Battle Beasts

Mexican Bootleg Battle Beasts

Here are a bunch of Mexican Bootleg Battle Beasts that got posted recently on ebay. I won one of the auctions, but in the interest of cataloging all the bootlegs out there, I am posting all the pics for archival purposes. The bootlegs were castes as one unmovable piece (so the arms don’t move) and done in hard plastic (like army soldier toys) At this time, I think it is still unknown just how many Battle Beasts were bootlegged in Mexico. I am adding this to the Battle Beasts section on TarsTarkas.NET.

#2 Deer Stalker

#5 Killer Carp

#10 Roamin’ Buffalo

#44 Eager Beaver (This is the auction I won, so I am the proud owner of this guy!)

#4 Colonel Bird

#32 Humongous Hippo

#13 Gargantuan Gorilla

#1 Pirate Lion

#6 Triple Threat Snake

#41 Run Amuck Duck

#15 Gruesome Gator

#14 Swiney Boar

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 2, 2009 at 5:53 pm

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Battle Beasts are back??

As some of you know, I love Battle Beasts ever since I was a boy. The toyline gets almost no love and nobody remembers them. And now, they will probably be back. At the Comicon, the company that makes the Kubricks toys revealed they got the license and even put up a prototype of a gator! So I guess Battle Beasts will be back, even if it is in a weird form. Well, we did have Gormiti, which are like the spiritual successor of Battle Beasts.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 31, 2009 at 3:31 pm

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Battle Beast Files – Laser Beasts, Part 2

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Laser Beasts, Part II!

Laser Beasts were the next line introduced, which were pretty much only released in Japan (with a few making it to the States or Europe really briefly.) As the propaganda says: “The Laser Beast army is a group of 36 warriors who made Tigerburn their great leader. They develop Battle Machines and Powerful Weapons using modern science!” The Lasers seemed to function as an Evil Horde-style group of second villains with their own motivations, except they weren’t really that evil, just a really old race that got sick of the upstarts screwing around with their planet. Perhaps you shouldn’t have gone underground or where ever you were, Laser Beasts.

