Posts tagged "Tom Hardy"

The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises


2012
Screenplay by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan
Story by Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer
Directed by Christopher Nolan

Halle Berry slashed my tires last night!

Our The Dark Knight Rises review will be in a slightly different format, list form! And not the “Top 6 Bane Pick up Lines that Will Explode and Blow Your Mind” type of lists, just a list of thoughts in semi-sequential format as we go through the film. Thus, SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS below the fold!

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor the Dark Knight…
  • Arriving early to get an aisle seat.
  • This theater has Oogieloves posters all over it!
  • I will be upset if there isn’t a bare minimum of 5 rises in TDKR!
  • Why are two very fat guys in nerd shirts complaining about the nerds in the theater? And now I am complaining about them on the internet!
Too cool for earmuffs
  • The new Superman trailer documents his time on Deadliest Catch (and how much better Joe Manganiello would have been in the role!)
  • I also drank less tea before the film so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom that much (Did I succeed? See below!)
  • And now the opening sequence that was released on the internet months ago!
  • Remember: Spoilers below the fold!
The Last Days of the XFL…

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4 comments - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This Means War (Review)

This Means War


2012
Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg, and Marcus Gautesen
Directed by McG

This Means War
Captain Kirk and Captain Picard’s evil clone battle for the heart of Legally Blonde! Yes, once again Tars has sold out and seen a movie in advance for free. This time, it’s the romantic comedy This Means War, where once again secret spies date hot chicks who know nothing about it, until getting involved in whatever spy stuff is happening in the third act. The twist is there are TWO spy guys who both want the hot chick and compete to be the best of the best of the best. Sure, it’s by the numbers, predictable at points, filled with wacky hijinks, and the action scenes aren’t given enough budge to be memorable in the slightest, but is it good? Meh. There are a few scenes that are hilarious, but the rest of the film is a mess of boring, stupid, or generic. This Means War is never going to top True Lies in the action department, so it shouldn’t even bother. I did not see Knight and Day, but from the reviews the action at least seems continual. This Means War features long sequences of our heroes riding their desks at the office after the brief beginning fight until the last act, so the weight of the film rests entirely on the romantic aspect of the story. That would probably be okay if we hadn’t felt like we’d already seen everything before.
This Means War
FDR Foster and Tuck are CIA agents who in the opening sequence shoot up some bad guys and end up killing one brother of two, the second escaping and vowing revenge. We don’t know much about this guy except he’s bad, so forget about him. Tuck is a British CIA agent (whaaa?) who is divorced with a young son, while FDR is a playboy who has sex with anything that moves and anything that might move if it’s placed on a slope. As FDR’s wife is only hinted at dating again, but a boyfriend never presents himself as a threat, I can see the future clearer than the time I shoved crystal balls in my eyes and was banned from that Wiccan store downtown. Little do they know how many million$ I won from the lottery!
This Means War
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 14, 2012 at 1:59 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Warrior (Review)

Warrior


2011
Directed by Gavin O’Connor

Warrior is an MMA film about a family torn apart by alcoholism and abuse by their father, and the consequences on the family. It is also about brother against brother, with father against both sons as he seeks redemption. The film doesn’t father the traditional narrative, there is no real villain, both brothers have their motivations to fight and both makes sense in their own way.

Tommy (Tom Hardy) – The abuse from Paddy led to Tommy disappearing with their mother, who soon after died of cancer. Tommy has become jaded, bitter, and doubly so after other revelations are revealed. Tommy spends most of the film using his mother’s maiden name, preventing most people from realizing he’s brothers with Brendan
Brendan Conlon (Joel Edgerton) – Brendan is the brother who stayed behind with his father, mostly due to being in love. After eventually marrying Tess and having a family, Brendan has also cut off his father, the relationship limited to telephone and letters. Uncle Owen! No wonder he didn’t want Luke to go off to fight in war…
Paddy Conlon (Nick Nolte) – Patriarch of the Conlon clan and recovering alcholoic and abuser. The only thing he was ever good at was coaching Tommy at wrestling, which is why Tommy returns to him for training for an upcoming MMA tournament.
Tess Conlon (Jennifer Morrison) – Brendan’s wife, who through she watched Brendan fight for years has tried to leave that life when they had children. But life gets in the way sometimes…


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,