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Animal World (Review)

Animal World

aka 动物世界 aka Dongwu Shijie
Animal World
Based on the manga by Nobuyuki Fukumoto
Written and directed by Han Yan

Animal World
The trailer for Animal World featured a murder clown slicing and dicing his way through subway cars full of rejected alien designs from the Star Wars prequels. Also Michael Douglas was randomly in it. These things meant that of course I was going to go watch it if I got a chance, and thanks to the magic of it actually getting a release in America and MoviePass, I snagged me a seat as soon as humanly possible. It also meant that I saw two separate Michael Douglas movies in theaters in one week, as Ant-Man and the Wasp also dropped. This is what we call synchronicity, and further solidified the goal of seeing Animal World in theaters. While the trailers were almost entirely murder clown-focused, Animal World is actually a movie about high-stakes gambling, as in you play Rock/Paper/Scissors on a ship in international waters, and if you lose, you get experimented on until you die! Don’t worry, it’s even more weird than it sounds, yet I can’t say I was disappointed.

Zheng Kaisi (Li Yifeng) is your typical young guy with problems, in that his parents were brutally assaulted as a child, leaving his dad dead, his mom in a coma, and Kaisi imprinted with a cartoon of a murder clown that was playing on the television during the attack. Now, whenever he is stressed, he will start seeing images of the monsters and believes he is transforming into the murder clown himself and striking them down. While this leads to some ridiculous imagery, it doesn’t lead to a healthy mental life, which is why he’s working as a clown in an arcade and perpetually broke. He can’t even afford to marry his girl Liu Qing (Zhou Dongyu – This Is Not What I Expected), who works at a nurse at the facility his mom is kept at. This changes when his former childhood friend Li Jun (Cao Bingkun) reappears with a can’t miss opportunity to make money. We all know this will miss spectacularly, and now Kaisi is in massive debt. Big enough debt goons are following him. Goons working for Michael Douglas, who plays a bored bankster who has resorted to organizing death sports among people who have gigantic debts. I guess it’s more profitable than them dying in bankruptcy?
Animal World
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 7, 2018 at 7:52 pm

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Lifetime hopes you don’t get Murdered at 17!

Murdered at 17 Lifetime

Murder at 17 was the case at 17 and the case at 17 was me at 17!

Don’t you hate it when you have violent rage fits and then a charismatic stranger becomes an obsessed stalker and you may or may not be murdering people, which will totally get in the way of cheerleading? We’ve all been there, which is why Lifetime’s latest flick Murdered at 17 speaks to all of us! It’s part of the ____ at 17 universe, which means it is written by Lifetime’s #1 awesome story-teller, Christine Conradt! That alone guarantees this will be a rocking good time, and that’s before we deal with what actually happens in the movie! Be there for great Lifetime fun!

Pretty and popular, seventeen-year-old Brooke Emerson is the envy of her classmates–and even some of her closest friends. But while she seems to have it all, Brooke has never felt so lost. Ever since she sustained a head injury during a cheerleading stunt the previous year, she’s suffered from a disorder that causes her to fly into uncontrollable, sometimes violent rages. As hard as she tries to keep it together, she finds herself in danger of jeopardizing her seemingly perfect life. It isn’t until Brooke meets Jake, a handsome and charismatic stranger, that she feels like she’s found someone who not only understands her, but accepts her for who she is. As tempting as it is to get swept up in the romance, she can’t help but feel like something in their relationship isn’t quite right. When her best friend is brutally murdered, Brooke has no choice but to depend on her new love…especially because she’s worried that she might be the killer.

Murdered at 17 stars Cristine Prosperi (Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack), Blake Burt (Pitch Perfect 2), Susan Walters (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son), and Emily Galley (Killing Mommy)

story by Lifetime Queen Christine Conradt (who also wrote the screenplay), Gemma Holdway (I Didn’t Kill My Sister), and Cyndi Pass (The Stepdaughter). It’s directed by Curtis Crawford (Killing Mommy)

Murdered at 17 premieres Sunday, July 8th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 6:25 pm

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A sperm donor comes collecting on Lifetime’s Killer Single Dad!

Killer Single Dad Lifetime

Me after watching 24 hours of Lifetime movies!

Of all the upcoming Lifetime movies this summer, Killer Single Dad has the most awesomely insane premise to explain to other people. A guy who donated sperm is now collecting all the children he sired and will kill anyone who gets in his way! It’s like reverse spermjacking…wombjacking if you will! This plot is amazing and promises a creepy, suspenseful Lifetime gold star movie that will pull out all the stops and then keep going!

Newly single Jennifer meets single dad Garrett at her daughter’s preschool. She’s swayed by his charm but in the dark about his goals. Garrett is really a serial sperm donor, now determined to kidnap all of the children he’s sired and unite them all to one big happy family.