Number: 89
Name: Brown Lion
Position: Land Offensive Captain
Weapon Name: Super Commotion Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Lion (Tan w/ Red Armor)
One of Tigerburn’s most loyal friends, Brown Lion commands respect by friends and foes alike. Brown Lion is the ancestor of the House of White Leo, from which Pirate Lion is a member. Members of the House are forbidden to engage in battle, so Pirate Lion and Brown Lion can only stare at each other from across the battlefield, or else they forfeit their right to the royal house, and are stripped of their honor, their weapons, and even their Element Symbol. Brown Lion sees in Pirate Lion the fighting spirit of his own grandfather, Grand Lion, one of the legends of the Laser Beasts, who has even passed into Battle Beast mythology as a great warrior about which little is known. Grand Lion was the last known Beast to carry the power Sunburst, until Pirate Lion recently emerged with the power. Brown Lion has a custom shield battler car and defensive shield with his crest on it, but is seldom seen using them in battle, preferring to be on foot and ready to rumble. His Super Commotion Laser causes several types of damage mixed together, allowing it to penetrate many types of armor. Battle Beasts fear Brown Lion, intimidation from knowing they are facing him has won the Laser Beasts battles without firing a shot.
Number: 90
Name: Grencats
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Iron Claw Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Snow Leopard (White w/ Blue Armor)
As one of the Shield Battlers, Grencats commands respect. The elite fighting squad is infamous, and has turned the tide of many battles. Their rapid-fire movements and coordination swarms over Battle Beasts driving slower Tiger Chariots, giving much damage to the Battle Beasts’ armored units. Grencats is proud of being a member of such an elite squad, to the point of even not associating with non-Shield Battlers. Losing his hand in battle to Eager Beaver was a tough blow, especially since Eager Beaver wasn’t even on a vehicle at the time. Replacing it with some yellow claws, he longs for the day he can have revenge, sinking them deep into Eager Beaver’s chest. Grencats spends all his spare time practicing his Shield Battler maneuvers, to the point where leader Strong Hurricane has to remind him to rest and relax. Grencats’ former friends note how he has changed so much, becoming a stranger. Designed the Grencats emblem on his shield himself.
Number: 91
Name: Fight Horn
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Tear Hunting Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Elk (Brown w/ Green Armor)
A Proud Beast, Fight Horn is proud of his magnificent horns. He constantly preens and sharpens them, polishing them to a shine. Fight Horn spends more time on his appearance than he does keeping up with his fighting ability. Luckily for him, he is a natural at both, and is poured into his Shield Battler. Fight Horn is noted for trapping 50 Beasts single-handedly with his Shield Battler during the battle of Wood Pass. After numerous costly defeats of his forces, Deer Stalker has vowed to take him down, the two have met several times, but always end in a draw. Deer Stalker said he would decorate his Chariot with Fight Horn’s antlers, while Fight Horn desires Deer Stalker’s drill hand to trade to Anarchy for a new mirror. Fight Horn’s shield design was created for him by the famous Laser Beast artist Metalfeather, who did not go into suspended animation and now is lost to the ages. Fight Horn once spent six days in the bathroom preening, not for a special occasion, but just because he wanted to look his best. His striving towards excellence also follows into his hand to hand combat styling, which resemble breakdancing in the fluid movements.
Number: 92
Name: Hustlebear
Position: Land Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Strong Claw Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Bear (Black w/ Maroon Armor)
One of Tigerburn’s best men, Hustlebear is a fierce fighter who dreams of one day uniting all the Bear Beasts into a single unit, regardless of affiliation. Unfortunately, his dreams may not come to pass, as Hustlebear isn’t the most personable character, remaining aloof and quiet in company. Is from the northern regions, and specializes in arctic combat, earning him several enemies such as Pugnacious Penguin. His weapon is solar powered, due to Hustlebear’s environmental passion, but can be in a disadvantage during the several months of darkness periods in the polar regions. Hustlebear recently found out that Shool wasn’t killed, and is plotting against Tigerburn with Skull Grotess, but is being chased by several of Grotess’s goons in an attempt to silence him, permanently. The chase of Hustlebear has been noticed by Run Amok Duck and his men, as Hustlebear attempts to make it through the country of Tel Es Sawan alive.
Number: 93
Name: Battle Fennec
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Trick Super Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Fennec Fox (Brown w/ Black Armor)
A member of the elite Shield Battlers squad, Battle Fennec is a strong warrior who is glad to be part of such an honored unit. He modified his Shield Battler himself, boosting the speed in sacrifice of more armor. The newest member of the squad, replacing the fallen Golden Claw, who was ambushed by Bludgeoning Bulldog and some of his cadets. Battle Fennec beat out Jeerer Monkey for the spot on the squad, who has become resentful. Fennec can be a bit of a hothead, and is usually racing or spending time trying to enhance the speed of his Battler. His Trick Super Laser causes those who have been hit by it to see multiple images of their attackers, providing extra cover as his victims go after the wrong image. Battle Fennec wears special modified armor parts that enhance the effect; to the victim it looks like a kaleidoscope is flying up. Battle Fennec also attempts to create his own specialized energy drinks, but most of his concoctions are undrinkable, some are even dangerous.
Number: 94
Name: Killer Hound
Position: Special Organization Unit Vice-Captain (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Hound Bio Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Collie (Tan w/ Blue Armor)
Killer Hound is on a mission: marry Lassie. It doesn’t matter that Lassie is a fictional character, that they are on Lassie number 10 or something, and that some Lassies are dudes, Killer Hound is obsessed. He modified his television to receive transmissions from the far away planet of Earth, just to keep updated on the latest Lassie news. Killer Hound also maintains one of the biggest Lassie fan sites on the net, and his enthusiasm for Lassie knows no bounds. His drive to impress Lassie pushes Killer Hound to the limit, making him a better warrior and fighter. Strong Hurricane tolerates the obsession for this reason. Killer Hound got his name from his mentor, Killer Hound, who was also not a hound but a Scottie Dog. The name Killer Hound has been passed down for hundreds of years, started with the original Killer Hound, a Basset Hound who was one of the greatest Laser Beasts of old. He fought mysterious forces that threatened Planet Beast, the opponents have passed into legend and there is no record of who they were or what happened to them after their defeat. Killer Hound’s Hound Bio Laser Weapon blasts the victim with a type of rabies that makes them attack their own allies, this rabies can only be cured after many weeks of treatment, so even victims who survive getting hit are forced out of the fight for months at a time. Killer Hound is secretly building a rocket ship for a clandestine trip to Earth.
Number: 95
Name: Dragon Seahorn
Position: Underwater Construction Unit
Weapon Name: Drill Turning Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Narwhal (Gray w/ Green Armor)
Dragon Seahorn fights for aquatic rights! Whether destroying fishing ships or modifying secret bases to run energy efficient with no toxic runoffs, Dragon Seahorn is a tireless worker out to improve the planet. Dragon Seahorn’s passion was one of the influences for Tigerburn to strike out and try to reclaim Planet Beast after it was devastated in the Great War. Dragon Seahorn is one of the most passionate followers of Tigerburn due to his support of his cause. Zariganian is beginning to grow tired of Dragon Seahorn’s non-stop modifications to the secret bases, as well as his plundering of a Battle Beast oil field only to shut it off to never be used. Zariganian spoiled Dragon Seahorn’s recent attempts to synthesis more efficient biodiesel from seaweed, secretly spiking the mixture in retaliation. Dragon Seahorn is too focused on his work to pay attention to the bigger picture, not realizing the forces swirling around him. Dragon Seahorn is famous in the Laser Beasts circles for attacking three different Kingdoms simultaneously while confused Battle Beast squadrons ended up inflicting heavy friendly fire casualties. The resulting fallout caused Pirate Lion to retool the entire incident response protocols for the entire Beast Army. Recently his shield has gone missing…
