The Muppets – “Too Hot to Handler”
Story by Margee Magee and Angeli Millan
Teleplay by Shane Kosakowski and Franklin Hardy
Directed by Matt Sohn The Muppets returns with another episode about Muppets having relationship issues, but for once it isn’t because there are a bunch of sadsack Muppets being sad sacks full of sad sacks. In fact, Scooter finds exactly what he wants for a relationship, except that is just too much for him to handle!
Scooter is enthralled by Chelsea Handler, which is handy because she’s a guest on Miss Piggy’s show that night. She even seems to be looking for a nice dork like him. Uncle Deadly points out Scooter would just be a boy toy, and I’m not sure Scooter seems to understand what that term means. This gives Scooter the confidence to go ask Chelsea out on a date, but he manages to cause a big mess while trying to act cool and calm while doing so. Luckily for him, Chelsea is cool with dating him, anyway.
Fozzie is planning to ask his girlfriend Becky to move in with him after dating for a whole 12 weeks. This makes Kermit nervous, as he thinks Fozzie is moving too fast and doesn’t know Becky that well. He suggests they double date at trivia night at Rowlf’s, a contest Becky always wins. Kermit’s attempts to get Becky to reveal any hidden secrets through casual conversation backfires into finding lots of bad things about his own girlfriend, Denise. But Kermit also witnesses Becky looking at her phone while hiding under the table, and is convinced she is cheating in the trivia contest. He knows he can’t confront her right now, but needs to expose her to save his friend from someone who is dishonest. Continue reading →
2012 Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg, and Marcus Gautesen
Directed by McG
Captain Kirk and Captain Picard’s evil clone battle for the heart of Legally Blonde! Yes, once again Tars has sold out and seen a movie in advance for free. This time, it’s the romantic comedy This Means War, where once again secret spies date hot chicks who know nothing about it, until getting involved in whatever spy stuff is happening in the third act. The twist is there are TWO spy guys who both want the hot chick and compete to be the best of the best of the best. Sure, it’s by the numbers, predictable at points, filled with wacky hijinks, and the action scenes aren’t given enough budge to be memorable in the slightest, but is it good? Meh. There are a few scenes that are hilarious, but the rest of the film is a mess of boring, stupid, or generic. This Means War is never going to top True Lies in the action department, so it shouldn’t even bother. I did not see Knight and Day, but from the reviews the action at least seems continual. This Means War features long sequences of our heroes riding their desks at the office after the brief beginning fight until the last act, so the weight of the film rests entirely on the romantic aspect of the story. That would probably be okay if we hadn’t felt like we’d already seen everything before.
FDR Foster and Tuck are CIA agents who in the opening sequence shoot up some bad guys and end up killing one brother of two, the second escaping and vowing revenge. We don’t know much about this guy except he’s bad, so forget about him. Tuck is a British CIA agent (whaaa?) who is divorced with a young son, while FDR is a playboy who has sex with anything that moves and anything that might move if it’s placed on a slope. As FDR’s wife is only hinted at dating again, but a boyfriend never presents himself as a threat, I can see the future clearer than the time I shoved crystal balls in my eyes and was banned from that Wiccan store downtown. Little do they know how many million$ I won from the lottery!