Category Archives: Ugly

Stalked By My Doctor (Review)

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Stalked By My Doctor

Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
2015
Written and directed by Doug Campbell
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
The last Lifetime Original Movie of 2015 turned out to be one of the best! Stalked By My Doctor takes the standard creepy stalker narrative and gives us Eric Roberts as the stalk doc, and he knocks it out of the freaking park! Sometimes Roberts is wasted by directors who don’t know what to do with him, but the man loves to work and he is fantastic at playing unhinged characters, and delivers a performance to remember as Dr. Albert Beck. Dr. Beck is one of the most talented and famous heart surgeons in the world, but he can’t get women to give him a second date. Or even finish the first date, as he usually creeps them out by demanding marriage and them quitting their jobs so they can raise his kids in a foreign country. Dr. Beck doesn’t take rejection lightly, throwing fits of various degrees that usually result in damage to trash in alleyways, but occasionally cause huge scenes in restaurants where dozens of people witness him screaming at his latest date as she tries to escape.

The breakdown scenes with Dr. Beck unleashing his frustration as to why no one will love him are amazing. He’s convinced he’s a doctor, he’s a catch, he’s worthy of love, but is unable to see how he presents himself to the women, so he blames them for his struggles. He’s delusional, and the fantasies begin to creep into his reality, causing him to lose track of time. Despite this, he’s very good at keeping his cover of being an eminent heart surgeon and a respectable doctor. Things change when his latest obsession appears, brought into the ER one fateful night…
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
Sophie Green (Brianna Chomer is your typical high school senior, complete with a jock boyfriend, ethnic best friend, and admission to her number one college choice. But her idiot boyfriend, Ryan (Carson Boatman), has a hobby of texting while driving. This has already lead to a fender bender, and now it leads to a serious auto accident where both of them are ambulanced to the hospital. Ryan has a broken leg (and goodbye football scholarship!), while Sophie has a rip jamming her heart and needs surgery, fast. Dr. Beck is there to save the day, and to become enamored with Sophie. Bloody women with major medical problems are such a turn on for creepsters!
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
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The Last Gunfight (Review)

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The Last Gunfight

aka 暗黒街の対決 aka Ankokugai no taiketsu
暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
1960
Written by Shin’ichi Sekizawa
Based on the book Chi no Wana by Haruhiko Oyabu
Directed by Kihachi Okamoto
暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Last Gunfight is basically Toshiro Mifune coming to a town besieged by warring yakuza and taking them all down in that time honored fashion that we all know and love from various samurai, western, and yakuza movies.

Detective Saburo Fujioka (Toshiro Mifune) is accused of corruption and transferred to Kojin, a city run rampant with crime. Fujioka inserts himself in the middle of the city’s gang troubles, and we don’t know initially his motives, which gives him a sort of Man with No Name vibe. He gets into several fights by way of not saying much of anything while figuring out the lay of the gangs, seemingly showing that the best way to know these enemies is to make them start fights with you. He does most of this without bothering to tell the Kojin police anything that he is doing.
暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Ooka gang is the one causing much of the problems in the city. Kyuzaburo Ooka (Seizaburo Kawazu) doesn’t follow the unwritten rules of honor for yakuza gangs, leading to strife with factions like the Kozukas. But Ooka does know how to throw money and violence around, meaning his slices of the pie keep getting bigger without all that honor stuff holding him back. Kozuka’s group represents the status quo, but their old fashion rules threaten to leave them in the dustbin of history as Ooka gains more and more territory. Kozuka believes in the old way of the yakuza having a sort of honor (let’s leave the arguments about the realities of this romanticized view aside for now) and tells a tale about how he spent money fixing the sewage system of the town at a loss just to help the people, and Ooka predictably mocks him for that.
暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
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Double Daddy (Review)

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Double Daddy

Double Daddy
2015
Story by Alan Donahue
Screenplay by Barbara Kymlicka
Directed by Lee Friedlander
Double Daddy
A teenage boy knocks up not one, but two separate teenage girls. No, this isn’t an episode of Jerry Springer, it’s the Lifetime Channel! Double Daddy is the name, and if you guessed that one of the teenage girls was a crazy stalker, you get double gold stars! This film has all the makings of a kooky classic, but stops just short of greatness. Instead, we’ll have to settle for some ridiculous cheese, social media goofiness, and a gold digger who is ever in search of the ultimate selfie.

Popular kid Connor (Cameron Palatas) is throwing the ultimate high school bash right before the start of senior year, and he’s chug-a-lugged full of beers. His girlfriend Amanda (Mollee Gray) has been away all summer earning money for college, which is bad for him and bad for her, as Heather (Brittany Curran) also as her eyes on Connor, and manages to get him into his dad’s Mercedes and out of his clothes. Despite being drunk as a skunk, Connor does tell her “no” a few times, meaning he is basically raped in this scene. The movie doesn’t address that at all, Connor can barely remember anything, and Heather’s plan was to get knocked up and land herself a rich sugar daddy, so she’s not going to reveal the truth.
Double Daddy
As the school year starts, Amanda is back in town and excited to finally see Connor, who is distracted for some odd reason… Amanda is less than thrilled that strange girl Heather is saying “Hi” to Connor in the halls, and even less thrilled when Heather posts a selfie of Connor and her in the Mercedes online. This being high school, the photo spreads like wildfire, and quickly followed by the next one, a photo of Heather and a positive pregnancy test. As an aside, during one of the many selfies she takes, she puts the pregnancy test in her mouth. Ewwww! Connor has to admit his infidelity and now he is single.
Double Daddy
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Caught (Review)