Killer Single Dad stars Caitlyn Black (Wyatt Earp’s Revenge), Cameron Jebo (Power Rangers Megaforce), Lily Rains, and Victoria Barabas. It’s story is by Ken Sanders (Teenage Bank Heist), with a screenplay by Daniel West (Psycho Wedding Crasher), and directed by Robert Malenfant (California Schemin)

Killer Single Dad premieres Sunday, July 1st on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 30, 2018 at 2:26 pm

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Misery is a Killer Ending on Lifetime!

Killer Ending Lifetime

The killer is now standing on her head while drawing threats in lipstick, amazing!

Writing can be dangerous because writers are always picking up murderous obsessive fans. It has to be true, that’s why there are so many movies about it! Killer Ending is the latest film to feature a writer with an obsessive fan, this one who desires to copy the crimes in her crime novel, but with the writer’s own daughter! Dun dun DUN! Oh, Lifetime!

Agatha Sayers best-selling novel becomes her worst nightmare when her daughter is abducted in a copycat scenario tangled with an obsessive assistant intent on stealing her identity.

Killer Ending stars Emmanuelle Vaugier (Cerberus), Chelsea Hobbs (Confessions of a Go-Go Girl), Kayla Wallace, and Woody Jeffreys. It’s written and directed by Christie Will Wolf (A Cookie Cutter Christmas), who has always produced high quality stuff!

It also seems to be another case of Lifetime having shown a movie already but didn’t give it enough fanfare so is now pretending it is premiering again! So in any event, Killer Ending airs Saturday, June 30th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 11:24 am

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Batman Ninja (Review)

Batman Ninja

aka ニンジャバットマン
Batman Ninja
Written by Kazuki Nakashima
English version written by Leo Chu and Eric S. Garcia
Directed by Junpei Mizusaki

Batman Ninja
Batman Ninja, what the heck? You could have been so good, but you are just a beautiful mess that spends too much time being boring before getting to the good stuff. We are now in the reality where a film involving Batman villains piloting a giant combining mech is boring. This is truly the darkest timeline! Batman Ninja has two versions, one in Japanese with English subtitles, and one with an English dub. The English version has a bunch of extra dialogue not in the Japanese version (but since the original subtitles are just a transcript of the English version, there are subtitles that display when no character is speaking, and when they do talk some of what they say is different!) Most of the extra dialogue is just expository and explains things that are readily obvious to anyone paying the slightest attention.

Noted Batman villain Gorilla Grodd (wait, what???) builds a time machine device at Arkham Asylum and suddenly all the criminals of Gotham City are blasted to the past of ancient Japan. Batman soon pops up there as well, but what was seconds between jumps in his time turns out to be two years after the rest of the criminals arrived, and now Joker is a lord who controls a stable of samurai who wear his visage as masks. The rest of the criminals have also ran wild. It’s the warring states period and we get a bit of a history lesson as Catwoman explains to Batman which criminals are in charge of which states in their quests to unify Japan. Don’t worry, Alfred and the Batmobile are also back in time (okay, at this point things are so bonkers why didn’t they just make this an Elseworlds-style story set in Japan instead of this time travel stuff? At least with that we could get right to the story and have less setup!)
Batman Ninja
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 25, 2018 at 9:36 am

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Stalkers stalk in Lifetime’s A Night to Regret!

A Night To Regret Lifetime

Breaking Bad: The Next Generation

Once again Lifetime is back with a timely warning about how THE INTERNET WILL KILL YOU! This time, an innocent girl visits her friend who is now a webcam girl, only to be seen on camera and become the target of a dangerous stalker. Yes, don’t even visit your friends because stalkers are everywhere! The stalker will carve his way through anyone who dares stop him from kidnapping his target. He’s dropping bodies into dumpsters, making his own homemade knockout drugs, the whole nine yards! A Night to Regret sounds like fantastic fun, and with Christine Conradt having a hand in the script, there is no way it won’t be a most amazing Lifetime movie!

When college student Chelsea Bilson meets up with her estranged childhood best friend, Milla, she is unprepared for the events that follow. Milla, who is now a webcam girl briefly catches Chelsea on camera during one of her shows. Unbeknownst to her, Chelsea has now been exposed to a watcher who becomes obsessed with her beauty and naiveté. He soon discovers Chelsea’s true identity and will stop at nothing to have her to himself. Chelsea enlists the help of her mother and the two must fight for their lives in order to stop an obsessed and murderous madman.

A Night to Regret stars Marguerite Moreau (Firestarter 2: Rekindled), Mollee Gray (Double Daddy), Gigi Zumbado (Pitch Perfect 2), and Tina Huang (Perfect on Paper) It has a story by Lifetime queen Christine Conradt (Too many to list so just click the tag!) and Chris Lancey (Dance Night Obsession), with a screenplay by Mark Sanderson (Mommy’s Little Girl) It is directed by Tom Shell (Girl Followed)

A Night to Regret premieres Sunday, June 24 on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 22, 2018 at 11:33 pm

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