Battle Beasts

Battle Beast Files – Series 2, Part 2

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 2, Part II!

Number: 41
Name: Run Amuk Duck
Japanese Name: Smile Duck
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Tel Es Sawan
Position: Amphibious Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Smilon (Golden Mace/Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Duck (Yellow w/ Light Blue Armor)
Smile Duck or Run Amuk Duck? Both names are pretty keen. Duck isn’t so bad himself, with one hand replaced with a slicing blade that looks like one of the most dangerous weapons in the Beast world. Duck’s ability to fight on land, air, and water is a triple threat, without the snakes. Duck’s ability to smile in the face of danger is an added bonus that improves moral. Duck is usually the joker of the group, providing much needed breaks of hilarity that help crack the monotonous cruelty of war. Smile Duck’s psychoanalysis is troubling, and leading Beast Psychologists think that Smile Duck will one day have a mental collapse and be brought down by extreme depression. At that time, he has the name Sad Duck waiting for him. Duck’s weapon is a crazed combination of a mace and an axe, with plenty of extra parts to confuse the enemy. No one knows that one of those parts is actually a fife, which Duck plays during his solitary reflection time.
Number: 42
Name: Miner Mole
Japanese Name: Underground
Ruler of Country: King of Loze
Position: Underground Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Ungrinder (Golden Blunt Mech-Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Mole (Lavender w/ Purple Armor)
A mole in the hole is worth two in the bush. Wait, that’s not right… Underground is a cool name as well, we’re finally having a run of them. This Mole is available in two armor colors, thanks to an obvious paint change. In addition to this purple form, there is a form with black armor. The Black Armor is supposed to be the rare version, but it’s the version I had for the longest time until I located a Purple Mole. We can assume that these two are brothers. Twins, even. The Mole family celebrated their birth with great celebration, as mole twins are a rare occurrence. Because of their rarity, they were targeted for theft by Decepticon-allied Beasts. Both Miner Moles had to fight for their lives when but children, after their underground tunnel was raided by the evil Gopher Clan. Soon the twins turned the Gophers into Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts. They’ve since moved on to defending Planet Beast from it’s enemies. Purple Mole is noted for his love of soap carving.
Number: 42
Name: The Other Miner Mole
Japanese Name: The Other Underground
Ruler of Country: The Other King of Loze
Position: Underground Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Ungrinder (Golden Blunt Mech-Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Mole (Lavender w/ Black Armor)
The second mole in the bush, The Other Miner Mole is Underground wearing his new black costume. Thanks to a paint variation, we now need two copies of Mole to be completists. Black Underground isn’t a goth version of Mole, though that would have been odd. He’s need some more mascara and paler skin, maybe more leather straps. The twin of Purple Mole, Black Mole is like his brother, an enemy of the Gopher Clan and staunch defenders of Planet Beast. Mole’s clamp arm is handy in doing plumbing work back in the Castle Loze. Fast Fact: Castle Loze is located underground, because it’s all Moles! Neither of these two paint variations look like the one on the poster, which is very very odd. Black Mole is noted for his love of wood carving.
Number: 43
Name: Cutthroat Cuttlefish
Japanese Name: Cuttledeep
Ruler of Country: Emperor of North Yutoranta
Position: Deep-Sea Demolition Soldier
Weapon Name: Dream Spear (Golden Two-Headed Short Spear)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Cuttlefish (White w/ Gray Armor)
One of the baddies in the Blackthorne Comic Series, and one of my favorite Beasts! Described in the comics as “a wishy-washy whiner. His strong suit is switching sides in the middle of a fight, and changing loyalties at the drop of a hat.” This plays out when he joins Ruhin after he appears, and Ruhin then turns him into a stone statue. I guess that’s the end of Cutthroat Cuttlefish in the comics. Since Ruhin can turn Beasts to stone, why didn’t he just turn his enemies to stone? Maybe he could only turn his followers. Anyway, Cutthroat was called “Squid” growing up, because that’s what he was to us. Cutthroat also had a problem with his arms breaking, both copies I have of him have limb casualties. One of those casualties was painted green, had a shell glued to his back, and went by the name “Nautilus” until the glue wore off and the shell vanished. Still, Cutthroat was just a neat looking guy. His arm that is replaced by a spear (or an explosive tipped one if you buy the Blackthorne Bio) was also a nice touch. Cutthroat rules the country of North Yutoranta, the Yutoranta known for it’s great cuisine and tree-sized mushrooms. These mushrooms cause you to hallucinate, and tripping on the ‘shrooms is why Cutthroat cut off his own arm, as it had grown a mouth and was attempting to eat him, or so he thought.
