The Muppets – “Walk the Swine”
Story by Dave Caplan and Steve Rudnick
Teleplay by Gregg Mettler and Nell Scovell
Directed by Randall Einhorn
After spending an episode becoming more relatable, Miss Piggy returns to having a feud with a celebrity, though the twist this time is Reese Witherspoon ends up looking just as bad as Miss Piggy as they argue on a charity construction site, which is damaged as they get into a physical altercation. The story is Piggy is upset with Reese as Witherspoon beat her out for a part in Walk the Line, for which Reese won an Oscar. Piggy brings it up on the show, blames Reese for bringing it up, and then continues to be competitive by claiming that she also does work for Habitat for Humanity like Reese, and will also be at a construction site that weekend just like Reese.
Piggy dresses up super cute for the construction job: a pink helmet, pink bedazzled hammer, and stiletto work boots. She’s surprised there are no paparazzi (after mistaking the surveyor as one) and calls them in, and then picks a fight with Reese about who is the harder worker. Piggy reveals she was raised on a farm, and to her credit she does end up working harder and faster than Reese (aided by karate chopping 2x4s!) Reese and her continue to bicker, which turns physical and ends up knocking down the entire side of a the house frame, all caught on camera by the paparazzi that Piggy called in.
This becomes a PR disaster, and Miss Piggy actually cries in her dressing room over this. More humanization of Miss Piggy is a good thing! She and Kermit decide the best way to fix things is to get Reese back on the show and apologize. So they do, and Reese apologized to Piggy, after which Piggy apologizes. With an elaborate music and dance number where she apologizes by song and by rapping, ending with an awesome dropping of the mike as she proves she is the best at apologizing. Continue reading →
2012 Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg, and Marcus Gautesen
Directed by McG
Captain Kirk and Captain Picard’s evil clone battle for the heart of Legally Blonde! Yes, once again Tars has sold out and seen a movie in advance for free. This time, it’s the romantic comedy This Means War, where once again secret spies date hot chicks who know nothing about it, until getting involved in whatever spy stuff is happening in the third act. The twist is there are TWO spy guys who both want the hot chick and compete to be the best of the best of the best. Sure, it’s by the numbers, predictable at points, filled with wacky hijinks, and the action scenes aren’t given enough budge to be memorable in the slightest, but is it good? Meh. There are a few scenes that are hilarious, but the rest of the film is a mess of boring, stupid, or generic. This Means War is never going to top True Lies in the action department, so it shouldn’t even bother. I did not see Knight and Day, but from the reviews the action at least seems continual. This Means War features long sequences of our heroes riding their desks at the office after the brief beginning fight until the last act, so the weight of the film rests entirely on the romantic aspect of the story. That would probably be okay if we hadn’t felt like we’d already seen everything before.
FDR Foster and Tuck are CIA agents who in the opening sequence shoot up some bad guys and end up killing one brother of two, the second escaping and vowing revenge. We don’t know much about this guy except he’s bad, so forget about him. Tuck is a British CIA agent (whaaa?) who is divorced with a young son, while FDR is a playboy who has sex with anything that moves and anything that might move if it’s placed on a slope. As FDR’s wife is only hinted at dating again, but a boyfriend never presents himself as a threat, I can see the future clearer than the time I shoved crystal balls in my eyes and was banned from that Wiccan store downtown. Little do they know how many million$ I won from the lottery!