Battle Beast Files – Series 3, Part 2


Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 3, Part II!

Number: 65
Name: Tanglin’ Pangolin
Japanese Name: Pangol
Ruler of Country: Emperor of West Yutoranta
Position: Armored Soldier
Weapon Name: Living Stone (Purple Mace)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Pangolin (Brown w/ Peach Armor)
What the heck is a pangolin, you ask? Well, they are a long-tailed, scale-covered mammal having a long snout and a sticky tongue for catching and eating ants and termites. They also have armor, and can curl up into balls. Exciting stuff. Too bad I thought he was a Gila Monster as a kid. That’s still better than Pangolin. Gila Monster also sounds like someone who would be evil, like Pangolin is supposed to be. Well, Pangolin is evil, because he was imprisoned by Swiny Boar for theft wrongfully, and the experience in prison fueled his rage, so he came out a criminal and has sworn revenge. He’s already killed Swiny’s brother, Torra Boar, and as we speak is preparing his master plan of revenge. Swiny Boar better look out!
Number: 66
Name: Slowpoke Sloth
Japanese Name: Slo
Ruler of Country: King of Hamanan
Position: Tactics Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Slo-Bar (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Sloth (White w/ Olive Armor)
Slo is so slooooooooooooooowwww. Riding into battle months, even years after the fact, Slowpoke Sloth is here to save the day, even if it’s thousands of days later. His weapon is the Slo-Bar, which causes his enemies to become even slower than him. It looks like a fight in the Matrix, all slo-mo, until you realize they are going full speed. Slo is still fighting the initial battle for Beast Freedom, even though the Battle Beasts are well into the Second Great War. He is a respected tactics officer, because he has lots of time to come up with strategies while trying to get to the battlefield. King of Hamanan (doo-doo da-doo-doo)
Number: 67
Name: Ardent Aardvark
Japanese Name: Earthhog
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Hamanan
Position: Grasslands Combatant
Weapon Name: Earth Scenery (Purple Trident)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Aardvark (White w/ Orange Armor)
First in the dictionary, and first in our hearts! Wait, maybe not. Weird colors, Satan-shaped weapon, just odd. Not exciting, not memorable, but somehow not terrible. Just average. Aardvark spends his days organizing his huge collection of ceramic animals. He has them displayed all over his palace. Aardvark does not fight for Planet Beast, he fights to defend his right to get more ceramic animals. This passion fuels him like no other. There will be no stopping his quest to obtain every ceramic animal that ever existed. And if he can beat up some Decepticon-allied Beasts while he’s at it, so much the better.
Number: 68
Name: Bodacious Bovine
Japanese Name: White Cow
Ruler of Country: King of Erku
Position: Resource Development Unit
Weapon Name: Bread and Butter (Purple Scimitar)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Cow (White w/ Purple Armor)
Resource Development Unit=Farmer. Cow sits at home on the farm and makes the food, while the rest of the Beasts fight. Without his efforts, the entire economy would collapse. Cow’s closest allies are Pig, Horse, Ram, and Laser Cock. Laser Cock! Hahahahahahaha! Okay, okay. Cow’s weapon is the Bread and Butter, which is pretty decent. Cow is far less lame than he could be, considering he’s just a freaking cow. Kudos for him, he gets knocked up a notch because he refuses to suck! Cow enjoys writing in notebooks about a fantasy world he created in his head, but refuses to publish it or share it with anyone. His obsession with writing has kept him from doing anything outside of work or fighting besides writing.
