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Sharknado

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Sharknado

Sharknado
2013
Written by Thunder Levin
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Sharknado

Helen Hunt, where are you??


Before it even aired on SyFY, Sharknado was making waves. First spotted as a film poster, Sharknado would make periodic social media resurfaces as more and more people saw the poster for the first time. The image of the sharks swirling in the tornado, with the tagline “Enough Said!”, was enough to send everyone’s lips a-talkin’ and smartphones a-tweetin’.

And lo, it came to pass that Sharknado did air on SyFy. An event film, it became a social media sensation, though the ratings failed to live up to the hype. How much was just people thinking they were too good to watch, and how much was the lamented switch to new SyFy movies on Thursday, I cannot say. But saw Sharknado I did, and thus, now we shall all learn about the Sharknado!

Sharknado

Duck Hunt world champion!


Sharknado laughs in the face of your physics and logic, presenting a world where a Mexican hurricane causes massive shark gatherings off the coast of LA, which are then sucked into water spouts and unleashed on the city, but not before random flooding causes sharks to be swimming in the streets, the sewers, back yard pools, and increasingly in higher ground. LA is as prepared for sharkmageddon as it is for being invaded by alien butts, thus no one has evacuated or even leaves the beach as terrible weather comes in.

Through it all, we follow surfing legend Finly “The Fin” Shepard, as he attempts to save his children and ex-wife from the swarms of sharks. Fin wasn’t always there for his family, but he’s there now, and has to mend the wounds while avoiding shark wounds. The journey is also an excuse to explain whey they just don’t hole up at the top of a tall building until the storm passes. Fin is also a guy who can’t leave lots of innocent people to die, so at times he goes and risks his life to save strangers. At one point this literally stops the film as he saves a busload of kids. But it’s nice to see a hero do heroic things and think of others, and not see people as just collateral damage for his conflict.

Sharknado

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


Sharknado saves the actual sharknado for the end of the film, before that it is just a glorified flooding shark attack movie. But the title does appear (3 of them!) and there is some sharknado destruction and gifable images. But I’m greedy and always demand more more more. While the carnage and death is fine, I can see why some people are disappointed.
Sharknado

Army of Sharkness!


But Sharknado is a wonderland of references and crazy stuff. It also has some odd parallels with Pacific Rim (at least three scenes) though they would be totally independent, as the Asylum version is called Atlantic Rim. Sharknado has references to Wizard of Oz, 90210, Shark Week, Jaws, Crocodile Dundee, and many more. It also features such wonderful shark battles as:

  • pool stick vs shark
  • barstool vs shark
  • oxygen tank vs shark
  • bookshelf vs shark
  • lamp vs shark
  • power lines vs shark
  • exploding swimming pool vs sharks
  • pistols vs shark
  • chainsaw vs shark

Sharknado

I’ll teach you to use that Shark Attack 3 line on my teenage daughter!


I liked it, it wasn’t the best Asylum production, but it was enough to satisfy my SyFy cravings. And what other movie would brave a title like Sharknado?

Fin (Ian Ziering) – Finly “The Fin” Shepard is a surfing legend and also owns the bar. Has an ex-wife and two almost adult children that he never talks about. He’s also a chainsaw legend, if what we see in the film is to be believed. Fin will risk everything to save people, because he’s good like that.
April Wexler (Tara Reid) – Fin’s ex-wife who isn’t that fond of him, though things seem to be getting better by the end of the film.
Claudia (Aubrey Peeples) – Fin’s teenager daughter who is mad at her dad for never being there for her. He makes up for it by being there for her.
Nova (Cassie Scerbo) – Fin’s waitress, who hates sharks, hates her past, even hates her real name. Is sort of crushing on Fin, though seems to transfer all that to Matt by the end of the film, as Matt is actually her age. Nova tells a tale of a boat crash that resulted in everyone dying by shark except her.
George (John Heard) – A retired surfing legend turned barfly at Fin’s bar, because he’s got nothing else going on.
Matt (Chuck Hittinger) – Fin’s son who is in flight school, and comes up with the bombing the sharknado plan. Luckily, being at flight school prepares you for difficult helicopter flying into massive storms.
Sharknado (CGI) – Many sharks, many winds, many teeth. Enough said!

Sharknado

Hey, it’s a SHARK TANK!


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Grendel (Review)

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Grendel


2007
Directed by Nick Lyon

SciFi Channel is worse than the monsters in the films it continues to pump out at a hypersonic rate. At least in their films, the monster dies at the end after killing off most of the cast. In reality, SciFi Channel cannot be stopped, and no matter how many of their films are taken down, the network remains strong and continues to send its armies against the good people of the world. Whenever the people are in danger, there will always be heroes who rise to the challenge to fight the monsters. Once again, the Dragon Slayers have mobilized to take on a creature sewing destruction upon the lands. In this case, that monster is Grendel, based on the epic poem Beowulf. Based on may be too kind of a word. Grendel shares some of the same character names as Beowulf, and some of the same plot. The details change, a lot. To the point that one wonders if they read the original poem, or even the Cliff Notes. Heck, had they watched the Star Trek Voyager episode about Beowulf they would have been more accurate. Instead, we have some sort of super-crossbow that fires explosive rockets.

A few brief notes on the literary wonder that is Beowulf. With events taking place in the late 5th through early 6th centuries A.D. Beowulf gives a glimpse into a period rich with battles, heroes and epic lore. One of the few surviving epics in Old English it is often referred to as, "The Oldest English Epic". Beloved by scholars it inspired Tolkien (who was an authority on the text) and many another author. It has, surprisingly seen little attention on film, the Christopher Lambert film of the name was a futuristic SciFi piece with little relation to the epic. 2005’s Beowulf & Grendel reworked the source material to tell a moralistic tale with Grendel as a misunderstood primitive. It received mixed reviews (Iain says, "I liked it for the most part"). A motion capture adaptation is to be released in 2007, this appears to be attempting to stick within the vein of epic.

TarsTarkas.NET and FantasyFilmscapes.com are doing another tag-team review. As usual, the opening segment is collaborative, after that, we will be alternating every 15 minutes of film between Tars Tarkas from here and Iain Norman from FantasyFilmscapes.com. Once you have gone through this version of the review, be sure to drop by FantasyFilmscapes.com’s version, with different pictures, different formatting, and plenty of other content on that site as well. Now let’s begin:
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