Cleavagefield (Review)

Posted on June 28, 2009 by Tars Tarkas

Cleavagefield

2009
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Salvadore Ross)

Yes, this is an erotic parody of Cloverfield, and it follows most of the plot to the nines. It is complete with random shots of other days, and most of the film is a first person hand held camera. Since the film isn’t entirely taking itself seriously, there are a few instances of breaking the fourth wall. The film occasionally breaks into shots of Tom’s visit to Hawaii where there are two blonde girls (Davina Murphy and Dallas Lowe) that just ended up being annoying, so I fast forwarded through those parts.

Cleavagefield is a humor movie, so don’t expect cool monster sequences and military fights. Expect naked chicks and a monster strolling along every once in a while. The origin of the film is interesting, it started out as a joke on the Retromedia Message Boards and people got interested. Thus, the joke became reality. It was originally joked under the title Chestyfield, for those of you who are interested. At this time there is scant information about the cast online, and due to the fact I am not as knowledgeable about some of these actresses as I should be, I don’t know what other names some of them are probably better known as (Brandee Schaefer in particular) I tried, that is all I can say.

	Maggie Daniels (Brandee Schaefer) – Maggie is a good mother to her chihuahua and willing to go to any lengths to get her back. Even braving a giant monster is no challenge.
	Vicki Conners (Amy Ried) – Vicki Conners is the most famous stripper in the film, she will be headlining clubs in Asia, one of the few people who will go to Japan to get away from a giant monster! Amy Ried has starred in such fine pornographic fare as Leztravaganza!, The Boobs of Hazzard, and Cum in My Ass Not in My Mouth 5.
	Carla (Rebecca Love) – Carla is all about the debriefing. Rebecca Love was seen her previously in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini and Bewitched Housewives, so read those if you want more on her.
	Debbie (Lucia Santos) – Debbie is the girl who knows how to operate the TV remote. Yep. She also manages to get attacked by one of Junior’s pets. Her preening for the camera reminds me of Vanessa Hudgens. Lucia Santos is an actress of the adult variety, and was in The Da Vinci Coed.
	Tom Warner (Frankie Cullen) – Our cameraman who will give sarcastic jokes throughout the film. At various times he leaves to join in the action himself. Frankie Cullen was in Bikini Airways.
	Fifi (herself) – Maggie’s dog who likes to watch. Is a practical joker and watches TV. Fifi is more developed as a character than any other cast member.
	Junior (CGI – credited as Guy Green!) – The Cleavagefield monster! He’s green, he’s mean, he’s got a big belly. Junior tramples around downtown LA because that’s what he does. Has snot attacks and is impervious to all weapons. Please ignore how he looks like a monster from the old Superman cartoons.
	Junior’s pets (CGI) – Junior is crawling with some flying lobster monsters that were dubbed his pets. One of them tries to make dinner out of Debbie. At one point these were going to be moth-mites and chew off people’s clothes.

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Dinocroc vs Supergator is coming

Posted on June 8, 2009 by Tars Tarkas

[adrotate banner=”7″]The recently deceased David Carradine stars in Dinocroc vs Supergator, the latest giant monster film to jump on the “Vs” bandwagon. It was filmed in LA and Hawaii and is directed by Jim Wynorski. Expect it in a bit, as it is currently in post.

This is sort of interesting, because the monster CGI models are both the same with slight variations, which is because Supergator was originally to be a sequel to Dinocroc, but SciFi Channel doesn’t like sequels. So is this a sequel? Who knows? We shall see. Roger Corman is producing, as you’d expect.

With the two monsters having almost identical looks, the battles may be the most confusing since any random fight in Transformers. I still can’t tell those robots apart. Hopefully, there is an actual fight, and not three seconds of hissing like Wynorski’s Komodo vs Cobra.

Let me wear an "S" on my chest so you can tell us apart!

Komodo vs. Cobra (Review)

Posted on June 1, 2006 by Tars Tarkas

Komodo vs. Cobra

2005
Starring
Michelle Borth as Susan Richardson
Jerri Manthey as Sandra Crescent
Glori-Anne Gilbert as Darla
Ryan McTavish as Jerry
Ted Monte as Ted
Chris Neville as Lerner
Michael Paré as Mike
Jay Richardson as Dr. Richardson
Renee Talbert as Carrie
Delpano Wills as Marsden
Directed by Jim Wynorski

Komodo vs. Cobra!!! KvC!! Giant komodo vs. a giant cobra. This should be a winner! In the name of Boa vs. Python, another fun SciFi Channel monster vs monster film. But what should easily be a winner can often become a chore as cheapness conspires to clutch a loser of a film from the jaws of winningness. What else do you expect when your director is Jim Wynorski and it doesn’t involve naked chicks? Having nothing to do with either Curse of the Komodo or King Cobra, despite Wynorski’s work on CotK, this film tries to set itself in an independent universe. That’s the excuse, then, for making this film 95% identical to CotK. Many of the same major scene reenact themselves, many of the same sets are reused, and at least four actors and the director/writer are the same. This is akin to just taking the CotK film and adding a King Cobra wandering around digitally added to the background in a few scenes and calling it a new movie. Oh, our title characters fight, all right. At the very end of the movie, for about two minutes. That’s it. Despite them saying repeatedly that there are many giant cobras and giant komodo, we don’t even get a hint that they fight each other except one small scene in the flashbacks where they hiss a lot. This isn’t like Naked Lunch, where no one ate a lunch while naked, this is SciFi Channel, we want a damn monster fight. And this movie which promises a monster fight in it’s title is determined to deny us what we so desperately desire. In the end, all it does is tick you off. Really tick you off. Freaking tick you off. Tick you of like a MoFo! GARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

The movie opens promising enough. Three people are running through the jungle of a tropical isle. It’s Dr. Richardson, his daughter Susan, and a third man we’ll call Orson Welles, because he was The Third Man. Their running is useless, because they are cut off by Johnny Komodo. Johnny Komodo looks a little different from CotK, he’s got a more dinosaur-shaped head. He’s just as immune to bullets, as none of the ones fired seem to have any effect on him. Johnny Komodo shows that the Jim Wynorski watched Jurassic Park, as komodo can now not see you unless you move, like the T-Rex. Orson Welles runs off, which attracts Johnny Komodo and he chomps down on Orson Welles. Dr. Richardson and Susan escape then and set up shop by a lake, looking around for a bit, until Johnny Cobra emerges from the lake, and has Dr. Richardson chops for dinner. Now Susan is all alone…

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Curse of the Komodo (Review)

Posted on April 7, 2005 by Tars Tarkas

Curse of the Komodo

2003
Starring
Tim Abell as Jack
William Langlois as Prof. Nathan Phipps
Gail Harris as Dr. Dawn Porter
Paul Logan as Drake
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Written by Steve Latshaw

Jurassic Park except instead of dinosaurs we have big komodo dragons!

Yep, it’s as bad as it sounds. Luckily, the movie tries to make up for it with stereotypical characters, scenes lifted almost directly from Jurassic Park, and zombies. Yes, zombies. As one of the new age giant monster movies that Sci-Fi Channel seems to produce ten at a time, it doesn’t have much to do to stand out from the pack of Boa‘s, Python‘s, Octopus‘s, and Crocodile‘s, but the movie even fails in that regard. At least this film avoids the Curse of the Title That is Only an Animal’s Name.