Sexy Wives Sindrome (Review)

Sexy Wives Sindrome

Sexy Wife Sindrome
2011
Written by Steve Goldenberg
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

Sexy Wife Sindrome

Let’s do all the Seven Deadly Sindromes!


Sexy Wives Sindrome IS a Jim Wynorski joint, baby! So it follows all the Wynorski touches that make his films unique, from camera angles that peer around womens’ bustlines to characters acknowledging the camera. That also means we got a whole host of Roobie Breastnut songs making up the soundtrack (and, yes, Pussy Pussy Bang Bang IS in the film!) Additional music is also done by Chuck Cirino, as some of the scenes that use a score to help enhance the mood or are more serious just wouldn’t play right with Roobie Breastnut songs blaring.

The core of Sexy Wives Sindrome is relationship therapists who conduct unorthodox fantasy solutions to couples’ problems, which usually involve a lot of sex, and usually involve the therapist herself in a lot of the sex. You would think this would be a gross violation of ethical practices and cause a whole host of legal issues, but it turns out things are even more weird and bizarre than you could possibly imagine, yet the solution also resolves all the lingering problems. I think it’s hilarious how everything worked out in the end, and how the conclusion basically destroys any long ethical argument I could bring up, hence there won’t really be one for this review. I know, I know, you are all disappointed. You better hope the next one doesn’t have a game-changing twist!

Sexy Wife Sindrome

What do you mean there isn’t a fireplace, only a big microwave???


There is plenty of pseudopsychological mumbo jumbo going on to justify some of the relationship issues. It basically boils down to couples loving each other and trying to keep things interesting for each other. You could argue that letting other people into relationships can potentially cause lots of drama, but let’s face it, these couples are all pretty much swingers anyway, so they know the score.
Sexy Wife Sindrome

Coffee is the real sexy sindrome!


The title Sexy Wives Sindrome comes from the made up syndrome discovered by one of the characters about how men become afraid of their attractive wives because they are so attractive and the men just can’t handle the possibility of losing them. None of that is really worked into the relationships in the film, but it’s the title so it’s important.

But enough about your Psych 101 class, it’s time for the Roll Call!

Sexy Wife Sindrome

Side effects include anal black tar discharge???


Dr. Anderson / Jane Grabowski (Julie K. Smith) – Please don’t reveal the secret of Dr. Anderson really being Jane Grabowski! Okay, the secret’s out. Not like it wasn’t 100% obvious, Dr. Anderson didn’t even have a first name!! Works at the sex clinic, has a libido set to ludicrous speed!
Nurse Kayla Belmont (Cindy Lucas) – Nurse and general office organizer at the clinic, spends the majority of her time having sex with the patients or the doctors.
Mark Reed (Frankie Cullen) – Married to Diana, a boring stockbroker who loves his wife, so of course they are having problems.
Diana Reed (Erika Jordan) – Married to Mark, worried about her relationship because Mark really loves her.
Professor Jones (Michael Swan) – Owns the clinic where all the on getting gets on. Wrote the book on SWS – Sexy Wives Sindrome – thus the title pun is his fault! Get him!
Shug Fisher (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
Lucy Saunders (Angie Savage) – One of the wives looking to improve her marriage at the clinic. Gets into fights with Mandy, because, why not?
Mandy (Rebecca Love) – One of the wives looking to improve her marriage at the clinic. Is using a polar bear fantasy, according to the doctors. We actually see her having sex, but no polar bear is involved. Hmmm…
John Saunders (TJ Cummings) – Lucy’s husband who is helping improve his marriage at the clinic.
Mrs. Berg (Glori-Anne Gilbert) – Wife helping to improve her marriage with blindfold narration roleplay.
Mr. Berg (Frank Harper) – Husband helping to improve his marriage with blindfold narration roleplay.
Carol McGuire (Diana Terranova) – Murdered woman seen only in flashbacks.
Scuzzy Guy (G. Gordon Baer) – Hides in the bushes spying on the Reeds, he works for Professor Jones.