Number: 96
Name: Strong Hurricane
Position: Special Organization Unit Captain (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Power Blaster Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Horned Owl (Brown w/ Olive Armor)
Strong Hurricane is the leader of the Shield Battler 6. A wise commander and experienced warrior, Strong Hurricane has seen much more action than most Beasts. Strong Hurricane developed tactics over the years of speed and surprise, forming the Shield Battler Group to aid in swift victory. He formulated the perfect squadron size (six) and many of the tactics used to help his group win engagements far more rapidly than would be possible on foot. The Shield Battler 6 is the most decorated unit in the Laser Beast army, turning more defeats into victories than records are able to keep track of. The only constant of the Shield Battlers over the years, as many members have come and gone, either promoted or lost in the line of duty. Strong Hurricane predicts he will die of old age piloting his battler into another mission, and keep on fighting long after he’s dead. Strong Hurricane is a proud owl, and is dismayed at some of the reckless actions his fellow owls Knight Owl and Snowy Owl have done. He feels he must redeem owlkind by besting them in battle, but so far both have eluded him. Knight Owl feels that Strong Hurricane’s relentless hunting of him is eroding his willpower to resist the darkness, and is debating whether to go into hiding to to face him outright, with Knight Owl’s reckless behavior leaning him to the latter. Pirate Lion has responded to the Shield Battler problem with development of special teams each assigned to take down a specific member of the Shield Battler 6, and Knight Owl has a free slot as captain of the team to get Strong Hurricane if he wants it. Strong Hurricane also senses that Skull Grotess is up to something, and is suspicious of mysterious new orders from him to immediately ship out to a far away area where no Laser Beast base is.
Number: 97
Name: Sea Panic
Position: Marine Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Fish Gobble Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Baleen Whale (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Sea Panic is one of the strongest fighters of all the Beasts. He has brute strength that has yet to meet it’s match, as well as knowledge of tactics that keep him from becoming overwhelmed. Even with all that, Sea Panic prefers to spend his days idling in the ocean relaxing to the sounds of whale tunes than to involve himself in any disputes. It was with great reluctance that he was dragged into the battle to reclaim Planet Beast from the Battle Beasts, and he has yet to regain his fighting spirit. Only his loyalty to Tigerburn made him return from his self-imposed exile in the ocean. Sea Panic’s long listens to whale song allow him to get all sorts of news from across the planet faster than traditional networks or even the internet. He has developed a friendship with Rainbow Sam because of his information, and trades tales with the parrot to give him information to sing to his cetacean brethren. Sea Panic’s Fish Gobble Laser filters plankton with ease and floats it right into Sea Panic’s waiting mouth, thus not bothering him to have to move to where the food is. This allows more time for listening to the whale song, as well as getting a few quick bites in the middle of a fight. Plankton floating in mid-air was at first worrisome to the Battle Beasts, and now the site alone let’s them know Sea Panic is nearby, their fear of facing him sometimes does more damage that Sea Panic can do to them himself. Pirate Lion is rumored to have some whales of his own being trained, and they may soon divide the whale song community into two separate camps. Sea Panic has no time to investigate those tales today, as he has a bigger problem, whale songs have reported odd troop movements for the Laser Beasts while Tigerburn is away from the capital on business.
Number: 98
Name: Puzzlecolor
Position: Special Information Unit
Weapon Name: Hide Color Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Three-Horned Chameleon (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Now you see him. Now you don’t. Now you’ve just been stabbed in the back by him! Puzzlecolor is a stealth fighter and information officer, one so good at being hidden his existence is only known to a few key people. Even Tigerburn is unaware, as are most of his supporters and many of Skull Grotess’s. Rainbow Sam and Sea Panic know of tales of an invisible stalker, one who’s movements don’t match up with Delta Chameleon’s. Delta is aware that he has competition, and is tracking Puzzlecolor as we speak. Their fight could be the most epic ever on Planet Beast, but no one would be able to enjoy it, as they’d all be invisible the entire time. What a waste! Delta’s goons are attempting to get more information about Puzzlecolor, and they’ve learned that he has his own custom Shield Battler and Shield, and his Hide Color Laser both fires invisible disintigration rays, but also can be tuned to make targets he hits turn invisible for a short time, such as the Shield Battler and Shield. Delta is trying to create his own shield to help with defense, but so far Rocky Rhino has been able to smash all of the prototypes, as they are not strong enough yet. Puzzlecolor is trained in several combat styles, but prefers to use Crane-style kung fu to dispatch enemies in close quarters fighting, and bombs if he has advanced planning. Delta Chameleon no longer rides in vehicles for fear they will explode, and eyes every garbage can, every tree, every rock with suspicion. Puzzlecolor knows Delta plays unfairly also, and has become paranoid as well. If one doesn’t kill the other, they both risk going insane.
Number: 99
Name: Mantfrenzy
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Spy Commando Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Snow Monkey (White w/ Dark Blue Armor)
Mantfrenzy longs for the cool, unspoiled snow-covered Yutoranta Mountains of his youth, imagine his surprise when he found a ski resort had been build on his family’s land! Several dozen explosions later, and Torrential Tapir’s Ice Pleasures Resort was a pile of rubble. Vowing revenge, Torrential Tapir has threatened to “devour the inner soul of Mantfrenzy, leaving only an empty husk of a Beast as a walking dead reminder of ultimate vengeance.” Ha ha, good luck with that, Torrential Tapir, for Mantfrenzy is a member of the Shield Battler 6, making him an elite specialist in combat. Plus that means he won’t be fighting alone, Torrential Tapir will have to take down the entire squad, something armies of Battle Beasts have failed to do before. Mantfrenzy prefers a solitary life, but recognizes the importance of working in a team to achieve a difficult goal, in this case the elimination of the Battle Beasts as rulers of Planet Beast, and the return of the Laser Beasts to power. However, he is saddened by the massive damage to the environment, especially his beloved Yutoranta regions. Mantfrenzy has dedicated his life to restoring areas back to their natural habitat, and is prepared to do it again once the war of reclamation ends.
Number: 100
Name: Scopecougar
Position: Special Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Roast Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Cougar (Tan w/ Blue Armor)
Scopecougar is a ruthless assassin who never misses a shot. He’s the best marksman of all the Laser Beasts, and even designs his own modified guns with longer range and better accuracy. Scopecougar’s ruthless efficiency impresses Skull Grotess, who has made him a very generous offer for his support in a power struggle. Scopecougar has accepted the offer and is already composing a list of those that will need elimination. Scopecougar has mysteriously picked up a British accent, despite never have being on Earth, or even hearing of Great Britain. Scopecougar is known far and wide on Planet Beast due to his hunting skills, he’s hunted all types of Beasts. Usually, Scopecougar gives them warning and a three minute head start, then moves in. Toying with his prey gives Scopecougar joy, but not as completely as the feelings of pleasure when he’s making a kill. Scopecougar has become addicted to the feeling of having power over others, the power to decide who lives and who dies. His Roast Laser has the farthest range of any Laser Beast weapon, and can fire a ray so powerful it completely cooks its target at thirty miles out, with pinpoint accuracy. Scopecougar’s Shield Battler is emblazoned with his family crest; he likes to brag it is the oldest noble family on Planet Beast, despite little evidence.
Laser Beasts, Part ILaser Beasts, Part III

