The Dark Knight Rises
The Dark Knight Rises
2012
Screenplay by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan
Story by Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer
Directed by Christopher Nolan
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Halle Berry slashed my tires last night!
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Our The Dark Knight Rises review will be in a slightly different format, list form! And not the “Top 6 Bane Pick up Lines that Will Explode and Blow Your Mind” type of lists, just a list of thoughts in semi-sequential format as we go through the film. Thus, SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS below the fold!
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Neither rain, nor sleet, nor the Dark Knight…
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- Arriving early to get an aisle seat.
- This theater has Oogieloves posters all over it!
- I will be upset if there isn’t a bare minimum of 5 rises in TDKR!
- Why are two very fat guys in nerd shirts complaining about the nerds in the theater? And now I am complaining about them on the internet!
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Too cool for earmuffs
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- The new Superman trailer documents his time on Deadliest Catch (and how much better Joe Manganiello would have been in the role!)
- I also drank less tea before the film so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom that much (Did I succeed? See below!)
- And now the opening sequence that was released on the internet months ago!
- Remember: Spoilers below the fold!
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The Last Days of the XFL…
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Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Anne Hathaway, Batmania, Burn Gorman, catwomen, Christian Bale, Christopher Nolan, Cillian Murphy, David S. Goyer, Gary Oldman, Jonathan Nolan, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Juno Temple, Liam Neeson, Marion Cotillard, Matthew Modine, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Nestor Carbonell, Thomas Lennon, Tom Hardy
This Means War (Review)
This Means War
2012
Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg, and Marcus Gautesen
Directed by McG
Captain Kirk and Captain Picard’s evil clone battle for the heart of Legally Blonde! Yes, once again Tars has sold out and seen a movie in advance for free. This time, it’s the romantic comedy This Means War, where once again secret spies date hot chicks who know nothing about it, until getting involved in whatever spy stuff is happening in the third act. The twist is there are TWO spy guys who both want the hot chick and compete to be the best of the best of the best. Sure, it’s by the numbers, predictable at points, filled with wacky hijinks, and the action scenes aren’t given enough budge to be memorable in the slightest, but is it good? Meh. There are a few scenes that are hilarious, but the rest of the film is a mess of boring, stupid, or generic. This Means War is never going to top True Lies in the action department, so it shouldn’t even bother. I did not see Knight and Day, but from the reviews the action at least seems continual. This Means War features long sequences of our heroes riding their desks at the office after the brief beginning fight until the last act, so the weight of the film rests entirely on the romantic aspect of the story. That would probably be okay if we hadn’t felt like we’d already seen everything before.
FDR Foster and Tuck are CIA agents who in the opening sequence shoot up some bad guys and end up killing one brother of two, the second escaping and vowing revenge. We don’t know much about this guy except he’s bad, so forget about him. Tuck is a British CIA agent (whaaa?) who is divorced with a young son, while FDR is a playboy who has sex with anything that moves and anything that might move if it’s placed on a slope. As FDR’s wife is only hinted at dating again, but a boyfriend never presents himself as a threat, I can see the future clearer than the time I shoved crystal balls in my eyes and was banned from that Wiccan store downtown. Little do they know how many million$ I won from the lottery!
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Warrior (Review)
Warrior
2011
Directed by Gavin O’Connor
Warrior is an MMA film about a family torn apart by alcoholism and abuse by their father, and the consequences on the family. It is also about brother against brother, with father against both sons as he seeks redemption. The film doesn’t father the traditional narrative, there is no real villain, both brothers have their motivations to fight and both makes sense in their own way.
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Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Bryan Callen, Denzel Whitaker, Gavin O'Connor, Jennifer Morrison, Joel Edgerton, Kevin Dunn, Kurt Angle, martial arts, MMA, Nick Nolte, Noah Emmerich, Tom Hardy