Sexy Wife Sindrome

Which one is the sexy wife, and which one is the sindrome?


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The Devil Wears Nada (Review)

The Devil Wears Nada

The Devil Wears Nada
2009
Written and directed by Jim Wynorski (as Salvadore Ross)

The Devil Wears Nada

They’re checking each other for cavities!


Now this is some Jim Wynorski treasure! The Devil Wears Nada is a fantastic achievement of fun story and sexy content, while still being ridiculous and creative. Wynorski can produce magic if he’s into it, and from the creativity he gives behind and in front of the camera, you can tell he’s having a ball here

The Devil Wears Nada takes its name (obviously) from The Devil Wears Prada, and here we also have an overbearing boss at a fashion magazine lording over her newest assistant. Things go a bit further here, Julia Crimson is far worse of a boss than Miranda Priestley. The humiliation becomes more sexual, though Candy seems to have no problem having sex with her boss or a random male model even under threat of termination. It is revealed that Julia Crimson is blackmailing another character (via more sexual humiliation – incriminating photos) and gets a comeuppance that we never saw in the Glenn Close film. Turning the boss into more of a caricature does make things more fun and removes a bit of moral ambiguity.

The Devil Wears Nada

I work how many hours and all I get is a lamp???


The Devil Wears Nada gives another chance to go over the themes of its inspiration movie, with the overworked assistant at a magazine dealing with a nightmare boss and the promise of future rewards if she just sticks through all the crap she has to go through. Thanks to the job market in the US imploding, the scenario plays out like a lot of the unpaid internships that seems to be more of the rule than exception at magazines. These internships are often just unpaid 60 hour workweek jobs in expensive cities that only the rich can afford to go through, creating an artificial barrier in the magazine industry. These internships have become increasingly controversial and are technically illegal in some areas, but persist. In addition, they are often defended by those that have gone through them as a necessary part of magazine production, creating a self-feeding destructive cycle that causes many in the industry to turn a blind eye to its own failings (as rocking the boat might just cost your your job in a very competitive field!)

The Devil Wears Prada deals with the struggle that professional women tangle with, their careers or their personal lives. The Devil Wears Nada is of the opinion that you can have your cake and eat it too, and the terrible boss is just an obstacle to overcome. Candy’s defeat of Julia Crimson (and subsequent promotion to co-boss along with former assistant Becca Saperstein) is a result of playing by Julia’s own rules, but turning them around, and is accomplished by the various people Julia Crimson has wronged banding together. When Prada was released, it featured a lot of backlash from former employees of Anna Wintour condemning the book as a mean-spirited gotcha, and that author Lauren Weisberger did not appreciate the opportunities the job presented her. This circling the wagons to defend treating employees terribly is not conductive to a good business environment, and makes the defenders look like they need to justify their own abuse (and is mirrored by the aforementioned unpaid internship defenses!) Nada‘s rejects this in favor of a socialistic workers utopia where the workers team up with a money man to eliminate strife and bring peace to the land (and get rewarded!) Not only does this unionization bring strength to the workers, but Julia Crimson is such a threat that people team together regardless of class affiliation to eliminate her as a problem. Nada offers a vision where hard work and creativity are rewarded, and by working together more is accomplished than everyone suffering separately. In this spirit, Nada defeats Prada in the messaging.

But The Devil Wears Nada is not without its own problems. Candy is coerced into sexual relations in order to save her job, and male characters such as the model Michael are willing participants. And as mentioned, Candy and Becca’s eventual winning of the editors-in-chief job is awarded by a male money man, showing that despite all their work, things still resolve because a male decides. If these tradeoffs are enough to keep Nada as a strong and smart women get ahead film, or if they condemn it to an also-ran status is up to the viewer. I feel that Nada sends more postive messages than negative, and this is doubly so considering it is in the softcore genre, a section of film where far too often women are just treated as objects.

The Devil Wears Nada

Colonel Sanders’ French impressionist painter cousin Pierre Sanders!


