Snow Monster (Review)
Snow Monster
aka 大雪怪 aka Da Xue Guai
2019
Written by Sheng Fan Zhang and Pian Jia Leng
Directed by Huang He
NetFlix isn’t the only streaming platform pumping out a ton of their original movies to drive up views, China has several big streaming companies and they are all creating their own content in a bet to win sole control of views. Streaming platform Youku has greenlit a ton of original content, but the films of interest to us are several that are basically SyFy Channel original movies! They got giant snakes, giant alligators, sea monsters, the list goes on and on. But most importantly, they have Snow Monster, which is pretty much King Kong in snow demon form. Also there are ice sharks! Yes, Snow Monster fights the ice sharks! This is some of what we call pretty amazing stuff.
The Snow Monster himself is not a gorilla or even an ape. It appears to be a huge furry satyr, complete with a long tail. The fur is snow white, the hands only have three fingers and a thumb, the legs are bent like goat legs, and the head is adorned with two large goat horns, one of which is partially snapped off. The monster himself is a mix of guy in suit and CGI depending on the scene needs, but more often than not he is just a guy standing there reacting to what is going on. This makes it sort of charming in a low budget cinema sort of way.
Of course there are no English subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! The plot is pretty easy to follow, the monsters don’t need to talk, and while we have all seen this before, and it’s fun to see it again done different with the shadow of the original sprawling over it. Part of the film has the same trouble the Peter Jackson King Kong did, in that we spend a bunch of time running around with monsters that aren’t the giant monster of the title. I don’t know how much planning you need for a Snow Monster movie but there are like 25 people credited. If this keeps up with the other Youku films I got on the docket than I will keep you posted, otherwise I would advise getting a job as a film planner as they seem to be giving them away! I identified who I could in the cast, but as I don’t know what the names of the characters they are playing are, I’m just going to refer to them by their real names. Since this is a harder to find movie (unless you are specifically looking for it), this will be more of a recap review.
Snow Monster does keep the monster in the winter wonderland where it exists instead of having a sequence where it is brought back to the city to cause trouble. That’s obviously a cost consideration, but it also points to the reality of transporting a gigantic monster out of a hostile environment and then into an urban environment without their being any sort of issues, something most of the Kong films just handwave away.
Snow monster, snow sharks, monster birds, a random dinosaur skeleton that seems put there because there were big skeletons in Kong: Skull Island except those were Kong’s family and here it makes no sense unless Snow Monster’s dad was a tyrannosaur. It’s Snow Monster, baby!
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Categories: Movie Reviews Tags: China, King Kong, Li Ruoxi, mad monkey time, Tim Wu, Youku, Zhang Yongxian
The White-Bone Sword Part 3 (Review)
The White-Bone Sword (Part 3)
aka 白骨陰陽劍(三集) aka Ingenious swords, part three aka Bai gu yin yang jian san ji
1963HKMDB Link
Written by Sze-To On
Directed by Ling Yun
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Me after seeing the Kong: Skull Island trailer!
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It’s now SOME UNKNOWN TIME LATER, a few things have happened. Okay, mainly one thing happened, which is Black Girl ran off and possibly recovered the White-Boned Swords only to hide them somewhere else. Exactly what happened to her will have to remain a mystery as the actress doesn’t appear in the series any more and there are no subtitles, so we can only assume she got on a bus to Mars. But who needs Black Girl when we got Wong Tin-ho, Wu Seung-fun, and Luk Fong-fei to wander around looking for Black Girl and/or the White-Boned Swords? Plus, if you are a fan of Vampire Lady, you will be happy to know that she is back as well, with an even larger squadron of hopping vampires to command! This leads to some amazing fight sequences later on with skeleton men. And there is a cool gorilla, which is all you need to know that it’s time to watch!
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Monster of the Nudist Colony (Review)
Monster of the Nudist Colony
2014
Written by James Rogers and Bruno Kennedy
Directed by Louis DeWalnut (as Steve Goldenberg)
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Even the Monster is nude!
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Monster of the Nudist Colony blends monsters and softcore sex mayhem into a wondrous combination that’s now available on your local premium cable channel. Monster of the Nudist Colony is a direct parody of The Beast that Killed Women, directed by schlock exploitation master Barry Mahon! Not only have I seen the film, but the Something Weird DVD paired with The Monster of Camp Sunshine was the first Something Weird DVD I ever bought. If you’ve never seen the various nudie cutie films of the 1960s, filmed back when it was legal to film naked people only on a nudist colony, and with nothing frontal below the waist, then prepared to be bored silly (example: Nude on the Moon) There are endless shots of people walking (with strategically placed towels), sitting (with strategically placed towels), and playing games like volleyball (with strategically placed towels!) The Beast that Killed Women shook up the formula a bit by adding a monster killing women (Barry Mahon in a gorilla suit) that substituted for the sexual release that endless shots of nudists playing volleyball would not deliver. In a way, it was one of the Roughies, the name for underground nudie flicks made soon after the exodus from the colonies that had increasingly violent edges (an example we’ve covered is In Hot Blood)
Thankfully, Monster of the Nudist Colony avoids all that violent stuff. The guy in a gorilla suit may gank women, but only to tie them up and make them dance for him! Honestly, it makes the film better, because this is supposed to be a silly parody, we don’t need violent acts perpetrated against women with what may be subtextual racism getting in the way! If anything, Monster of the Nudist Colony is a little too on the nose for it’s subject, to the point where it runs out of plot and fills the last 15 minutes with an all star super orgy. That certainly has the ending dance party seen on subpar animated films beat! If you pay attention, there is plenty of references to nudie flicks: people walking along nature trails with towels, a character who’s totally anti-nudity until they learn to cut loose and be nude, something threatening the security of the nudist colony, and even the occasional visit from law enforcement. What is different is all the sex sex sex! Nudie cuties weren’t allowed to have sex scenes, and official nudist colonies shy away from the sexual aspect of nudity, focusing on freedom. Monster of the Nudist Colony ignores all that and has Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony basically one step away from Hedonism II! Sidenote: the Double D’s Nudist Colony is filmed at the Malibu Dry Gulch Ranch.
