And I presume that’s what her character is doing in the film as well.

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King Cobra (Review)

King Cobra

Pat Morita as Nick Hashimoto
Scott Hillenbrand as Dr. Brad Kagen
Casey Fallo as Jo Biddle
Hoyt Axton as Mayor Ed Biddle
Joseph Ruskin as Dr. Irwin Burns

Hey, it’s another movie that imitates Jaws, except this time they have a giant cobra instead of a giant shark! Great, the world needs more movies that are carbon copies of Jaws. The novelty of this film is the giant snake, he’s not a bad CGI giant snake, he’s a bad animatronic giant snake! So instead of characters looking three feet to the right of a badly drawn snake, now they are looking directly at a stationary snake. Joining the mechanical snake is Pat Morita, who is the headliner. He is the mystic snake handler/herpetologist Nick Hashimoto, who is the leading expert in venomous snakes. Wax on, wax off, wax cobra. No snake running around loose movie would be complete without some redneck hunters, authority figures who don’t believe the heroes, and heroes who save the day in the face of all danger. Throw in Hoyt Axton, Erik Estrada, and even Efren Ramirez and we’re good to go.

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