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 30, 2006 at 12:31 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Laser Beasts, Part 1

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!

Laser Beasts, Part I!

Laser Beasts were the next line introduced, which were pretty much only released in Japan (with a few making it to the States or Europe really briefly.) As the propaganda says: “The Laser Beast army is a group of 36 warriors who made Tigerburn their great leader. They develop Battle Machines and Powerful Weapons using modern science!” The Lasers seemed to function as an Evil Horde-style group of second villains with their own motivations, except they weren’t really that evil, just a really old race that got sick of the upstarts screwing around with their planet. Perhaps you shouldn’t have gone underground or where ever you were, Laser Beasts.

Number: 77
Name: Blue Eagle
Position: Aviation Offensive Leader
Weapon Name: Blue Sea Jet Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Eagle (Gray w/ Green Armor)
The first of the Laser Beasts! Blue Eagle begins the Laser Beast tradition of reusing animals, as he becomes Eagle Number Two behind Colonel Bird. He’s a different species, so it’s all good. Well, not that good, as Blue Eagle isn’t really blue! The true story is that Blue Eagle is an obsessive fan of the Smurfs, and regularly dyes his feathers blue. When not on battle duty, he dresses in full Smurf costume, and calls himself Eagle Smurf. Blue Eagle is the Laser Beast they don’t talk about when they get together to go hang out. Blue Eagle’s custom built mushroom house will be completed in six months, and he’s told his fellow Beasts he’s actively looking for his own Smurfette. The Blue Sea Jet Laser shoots concentrated water blasts (so it’s deadly against Fire-aligned Beasts) and also has a setting to shoot blue dye to change the skin of targets. Once, accidentally shot Skull Grotess in the butt, which resulted in Blue Eagle getting beaten for thirteen days straight until the dye wore off.
Number: 78
Name: Spark Shark
Position: Marine Offensive Captain
Weapon Name: Black Super Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Icthyosaur (Brown w/ Green Armor)
Spark Shark is no shark, he’s an Icthyosaur! The Sharks of the ancient times. Actually, probably the dolphins of the ancient times. Spark Shark leads the Marine Offensive Group, who get offended by everything in the ocean. Wait, that’s not right, they are the lead fighting group for the water. This means his main rivals are Wolfgang Walrus, Run Amuck Duck, and Killer Carp. Since the Decepticon Beasts have the most water dwellers, they probably get into fights with the Marine Offensive Group all the time. Those that are still alive after the war, that is. Even the dead ones come back as ghosts, So maybe it is all of them. Spark Shark has a special hatred for Sawtooth Shark, as he exposes Spark Shark as a shark in name only. Unfortunately, Sawtooth Shark is a formidable opponent who commands legions of shark troops, all of which will oppose the Laser Beast Invasion no matter the cost, even if they lose another war with the Autobot Beasts. But, being sharks, they’ll try to lure their two enemies to destroy each other, which is fine with Spark Shark, who thinks he’ll win any battle he enters. Spark Shark’s Black Super Laser shoots Dark Matter Rays which toxicly destroys its target.
Number: 79
Name: Sailon
Position: Land Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Heavy Push Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Rhino (Gray w/ Blue Armor)
Sailon is a rare species of rhino, who feels great anger that his species is threatened. That, combined with his limited rhino intelligence and eyesight, combine to form a fountain of rage that lashes out at any nearby targets, even friends if Sailon hasn’t bothered to double-check before charging. Sailon has an intense hatred for Rocky Rhino, calling him a sellout due to his spiked-mace hand. Sailon’s ultimate goal is the elimination of his rival, as well as any other large herbivore he can get his horn into! Sailon’s gun is the Heavy Push Laser, which fires rays of hands that shove people backwards. Sailon likes to push people off of the edges of cliffs with his gun, but rarely gets the chance as most Battle Beasts are not so stupid as to fight on the edge of a cliff, except Crazy Coyote, who has fallen off 2461 cliffs so far in battle.
Number: 80
Name: Anarchy
Position: Subterranean Construction Unit
Weapon Name: Power Drill Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Mole (Tan w/ Salmon Armor)
Anarchy stole his dress ideas from Deer Stalker, including the cool shades and drill for an arm. He altered the colors but the basic design is there. Deer Stalker was annoyed at first, but realized that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and accepted it, offering Anarchy a swift death when they meet in battle as opposed to a long one. Anarchy’s card claims he isn’t very bright, but is strong and has much endurance. The Power Drill Laser can drill through any substance, even diamond-walled cages. Anarchy claims he can shoot a hole through Wolverine’s adamantium claws, but that has never been tested, what with Wolverine being a fictional character. Anarchy’s job is to build underground bases, within which the Laser Beasts will plan their attacks upon the Battle Beasts. Anarchy also lives up to his name, and is opposed to most forms of government. He refuses to recognize any leader, and only fights with the Laser Beasts because it allows him to attack random Beasts as well as dig lots of holes. Anarchy is a supporter of Skull Grotess, and has declared himself blood enemy of the Miner Mole Clan, despite their peaceful overtures.
Number: 81
Name: Tigerburn
Position: Great Leader of Earth
Weapon Name: Medical Aid Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Tiger (Yellow w/ Blue Armor)
Tigerburn the Great! Tigerburn the Wise! Tigerburn the Tiger! He’s the Leader of the Laser Beasts, leading the effort to reclaim Planet Beast from descendants run amok! Tigerburn awoke from deep sleep to find that his home is overrun by Beasts who have devolved to less powerful forms and undergo constant in-fighting. Enraged that much of the beauty of his homeworld was spoiled in the numerous wars, Tigerburn got feed up with the Battle Beasts’ recklessness, and set out to try to bring them under control. Most of the Beasts had just got done fighting Transformer invaders and oppressive Decepticon-allied Beasts (and even the Decepticon alliance turned sour after a while) and were not keen on new strangers awaking and declaring themselves the new rulers of the planet. Pirate Lion reactivated his Sunburst Warrior powers and mobilized his forces to face the new threat. Much of the urge to go to war was influenced by Skull Grotess, who is secretly trying to usurp Tigerburn as leader of the Laser Beasts. This will probably eventually lead to internal civil war, especially when more Laser Beasts are activated from the underground sleeping colonies, which are scattered all over Planet Beast. There are rumors that more than just Laser Beasts sleep in the depths of the planet, waiting one day to be released from their slumber to conquest… Tigerburn’s Medical Aid Laser can heal any Beast in one shot. Tigerburn attacks with his bare hands. He’s that awesome.
Number: 82
Name: Condorassin
Position: Aviation Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Electro Shoot Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Vulture (Gray w/ Orange Armor)
Condorassin is living a lie, telling everyone he’s a rare Condor, when he’s just a lowly vulture. Luckily for him, most Laser Beasts haven’t seen a condor, so he’s safe for now. Condorassin fancies himself an assassin, despite never actually killing anyone of interest. He’ll claim his victims are the “Emperor of Eras” or something, but he really just found a dead peasant and dressed him up in a robe stolen from a costume shop. Ferocious Tiger was surprised to learn that Condorassin claimed to have killed him four separate times. Tigerburn has begun to notice that Condorassin’s supposed victims keep turning up alive and well, and we can expect Condorassin to be renamed Condorholedigger soon. Condorassin has pledged to support Skull Grotess when he makes his bid for leadership of the Laser Beasts.