The cast list for The Devil Wears Nada is abysmal, with many people going uncredited. Luckily powerfred at SoftcoreReviews (NSFW link – http://www.sreviews.com/smf/index.php?topic=4619.0 ) confirmed most of the unlisted actresses (with some help from Jim!) So enjoy the mostly complete credits. Some actresses are unknown, and many characters don’t have spoken names. Wynorski packed The Devil Wears Nada to the gills with hot chicks, almost doubling the average cast size for one of these softcore flicks.

Candy Cane (Christine Nguyen) – The newest assistant for Editor in chief Julia Crimson, and unaware just what she is getting into. Candy deals with Julia’s increasingly demented demands that play havoc on her personal life. Eventually, Candy learns to be cutthroat enough to survive, and to play her own game of dirty.
Julia Crimson (Beverly Lynne) – Editor in chief of Lacy Lady Magazine, everyone calls her the Devil in case you forget where the inspiration comes from. Likes to dominate her employees in all aspects, usually by humiliating them verbally and sexually.
Becca Saperstein (Brandin Rackley) – Julia’s former assistant who brings in Candy Cane to help replace her, so she can finally move on to more advanced jobs. All of Becca’s prior replacements have all quit or been fired. Helps Candy when she can.
Sydney (Jim Wynorski as Franklin Pangborn III) – The world-worn director of most of the photoshoots, has to deal not only with temperamental models but also with Julia Crimson. Somehow still enjoys his job. Is played by an uncredited Jim Wynorski in a brilliant move.
Frankie (Kevin Van Doorslaer) – Candy’s boyfriend, who is angry that she has to work at a job and sometimes can’t get out of things, but somehow keeps making reservations and buying expensive tickets instead of learning to wing it. Is not exactly faithful.
Raoul Dibbens (Chris De Christopher) – Publisher of Lacy Lady Magazine, but he’s only the money man and Julia runs the show. She also has compromising photos of him.
Michael (Frankie Cullen) – Model who is doing a shoot for the magazine and gets roped into Julia’s sex games with Candy. Is not fond of Julia, but goes along with things until Candy bucks the system, the goes along with her.
Binky (himself) – The bird on Sydney’s cane who becomes a major character because that’s how The Devil Wears Nada rolls!
Paula and Veronica (Katy Magnuson and “Jane Doe”) – Paula and Veronica have a battle over a bikini that ends with a lot of nude making out. Because that’s how models roll.
Three Distracted Models (Ahryan Astyn, Bridgette B, and Codi Carmichael) – Three models who cause problems by not showing up on time to photoshoots, because they are lost. Only one of them got a name – Codi Carmichael as Rusty.
Opening Sequence Models (Lexi Marie and Jaymie Langford) – Two models in the opening scene of the movie with all the special effects of Hell that get them all horned up for each other.

The Devil Wears Nada

Don’t read ahead in the script if you don’t want to be spoiled on what the Devil is really wearing!


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Piranhaconda (Review)

Piranhaconda

piranhaconda
2012
Written by Mike MacLean
Concept by J. Brad Wilke
Directed by Jim Wynorski

This won $20,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos!

Piranhaconda is like a mix of SyFy meets the softcore bikini film. Elements of both merge together while director Jim Wynorski returns to his favorite stomping ground of Hawaii. Thankfully, we don’t have a rehash of the Curse of the Komodo/Komodo vs Cobra/A.I. Assault script, and instead have something wholly new. While parts of it may not work, overall Piranhaconda isn’t terrible and gives enough death and destruction to knock it into mid-tier SyFy creature feature region.

Piranhaconda comes from the period where SyFy had begun to run low on monsters that exist in nature/mythology and needed to just combine fierce animals together to create new horrors. Sharktopus is the one that started this trend, which has expanded to include animal/natural disaster hybrids.

piranhaconda

This is a preview video only! Get the full movie with Membership Access of Creatures Sliming Babes.com, only $9.95/mo recurring!


Piranhaconda doesn’t waste time trying to come up with a fantastical origin of the creatures, it just throws out a line or two about how the monsters have always been there and just hibernate a lot. They even grab a supernatural name for their creature – Kepolo, a Polynesian river devil. In reality, the origin of the creatures does not matter, what matters is if things are a grand ol’ time while all the monster action is happening.