Number: 44
Name: Eager Beaver
Japanese Name: Bebop (or Beavup)
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Aluchian
Position: Amphibious Reconnaissance Unit
Weapon Name: Saw Beat (Golden Sawtooth Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Beaver (Yellow w/ Brown Armor)
Eager Beaver is one of the good ones. He’s cool looking, has a cool looking weapon, and from his Japanese names it looks like they were trying to make him into the Jazz or Blaster of the Battle Beasts. He spends all his time listening to cool tunes and breakdancing, when he’s not building dams, spying on the enemy, or splashing his tail on the water to warn of danger. Eager Beaver will not wait to fight the enemy, he makes the enemy fight him, whether they are ready or not. The first thing the enemy usually says is “A yellow beaver?” right before they get some buck teeth in their behind. Beaver then does some dance-flip moves against his opponents, including the ultra-powerful “Electric Beavaloo.” Eager Beaver is the Beast you send when you want to send a message to the enemy, that message being “You Got Served!”
Number: 45
Name: Slasher Seahorse
Japanese Name: Junior Dragon
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Agos
Position: Underwater Demolition Soldier
Weapon Name: Screw Spinner (Golden Short Bent Trident)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Seahorse (Brown w/ Light Blue Armor)
Seahorse, or Junior Dragon, lives under the sea. There’ll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans under the sea! Well, from the list so far, most of these crustaceans aren’t that friendly. In fact, they all seem evil. Is anyone in the water a good guy? Have you noticed that the Decepticon Beasts have a Sea Mine “Explosives” Soldier, a Deep-Sea Demolition Soldier, and an Underwater Demolition Soldier? That’s a lot of underwater blowing up. Planet Beast must be full of lakes and oceans that explode constantly due to the large amount of explosive devices inside. It’s probably a rare day when bodies of water aren’t exploding. Junior Dragon is the son of Senior Dragon, a Legendary Beast who once killed 19 Beasts before breakfast. Junior Dragon has only killed three Beasts before breakfast, and it was more like brunch, and they were quite old Beasts who may have died from old age, and they might not really be dead. But he’s trying!
Number: 46
Name: Knight Owl
Japanese Name: Nightowl
Ruler of Country: King of Agos
Position: Night Warfare Commander
Weapon Name: Night Saber (Golden Fleur-de-lis Shortsword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Owl (Brown w/ Blue Armor)
Knight Owl is famous for being one of the Good Guys in the Blackthrone comic. He’s a wild and crazy guy, as they wanted to go total opposite from the “wise old owl” stereotype. It looks like Japan was feeling that as well, but they made him a villain who lead night assaults upon the forces of good. Using his cybernetic eye, Owl sweeps over the battle field and strikes where he can. Knight Owl got his eye in a fight with the Borg, both him and Blitzkrieg Bat we captured and there was assimilation attempts, Borg components attached, some battling, and escape, and lasting cybernetic eyes. Both Owl and Bat were taken because they were the only ones up that night flying in the air. Knight Owl forged his sword out of the melted down Borg components he took off of his body as he was healing. Renamed the Night Saber, it adapts to his opponents’ attacks and has become one of the deadliest weapons on Planet Beast. Knight Owl is now a hero, but his dark Borg past still haunts him, unlike Bat who has wiped his mind from the memories. Knight Owl thinks that he might one day turn back to the path of evil, and has prepared plans for a suicide attack to go down in a blaze of glory were that to happen. Let’s hope the sun always shines on Nightowl.
Number: 47
Name: Hunchback Camel
Japanese Name: Yellow Camelus
Ruler of Country: King of Tel Es Sawan
Position: Transportation Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Airnizer (Golden Cactus-Leaf-Shaped Club)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Camel (Tan w/ Orange Armor)
Let’s hear it for Camel! Camel! He’s Yellow! He’s a camel! Give him a hand! Someone? Anyone? No one likes Camel. So sad. Camel didn’t do anything wrong, except be a camel. That’s not really a crime, but compared to the many awesome Beasts out there, being a camel isn’t the cream of the crop. It isn’t even close to cream. There is no cream. Camels spit, so maybe Hunchback should have spitting powers. Sadly, his job is Transportation Staff Officer, which means that people ride on his back. How demeaning is that? Camel gets no respect. I say, Camel should be respected! Look at his weapon! It’s a cactus leaf on a stick! How cool is that? Very cool. Camel also has the best defense against the horde of evil water Beast, he can live in the desert!
Number: 48
Name: Pillaging Polar Bear
Japanese Name: Polar Battle Bear
Ruler of Country: King of North Yutoranta
Position: Ice Field Combat Unit