Number: 83
Name: Groundwolf
Position: Land Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Death Hurricane Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Wolf (Gray w/ Blue Armor)
Groundwolf is an excellent tracker, who is constantly on the prowl. He tracks everything he sees, his mind constantly following every moving object within his sight range. Be it enemy Beasts, flying insects, or even leaves off of a tree, Groundwolf knows their exact locations. He’s got the OCD pretty bad. Luckily, Groundwolf is pretty well-adjusted, and doesn’t act like he’s someone odd. Groundwolf is a freak about lunar astrology, and constantly howls at the various moons of Planet Beast, sometimes in the midst of battle. The rest of the Laser Beasts don’t mind his occasional giving away of their position because he makes up for it in expert tracking. Groundwolf is a loyal supporter of Tigerburn.
Number: 84
Name: Fly Sailor
Position: Marine Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Sea Freeze Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Flying Fish (Gray w/ Mauve Armor)
Fly Sailor believes himself the master of the sea and the air. He zips through the ocean at the same speed he zips through the air, not letting anyone stop him. Fly Sailor’s favorite activity is ambushing birds flying near the shore, he’s made numerous foes that way, from Savage Seagull to Storming Sandpiper. Fly Sailor has become the blood enemy of both Pitiless Pelican and Killer Carp, the former for killing his brother, and the latter for challenging his role as a master ocean fighter. Carp and Fly Sailor have fought twice so far, once in Carp’s Ghost mode, and once after he’s been returned to normal. Their battles both ended in draws, and a final duel is inevitable. Pitiless Pelican did not fare so well, but has a new plan to fly automated drone birds over the shore that are rigged to explode if attacked. Time will tell if Fly Sailor will fall for that trick. Fly Sailor is jealous of Dragon Seahorn’s Shield, and is conspiring to steal it for himself.
Number: 85
Name: Zariganian
Position: Underwater Construction Captain
Weapon Name: Tri-Fri Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Crawfish (Red w/ Light Blue Armor)
Zariganian is a gruff, tough construction worker who lives to build. He whips his crews into shape, and can build complex structures in a matter of hours. He has perfected techniques to shorten building time of bridges, vehicles, and temporary ground bases. Zariganian even designed a massive lobster-shaped submarine complete with giant claw weapons named the Lobster Deep. This terrified the Planet Beast Oceans until Pirate Lion lead a fleet of Shocking Sharks in a pitched battle to take it out. Five Shocking Sharks were destroyed, and many brave Beasts lost their lives. In the end, Pirate Lion succeeded in trapping the Lobster Deep in an underwater canyon, and triggered a landslide trapping it. Zariganian abandoned ship, but Pirate Lion was driven away before he could destroy the Lobster Deep. Triple Threat Snake then lead a group to try to steal the vessel for their own use, but the Laser Beasts returned shortly afterwards for their own salvage operation, and in the resulting fight, TTS and several of his Snake Warriors detonated the remaining bombs in the Lobster Deep cargo hold, destroying the vessel. Zariganian has vowed revenge, and is currently designing his new underwater vessel. Zariganian is fiercely loyal to Tigerburn.
Number: 86
Name: Rainbow Sam
Position: Special Information Chief
Weapon Name: Wide Sensor Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Parrot (Red w/ Yellow Armor)
Rainbow Sam is an international bird of mystery. Danger follows wherever he goes. His ability to mimic anyone’s voice comes in handy in tight situations. Rainbow Sam fancies himself a ladies’ man, though it is unknown if he is ever successful. In fact, much of Rainbow Sam’s personal life is classified. He did get into a major battle with Shool at some time in the distant past, which has caused tension to this day. Rainbow Sam’s Wide Sensor Laser enables him to tap into many different frequencies, and spy on many different Beasts at once. Pirate Lion has put a high price on his head, after Rainbow Sam stole the plans for a Battle Beast base and used them to flood the every room with raw sewage. Jaded Jag was so despaired he hid in his room for three months. Rainbow Sam’s greatest success was stealing a valuable tablet from an archaeological site, a tablet with writing even more ancient than Laser Beast Script, that has yet to be deciphered. It is rumored this tablet may date from the Ancient Elder Age, where ancestors of the Battle and Laser Beasts had a very advanced civilization that was destroyed by an unknown calamity. Rainbow Sam trusts only Tigerburn and Sea Panic.
Number: 87
Name: Shool
Position: Subterranean Construction Captain
Weapon Name: Auto-Telepath Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Centipede (Gray w/ Orange Armor)
Shool is an evil, evil creature. His pernicious acts are legendary across Planet Beast, only Skull Grotess pulls off acts that cause more woe. Shool’s favorite food is a fungus that grows on rotting corpses, and he always has fresh stock. Shool once killed his second in command for not attacking the enemy with everything he had, despite an easy victory. Stroking his mouth antenna like they are an old timey evil doer’s mustache, Shool likes to don a top hat and spout monologues at his enemies. Shool’s first act upon reawakening was to attack the local Battle Beast orphanage, and tie the orphans to railroad tracks, and sent a freight train toward them at high speed. Only the quick work of Brown Lion stopped this from happening, but behind the scenes actions of Skull Grotess prevented Tigerburn’s punishment from being enacted. In fact, Tigerburn is under the impression Shool has been executed, while Skull Grotess secretly is using him to build bases for the eventual coup. This was just found out by Tigerburn loyalist Hustlebear, but Shool has sent men to kill him before he reaches back home to report.
Number: 88
Name: Brain Mouse
Position: Subterranean Construction Unit
Weapon Name: Dirty Bio Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Mouse (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Brain Mouse is a Mad Scientist who spends much of his time running strange experiments on captured Battle Beasts. Brain Mouse’s goal is to evolve them into a Laser Beast/Battle Beast hybrid which will be the ultimate warriors. Several of Brain Mouse’s recent experiments escaped before the results could be determined, and recent reports from the countryside indicate something monstrous happened to them after escape, as smashed houses and vehicles attest. Brain Mouse is unconcerned with monsters running loose, but has a passing interest just to see the results so he can refine the next experiment. Brain Mouse is also adept at creating underground bases, as he makes underground lairs for his experiments constantly. Brain Mouse helped to create some of the stasis devices the Laser Beasts used for their suspended animation. Has a rivalry with Zariganian over who builds the best equipment and bases. Tigerburn allows this rivalry to continue, because it’s advanced the quality of both of their work. Brain Mouse despises Tigerburn for some of his noble efforts, and his refusal to allow Brain Mouse to openly continue his experiments (Brain Mouse just does them in secret), thus Brain Mouse is a loyal supporter of Skull Grotess and his attempts to take over the Laser Beasts. His Dirty Bio Laser gives each of it’s targets five random deadly diseases from a list of 287. Just be sure you don’t get the Rhinoceros Pox.
Series 3, Part IILaser Beasts, Part II

