Hallmark’s My Boyfriends’ Dogs is a dog-stealing Runaway Bride!

My Boyfriends Dogs Hallmark

Look, I’m going to need at least 3 more dogs if you want a second date, buddy!

First of all, My Boyfriends’ Dogs is not a typo, she really has multiple dogs from multiple ex-boyfriends! The premise is Baily Daley (cursed with a rhyming name!) is one of those women who conform to whatever their boyfriends want her to be, then freaks out and runs away at the altar, all while gaining a dog from the experience. As this is an all-too-common scenario, it is only fitting that Hallmark made a movie about it! It sounds like the film will be done in anthology format, though there might be a twist ending with an actual not terrible boyfriend. Or maybe another guy who has three cats from three ex-girlfriends. This potential Brady Bunch with animals situation is my ideal conclusion, and I hope to hope that is the outcome. Don’t let me down, Hallmark!

My Boyfriends’ Dogs is based on the book by Dandi Daley Mackall. Gary Goldstein (Beverly Hills 90210) and Jon Maas (12 Men of Christmas) adapted it for Hallmark. Terry Ingram (Chupacabra vs. the Alamo) directs.

The film stars Erika Christensen (Parenthood) as Bailey Daley, Joyce DeWitt, Michael Kopsa, Teryl Rothery, and Emily Holmes (Snakes on a Plane)

My Boyfriends’ Dogs premieres Saturday, October 18th on Hallmark Channel!

Bailey Daley (Erika Christensen) is a hapless young bride who has run away from the altar with not one, but three dogs she adopted from past relationships. Running into a small diner one rainy evening in a soaked wedding dress with her dogs at her feet, Bailey launches into the story of her strange predicament to the restaurant owners, Louie (Michael Kopsa) and Nikki (Joyce DeWitt). She explains that she hasn’t been able to find the right love, always longing for the more loyal, stable companionship she finds in her ex-boyfriends’ canine companions. Against the knowing advice of her mother Dina (Teryl Rothery) and best friend Amber (Emily Holmes), Bailey tries to transform herself into the perfect fit for each new guy she meets. As each relationship ends, Bailey adopts her ex’s dogs, but remains hopelessly single. Will a twist of fate that stormy night lead her to realize that true puppy love happens only after one stops searching for it?

via Hallmark

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 22, 2014 at 3:04 pm

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Kaiju Garden Gnome Slayer!

Who knew gardening could be this monstrous! If you’ve ever wanted to have Godzilla trash a bunch of garden gnomes in statue form, this already exists and you can get it on Amazon! It’s called the Big Mouth Toys The Great Garden Gnome Massacre. But don’t take my word for it, look on!

The Great Garden Gnome Massacre terrifying T-Rex is a defender of humanity with a taste for gnomes. Harness the power of this mighty beast in your home, garden or office. 9-inches tall; 5-inches wide at base. Made of durable cast poly resin.

Godzilla Garden Gnome kaiju

Sure, gardening season is pretty much over in most places, but the fun of a dinosaur in the lawn is year round! Unless it gets buried in snow… Mostly year round! Anyway, I just found it, so I might as well post it, because, that’s how we roll here at TarsTarkas.NET. I like weirdo garden gnomes, and plan on having enough that my less-fun neighbors will get upset. Best to identify those people early, I say!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 21, 2014 at 11:23 pm

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Presumed Dead in Paradise (Review)

Presumed Dead in Paradise

Presumed Dead in Paradise
Story by Douglas Shaffer
Written by Steven Palmer Peterson
Directed by Mary Lambert

Presumed Dead in Paradise
Lifetime takes a riff on the Natalee Holloway case and turns it into a conspiracy thriller where the victim is presumed murdered but lives, potentially foiling a plan to seize millions in a trust fund in her name. Presumed Dead in Paradise becomes its own beast, delivering an okay film that succeeds mostly thanks to the performances. Some of the plot details are telegraphed in advance, but the level of planning that went into the master plan of the villain are remarkable, and shows the writers thought things through to keep the villain afloat even as multiple things start going wrong.

