The Bride He Bought Online
PRANKED!!! You got so pranked!
Lifetime brings us an amazing tale of pranking gone wrong, internet danger, guy who goes nuts, and teen girls stuffed in trunks! The Bride He Bought Online is pure, concentrated Lifetime amazement that raises the bar for their original movies. It’s not really that much of a surprise, for not only is this a Lifetime movies superstar writer Christine Conradt script, she also directs it! Conradt clearly knew she had to up her game, and blasted past that goal and then some! We can only hope this is the beginning of a new level of awesome flicks!
It’s high school, and our trio of main girls are concerned with what everyone in high school is concerned with, views on their secret pranking website! Wait, huh? We’ve entered the world of internet prank videos, a genre that has flourished on YouTube despite the fact most of them are terrible and/or totally fake. But, sure, whatever you want to watch is your business, TarsTarkas.NET can’t really judge based on some of the films we’ve reviewed!
Avery Lindstrom (Anne Winters) is the nice girl who is so done with pranking and is thinking about her future, she also serves as a bookend narrator. Mandy Kim (Lauren Gaw) once was overweight and unpopular, but is now part of the cool squad and desperately wants to stay there. She is starting to have some moral objections to the non-stop pranks, but let’s Kaley push her around. Kaley Mack (Annalisa Cochrane) is attractive, popular, and is the driving force behind the secret prank website. She’s the reason the other two are popular at school, and schemes up the latest and greatest pranks in her quest for social media love.
“We need content. Content equals followers.” – Mandy
“And followers equals?” -Avery
“Everything!” – Kaley
A small while ago, Lifetime hit us with the hilariously titled Double Daddy, about a guy who knocked up two girls, one of which was troubled but also the character you started cheering for even when she became a murderer. In that spirit they are back with Double Mommy, but, no, it’s not about a girl who knocks up two other girls, it’s about a girl who is pregnant with twins, except they each have a different dad. Also one of the dads raped her! Wait, what??? Also the clear his name of being a rapist, he’s going to kill the pregnant girl? This is ridiculous, this is crazy, this is Lifetime!
After taking a break for the summer before their senior year, Ryan and Jess rekindle their relationship, and find out that Jess is pregnant with twins. When Ryan’s mother demands a paternity test, they find out that Ryan is only the father of one baby… The other father is Ryan’s best friend Bryce, who Ryan discovers date raped Jess at a party over the summer. With college recruiters and an overbearing father looming over Bryce’s head, he will stop at nothing to make sure that he clears his name–even if it means getting rid of Jess and her babies!
Double Mommy stars Morgan Obenreder (Mormon for a Month), Mark Grossman (Break-Up Nightmare), Griffin Freeman (Sugar Daddies), David Starzyk (Bring It On: Fight to the Finish), Bruce Boxleitner (Snakehead Terror) It’s written by veteran double drama writer Barbara Kymlicka (Double Daddy!) and directed by Doug Campbell (Stalked by My Doctor)
Double Mommy premieres Saturday, March 18th on Lifetime!
It’s Mommy Madness Marathon for Lifetime, with two movies with “Mommy” in the title for lots of Lifetime fun. Besides Mommy’s Little Boy, we also have Double Mommy (hence why they’re not calling it a Double Mommy Weekend!), and both of these films are sequels in spirit to prior Lifetime movies with similar titles and creative teams! Mommy’s Little Boy gets our interest because it’s written by Christine Conradt, who writes so many awesome Lifetime flicks that I can’t even begin to list them all! She’s the person we write about the most when it comes to Lifetime movies, and for good reason, because she’s awesome! This means Mommy’s Little Boy will be packed with all sorts of twists and turns and crazy craziness that makes Lifetime original movies so amazing and unique!
When ten-year-old Eric’s older brother Max drowns, Eric’s mother Briana takes the death of her favorite son especially hard and spirals into a dark depression. Eric, already haunted guilt over not saving Max and desperate for attention, begins spending time with the family of his baseball coach Michael. When, in a drunken rage, Briana commits a fatal crime, she decides to take Eric and hit the road. Discovering he’s about to be ripped away from his surrogate family, Eric takes a stand against his mother and enlists the help of the person he trusts most–Michael.
Mommy’s Little Boy stars Bree Williamson (Sins of the Preacher ), Peter DaCunha (Home Alone: The Holiday Heist), Paul Popowic (Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return), Sebastian Pigott (Roxy Hunter and the Mystery of the Moody Ghost), Natalie Lisinska (Sorority Surrogate), and Allison Graham (A Nanny’s Secret) It’s directed by Curtis Crawford (all the Lifetime _____ they Met Online movies)
Mommy’s Little Boy premieres Saturday, March 18th on Lifetime!
