Posts tagged "John Heard"

Sharknado

Sharknado

Sharknado
2013
Written by Thunder Levin
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Sharknado

Helen Hunt, where are you??


Before it even aired on SyFY, Sharknado was making waves. First spotted as a film poster, Sharknado would make periodic social media resurfaces as more and more people saw the poster for the first time. The image of the sharks swirling in the tornado, with the tagline “Enough Said!”, was enough to send everyone’s lips a-talkin’ and smartphones a-tweetin’.

And lo, it came to pass that Sharknado did air on SyFy. An event film, it became a social media sensation, though the ratings failed to live up to the hype. How much was just people thinking they were too good to watch, and how much was the lamented switch to new SyFy movies on Thursday, I cannot say. But saw Sharknado I did, and thus, now we shall all learn about the Sharknado!

Sharknado

Duck Hunt world champion!


Sharknado laughs in the face of your physics and logic, presenting a world where a Mexican hurricane causes massive shark gatherings off the coast of LA, which are then sucked into water spouts and unleashed on the city, but not before random flooding causes sharks to be swimming in the streets, the sewers, back yard pools, and increasingly in higher ground. LA is as prepared for sharkmageddon as it is for being invaded by alien butts, thus no one has evacuated or even leaves the beach as terrible weather comes in.

Through it all, we follow surfing legend Finly “The Fin” Shepard, as he attempts to save his children and ex-wife from the swarms of sharks. Fin wasn’t always there for his family, but he’s there now, and has to mend the wounds while avoiding shark wounds. The journey is also an excuse to explain whey they just don’t hole up at the top of a tall building until the storm passes. Fin is also a guy who can’t leave lots of innocent people to die, so at times he goes and risks his life to save strangers. At one point this literally stops the film as he saves a busload of kids. But it’s nice to see a hero do heroic things and think of others, and not see people as just collateral damage for his conflict.

Sharknado

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


Sharknado saves the actual sharknado for the end of the film, before that it is just a glorified flooding shark attack movie. But the title does appear (3 of them!) and there is some sharknado destruction and gifable images. But I’m greedy and always demand more more more. While the carnage and death is fine, I can see why some people are disappointed.
Sharknado

Army of Sharkness!


But Sharknado is a wonderland of references and crazy stuff. It also has some odd parallels with Pacific Rim (at least three scenes) though they would be totally independent, as the Asylum version is called Atlantic Rim. Sharknado has references to Wizard of Oz, 90210, Shark Week, Jaws, Crocodile Dundee, and many more. It also features such wonderful shark battles as:

  • pool stick vs shark
  • barstool vs shark
  • oxygen tank vs shark
  • bookshelf vs shark
  • lamp vs shark
  • power lines vs shark
  • exploding swimming pool vs sharks
  • pistols vs shark
  • chainsaw vs shark

Sharknado

I’ll teach you to use that Shark Attack 3 line on my teenage daughter!


I liked it, it wasn’t the best Asylum production, but it was enough to satisfy my SyFy cravings. And what other movie would brave a title like Sharknado?

Fin (Ian Ziering) – Finly “The Fin” Shepard is a surfing legend and also owns the bar. Has an ex-wife and two almost adult children that he never talks about. He’s also a chainsaw legend, if what we see in the film is to be believed. Fin will risk everything to save people, because he’s good like that.
April Wexler (Tara Reid) – Fin’s ex-wife who isn’t that fond of him, though things seem to be getting better by the end of the film.
Claudia (Aubrey Peeples) – Fin’s teenager daughter who is mad at her dad for never being there for her. He makes up for it by being there for her.
Nova (Cassie Scerbo) – Fin’s waitress, who hates sharks, hates her past, even hates her real name. Is sort of crushing on Fin, though seems to transfer all that to Matt by the end of the film, as Matt is actually her age. Nova tells a tale of a boat crash that resulted in everyone dying by shark except her.
George (John Heard) – A retired surfing legend turned barfly at Fin’s bar, because he’s got nothing else going on.
Matt (Chuck Hittinger) – Fin’s son who is in flight school, and comes up with the bombing the sharknado plan. Luckily, being at flight school prepares you for difficult helicopter flying into massive storms.
Sharknado (CGI) – Many sharks, many winds, many teeth. Enough said!