Number: 69
Name: Zealot Zebra
Japanese Name: Zebra-Ball
Ruler of Country: King of Jonston
Position: Grasslands Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Super Zebra (Purple Spear/Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Zebra (White w/ Purple and Gray Armor)
Zebra has got to be the most battle damaged Beast. He’s got a sword for an arm. His other arm appears to be robotic except for the hand. He’s got some sort of black pipe in his stomach. His left leg looks robotic except for the hoof. He must have gotten into a tangle with Pirate Lion or something. Perhaps some Beasts decided to make him dinner. Zebra isn’t going to take that lightly, so he busted out a kegload of butt-kicking and fought his way free, despite missing most of his limbs. That alone makes Zebra a crazed fighter. You don’t want to mess with this guy. In fact, stay away from him. His robot parts might make him crazy. ED-209 crazy. One software bug and he’ll go bonkers, blasting away anyone and everyone, with his real mind trapped in the body of a murderous machine.
Number: 70
Name: Harrier Hawk
Japanese Name: Eagle Killer
Ruler of Country: King of Nirmudo
Position: Sky Maneuvers Soldier
Weapon Name: Skeleton Killer (Purple Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Hawk (Gray w/ Aqua Armor)
Hawk is one of the Beasts I remember most, not because he’s extra cool, but because my Hawk is extra chewed. An unfortunate encounter with a puppy resulted in Harrier Hawk missing three limbs and a wing. His lone arm was still able to carry his weapon (until the weapon literally fell apart recently) and he still has his rub. He’s since been replaced, but I still have the older one, who will probably be used in some sort of customization soon. Hawk’s weapon is the Skeleton Killer. Now, you may not be aware, but Planet Beast has an area where Skeletons of the Dead roam the countryside looking for victims to join them. The Kingdom of Nirmudo is especially infected by them, and Hawk is their main line of defense. The fact that he joined the Decepticon faction is a result of his years of killing skeletons by the boatfull. He’s become bloodlusted (or bonelusted) and must attack, attack, attack. Hawk is expected to switch sides to the Autobots were they looked to be wiped out, as then he’s have a more enemies to kill, the Decepticons.
Number: 71
Name: Diving Duckbill
Japanese Name: Duck Diver
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Lapol
Position: Underwater Probe Unit
Weapon Name: Aqua Barrier (Purple Serrated Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Platypus (Gray w/ Brown Armor)
Underwater Probe Unit? How scandalous! Seriously, Platypus was one of my favorites, as playtpuses are one of my favorites. He just looks neat. Platypus grew up on the streets. His mother died when he was a young bill, and he never knew his father. He’d been fighting ever since he could clench his fists, punching his way out of his egg. He was a notorious trouble-maker on the streets, well known among law enforcement, until a fateful day when Planet Beast was invaded. Platypus took up arms to protect himself from occupiers, but soon grew to like the new-found respect he got from being a freedom fighter, and he became more involved in the underground movement against the Decepticons. Platypus soon was leading troops into battle, and scoring many effective raids against the enemy. He was hard to hunt down, and at one point was the third most wanted rebel leader after Pirate Lion and Tiger. Platypus’s Ghost Brigade constantly strained the Decepticon pipelines, and tied up resources in fruitless searches for him and his men. Platypus was present at the final battle between the Autobot Beasts and their Decepticon Enemies, and helped Pirate Lion meet his mortal enemy Gruesome Gator. Platypus fought Armored Armadillo in an epic fight at the same time Gator and Lion had their last duel. Emerging victorious, he now leads the very country he grew up in as an orphan, and is a big supporter of social programs to prevent kids from having lives as hard as his was.
Number: 72
Name: Crooked Crow
Japanese Name: Crowmax
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Nupal
Position: Air Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Big Hook (Purple Man-Catcher)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 3
Species: Crow (Black w/ Blue-Green Armor)
Crow is a plague on Planet Beast. He sows the seeds of war wherever he treads. He plays both sides, and makes his fortune in weapon sales and military industries. Peace means no profits, and no food. For Crow also feasts on the dead. A recently fought battlefield is a buffet to Crow. His Hook weapon is a scythe of doom, accurately representing his effect upon the planet. Crow cannot be stopped by normal means. He somehow escaped the fate of many of his evil brethren during the Final Battle, and is still causing trouble to this day. Crow has several mortal enemies, but none can reach his remote mountain fortress, Castle Crow. Crow leads a group known as the Dirty Birds. His Number Two is Bionical Buzzard, and membership includes Vultures, Blue Jays, Condors, Rocs, and even an evil Robin. Crow’s team is the current number two threat to Planet Beast, behind the Laser Beasts and just before the Reforming Decepticon Beast Army.
