Posts tagged "Universal"

More sequels than you know…

It’s that time again, time for studios to demand sequels to films that you didn’t know were going to get sequels!

First up, remember Contagion, the 2011 Steven Soderbergh film where a disease spread and it was all sciencey and stuff? Sequel! Warner Bros got Scott Z. Burns, the writer of the original, to write the script for the new one. No word on if Soderbergh will return. (via It’s on the Grid)

Those of you who are fans of list-based films where the actor who played a major character has died in real life will be happy to know that soon there will be 10 More Things I Hate About You. The director of the original (and most of the tv series I never knew existed!) Gil Junger will be directing this new entry, and he’s gotten Hayley Atwell from Captain America. The real question is will Jacked Up Stone be in this sequel? Because the public will demand it!

Universal president Eddie Cunningham wants a Love Actually 2! The bland ensemble romantic comedies they’ve been putting out (Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Day) just steal it’s formula, anyway. So why not? Expect it to show up eventually with a bajillion stars. No one is linked to the project yet.

Don’t worry, there will be more sequels to more things that don’t need sequels soon!

contagion paltrow

Sequels? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

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Clifford the Big Red Movie

Clifford, the gigantic freak canine whose appearance has delighted children for decades and somehow has not caused him to be drown in a lake by crazed religious nuts as some sort of demon dog, will soon be a feature length commer– film from the people who brought you The Lorax – Illumination Entertainment and Universal. Matt Lopez of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice fame will write the script. He’s also attached to the Asteroids film that we’ve heard little about lately. But I’m sure that’s because they’re just taking their time to make it so good!

Norman Bridwell’s Clifford the Big Red Dog books first were published in 1963, and were previously a well-loved PBS series featuring the voice of John Ritter.

via HR

Clifford the Lobbyist

Clifford the Big Red Dog makes deals to get the DREAM Act passed before the Senate figures out it's on a rider to a bill celebrating Apple Pie...

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

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Kurtzman And Orci to ruin Mummy and Van Helsing reboots

We knew The Mummy was getting rebooted, but we didn’t know until now that Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci were going to be in charge of remaking it as well as the Van Helsing reboot that everyone has been screaming for. Everyone in the INSANE ASYLUM, that is! For further proof of that, Tom Cruise is currently attached to be Van Helsing. This seems like some sort of desperate plan to make the Hugh Jackman original look like a good movie. Well, Good Game! As for The Mummy reboots, the original two were sort of cool in an Indiana Jones type way, though the third one was less fun and more bore. However, Brendan Fraser was awesome in them, and it may be hard to capture that kind of magic when the Mummy is peeing dust on someone. You might think I don’t like Kurtzman and Orci because all their movies have been varying shades of awful, and you are right.

Sad Van Helsing

Actual picture of Van Helsing audience reactions...

Enjoy the Press Release!

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA, May 1, 2011—Universal Pictures today announced the studio has signed a two-year first-look production deal with one of the leading writing/producing teams in the entertainment industry, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, and their K/O Paper Products banner. The duo will kick off their new relationship with Universal by reimagining titles from the studio’s library including Van Helsing and The Mummy. The announcement was made by Universal Pictures Chairman, Adam Fogelson and Co-Chairman, Donna Langley.

Kurtzman and Orci have collaborated with some of the industry’s top creative minds including J.J. Abrams, with whom they wrote the third installment of Mission: Impossible, which grossed nearly $400 million at the worldwide box office. In 2007, they wrote Transformers and went on to write Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in 2009. Together, those films grossed more than $1.5 billion worldwide. More recently, the pair wrote and executive produced 2009’s Star Trek, which grossed more than $385 million worldwide. Accompanying their impressive film resume, Kurtzman and Orci have found tremendous success in television, having created the series Fringe, writing/producing Alias and in 2010, producing the reboot of Hawaii Five-O. They also currently executive produce the highest rated show on Hasbro’s The Hub, Transformers Prime.

“Alex and Roberto are extraordinarily talented writers and producers who know the value of a great story in building successful tentpole films,” Fogelson and Langley said in a joint statement. “They have been a major part of some of Hollywood’s biggest movies and television shows in recent history, and we’re eager to have them build on that success at Universal.”

“We’re thrilled to call Universal Pictures our home,” said Kurtzman and Orci. “From the moment we sat down with Adam, Donna, Peter, Jeff and the entire Uni team, there was an instant flow of inspired ideas. They really understand the importance of building a strong creative team and giving our shared projects their full support. We’re proud to start making movies that will live as part of Universal’s enduring legacy.”

Kurtzman and Orci’s K/O Paper Products will develop and produce a modern reimagining of Universal library titles including The Mummy, alongside producer Sean Daniel and writer Jon Spaihts. The pair will also develop and produce Universal’s reimagined Van Helsing, with Tom Cruise attached to star in and produce the film.

