In the Shadow of the Moon (Review)

In the Shadow of the Moon

In The Shadow Of The Moon
Written by Gregory Weidman and Geoffrey Tock
Directed by Jim Mickle

In The Shadow Of The Moon
In the Shadow of the Moon is a fun little time travel murder mystery that gets too convoluted for its own good. In 1988, three seemingly random people drop dead, blood and their brains leaking out of their face. Officer Locke (Boyd Holbrook) manages to insert himself into the case as part of his bid to make detective. His partner Maddox (Bokeem Woodbine) is less enthused about the extra work, and brother-in-law and current detective Holt (Michael C. Hall) doesn’t want his sister’s husband messing up his first big case. Soon it is evident the dead have all been attacked, and a mysterious woman (Cleopatra Coleman) is responsible. After a chase she winds up dead, but who she is or how she ended up with a police service revolver bullet in her hand despite no officer shooting that night remains a mystery.

The only problem is she shows up again 9 years later alive and killing again, and will keep reappearing as an increasingly obsessed and isolated Locke attempts to solve the mystery of who she’s killing and how she’s doing it. Things are best when we don’t know anything and are caught up in what is going on. There is a clue in the very beginning, but it becomes obvious really fast what is going on and why, and once you figure that out all the rest of the twists unravel in your mind and it just becomes a waiting game for them to happen on screen.

Speaking of mysterious deaths, the writers just go and fridge Locke’s wife by having her die in childbirth, which he misses part of due to the time traveling killer. Locke’s estrangement from his family as the years go on mean we drop most of the supporting cast that hasn’t died by other means, forcing Boyd Holbrook to largely carry things on his own. While he isn’t bad, sometimes it good to have more people to interact with for a film instead of it just being a succession of things that happen to Locke.
In The Shadow Of The Moon
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Attack of the Sabretooth (Review)

Attack of the Sabretooth

Directed by George Miller

SciFi Channel has an addiction. That addiction doesn’t flood its veins with poison, or spend the rent money betting that the Steelers will cover the spread. This addiction is with garbage. The SciFi Channel loves garbage. It probably wants to BE garbage. A few more movies like this and its wish will come true. There is only one thing redeeming about Attack of the Sabretooth: It didn’t kill me. But even then, the movie is a failure, as anything this terrible should be fatal!

This crapfest is another of the long parade of SciFi Channel originals, and a sequel in name only to the film Sabretooth. It’s also a sequel in CGI, as some of the same sabretooth renders are reused. In case you are wondering, we are using the British spelling of sabretooth because the film did, as that helps convey to the reader in text form just how painful the movie was. You so want to complain about the spelling of “sabertooth”, don’t you? Well, TOO BAD!!!! MuHAHAHAHAHA!!! I had no escape from the film thanks to a malfunctioning DVD eject button. In fact, that DVD keeps malfunctioning whenever bad films are playing. The TV refuses to be shut off, I unplug, and things continue to play. There is no escape from the bad films, and now you have no escape from reading the horror that is Attack of the Sabretooth. Hey, you can’t go to another website now! I forbid it! Get in here and read on, find out how the evil businessman is killed by CGI so bad you can create better with MSPaint. Find out how they have a retarded walrus sabretooth screaming around like he just got ripped off by the carpenter and couldn’t eat any clams (yes, an Alice in Wonderland joke.) Behold Robert Carradine’s here-before unknown skill of turning his head into a failed CGI student’s rendering! It’s all here, and more!

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