After you are done being all infidel, it’s time for Lifetime to get even more dangerous and more educational with Deadly Lessons! It’s so Lifetime it hurts, with an evil man being totally evil! Shockingly, a girl quitting school and marrying a shady older mystery professor turns out to be a bad idea when he goes all murder on her! Whoops! Hope she didn’t fail her self-defense class! If women didn’t marry creepy older guys with shady pasts, we wouldn’t have so many Lifetime movies!
Romanced by a charismatic professor, a college girl quits school to run away with and marry him. While her mother tries to convince her to come home, she slowly learns that he is a controlling husband with a shady past… and soon realizes that if she were to leave him he would kill her.
The important thing is Deadly Lessons is directed by David DeCoteau! Yes, A Talking Cat!?! David DeCoteau! Huzzah! It’s written by Eve Holdway and Taj Nagaoka, and is the only credit for either of them. Deadly Lessons stars Christie Burson (Dirty Little Trick), Sammi Barber (The Haunted House on Kirby Road), Ryan Scott Greene (Vendetta: No Conscience, No Mercy), James Dean (Witness Protection ), Cedric De Souza (Holiday in Handcuffs), and Katherine Slingsby (Bridal Wave)
Deadly Lessons premieres Saturday, February 25th on Lifetime!
Lifetime has so many movies in its backlog it is doubling up again, we got a two-fer premier this week, with Infidelity in Suburbia followed by Deadly Lessons! Infidelity in Suburbia takes the whole bored housewife having an affair thing to a whole new level, when the guy decides to build a secret prison inside her own house to kidnap her! Holy cats, that’s some nice morphing of various Lifetime plots into something ridiculous. If the film is as fun as the premise, it will be pretty cool!
Infidelity in Suburbia follows the story of Laura (Sarah Butler) who decides to take on a home renovation project to cure her boredom while her husband is at work and son is at school. Sparks fly between her and her contractor Vince (Marcus Rosner), and he soon fulfills Laura’s forbidden dreams. But when Laura decides to end their affair, Vince’s builds a secret room in Laura’s home where he can keep her all to himself.
Infidelity in Suburbia stars Sarah Butler (Nightmare Nurse), Marcus Rosner (Framed for Murder: A Fixer Upper Mystery), Peter Benson (Britney Ever After), Arlo Hajdu (The Flash), Miranda Frigon (Stonados), and Jay Hindle (Hearts of Christmas) It’s written by Christie Will (Baby Boot Camp, but she also directed A Cookie Cutter Christmas) and is directed by David Winning (Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie)
Infidelity in Suburbia premieres Saturday, February 25th on Lifetime!
Lifetime is bringing the porn biopics to tv, a genre I didn’t think they would start covering, but here we are. From Straight A’s to XXX(originally titled just From Straight A’s, but Lifetime knows that we want XXX!) is the story of a college student who made extra money as a porn star until everyone on campus found out and then started acting like jerks who totally weren’t downloading all her films the second they came out. Let’s see, she’s Miriam Weeks who worked under the stage name Belle Knox, now let’s totally innocently Google her name at work and OMG I’m totally fired again! Damn you, Lifetime! Somehow this is your fault and not my own…
Inspired by a true story, “From Straight A’s to XXX” tells the story of Miriam Weeks (Haley Pullos, “General Hospital”), a college freshman at Duke University who turns to porn in order to pay for her tuition expenses. But when a male student discovers who she is and exposes her secret, Miriam is faced with an onslaught of death threats and cyber-bullying. The film also stars Judd Nelson (“The Breakfast Club”), Sasha Clements (“Majority Rules!”) and Jessica Lu (“Awkward”).
Huh, I guess it isn’t another Vin Diesel XXX movie. That’s a positive in my book!
From Straight A’s to XXX stars Haley Pullos(The Misadventures of the Dunderheads), Judd Nelson(The Transformers: The Movie), Imali Perera(November Christmas), Peter Graham-Gaudreau(Pumpkin Pie Wars), Garrett Black(Distortion), Jessica Lu(Skirtchasers), and Jacky Lai(Silent Hill: Revelation 3D). It’s directed by Vanessa Parise (#PopFan) and written by Anne-Marie Hess (Britney Ever After)
From Straight A’s to XXX premieres Saturday, February 11th on Lifetime!