And, sorry bigfoot-human sex scene fans, the Monster does not have sex with any women until he has been returned to human form. You might like Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot instead!
The film features extensive soundtrack work by RooBiE BreastNuT, not only working through the majority of their songs available on iTunes, but featuring a few news ones (including on that sounds written specifically for Monster of the Nudist Colony!) There is even a cameo by Roobie Breastnut herself! While fan favorite song “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang” is not used, you can hear: “I Want Your Love”, “Girls Like Girls”, “This is the Lust”, “Johnny Lapdance”, “Yeah, That’s Triple X”, “Porn to Be Alive”, “Peeping Jon”, “Hypnotika”, “Dance Dance Dance”, “Nudist Camp”, “Suck on This” and many more that can be found on Roobie Breastnut’s iTunes page!
Director Louis DeWalnut is a pseudonym for Steve Goldenberg, who has worked with Jim Wynorski on several of his softcore adventures. The writing is credited to James Rogers (I couldn’t figure out his prior credits) and Bruno Kennedy (co-writer of some of the Busty Cop movies)

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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Amber Ashlee, Angie Savage, Bailey Beetleman, Bigfoot, Bridgette B, Britney Young, Frankie Cullen, Hannah Reilly, Lesbians, Lexi Belle, mad monkey time, Melessia Hayden, nudie cutie, nudists, Rickey Ricardo Smith, Roobie Breastnut, Ryan McLane, Samantha Ryan, softcore, T.J. Cummings, Tony Marino
Siluman Teluk Gonggo
Siluman Teluk Gonggo
1988
Based on work by Bastian Tito
Directed by Lilik Sudjio
A giant martial arts fighting spider, a mad rapist with an evil parrot, a giant bird that has seen better days, and a bamboo flamethrower are just part of the fun of Siluman Teluk Gonggo. This fantasy martial arts adventure (since it is Indonesia, it is silat) is one of a series of films about pulp hero Wiro Sableng.
Wiro Sableng’s serialized martial arts adventures gained fame in Indonesia and turned the character into one of their most famous pulp heroes. The world of Wiro Sableng is best described as similar to the Jianghu “martial world” of wuxia fantasy, with different clans and martial sect that have different fighting techniques and local drama. Wiro spends much of his time wandering from area to area learning from the various masters and getting involved in local drama. Author Bastian Tito actually spent time traveling around Indonesia to the places Wiro was visiting, so he could write first-hand knowledge of the area. This also occasionally caused the stories to be delayed.
This is the sixth movie in the series starring Tony Hidayat as Wiro Sableng. This series is comprised of Empat Berewok Dari Goa Sanggreng, Dendam Orang-Orang Sakti, Neraka Lembah Tengkorak, Tiga Setan Darah Dan Cambuk Api Angin, Sepasang Iblis Betina, Siluman Teluk Gonggo, and Khianat Seorang Pendekar. There were two television series that portrayed the further adventures of Wiro Sableng, first starring Sukendro Herning (also known as Ken Ken) and then Abhie Cancer.
As you can imagine, there isn’t that much information in English. But I have determined the names of the two men who help Wiro Sableng are Lor Gambir Seta (K. Supranto) and Dewa Tuak (Piet Pagau), though I’m not sure which one is which.
But it’s not the actors that give our attention to Siluman Teluk Gonggo, it’s the monsters. Yes, there are Indonesian giant monsters! We get not only Wiro Sableng’s faithful giant bird companion, but a giant spider, a human-sized monkey creature, and some monster so large we only see it’s eyes and huge King Kong-sized hand. Exactly what it is, is a mystery to the ages. Or at least to people who don’t speak Indonesian, as they probably explain what it is.
Director Lilik Sudjio has a prolific career pumping out lots of Indonesian genre film that has gone barely noticed in the West for far too long. For every The Queen of Black Magic that gets a cool DVD release, there are a dozen Siluman Teluk Gonggos that sit around on vcds. Before his film work he was an actor, and then spent some time in film school in the US before returning to Indonesia and producing a lot of cool stuff. After 1990, he turned to directing television, as that was the way of the future as the film industry was collapsing.
Pulp hero Wiro Sableng has a tattoo that reads “212”, and carries around a variety of weapons. He has an ax that has a dragon-head hilt, and a throwing weapon used like a shuriken, in the film it has a sort of boomerang power and looks like a take on the weapon from Krull, but with just two blades.
The fighting choreography isn’t half bad, either. It’s not The Raid, but it isn’t The Bumbling, either. Though many of the actors are terrible at playing dead, they just casually drop to the floor like they’re going to sleep. The pacing and lack of subtitles (Here at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!) might drive some away, but stay for the last 20 minutes, that’s where the real fun and most of the monsters are.

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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Arthur Tobing, awful monster costumes, Bastian Tito, giant spiders, Indonesia, K. Supranto, Kiki Amelia, Lilik Sudjio, mad monkey time, Piet Pagau, Tony Hidayat, Zaitun Sulaiman