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Caught

Caught
2015
Written by Marcy Holland
Directed by Maggie Kiley
Anna Camp Caught
Two characters from True Blood kidnap a girl from the Jem movie as a prank, but soon one dumb thing snowballs into a bunch of bad choices and horrible consequences spiraling all over the place. It all adds up to a great little Lifetime flick that deserves a bigger audience. Really, films like this are one of the reasons why I subject myself to the constant stream of Lifetime movies, there is always nuggets of gold hidden in the mountains of madness.

Allie (Stefanie Scott) is a track star, but things aren’t going her way. She’ failing history, so she’s off the team. She’s a busy waitress who gets tips that just say “HOPELESS”. Her mom is also broke and taking up extra waitressing shifts as well. Allie has a boyfriend, who is much older than her and she rarely gets to seem him. Her mother disapproves because the guy is so old. But the end of a bad day becomes worse when she is kidnapped!
Caught
Sisters Sabrina (Anna Camp) and Paige (Amelia Rose Blaire) are the kidnappers, who tie her up, blindfold her, threaten her, and lock her in an attic. The pair are ecstatic and full of giggles once away from her. Sabrina is the more danger seeking, Paige a bit more reserved and level-headed, talking Sabrina down when she tries to get creative on how to torture Allie a bit more before letting her go. Sabrina is miffed that Allie is sleeping with her husband, and this is to warn her off. Suddenly said husband Justin (Sam Page) comes home. He was supposed to be away on a business trip, so uh-oh!
Caught
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Online Abduction (Review)

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Online Abduction

aka Cyber Case
Online Abduction
2015
Written by Caron Tschampion
Directed by Steven R. Monroe
Online Abduction
Just when you thought it was safe to go online, Lifetime is back again for the umpteenth time to remind you that THE INTERNET WILL KILL YOU!!!! Or at least abduct your small children, as the unfortunate Fletcher family experiences thanks to their not removing their location tracking features on the social media they continuously update like a Skinner rat pushing buttons for food. Online Abduction starts out looking like teenage Isabel Fletcher is going to be the one who gets abducted, but it turns out to be her 3 year old half-brother, Tommy. Things go all Gone Girl with a serious investigation that begins to escalate as it looks less like Tommy just wandered off and more like he was snatched. But Isabel has an idea, to use the power of lax privacy settings on social media as a weapon instead of a vulnerability, and track down the abductors. Will Tommy be saved?

Online Abduction features one of my favorite thing of Lifetime movies, fake social media sites! We got fake Instagram called InstaQuik, and a warped version of Facebook called FaceChatter. Also something called Twitter. Sadly, none of the fake Twitter accounts used that I checked are actual Twitter accounts.
Online Abduction
Isabel Fletcher (Brooke Butler) spends all her time online, despite sarcastic comments from her real estate agent mom, Jackie (Natalia Livingston), who also spends a lot of time online. Jackie recently had a son with her new husband, Matt (David Chokachi), who Isabel seems to resent now that he has his own kid to raise (despite her taking his name?) Isabel ditches them to go out and party and get drunk and meet boys like every 16 year old, bonding with skater kid Jeremy (Matthew Ziff).
Online Abduction
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Girl Missing (Review)

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Girl Missing

aka Forgotten
Girl Missing
2015
Written by Philip Fracassi
Directed by Joel Soisson
Girl Missing
Girl Missing is another Lifetime flick featuring dangerous family secrets and a woman in trouble. Is there an evil man? Of course! There is also murder and a mystery child, and even a bit of atmosphere. It suffers from having few enough characters that the obvious outcome stands out too easily, though the actors try to make up for it by giving great performances.

A young girl is found wandering the forest with no memories of where she came from. 15 years later, she’s turned into Francesca Eastwood and is known as Jane (as in Jane Doe, I’m guessing!), and is a struggling artist collection rejections from galleries and living with her childhood orphan friend, Finch. Things change when she gets a letter about a possible parent match.
Girl Missing
Meets her “mom”, Sylvia Knowles, and both of them are all smiles and giggles over the objections of the case worker, Gwen, who points out the DNA test hasn’t even come back yet. No bother, Jane agrees to go visit Sylvia for the weekend, Sylvia convinced she is her missing daughter, Savannah.

It turns out Sylvia is loaded. As in billionaire loaded. And Jane/Savannah’s dad is dead from suicide, Sylvia having married the charming Carlo in the intervening years. If you sense some sort of twisted inheritance plot coming up, congratulations! Besides the obvious direction that turns, Jane occasionally spies a young girl running around the estate. The girl is played by the same actress that played young Jane, and we skirt across spooky right to psychological, as she’s the manifestation of Jane’s missing memories.
Girl Missing
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