Let’s get this out of the way right now. Piranhaconda is a gigantic dong that slithers through the grass and attacks its prey, often spewing goo over the chest of female characters. I think we’ve moved a bit beyond subtext here into hilarity. The two Piranhacondas don’t like each other very well, which isn’t surprising considering what they represent, but they’ve also mated and dropped dozens and dozens of eggs. Throw that into the fake film being a slasher film, which have their own phallic symbols going on, and things reveal themselves nicely. So, yeah. Piranhaconda!

piranhaconda

When we put our heads together…it hurts!


Rose (Terri Ivens) – A producer concerned with work and handling the difficult actress on her film. Figures out all the dumb stuff Lovegrove is doing that’s endangering everyone.
Jack (Rib Hillis) – Jack and Rose, huh? I guess their hearts did go on! A stunt guy with the hots for Rose, Jack helps save the day while avoiding dating Kimmy.
Professor Robert Lovegrove (Michael Madsen) – A herpatologist who has spent his life studying the piranhacondas that killed his dad, and has finally proved they exist just in time to set them loose on a killing spree. What a nice guy!
Kimmy Weston (Shandi Finnessey) – Famous b-movie actress, known for the line “Suck lead, you hillbilly buttnugget!” Shandi Finnessey is very convincing on playing the spoiled brat, adding a charm to the role a lesser actress wouldn’t know what to do with.
Pike (Michael Swan) – Leader of the random heavily armed gang who kidnap several of the characters for “ransom”, despite being so weirdly incompetent their game plant makes little sense.
Talia (Rachel Hunter ) – Female member of the random heavily armed gang who sort of has a thing with Pike. Is one of the smarter members, which means she dies quick so everyone else can do dumb things
Piranhacondas (CGI) – A monster who chomps lots of people and pumps out dozens of eggs in between long hibernation cycles. Also goes in long quests for eggnapped eggs. Piranhacondas can even takes down helicopters. The origin of Kepolo, a Polynesian river devil. Like the creatures in Flying Monkeys, a mythological creature from another culture becomes a star in a Western film with a quick name change for how culture in the West would call them. There are hundreds of awesome monsters in cultural myths from around the globe, enough SyFy could make films for decades just on them alone.

piranhaconda

This happens every day on the 101-N


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Jim Wynorski lands on Kickstarter for Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre!

Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre
[adrotate banner=”1″]In our continuing quest to post some Kickstarters I bookmarked while making fun of a certain uncool news site’s Kickstarter, up comes Jim Wynorski and Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre, coproduced by Polyscope Media Group out of Indiana. The title is something that seems destined to trend on Twitter when it airs on SyFy. Not only that, but Sharkansas features one of the top ten freakiest sharks, Helicoprion! Oddly enough, Jim and Fred Olen Ray did not conspire to both be on Kickstarter at the same time, it’s just an amazing coincidence!

Sharks on land! Hunting victims from just below the earth’s surface! Yes, you heard that right….prehistoric sharks are on the attack in Arkansas. And a shapely work gang from the women’s prison there suddenly find themselves at the center of the terrifying situation. A local fracking crew has accidently cracked open a section of the earth’s mantle, allowing a swarm of prehistoric land sharks to head upwards from an underground ocean in search of new victims. So after a suspenseful escape, the five gorgeous prisoners find themselves not only on the run from the law…but a horde of blood thirsty hell bent creatures as well. Trapped in a remote fishing cabin hundreds of miles from civilization, the curvy quintet must use both their wits and wiles to elude the jaws of death swimming just outside in the front yard. You’ll meet Honey, a fiery spinner armed with a smokin’ pair of .38s. Standing close by is her lover Anita, at once both sexy and psychotic. Shannon is the sweet, girl-next-door type…that is if you happen to live next door to a mental institution. Michelle is the girl from the ghetto, street-wise and savvy beyond her years. And finally there’s Sarah, the demolition expert; she’ll blow your mind if you get too close!