Kurtzman and Orci’s upcoming projects include writing Sony’s next installment of The Amazing Spider-Man; producing Now You See Me, for Lionsgate Summit, set for release in March 2013; and producing Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, also for Lionsgate Summit. Kurtzman and Orci wrote and produced People Like Us, which marks Kurtzman’s directorial debut and is scheduled to be released in June 2012, and wrote and produced the second installment of Star Trek, set for release in 2013. The pair most recently rewrote All You Need Is Kill for Warner Bros., with Tom Cruise attached to star, Doug Liman to direct and Erwin Stoff to produce.

Kurtzman, Orci and the rest of their K/O Paper Products team, including President Bobby Cohen, will be housed on the Universal lot. Former assistants Ben Kim and Kim Cavyan will come aboard as creative executives. Kurtzman and Orci are represented by CAA and attorneys Michael Gendler and Kevin Kelly of Gendler & Kelly, APC.

Van Helsing pic from here

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 1, 2012 at 10:34 am

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The Mummy gets rebooted

And the details aren’t under wraps! 😉 Okay, that pun was lame, but even though no one could call Brendan Fraser’s The Mummy movies high class entertainment, they were enjoyable and fun (though less so with each sequel.) They also gave us the Scorpion King spinoff and its various sequels and prequels and whatnot, including the latest entry, The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, which came out earlier this year. So will a reboot trash the once proud Scorpion King franchise? Or will they continue to be pumped out as long as they make money as well. Two universes living as one.

Prometheus writer Jon Spaihts will take care of the script and Sean Daniel will produce. If his name sounds familiar, it’s because he produced the prior The Mummy films. It sounds like they want to make a giant adventure and not a Twilight ripoff, which is good. It’s also good that Universal still has some faith in their monster movie catalog after the recent failure of The Wolfman.


Yummy Mummy Cereal

Now with marshmallow Scorpions!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - April 4, 2012 at 3:54 pm

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Fifty Shades of bullets to blow out your brains!

That’s what we need, bullets, not some Mommy Porn garbage that was a Twilight fanfic and is now going to be an epic movie trilogy that will make you question everything as you slit your wrists down to the bone. And then keep slicing!


So for those of you who are lucky duckies and have no clue what I am whining about, Fifty Shades of Grey is a trilogy of books that began their lives as Twilight fan fiction. British author E L James created the BDSM-themed story featuring Edward and Bella and they were released for free, as fan fiction is. But the stories became very popular, to the point there was a convention about this fanfic (!) which raised money for charity. Then E L James took the story, changed only the names of the characters (Bella and Edward become Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey), and published the book through a company that has published similar work in the past. She then got her fans who paid for the convention to buy the book and spread reviews all over the internet, generating buzz and getting fame and money and popularizing the term “Mommy porn”. Yada yada yada, E L James has a ton of money and fame made off of the backs of Stephenie Meyer, and scored more when a company paid seven figures for the rights to reprint the books. And now E L James has even more money, because a gigantic bidding war broke out over the movie rights to her book. As many as 10 studios were fighting hand over fist for the right to bring the Mommy Porn to life on the big screen. And..ding ding…we have a winner! For an estimated $4 million or 5% of gross, Universal Pictures and Focus Features have acquired screen rights to Fifty Shades of Grey and the two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.

So what the hell is going on?


Anastasia on her first blow job:

Hmm…he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty — salty and smooth…he’s my own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.

Anastasia on Christian’s tortured, tortured soul:

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes.
“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia.”
Oh…his honestly is completely disarming. I blink up at him.

After her first spanking session:

“Oh baby,” he breathes. “Welcome to my world.”

We lie there, panting together, waiting for our breathing to slow. He gently strokes my hair. I’m on his chest again…boy…I survived. That wasn’t so bad. I’m more stoic than I thought. My inner goddess is prostrate..well at least he’s quiet. Christian nuzzles my hair again, inhaling deeply. “Well done, baby,” he whispers, quiet joy in his voice. His words curl around me like a soft fluffy towel from the Heathman Hotel, and I’m so pleased he’s happy.

This is enough to make you run screaming back to Edward, Bella, Jacob, and the baby he loves, holding them tight and never wanting to let go….

Bella Edward Shades of Grey

Whose movies are awful now???

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 26, 2012 at 11:29 pm

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Ouija movie can't be killed, stop trying to contact it via Ouija…

Did you see what I did with that dumb article title? Hasbro’s Ouija movie is back from the dead. Previously, Universal Pictures dumped all their upcoming Hasbro films, but has now agreed to go forward with Ouija thanks to it transforming into a low-budget horror film! McG was to direct a $100 million version (how in the freaking frak??) Don’t worry, another expensive director, Michael Bay, is still sort of attached as his Platinum Dunes company is co-producing. Besides Hasbro, the third co-production company is Blumhouse Productions/Jason Blum, the guy who brought us Paranormal Activity. Which had a Ouija board in it. Spooky. So spooky, it’s time to break out the Ouija board and ask the great Al-Shabbathazzar how badly the Ouija movie will be spelled on theater marquis! We need to sacrifice 13 worms before we make contact, so I’ll be right back…

via Deadline
pic via Crazy-cartoon-nut

Demon Cat

I demand blood sacrifices or the Ouija movie will be terrible!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

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