Sharknado

Hey, it’s a SHARK TANK!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 15, 2013 at 1:09 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Uwe Boll exploits Occupy anger in Assault on Wall Street!


I’ll have to break my unofficial ban on giving Uwe Boll attention to talk about his new movie. Because even though the recent financial apocalypse has a large deal to do with the banks doing whatever they can to make buckets of money while the world burns around them, there has been very little repercussions against said bankers (or banksters!) Not only that, but the media rarely even gives lip service to what a lot of the incredibly rich did, partially because the incredibly rich hold a lot of sway in said media companies. So when the whole Occupy movement first sprung up it was an amazing thing, an actual grassroots movement not astroturfed by millionaires on FoxNews. Of course, it was disorganized and quickly fizzled out due to the lack of organization and focus (part of the problem was they did want there to be any leaders of the movement, which meant everyone tried to pull Occupy to whatever cause they cared about most!)

Even the recent election had a whole rich vs. poor mentality, particularly when Mitt Romney was recorded saying that 47% of the country just lived off the government and thought they were entitled to things like food. The best result ever was when Mitt Romney finished with 47% of the popular vote. But that rich vs. poor divide has not gone away, and the gap between the wealthy 1% and the rest of America continues to grow. Billionaires are now funding SuperPACs and blasting the airwaves with ads for politicians they are literally buying, and the next election will only get worse. There is room for another round of protests and movements, and one will probably happen some day.

But until then, we go as we always do, to the world of cinema, where directors are waiting in the wings to exploit the latest news and trends for their own films. And German filmmaker Uwe Boll is not one to shy away from making a film about controversial subjects. Thus we get Assault on Wall Street, a film featuring a guy in a knockoff Anonymous mask gunning down offices full of bankers and sniping the rich.

A security guard for an armored truck, Jim (Dominic Purcell) is a blue-collar New Yorker who works hard to earn a living. His wages support himself and his wife Rosie (Erin Karpluk), who is on the upswing recovering from a near-fatal illness. Yet things start to fall apart after Rosie’s health insurance stops covering her treatment and Jim’s life savings are lost via a disastrous investment his stockbroker had advised him to make. As a row of professional and personal dominoes falls, Jim is confronted by the realization that, after being abused and exploited by financial institutions for far too long, he has only one choice: to strike back. From the mind of notorious German writer/director Uwe Boll (House of the Dead), Assault on Wall Street is excoriating look at the American financial system that is sure to stir up plenty of Occupy-esque sentiment.

Assault on Wall Street

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - April 8, 2013 at 2:05 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , ,

September Morn is the 9-11 Truther film your tin foil hat asked for!

September Morn
From the Loose Change Dept.

If you are one of those people who questions how steel could possibly melt because it’s mad of metal and see massive conspiracies in the marshmallows of Lucky Charms, then September Morn is the film for you! As the official press says:

We the people demand that the government revisit and initiates a thorough and independent investigation to the tragic events of 911. In the vein of “Twelve Angry Men” this dramatic piece is set with a stellar and award winning cast.

I’ve never seen a drama that made demands before it was even made, but here you go.

The attached stars to September Morn so far are Woody Harrelson, Martin Sheen, Judd Nelson, Esai Morales, Daniel Sunjata, Ed Asner, John Heard, Valerie Harper, Michelle Phillips, Nick Mancuso, and Dick Gregory. Which one of them is going to uncover the conspiracy, I don’t know. I’m putting my money on Valerie Harper. BJ Davis directs and Howard Cohen is writing the script. If BJ Davis sounds familiar, perhaps you remember a little movie called Laser Mission???

September Morn missed out on naming itself 9-11 Angry Men. It also missed out on getting Matt Damon and becoming September Bourne. At least they can still do a Star Trek crossover. Remember, Sisko did 9-11.

via Guardian

Morn DS9

I did 9-11. I did ALLLLL the 9-11s!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,