Madison Ashland (Malese Jow) is one of those rich kids who gets sent to a new school or three every year because she’s disruptive. No wonder, as her mom died long ago, and her dad then died, leaving her with an evil step-mom who ignores her and leaves her alone at the schools for the holidays. Madison acts out, angry at life and having a generic rich girl name, helping other students steal tests via Mission Impossible-style stunts.
Presumed Dead in Paradise
Surprises of surprises when her stepmother Patricia Ashland (Olivia d’Abo) shows up to reconnect, and to do so by vacationing on the island of St. Isabelle, where Madison and her father used to take trips when she was younger. Things seem to be going great, but a happy vacation does not an interesting Lifetime movie make. Soon Madison is saved from creepy guys by nice guy Blake. But Blake turns out to be not so nice, drugging her and then taking her out to sea under the guise of teaching her surfing. Soon she collapses into the ocean, and awakens on an abandoned beach. Making her way to the hotel, she soon sees Patricia and Blake making out, and overhearing how they planned her death! But they spot her, and Madison runs.
Presumed Dead in Paradise
Read more…

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 7:39 am

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Lifetime’s Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B drops images!

Aaliyah Lifetime Alexandra Shipp
Lifetime has released some promoshots for their original film Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B. This is the controversial biopic about an African-American singer on Lifetime– Okay, I should be more specific. This is one of the controversial biopics about an African-American singers on Lifetime, and has gone through some cast changes and controversies. You might recall that Zendaya was originally cast, and then the internet had a collective fit because she was too light-skinned to be Aaliyah, including people who though Zendaya was Asian or something. So she bailed (for “creative” reasons, not because of the huge backlash! ;) ) and was replaced by Alexandra Shipp. Who actually looks more like Aaliyah, though I’ve not heard her sing, unlike Zendaya.

The controversy is the family is none too happy and, including threatening to sue if any of Aaliyah’s songs are used. If they even have the rights to do that, I do not know, but I’m sure the lawyers went all over everything and there will be a lawsuit regardless. They will go over her underage marriage to pedophile pee-enthusiast R. Kelly, which is just exploitative enough by itself to make this worth watching. If Lifetime goes for broke and goes crazy, this this will rule. If they sit on the fence and stay in boring town, it will be a waste of time for everyone. I’m hoping for crazy, do not disappoint me, Lifetime!

Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B stars Alexandra Shipp, Rachael Crawford, Sterling Jarvis, A.J. Saudin, Lyriq Ben, Anthony Grant, Izaak Smith, Elise Neal, Chattrisse Dolabaille

Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B premieres November 15 on Lifetime!

Lifetime’s Original Movie, “Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B,” starring Alexandra Shipp (“House of Anubis”) as the beloved actress and music sensation, is set to premiere Saturday, November 15, at 8pm ET/PT. The two-hour movie event is executive produced by Howard Braunstein, Debra Martin Chase and Wendy Williams, and based on the bestseller “Aaliyah: More Than a Woman” by former Time Magazine music editor Christopher John Farley (Game World).

Before Beyoncé and before Rihanna, self-proclaimed “street but sweet” Aaliyah was poised to become a global icon with top-selling albums, a hot movie career and an adoring fan base. The film follows the beautiful and talented performer’s inspirational journey, from her debut on “Star Search” at the age of ten to the challenges she faced during her rise to become the Princess of R&B. On August 25, 2001, at the height of her popularity, her life was tragically cut short when a plane carrying the singer and some of her video crew crashed after takeoff from a Bahamian runway. Although just 22-years-old at the time of her death, Aaliyah continues to lead a legacy as Billboard’s tenth most famous R&B artist of the past 25 years and one of the recording industry’s most successful artists in history.

Multi-talented actress and singer/songwriter Alexandra Shipp starred as KT Rush in the Nickelodeon series “House of Anubis.” Additional credits include the upcoming film “Drumline 2: A New Beat,” “ Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel,” “Ray Donovan,” “Victorious,” “Switched at Birth” and “Awkward.” Shipp is currently filming Universal Pictures’ “Straight Outta Compton.”

“Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B” also stars Rachael Crawford (“The Man”) and Sterling Jarvis (“The Sentinel”) as Aaliyah’s parents Diane and Mike Haughton; A.J. Saudin (“Degrassi,” “The Next Generation”) as Aaliyah’s brother Rashad Haughton; and Lyriq Bent (“Saw IV”) as her uncle and music manager Barry Hankerson. The film also stars Anthony Grant as Damon Dash, Izaak Smith (“Mirror, Mirror”) as Timbaland, Elise Neal (“The Soul Man”) as Gladys Knight and Chattrisse Dolabaille (“Home Away”) as Missy Elliot. “Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B” is produced by Aaliyah Productions, Inc. Howard Braunstein (“The Informant!”) Debra Martin Chase (“The Princess Diaries,” “Sparkle”) and Wendy Williams (“Wendy Williams Show”) serve as executive producers. Steve Solomos serves as producer. Bradley Walsh (“Turn the Beat Around”) directs from a script written by Michael Elliot (“Brown Sugar”).

via Lifteime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 18, 2014 at 11:53 pm

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Aubrey Plaza is voicing Grumpy Cat on Lifetime

Grumpy Cat Lifetime Christmas

Please free me from my exploitative owner!

What will undoubtedly be the worst cat-themed Christmas movie of the season now has an official celebrity voice for said cat, in that Lifetime’s Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever has signed on internet meme movie veteran Aubrey Plaza as the voice of Grumpy Cat. Perhaps she’s planning to get her Bill Murray on and get the talking cat film out of the way as soon as possible!

The cable network said the movie, which (vp original movies Arturo) Interian describes as “a little Home Alone and a little Die Hard,” would also feature cameos from other famous Internet memes.

No word still on which deformed internet cats being exploited by their owners for financial gain will also costar. Nor what obnoxious internet personalities will appear. Basically, this movie will turn the audience grumpy and just become hot garbage. But I strive to be objective until it airs, then I can hate it all I want!

Shockingly, Aubrey Plaza wasn’t the first choice for Grumpy Cat. Originally they wanted Jane Lynch for the role, and she was going to do it, but now they’re blaming her winning an Emmy for her turning it down. Sure. Whatever. Or maybe she didn’t need to collect a modest paycheck thanks to all that Glee bank and she was never really attached.

It’s not a wonderful life for Grumpy Cat, the Internet meme sensation with nearly six million Facebook friends! The infamous kitty, with the naturally, but endearing sad looking facial expression, will star in her very own live-action Christmas movie, “Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever,” premiering November 29 at 8/7c.

In “Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever,” Grumpy Cat is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she always gets passed over and never gets chosen by customers, this kitty develops a sour outlook on life until…one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with Grumpy Cat. A unique friendship is formed between the two when Chyrstal finds she is the only person who can hear this unique feline talk. In the middle of the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an expensive exotic dog she can’t stand and rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes on Christmas Eve. Will Grumpy Cat learn the true meaning of Christmas, or will it be in Grumpy’s words, “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”

In the last year and a half, Grumpy Cat, whose real name is Tardar Sauce, has arguably become the most famous cat of all time. The adorable Internet celebrity was named the most influential cat by MSNBC, most important cat by Mashable and Buzzfeed, and has appeared in news and television shows around the world. She is the author of A Grumpy Book, currently in print in 14 languages, and has a second book coming out this August. Grumpy Cat has numerous merchandising deals and is Friskies official ‘Spokescat.’

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs November 29 on Lifetime.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 11:37 pm

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Asylum’s Age of Ice brings a dangerous cool to the desert!

Ice Breakers Mints

Who needs a photo having to do with the movie when you have one from a mints commercial?

Asylum continues their 2014 global DTV domination game with another disaster flick with “Age of” in the title – Age of Ice! Yes, this ice, ice, baby has gone to the Middle East, and soon the whole region is in freezing danger. That’s called irony, since it’s currently a hot desert. But, hey, Egyptian stuff looks cool getting destroyed by ice and snow, so that’s what’s going to happen. There are far dumber Hollywood films now playing at your local movie theater!

Massive earthquakes open the Arabian tectonic plate, resulting in unstable weather and freezing temperatures that will be unsurvivable by nightfall. Attempting to reach safety, a vacationing family in Egypt must battle the rapidly cooling temperatures that usher in a new Ice Age, covering the Sphinx, Pyramids, and Sahara Desert with mountains of snow.

Age of Ice is written and directed by Emile Edwin Smith, who has done effects work on a TON of movies and tv as well as directing Asylum’s Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark! Age of Ice stars Jules Hartley, Barton Bund, and Bailey Spry. Look for it in December 2014!

via Asylum

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 17, 2014 at 10:03 pm

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