Posts tagged "Fifty Shades of Grey"

50 Links of Grey

Okay, maybe not 50 links, but here are a bunch of either stories that I never finished or links to cool crap from around the web:

  • If you like HUUUUUUUUUGE images and video game movies, this folder filled with giant Wreck-It Ralph images will make your day!
  • Assassins Creed is getting a flick! Ubisoft formed Ubisoft Motion Pictures to coproduce with New Regency and Fox (and to better buffer if this bombs!)

    the film will follow the adventures of a guy who learns that his ancestors were once deadly assassins. After he’s kidnapped by a shady organization with ties to the Knights Templar, he is forced to travel back through time to collect artifacts.

  • An awesome article about the Super Mario Brothers movie and how it became the awesome disasterpiece we all love!
  • I do not want to know how much disgusting stuff was all over this thief who would crawl around on theater floors stealing credit cards from purses.
  • In case you missed it, the 50 Shades of Grey movie will be written by Kelly Marcel. Thumbs up for having a woman scriptwriter!
  • Whatever the heck the comic Insurrection is, it will now be a film. The plot has something to do with clones who fight wars lead a rebellion. But it’s not a prequel to Star Trek: Insurrection, which had the same theme with the Remans and Picard clone. This is a totally original space clone future war Insurrection movie.
  • Douglas Sain and Dinesh D’Souza arguing over money from 2016: Obama’s America? Couldn’t happen to nicer people!
  • Ninja Dixon fights The Amazing Bulk!
  • beyondasophilia gets some Vulgaria!
  • Danny at Can’t Stop The Movies gets sent to Stalag 17!
  • Beth Loves Bollywood, but she doesn’t love Jimmy!
  • Todd wonders why Shahenshah has so little Shahenshah in it!
  • BlueprintReviews maps out South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut!
  • Here is a kickass video breakdown of Goldeneye from David DeMoss
  • Some Kickstarters to fund or flee from:
  • Finding Kukan is a neat documentary about Robin Lung locating a lost copy of Kukan, an Oscar-winning documentary that was developed by Li Ling-Ai and Rey Scott. Kukan detailed China’s struggle against Japan during the Pacific War. The film is being restored and Robin Lung is detailing the restoration and a lot of history about the film, Li Ling-Ai, and Rey Scott with Finding Kukan. This chapter of forgotten history looks to be very interesting, and I am hopeful that this will be funded so the final product arrives sooner than later. Official site for Finding Kukan.
  • Another film restoration project is Different from the Others (Anders als die Andern), a 1919 silent film that is probably the earliest surviving work about LGBT people. It was directed by Richard Oswald and cowritten by Magnus Hirshfeld. Other LGBT friendly movies of the era were destroyed by the Nazis. The film needs to be restored and then will be archived as part of the Legacy Collection at the UCLA Film & Television Archive, (the world’s largest collection of LGBT moving images with over 20,000 pieces) and prints will be struck for distribution around the country. Different from the Others is another important piece of film history that needs to be preserved for future generations.
  • Let’s leave film history for a moment and go to films about history that didn’t really happen. Helen Keller vs Nightwolves sounds ridiculous at first, but then you realize it’s the latest film proposal from the team that brought you FDR: American Badass and other fine films. They even have a cast lined up. Though the historical characters fighting random monsters category is beginning to get overplayed, there is still a place for entertaining and ridiculous fare like this. And Kevin Sorbo is attached, so how can you lose? You can’t.
  • And finally, here is some Pacific Rim porn:

Pacific Rim

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fifty Shades of bullets to blow out your brains!

That’s what we need, bullets, not some Mommy Porn garbage that was a Twilight fanfic and is now going to be an epic movie trilogy that will make you question everything as you slit your wrists down to the bone. And then keep slicing!

Seriously.

So for those of you who are lucky duckies and have no clue what I am whining about, Fifty Shades of Grey is a trilogy of books that began their lives as Twilight fan fiction. British author E L James created the BDSM-themed story featuring Edward and Bella and they were released for free, as fan fiction is. But the stories became very popular, to the point there was a convention about this fanfic (!) which raised money for charity. Then E L James took the story, changed only the names of the characters (Bella and Edward become Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey), and published the book through a company that has published similar work in the past. She then got her fans who paid for the convention to buy the book and spread reviews all over the internet, generating buzz and getting fame and money and popularizing the term “Mommy porn”. Yada yada yada, E L James has a ton of money and fame made off of the backs of Stephenie Meyer, and scored more when a company paid seven figures for the rights to reprint the books. And now E L James has even more money, because a gigantic bidding war broke out over the movie rights to her book. As many as 10 studios were fighting hand over fist for the right to bring the Mommy Porn to life on the big screen. And..ding ding…we have a winner! For an estimated $4 million or 5% of gross, Universal Pictures and Focus Features have acquired screen rights to Fifty Shades of Grey and the two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.

So what the hell is going on?

This:

Anastasia on her first blow job:

Hmm…he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty — salty and smooth…he’s my own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.

Anastasia on Christian’s tortured, tortured soul:

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes.
“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia.”
Oh…his honestly is completely disarming. I blink up at him.

After her first spanking session:

“Oh baby,” he breathes. “Welcome to my world.”

We lie there, panting together, waiting for our breathing to slow. He gently strokes my hair. I’m on his chest again…boy…I survived. That wasn’t so bad. I’m more stoic than I thought. My inner goddess is prostrate..well at least he’s quiet. Christian nuzzles my hair again, inhaling deeply. “Well done, baby,” he whispers, quiet joy in his voice. His words curl around me like a soft fluffy towel from the Heathman Hotel, and I’m so pleased he’s happy.

This is enough to make you run screaming back to Edward, Bella, Jacob, and the baby he loves, holding them tight and never wanting to let go….

Bella Edward Shades of Grey

Whose movies are awful now???

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 26, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , ,