Tag Archives: Remakes are stupid

Don't feed these links after midnight…

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Pizza Hut Photobomb
[adrotate banner=”1″]I’m going to format these a little differently from now on, putting the links to other websites first and the news stories second, that way less good people get buried beneath mediocre news!

**Pre-Code watches the Calvacade!

**Forgotten Classics of Yesteryear goes 23 Skidoo!

**Turban Decay faces Zero Dark Thirty!

**Beth Loves Bollywood’s Beth Watkins stops by The Cultural Gutter to give tips on Using Fantasy To Be Better Than We Are In Real Life!

**Fist of B-List battles a Psycho Kickboxer!

**Blueprint: Review and the Weekend of Trash IX!

**Pulp Curry and Wallace Stroby give us the best 5 crime films you’ve never seen!

**Kyle Baker put up a whole ton of his comics for free!

**Check out the fantabulous art of Scott C., and feel guilty for the drawings you don’t recognize!

**This drawing of a teddy bear with a wooden sword protecting a girl from a giant monster has been optioned for a film starring The Rock. What you hear is the sound of a thousand people breaking out their sketch pads! You can thank Ted for this.

**The Rock is also Hercules in Brett Ratner’s Hercules!

**A remake of Romancing the Stone is a possibility. Because kids love a good Romancing the Stone flick…

**French action crime flick Point Blank is getting both a US and a Korean remake. The US version is rumored to be produced by Mark Wahlberg, while the Korean version will be directed by Juhn Jai-hong (a former protege of Kim Ki-duk)

**Speaking of Kim Ki-duk and his proteges, another one (Shin Yeon-shik) will be directing Rough Play, an action thriller Kim Ki-duk wrote and is producing. Boy band singer Lee Jun stars, he was also in Ninja Assassin. The plot deals with an actor who gets big overnight and the danger that entails.

**A Gremlins reboot is simmering once again.

And we’re outta here, until the next time we’re in here. Which will be soon.

Link Duties Unit vs. Hitler

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Muppets
[adrotate banner=”1″]We’re back again with a bunch of links to stories that I didn’t have time to turn into their own posts and also links to cool reviews from around the web. So let’s get busy!

**The Muppets 2 will be released on March 21st 2014.

**Someone uploaded the complete 166 page screenplay for Django Unchained as a .pdf, if you are curious to see what didn’t make the final cut.

**50 Shades of Grey will be NC-17 according to the film’s writer, Kelly Marcel. This is probably news to everyone else involved with the film, who aren’t about to sink a ton of money into a project that will get an NC-17 rating and kill the box office returns. Or it’s just a publicity stunt. Either way, will not happen.

**Pang Ho-Cheung is following up his hit film Vulgeria by producing a sex comedy called SDU: Sex Duties Unit. He’s also slated to direct Women Who Know How to Flirt Are the Luckiest.
SDU Sex Duties Unit

**The Hebrew Hammer is getting a sequel! In The Hebrew Hammer vs. Hitler, Mordechai Jefferson Carver comes out of retirement and teams up with Jesus to go back in time to fight Hitler. Hell yeah!

**The nephew of George Soros (yes, that George Soros) is named Jeffrey Soros, who leads the board of directors for Los Angeles’s Museum of Contemporary Art and is making his first feature film, Basmati Blues. Basmati Blues will be shot entirely in India and stars Brie Larson (21 Jump Street.) They are currently looking for a male lead who is Indian (which is shocking and awesome at the same time!)

**Ninja Dixon observes Santo and the Vengeance of the Mummy!

**Pulp Curry talking about Night Moves!

**Cinematic Catharsis gets down with Funky Forest: The First Contact!

**Pre-Code takes the Cimarron challenge!

**HBO signs ten year deal with Universal, tells Netflix to shove it!

**Who wants an All Quiet on the Western Front remake/new adaptation starring Daniel Radcliffe? Because that’s what we’re getting.

**I hope you want another Ben-Hur, because that’s what we’re getting. Remember, the Heston version is also a remake/new adaptation.

**Fake but awesome “evidence” of Russian animal experimentation.

Until next time, remember to eat your ice cream!
Uranium Ice Cream

Vin Diesel loves ya, baby, in the Kojak remake!

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Kojak
[adrotate banner=”1″]Soon every 70s detective show will have their own film. Welcome to the future. Universal is who you can credit for getting the ball rolling on the Kojak film, which is not only starring Vin Diesel, but he’s also producing. Neal Purvis and Robert Wade are writing, they wrote Skyfall, so you can expect Kojak to face off against a knockoff Joker.

The original Kojak series ran from 1973 to 1978, with two tv movies in the 80s and five in the 90s. Fans may remember that Ving Rhames also played Kojak for one season on USA.

via Deadline

SyFy wants to remake Waterworld!

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[adrotate banner=”1″]Flare out your gills and begin your search for dry land, because if SyFy gets their way, Waterworld will be back as one of their original movies! Waterworld is famous for being a gigantic flop, even though it’s not really that bad and is sort of charming. However, it’s also a property no on wants to touch at all. Thus, SyFy sees a way to easy money. And I have no doubt that SyFy could easily make a cheap version of Waterworld that not only pulls a profit, but also kicks but. And it probably will involve a giant monster or two (just like the original!) Though I think Kevin Costner is probably out of their league for a cameo. I’m hoping Tina Majorino shows up, because no one realizes the little girl was also deb in Napoleon Dynamite. Or maybe Jack Black, he was in the original.

This is far from a done deal, but if there is one thing we learned from Waterworld, is that myths can become reality when they are tattooed on the back of a small child. So get out your tattoo devices!

On a sad note, the Exxon Valdez is also no longer with us. Also Dennis Hopper and William Preston (Who was also a Late Night with Conan O’Brien regular) But they will all be turned into dirt to grow tomatoes for the next generation.

via Forbes

Waterworld

That’s not Dry Land….it’s a giant turtle!

Carrie Underwood Takes The Wheel in live broadcast The Sound of Music remake on NBC

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[adrotate banner=”1″]What is this, the movie Scrooged? I kind of wish it was, and this live broadcast of The Sound of Music that will star Carrie Underwood as Maria von Trapp ends with a drunken NBC executive wandering on stage and everyone starts singing Jackie DeShannon songs.

“Speaking for everyone at NBC, we couldn’t be happier to have the gifted Carrie Underwood take up the mantle of the great Maria von Trapp,” said NBC Entertainment chairman Robert Greenblatt

Someone spike Greenblatt’s egg nog, stat!!! Maybe he’ll learn his lesson and we’ll get more Community episodes!

The event is three hours long and produced by Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, did Smash and are doing the Oscars this year.

The Sound of Music was a musical before it was the iconic film, so it’s not like we’re suddenly remaking Citizen Kane all of a sudden. That happens next…

THR via Movieline

Carrie Underwood

The hills are alive, y’all!

All Cheerleaders Die

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[adrotate banner=”1″]All Cheerleaders Die is an up and coming film from Lucky McKee and Chris Siverston, who you might remember from their previous film All Cheerleaders Die. But don’t worry, the plot of this one is different even if it features the same cheerleaders vs. football jocks theme. So I’m not sure if it’s a remake or just reusing the title. I guess that’s a “reimagining” or some crap. It’s when you get a bunch of money and can decide to do one of your films over.

The plot:

a 17-year-old rebel at Blackfoot High School on a mission to take down the captain of the football team. She rallies a group of cheerleaders around her cause, but after a tragic turn of events the girls are thrust into a supernatural battle that culminates in a mayhem-filled night they will never forget.

Mäddy Killian, Sianoa Smit-McPhee, Caitlin Stasey, and Tom Williamson star

via Fangoria
image via

Cheerleaders

We don’t die, we multiply!