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 5, 2006 at 8:17 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Series 3, Part 2

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 3, Part II!

Number: 65
Name: Tanglin’ Pangolin
Japanese Name: Pangol
Ruler of Country: Emperor of West Yutoranta
Position: Armored Soldier
Weapon Name: Living Stone (Purple Mace)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Pangolin (Brown w/ Peach Armor)
What the heck is a pangolin, you ask? Well, they are a long-tailed, scale-covered mammal having a long snout and a sticky tongue for catching and eating ants and termites. They also have armor, and can curl up into balls. Exciting stuff. Too bad I thought he was a Gila Monster as a kid. That’s still better than Pangolin. Gila Monster also sounds like someone who would be evil, like Pangolin is supposed to be. Well, Pangolin is evil, because he was imprisoned by Swiny Boar for theft wrongfully, and the experience in prison fueled his rage, so he came out a criminal and has sworn revenge. He’s already killed Swiny’s brother, Torra Boar, and as we speak is preparing his master plan of revenge. Swiny Boar better look out!
Number: 66
Name: Slowpoke Sloth
Japanese Name: Slo
Ruler of Country: King of Hamanan
Position: Tactics Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Slo-Bar (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Sloth (White w/ Olive Armor)
Slo is so slooooooooooooooowwww. Riding into battle months, even years after the fact, Slowpoke Sloth is here to save the day, even if it’s thousands of days later. His weapon is the Slo-Bar, which causes his enemies to become even slower than him. It looks like a fight in the Matrix, all slo-mo, until you realize they are going full speed. Slo is still fighting the initial battle for Beast Freedom, even though the Battle Beasts are well into the Second Great War. He is a respected tactics officer, because he has lots of time to come up with strategies while trying to get to the battlefield. King of Hamanan (doo-doo da-doo-doo)
Number: 67
Name: Ardent Aardvark
Japanese Name: Earthhog
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Hamanan
Position: Grasslands Combatant
Weapon Name: Earth Scenery (Purple Trident)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Aardvark (White w/ Orange Armor)
First in the dictionary, and first in our hearts! Wait, maybe not. Weird colors, Satan-shaped weapon, just odd. Not exciting, not memorable, but somehow not terrible. Just average. Aardvark spends his days organizing his huge collection of ceramic animals. He has them displayed all over his palace. Aardvark does not fight for Planet Beast, he fights to defend his right to get more ceramic animals. This passion fuels him like no other. There will be no stopping his quest to obtain every ceramic animal that ever existed. And if he can beat up some Decepticon-allied Beasts while he’s at it, so much the better.
Number: 68
Name: Bodacious Bovine
Japanese Name: White Cow
Ruler of Country: King of Erku
Position: Resource Development Unit
Weapon Name: Bread and Butter (Purple Scimitar)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Cow (White w/ Purple Armor)
Resource Development Unit=Farmer. Cow sits at home on the farm and makes the food, while the rest of the Beasts fight. Without his efforts, the entire economy would collapse. Cow’s closest allies are Pig, Horse, Ram, and Laser Cock. Laser Cock! Hahahahahahaha! Okay, okay. Cow’s weapon is the Bread and Butter, which is pretty decent. Cow is far less lame than he could be, considering he’s just a freaking cow. Kudos for him, he gets knocked up a notch because he refuses to suck! Cow enjoys writing in notebooks about a fantasy world he created in his head, but refuses to publish it or share it with anyone. His obsession with writing has kept him from doing anything outside of work or fighting besides writing.
Number: 69
Name: Zealot Zebra
Japanese Name: Zebra-Ball
Ruler of Country: King of Jonston
Position: Grasslands Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Super Zebra (Purple Spear/Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Zebra (White w/ Purple and Gray Armor)
Zebra has got to be the most battle damaged Beast. He’s got a sword for an arm. His other arm appears to be robotic except for the hand. He’s got some sort of black pipe in his stomach. His left leg looks robotic except for the hoof. He must have gotten into a tangle with Pirate Lion or something. Perhaps some Beasts decided to make him dinner. Zebra isn’t going to take that lightly, so he busted out a kegload of butt-kicking and fought his way free, despite missing most of his limbs. That alone makes Zebra a crazed fighter. You don’t want to mess with this guy. In fact, stay away from him. His robot parts might make him crazy. ED-209 crazy. One software bug and he’ll go bonkers, blasting away anyone and everyone, with his real mind trapped in the body of a murderous machine.
Number: 70
Name: Harrier Hawk
Japanese Name: Eagle Killer
Ruler of Country: King of Nirmudo
Position: Sky Maneuvers Soldier
Weapon Name: Skeleton Killer (Purple Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Hawk (Gray w/ Aqua Armor)
Hawk is one of the Beasts I remember most, not because he’s extra cool, but because my Hawk is extra chewed. An unfortunate encounter with a puppy resulted in Harrier Hawk missing three limbs and a wing. His lone arm was still able to carry his weapon (until the weapon literally fell apart recently) and he still has his rub. He’s since been replaced, but I still have the older one, who will probably be used in some sort of customization soon. Hawk’s weapon is the Skeleton Killer. Now, you may not be aware, but Planet Beast has an area where Skeletons of the Dead roam the countryside looking for victims to join them. The Kingdom of Nirmudo is especially infected by them, and Hawk is their main line of defense. The fact that he joined the Decepticon faction is a result of his years of killing skeletons by the boatfull. He’s become bloodlusted (or bonelusted) and must attack, attack, attack. Hawk is expected to switch sides to the Autobots were they looked to be wiped out, as then he’s have a more enemies to kill, the Decepticons.
Number: 71
Name: Diving Duckbill
Japanese Name: Duck Diver
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Lapol
Position: Underwater Probe Unit
Weapon Name: Aqua Barrier (Purple Serrated Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Platypus (Gray w/ Brown Armor)
Underwater Probe Unit? How scandalous! Seriously, Platypus was one of my favorites, as playtpuses are one of my favorites. He just looks neat. Platypus grew up on the streets. His mother died when he was a young bill, and he never knew his father. He’d been fighting ever since he could clench his fists, punching his way out of his egg. He was a notorious trouble-maker on the streets, well known among law enforcement, until a fateful day when Planet Beast was invaded. Platypus took up arms to protect himself from occupiers, but soon grew to like the new-found respect he got from being a freedom fighter, and he became more involved in the underground movement against the Decepticons. Platypus soon was leading troops into battle, and scoring many effective raids against the enemy. He was hard to hunt down, and at one point was the third most wanted rebel leader after Pirate Lion and Tiger. Platypus’s Ghost Brigade constantly strained the Decepticon pipelines, and tied up resources in fruitless searches for him and his men. Platypus was present at the final battle between the Autobot Beasts and their Decepticon Enemies, and helped Pirate Lion meet his mortal enemy Gruesome Gator. Platypus fought Armored Armadillo in an epic fight at the same time Gator and Lion had their last duel. Emerging victorious, he now leads the very country he grew up in as an orphan, and is a big supporter of social programs to prevent kids from having lives as hard as his was.
Number: 72
Name: Crooked Crow
Japanese Name: Crowmax
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Nupal
Position: Air Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Big Hook (Purple Man-Catcher)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Crow (Black w/ Blue-Green Armor)
Crow is a plague on Planet Beast. He sows the seeds of war wherever he treads. He plays both sides, and makes his fortune in weapon sales and military industries. Peace means no profits, and no food. For Crow also feasts on the dead. A recently fought battlefield is a buffet to Crow. His Hook weapon is a scythe of doom, accurately representing his effect upon the planet. Crow cannot be stopped by normal means. He somehow escaped the fate of many of his evil brethren during the Final Battle, and is still causing trouble to this day. Crow has several mortal enemies, but none can reach his remote mountain fortress, Castle Crow. Crow leads a group known as the Dirty Birds. His Number Two is Bionical Buzzard, and membership includes Vultures, Blue Jays, Condors, Rocs, and even an evil Robin. Crow’s team is the current number two threat to Planet Beast, behind the Laser Beasts and just before the Reforming Decepticon Beast Army.
Number: 73
Name: Frenzied Flamingo
Japanese Name: Mingo Kid
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Heles
Position: Air Combat Unit
Weapon Name: Performancer (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Flamingo (Pink w/ Blue Armor)
No one can stop the Mingo Kid! He’s the greatest sharpshooter in Heles, and is aiming to be the best on Planet Beast. He slices, he dices, he makes julian fries. The Mingo Kid is a one man army. Mingo Kid fancies himself an outlaw, despite hardly breaking any laws in his young life. He hasn’t even jaywalked. Mingo Kid grew up in the final days of the Decepticon Occupation, so he has only a few memories of fighting them, the rest of his short life has been spent living in freedom and rebuilding his planet. He became Emperor of Heles after a tornament to fill the empty Emperor’s seat, and claimed the throne after a quick battle where he defeated thirteen other Beasts while standing on one leg. The Mingo Kid is currently looking for a sidekick for some troublemaking, applicants are encouraged to visit the Emperor’s Palace in Heles in person to apply.
Number: 74
Name: Fleet-Footed Antelope
Japanese Name: Little Serow
Ruler of Country: King of Parmira
Position: Land Combatant
Weapon Name: Serow Carbine (Purple Spear/Rifle)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Antelope (Tan w/ Red Armor)
Antelope my ruby red eye, this guy is a goat, pure and simple. Whatever the case, Little Serow likes to name himself after influential people in order to make himself feel important. That’s hardly necessary, as LS has the only gun available to the original Battle Beasts. This makes him a fierce opponent, even if he seems to only be using the weapon as a spear by only using the bayonet. Maybe LS is searching for the fabled Lost Treasure of the Bullet. Instead of visiting Panda for some gunpowder, he’s too busy strutting his stuff. The Laser Beasts and their laser guns will show Little Serow the true meaning of firepower.
Number: 75
Name: Pugnacious Penguin
Japanese Name: Peguinis
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Jonston
Position: Ice Field Combatant
Weapon Name: Freeze Dryer (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Penguin (Black and White w/ Blue Armor)
Penguin may be short, but he is mighty. Penguin’s Freeze Dryer Spear leaves his enemies cold. Decepticons better carry some de-icer with them. Penguin’s nickname is Jack Frost, as his frosty attacks are some of the most fearful events to happen in the arctic region. His short statue allows him unparalleled ability to sneak into enemy bases. Penguin’s long march against the enemy paid off when they were driven from the planet. His new march against the Laser Beasts has just begun, but one can be sure that Penguin will not stop marching until he reaches his goal, the freedom of Planet Beast. Penguin is so obsessed with his goals that he has no outside hobbies or interests, and spends every second commited to his battle work.
Number: 76
Name: Ossified Orangutan
Japanese Name: Udan
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Iriano
Position: Tactics Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Jungle Spear (Purple Broad-Tipped Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Orangutan (Brown w/ Green Armor)
Having one of the worst limb losses and subsequent entire artificial arm replacement, Orang is famous for being the “one-armed Ape.” Orang is a former head of a cola company, and still obsessively drinks Grape Soda by the 2-liter bottle-full. He is known to charge into battle with his spear in one hand, and a keg of Grape Ape Soda in the other. Orang is known as a gentle giant, but when he is roused for battle, he is one of the fiercest fighters out there. Orang and Bongo have teamed up to search for the missing war hero Bonobo, who disappeared on a dangerous mission years ago. It is believed he was captured by the enemy, transported to a strange land, and then escaped and is living in the wild trying to return home.
Series 3, Part ILaser Beasts, Part I