Sounds like much of the process is already figured out, they just need some moolah to finance the production. So if you are a fan of women prisoners battling prehistoric sharks, then you know what to do!

Official Site
Kickstarter

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Pleasure Spa

Pleasure Spa


2013
Written by Tim Sabo
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

Pleasure Spa
This ain’t how you meditate!

Jim Wynorski gives us another Cinemax softcore role in the hay with Pleasure Spa! While sometimes Wynorski’s softcore films are creative (Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders), other times we get what looks to be a film scrambled together with funds leftover from other films (also known as this film!) For Pleasure Spa, the usual small budget is even tinier, and every location is at the same house, though there is the occasional effort made to try to make us think we’re somewhere else. Let’s just ignore that the front desk scenes are obviously shot in the kitchen. And police captains have offices that resemble a home office in a spare bedroom. Luckily it’s a pretty nice house, allowing for a lot of room variety, and has a pool, a waterfall feature, and a tennis court! I wonder if this was rented from the owner, or if it is a place you can pick up relatively cheap in the aftermath of the housing crash. Heck, maybe it’s Jim’s house!

As an odd feature, there is a random scene in Pleasure Spa that cranks up the creativity and hints more could be going on. But it’s not dwelt on at all, so in the end it just becomes a random aside that makes the rest of the film look even poorer. There are the classic Jim Wynorski camera angles that emphasize certain characters’ ample…gifts. We do have the familiar Wynorski music by Roobie Breastnut, including fan favorite PuSSy PuSSy BaNG BaNG (capitalization according to YouTube standards.)

Pleasure Spa
And suddenly everyone watching at home forgives the lack of budget…

But, you say, who watches these films for the plots? It’s all about the skin game. While I agree that is the case for 99% of the audience, sometimes I want a little meat with my potatoes. And though some of these softcore films have a surprising amount to say, Pleasure Spa doesn’t expand from its small boundaries. What little it does say has been said many times before by better speakers. It also keeps me from typing up eight paragraphs about how this is an allegory about the Spanish Civil War. It turns out the only advantage is the skin game. Speaking of which, let’s go to the Roll Call:

Dusty (Cynthia Lucas) – The boss of the Happy Endings spa, which is not only a massage parlor, but a massage parlor where everyone gets a happy ending. It’s called truth in advertising, people!
Shelly (Brandin Rackley) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings. A sadist at heart. Not too fond of doing desk duty.
Lucky (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
Cammi (Raven Alexis) – The receptionist at Happy Endings, but not adverse to putting on her work uniform and massaging clients herself. Her work uniform being no clothes.
Anita (Reena Sky) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
Candy Conners (Heather Vandeven) – The new girl who is hired during the course of the film. Her uncle is Mayor Carl Sloane.
Mike Mathis (Frankie Cullen) – Cop who frequents Happy Endings, and gets his partner Tommy Hall hooked on the parlor as well. This is bad, as it’s their job to bust the place! Frankie Cullen appears in this “new” film because it was filmed before he retired from these films in 2011.
Tommy Hall (Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy.
Client Number 1 (T.J. Cummings) – Client of Happy Endings who comes pretty regularly, and doesn’t seem to understand police tape. Has no real name so I just made one up.
Captain Crane (Michael Swan) – Police captain who just wants to bust that darn Happy Endings because he hates them. Hates hates hates hates hates them!
Mayor Carl Sloane (???) – Mayor Sloane has an unusually close relationship with his niece, which seems to result from his rather liberal views on sexuality.
Pleasure Spa
It’s true, island biogeography can be applied to mountain tops, isolated valleys, even fenced off yards!

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Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders

Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders


2011
Written by Steve Goldenberg
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders
With a Double-D for an extra dose of killing you Deadd!