Weapon Name: Polar Freezer (Golden Crescent Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Bear (White Polar w/ Baby Blue Armor)
Oh, come on! The Heck this guy looks like a freaking Polar Bear! He’s a Llama, and you know it! No one thinks this goon is a Polar Bear! Polar Bears aren’t that streamlined! Where’s the black parts that make him look like an actual bear? This is a lie. A dirty, dirty Battle Beast LIE! Not only that, “Polar Bear” doesn’t even have a number on his body, only his weapon is numbered. “Polar Bear” is the only Beast without a number on his body. Because he’s not a real polar bear! He’s a Llama who got lost, then lied to the military recruiters when they came by so he could get into the army. Was life under the Aztecs that cruel? I guess it was. He’s rather live in the arctic than be ritually sacrificed. well, me too. Good thing I don’t suck as much as “Polar Bear” does. You are a Llama. Llama llama llama.
Number: 49
Name: Flying Attacker
Japanese Name: Squire Squirrel
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Hariso
Position: Land and Air Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Musasa Beamer (Golden Scimitar)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Flying Squirrel (Yellow w/ Blue Armor)
Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a Plane! It’s…a squirrel? Oh, that’s right, some squirrels fly. Like this one, Squire Squirrel. Suire Squirrel likes to fly around and drop bombs on the enemy, which doesn’t mean what you think it does, you dirty minded pervert! Get out of the gutter and get into Battle Beasts! Flying Attacker is not a name, but a description. What a lame name. That would be like if my name was “Internet Writer”. Totally lame. At least he has the Musasa Beamer, which has the cool “Musasa” name. Musasa is like Mufasa, so it’s cool. Mufasa! I mean, Musasa! Take that, Hyenas! This is all well and good, until Squire Squirrel was killed by his brother Scar Squirrel, who took over the Squirrel Pride. Luckily, Swiny Boar, Marauding MeerKat, and Simba Squirrel returned to defeat him. Disney made a movie out of it, but changed a few details. Namely, Swiny Boar doesn’t eat bugs, he eats mud.
Number: 50
Name: Saber Sword Tiger
Japanese Name: Platinum Tiger
Ruler of Country: King of Hariso
Position: Honor Combatant
Weapon Name: Saber Sword (Golden Fencing Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Saber-toothed Tiger (Yellow w/ Light Blue Armor)
Saber Sword Tiger is the first of a kind, the Beast who is an extinct animal. In Battle Beast Lore, the Saber Sword Tigers were the Royal Guards for the Lion Royal Family, and Platinum Tiger was imprisoned in a Holography Mirror as he tried to call for help from the Autobots. He even has a special holographic card, that came packaged with Triple Threat Snake (in Japan only.) Armed with a fencing sword, he looks like a danger. You can see why he was a guard in the Royal Family. After finally being freed, Saber Sword Tiger joined the Autobot Beasts and helped save Planet Beast. Currently, Saber Sword Tiger is leading an expedition into the jungles of Hogland to search for the legendary Stoned Pig. He likes strawberries.
Number: 51
Name: Bludgeoning Bulldog
Japanese Name: Bullorn
Ruler of Country: King of Madora
Position: Sergeant
Weapon Name: Bullstick (Golden Cane)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Bulldog (Brown w/ Black Armor)
Bulldog has a cane, so he got a lot of “Old Bulldog” jokes and took on a persona like Ironhide from the Transformers, and eventually Kup. According to his position, he’s a Sergeant, which means he whips the troops into shape. Imagine him like R. Lee Ermey, yelling at his troops “We keep Beast Heaven packed with fresh souls!” and “I’m going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world.” On captured Beasts “What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?” That’s what any good Battle Beast cartoon needs.
Number: 52
Name: Pew-trid Skunk
Japanese Name: Ultragas
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Loze
Position: Construction Soldier
Weapon Name: Air-Changer (Golden Curved Scimitar)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Skunk (Purple w/ Black Armor)
The Battle Beasts answer to Stinkor, Skunk is unfortunately not made with special smelly plastic, so he doesn’t have a bad smell. Skunk himself is armed with a gasmask and some weird tubs sticking out of the tops of his arms. He looks like some sort of psychotic Goth all clubbed up. His Japanese name is the terrible Ultragas, which makes you think of things besides Skunk shooting poison gas from his rear. Wait, yes it does, just not in that way. Skunk is a messed up individual, living a solitary life as he mixes poison gases together to dispense on his enemies. His enemies despise him. His allies avoid him. He has no family, no friends, no nothing, except his gas. Precious, precious gas. What the heck is a “Construction Soldier” anyway? Does he attack buildings under construction? Does he build stuff on the battlefield, an odd job for a poison gas specialist? This is heading to a disturbing area, so let’s move on to Series Three…
Series 2, Part ISeries 3, Part I