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 20, 2006 at 1:42 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Series 3, Part 1

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 3, Part I!

Number: 53
Name: Panzer Panda
Japanese Name: Strong Panda
Ruler of Country: King of East Yutoranta
Position: Rescue/Relief Combatant
Weapon Name: Strong Aid (Gray Machete)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Panda (Black and White w/ Red Armor)
Panda is the doctor of the Beasts. Please call him Dr. Strong Panda, or Dr. P for short. Panda plays the role of Ratchet in Transformers, being the medic. Notice how the villains never have anyone who repairs people, but the Good Guys always have someone. Dr. P is a popular Beast, because he’s Panda-riffic! As the kIng of East Yutoranta, he defends East Yutoranta from all those other Yutorantas, like North Yutoranta, South-West Yutoranta, and Smorth Yutoranta (home of the Smurfs.) Dr. P’s medical style is like Dr. House from House, except he’s not crippled, instead a Shaolin Kung Fu Master, as well as knowledgeable in Chinese Medicine. This comes in handy since most Traditional Chinese Medicine is made out of animal parts, and that’s what the Beasts are, animals. Dr. P is best friends with Grizzly Bear, they’ve formed the Battle Beasts Bear Social Club, despite him not being a real bear.
Number: 54
Name: Leapin’ Lizard
Japanese Name: Shield Dragon
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Jigurard
Position: Communications Soldier
Weapon Name: Teleprojector (Gray Weapon)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Frilled Lizard (Brown w/ Blue Armor)
Leapin’ Lizard is a crazy Mo-Fo! He jumps around yelling “BOO!” sticking out his tongue, harassing waitresses, and parking in handicapped zones. Leapin’ Lizard usually annoys his allies to the point where they constantly kick him out of their bases, but that’s the kind of thing Leapin’ Lizard loves! As a communications soldier, Lizard makes prank calls constantly, asking if fridges are running, if Prince White Leo is in a can, and what direction your toilet water is spinning. Leapin’ Lizard collects left shoes, pictures of Bea Arthur, and used corn cobs. Only Leapin’ Lizard can use the communications device, which is the only reason they keep him around. Sprint is planning to build a network next year, so Lizard may soon be out of a job.
Number: 55
Name: Killer Koala
Japanese Name: Koala Gray
Ruler of Country: King of Lapol
Position: Grasslands Reconnaissance Unit
Weapon Name: Iron Axe (Gray Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Koala Bear (Gray w/ Olive Armor)
Koala Gray is a good name, despite it sounding like he has a picture in the attic that ages while he stays the same age. Koala has an ear replaced with a radar dish, so he can eavesdrop on strangers on the bus. He hears some of the strangest conversations that way. Sometimes, he even hears secrets, which he uses to his advantage. Koala suddenly bought 5000 shares of Weasel-Co. right before it announced it’s new line of replacement hands. Koala wrote an article about how Horny Toad has an illegitimate daughter. Koala has been given a wide berth recently, as everyone thinks he’ll reveal secrets about them. Here is a secret about Koala: he likes to eat flower petals. Koala wishes he had his normal life back. The only solace he can find is in battle, attacking his enemies. Luckily, on Planet Beast, he can find a lot of solace.
Number: 56
Name: Tarsier Tyrant
Japanese Name: Demon Key (or Demonkey)
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Parumira
Position: Forest Demolition Soldier
Weapon Name: Demon Waver (Gray Machete)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Tarsier (Brown w/ Green Armor)
Tarsier is a freaky-looking pseudo-monkey. His almost-monkey self scares many Beasts, especially the Primates. His dismissal has caused him to become an outcast, making him easy prey to fall for the Decepticon Beasts lies. He is not a loyal foot soldier, happily destroying the very rain forest he lives in because his team wills it. He doesn’t see the big picture, only wanting to belong. Mockingly called a Demon Monkey, it was shortened to Demonkey as his personal nickname, which some have modified to Demon Key. His Demon Waver weapon chops down both trees and Beasts in battle. A fearsome foe, too bad he chose the losing side. Perhaps the Beasts will become more accepting in the future to prevent tragedies like this from happening again.
Number: 57
Name: Black Panther
Japanese Name: Black Jaguar
Ruler of Country: King of Nupal
Position: Head Bodyguard
Weapon Name: Hyper Beam (Gray Spear with Handguard)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Black Jaguar (Black w/ Aqua Armor)
Word. Power to his people. Black Panther is a revolutionary, fighting the Beast, the Oppressor, the Decepticons. Black Panther will gain his freedom, by any means necessary. His people will be free, the Nupalian Kings and Queens are a proud people, and will not bow. They shall break their chairs, they shall overcome. Black Panther is a controversial figure, but does more help to the community than harm. His methods are controversial, and there are divisions among his followers, but the message is the same: All Beasts deserve freedom and equality. Those who oppose this view will be crushed. No quarter will be given, no line will be drawn, it’s all or nothing.
Number: 58
Name: Torrential Tapir
Japanese Name: Dream Eater
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Erku
Position: Special Combat Unit
Weapon Name: Quick Dreamer (Gray Forked Scimitar)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Tapir (White w/ Green Armor)
Dream Eater. That is just such a cool name. Dream Eater puts so many other names to shame. From his description, it’s obvious that Dream Eater was a special troops who put enemies to sleep and then beat the crap out of them. That’s a noble goal to do in battle. My only complaint is that would be a cool villain move, why is he fighting with the Good Guys? There should always be way more villains than heroes, but only He-Man has pulled this off correctly. At least he’s a cool-sounding Beast. Too bad Tapirs aren’t exactly the best Beasts to be a Beast. This keeps him on the B-List. But don’t tell this to his face, he’ll put you to sleep and you’ll wake up tied up, hanging naked from a tree in the middle of the forest, with bruises all over your body.
Number: 59
Name: King Cobra
Japanese Name: Cobrander
Ruler of Country: King of Jigrad
Position: Emperor of Jiguraado
Weapon Name: Mahilacore (Gray Sword/Axe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Cobra (Brown w/ Purple Armor)
COOOOOOBRA! Those darn GI Joe Beasts keep keeping Cobra down. Wait, this is a different Cobra. This guy is both King and Emperor of Jiguraado. That’s like when certain dictators call themselves President for Life. He wields the Mahilacore. what is a Mahila? Well, Mahila is the most respected word for a Telugu woman. So Cobrander is big on women’s rights. That’s good, but he’s still a Bad Guy. He has the incredibly valuable Stoned Cobra form, which gets it’s own segment. Cobrander rules with an iron fist, but he doesn’t put up with inequality. Every Beast is equal, except he is more equal. Disagree, and he’ll throw you into a pit of Triple Threat Snakes.
Number: 60
Name: Maniac Mandrill
Japanese Name: Baboon
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Nirmudo
Position: Mountains and Forest Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Babooner (Gray Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Mandrill (Gray w/ Brown Armor)
He’s a maniac, maniac on the floor. And he’s dancing like he’s never danced before… As Emperor of Nirmudo, Mandrill uses his high status to fling poo at his enemies. Well, what else can you say? His Japanese name is the very imaginative Baboon, making him the only Beast whose name I correctly guessed as a child. Maniac Mandrill instead is low quality Beast who fails to impress. And look at all that mascara! Someone needs some proper makeup tips. Shame shame shame, everyone knows your name. Plus, no red butt=no win.
Number: 61
Name: Pixilated Pointer
Japanese Name: Dog Hunter
Ruler of Country: King of Iriano
Position: High-Speed Reconnaissance Unit
Weapon Name: Beam Hunter (Gray Mech-Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Pointer Dog (Brown w/ Blue Armor)
Another day, another dog. Continuing the One Series, One Dog tradition, Pointer joins the Battle Beasts as the Dog of the Week. We could have nothing but Dog Beasts and still fill a medium sized room. Battle Beasts have gone to the dogs. Well, I have a bone to pick with that. Why not more interesting dogs? We need Wiener Dogs! We need Dalmatians! We need St. Bernards! We need “Yo Qiero Taco Bell!” Until my demands are met, I shall march outside the offices of every toymaker in the country! There will be a day of reckoning, and I will be triumphant! Dog Beasts for All!
Number: 62
Name: Pillager Pig
Japanese Name: Buupink
Ruler of Country: King of Heles
Position: Food Reconnaissance Unit
Weapon Name: Gourmenia (Gray Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Pig (Pink w/ Red Armor)
A Pig? Lame. Babe he is not. Well, my Pig had an unfortunate accident where he was chewed up by my puppy when I was a kid. He lost both his arms, one of which I replaced with a gun from some random toy set. Japan seems to think he’s lame, making him a Food Reconnaissance Unit. His name, Buupink, is pretty crappy as well. Nothing is exciting about Pig. Why do you stink so bad? When I can make you more exciting by just adding a yellow gun on instead of an arm, something is dearly wrong.
Number: 63
Name: Rowdy Rooster
Japanese Name: Laser Cock
Ruler of Country: Emperor of East Yutoranta
Position: Air Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Valiant Laser (Gray Double-Bladed Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Rooster (White w/ Light Blue Armor)
“Laser Cock”!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Laser Cock! Hahahahaha!!! Air “Staff” officer! Hahahahaha! Laser Cock!!! Cock! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! HA-hahahahahaha! Laser Cock! Valiant Laser…Cock! Hahahahahaha!
Number: 64
Name: Musky Ox
Japanese Name: Musk-Horn
Ruler of Country: King of West Yutoranta
Position: Mountains Combatant
Weapon Name: Mind Saber (Gray Broadsword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Water Buffalo (Brown w/ Yellow Armor)
Possessing a sweet sword, the Mind Saber, Water Buffalo looks like a winner. For some reason, Water Buffalo was elected President of the Battle Beasts. He walked around wearing a suit and red tie. He ruled with Pirate Lion, but the President is more of a ceremonial post. WB’s best attribute is his cool sword. It’s just cool. All the other Beasts want it. That’s why they made him president, so he’s be too busy being diplomatic to use his sword. Water Buffalo gets the last laugh, as he uses his sword for Line-Item Vetoes.
Series 2, Part IISeries 3, Part II

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 30, 2006 at 3:00 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

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