Number: 73
Name: Frenzied Flamingo
Japanese Name: Mingo Kid
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Heles
Position: Air Combat Unit
Weapon Name: Performancer (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Flamingo (Pink w/ Blue Armor)
No one can stop the Mingo Kid! He’s the greatest sharpshooter in Heles, and is aiming to be the best on Planet Beast. He slices, he dices, he makes julian fries. The Mingo Kid is a one man army. Mingo Kid fancies himself an outlaw, despite hardly breaking any laws in his young life. He hasn’t even jaywalked. Mingo Kid grew up in the final days of the Decepticon Occupation, so he has only a few memories of fighting them, the rest of his short life has been spent living in freedom and rebuilding his planet. He became Emperor of Heles after a tornament to fill the empty Emperor’s seat, and claimed the throne after a quick battle where he defeated thirteen other Beasts while standing on one leg. The Mingo Kid is currently looking for a sidekick for some troublemaking, applicants are encouraged to visit the Emperor’s Palace in Heles in person to apply.
Number: 74
Name: Fleet-Footed Antelope
Japanese Name: Little Serow
Ruler of Country: King of Parmira
Position: Land Combatant
Weapon Name: Serow Carbine (Purple Spear/Rifle)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Antelope (Tan w/ Red Armor)
Antelope my ruby red eye, this guy is a goat, pure and simple. Whatever the case, Little Serow likes to name himself after influential people in order to make himself feel important. That’s hardly necessary, as LS has the only gun available to the original Battle Beasts. This makes him a fierce opponent, even if he seems to only be using the weapon as a spear by only using the bayonet. Maybe LS is searching for the fabled Lost Treasure of the Bullet. Instead of visiting Panda for some gunpowder, he’s too busy strutting his stuff. The Laser Beasts and their laser guns will show Little Serow the true meaning of firepower.
Number: 75
Name: Pugnacious Penguin
Japanese Name: Peguinis
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Jonston
Position: Ice Field Combatant
Weapon Name: Freeze Dryer (Purple Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Penguin (Black and White w/ Blue Armor)
Penguin may be short, but he is mighty. Penguin’s Freeze Dryer Spear leaves his enemies cold. Decepticons better carry some de-icer with them. Penguin’s nickname is Jack Frost, as his frosty attacks are some of the most fearful events to happen in the arctic region. His short statue allows him unparalleled ability to sneak into enemy bases. Penguin’s long march against the enemy paid off when they were driven from the planet. His new march against the Laser Beasts has just begun, but one can be sure that Penguin will not stop marching until he reaches his goal, the freedom of Planet Beast. Penguin is so obsessed with his goals that he has no outside hobbies or interests, and spends every second commited to his battle work.
Number: 76
Name: Ossified Orangutan
Japanese Name: Udan
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Iriano
Position: Tactics Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Jungle Spear (Purple Broad-Tipped Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 3
Species: Orangutan (Brown w/ Green Armor)
Having one of the worst limb losses and subsequent entire artificial arm replacement, Orang is famous for being the “one-armed Ape.” Orang is a former head of a cola company, and still obsessively drinks Grape Soda by the 2-liter bottle-full. He is known to charge into battle with his spear in one hand, and a keg of Grape Ape Soda in the other. Orang is known as a gentle giant, but when he is roused for battle, he is one of the fiercest fighters out there. Orang and Bongo have teamed up to search for the missing war hero Bonobo, who disappeared on a dangerous mission years ago. It is believed he was captured by the enemy, transported to a strange land, and then escaped and is living in the wild trying to return home.
Series 3, Part ILaser Beasts, Part I

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Beastformers.com
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!