The tagline for Aliens vs. Predators was “Whoever wins, we lose!” One could argue that the tagline for Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders could be “Whoever wins, we win!” Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders is another of the late night Cinemax classics that gave the network the nickname Skinimax. It’s also another feature from fab B-movie director Jim Wynorski (here directed as Sam Pepperman!) Wynorski never shines so bright as when he’s directing smut, and Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders is filled with camera tricks and creative narrative editing that you rarely see in cheaply made farce. It also makes a lot of his SyFy fare look bland by comparison.

Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders is a fun tale that’s about as realistic as those before-mentioned SyFy flicks. The Scholastic Hottie of the Year Contest is set up as some sort of reality show-styled event – but without cameras capturing all the action. Don’t worry, the film makes up for it with Angie’s narration, explaining everything as we go and even commenting upon action happening onscreen. The light-hearted tone help make BCxLC merry entertainment. I admit I don’t watch as much of Wynorski’s flicks as others, but his softcore films are often lively and witty. And believe me, we’ve seen some boring stinkers!

Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders
Check out my levitation powers!

From the B-movie Vs. title, we know that things will be treated with a sense of humor. BCxLC lampoons the cutthroat world of reality tv shows and pageant contests by displaying all the bribing, back stabbing, and general bitterness that goes on. But because we know it’s all a fantasy, it’s okay to end things on a high note. While being a mirror, it isn’t a broken mirror, and luckily BCxLC keeps itself separated from heading into dark territory.

Visual candy includes character pages, biographies, repeated breaking of the fourth wall, picture within picture for commentary, a laugh track, flashbacks and flashsideways, and answers to what happens to our heroes after the big event. The underwater camera usage is rare itself for these low budget flicks (though I think a few older, higher budgeted productions have used it before), and it increases the quality tenfold. While many of these films can begin to blur together (both due to repeated use of actresses, sets, and even tone), anything that helps distinguish is good. If BCxLC shows up on your late night cable TV schedule and you aren’t completely tired yet, it’s worth checking out.

Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders
Directly ripped off from Aliens vs. Predators

Angie (Angie Savage) – Our narrator and hostess for our journey into the battle between Busty Coeds and Lusty Cheerleaders. A battle that is often fought with lashed tongues, torn clothing, and panting bodies. Angie weaves a tale of deception and lies as the contestants battle it out to reign supreme…and also to get it on many many many times!
Marla Mounds (Jamie Michelle Hunter as Jaime Hunter) – Angie’s biggest competition, though she often just plays the sweet innocent girl who doesn’t seem like she’d backstab anyone…and doesn’t, unless it’s playing backstab defense against more notorious backstabbing!
Tiffany Nightsprings (Kylee Nash) – Tiffany’s dad is super rich and bribed everyone to get her where she is, but bribes only go so far…or do they???
Candice Connors (Charlie Laine) – Not the brightest of bulbs, but has a good heart. Like Marla, she often fades to the background, though her character doesn’t hang out with Angie as much as Marla does.
Miss Abby Meyers (Melessia Hayden) – Miss Meyes runs the competition and makes sure everything is above board. Which means daily bust measurements and pole dancing competitions. Like all scholastic competitions, especially the ACT!
Chet (Frankie Cullen) – One of handymen Miss Meyes hired to help out around the camp, because the gigantic camp with hardly any people in it would really have so many problems that it requires two full-time handymen… Is a killer piano player.
Bull (T.J. Cummings) – The other handyman hired. He likes Candice, at least he tells her as much.
Janet (Heather Vandeven) – Girl hired by Angie to get dirt to blackmail Dean Martin. Does an excellent job.
Tiffany’s Dad (G. Gordon Baer) – Rich father who attempts to bribe an manipulate the contest more towards his daughter’s favor.
Dean Martin (“Billy Chappell”) – Oh…that guy.
Girl in car (Glori-Anne Gilbert) – One of the two replacement judges sent by Tiffany’s father. Is amused at life, getting lost, the forest, and the very young stud she’s driving around with. Good attitude!
Guy in car (???) – This guy looks straight out of high school, but he’s a replacement judge and just ends up getting it one with Glori-Ann Gilbert in the forest instead. I have no clue who played him.
Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders
SHHH! Don’t tell anyone the shocking ending of Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders!

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