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 11, 2006 at 11:53 am

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Series 2, Part 1

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 2, Part I!

Number: 29
Name: Icky Iguana
Japanese Name: Iguanamons
Ruler of Country: King of Onomis
Position: Special Demolition Soldier
Weapon Name: Monsaberer (Brass Lightning-shaped Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Iguana (Lime Green w/ Orange Armor)
A big freaking lime neon green lizard. Icky daringly wears orange with his lime body, knowing full well the fashion faux pas he’s creating. That’s why they call him Icky! For some reason Japan has given him a plural name with Iguanamons, but the “mons” is included in his Monssaberer weapon name. I guess they are referring to Olympus Mons, the highest point on the planet Mars. Hopefully, because “mons” also means “a mound of fatty tissue covering the pubic area in women”! That would make Iguanamons one of the dirtiest Beast names out there. (But not the dirtiest, he’s in Series 3!) Icky wasn’t that fascinating, sadly for him, and never did much. I managed to get two of him for some reason, and the one that lost an arm I painted dark blue, but this was while I was 12 or so, so it’s sloppily done. Still, for a one-armed messy blue Iguana, he still looks more like a winner than Icky himself. Take that, Icky! Icky is the King of Onions. Huh? Oh, Onomis. There, too!
Number: 30
Name: Armored Armadillo
Japanese Name: Brown Gyro
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Eras
Position: Land Armored Soldier
Weapon Name: Gyroder (Brass Double-Bladed Scythe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Armadillo (Brown w/ Purple Armor)
Armored Armadillo is sort of an oxymoron. He was a manly man, wearing Purple Armor that bordered on pink. I’m guessing his double-sided weapon had some sort of gyroscope-related attack where it spun around or something, thus giving him the “Gyro” theme he had in Japan. Brown Gyro is not a cool name, either. You’d think he’d have a neat name, but instead Armadillo just balls himself up and hides from the world. His armored skin was a protection most Beasts couldn’t best, so Armadillo made it near the top tier numerous times, but the fact that he’s just an armadillo kept him out of the winners’ circle. I had two of him as well, one of which got a nice black paintjob, I guess he’d be Black Gyro! Armadillo is the Emperor of all Eras of Battle Beast history, or just a country named after a unit of time in plurals.
Number: 31
Name: Jaded Jag
Japanese Name: Power Jaguar
Ruler of Country: King of Aluchian
Position: Land Offensive Adjutant
Weapon Name: Jag Spear (Brass Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Jaguar (Yellow w/ Blue Armor)
Jaded Jag is so jaded he can no longer fight for his country. Jaded was burnt out by all the propaganda, all the cries of “For Fire, For Wood, For Water, and For Beast Star!” Jaded got sick of standing for the national anthem and posing for propaganda posters. Jaded got tired of the endless wars in impossibly small countries like Rabihos and Petora. Jaded felt betrayed by all the talk of loyalty and patriotism, but when he returned home, he was abandoned by the government. Jaded ended up living in the streets, unemployable due to post-traumatic stress disorder. Luckily, Jaded was helped out by a friend. A friend in need is a friend indeed, and Jaded Jag’s friend was his longtime brother-in-arms, Jaded Leopard. Jaded Leopard may just look like Jaded Jag in red armor, but he’s a whole different cat. A cat who looks out for his fellow felines. Jaded Leopard helped Jaded Jag get the therapy he needed, and now Jaded Jag ain’t so jaded, but he keeps the name, to remember.
Number: 31
Name: Jaded Leopard
Japanese Name: Power Leopard
Ruler of Country: The Other King of Aluchian
Position: Land Offensive Adjutant
Weapon Name: Leopard Spear (Brass Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Leopard (Yellow w/ Red Armor)
Jaded Leopard is just a red repaint of Jaded Jag. I renamed him Leopard because I wanted both armor colors, and he could easily be a different Beast. For some reason, the Red version is considered the common version, but when I was growing up, the blue one was everywhere, and the red took me forever to find. The Jaded paint variations and the Mole paint variations were the most commonly known variations, since they are the most obvious. So Leopard is Jaded Jag’s closest friend, and is the only reason Jaded Jag hasn’t gone down the dark road of despair to the big emptyness beyond.
Number: 32
Name: Humungous Hippo
Japanese Name: Strong Hippo
Ruler of Country: King of Ganborujia
Position: Amphibious Transportation Unit
Weapon Name: Aqua Hippo (Brass Crested Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Hippo (Gray w/ Blue Armor)
Hippos are one of the most feared animals in Africa. Humungous Hippo, unfortunately, is just an average Beast on the fear factor, possibly leaning toward “cute” status. The problem is he looks too much like a Hungry Hungry Hippo. That should have been his real name, anyway. Hippo was packaged with the Shocking Shark base in Japan, thus justifying his Amphibious Transportation Unit title. When not transporting units, he’s the King of Ganborujia, known for it’s delicious mangoes and it’s ridiculously long name.
Number: 33
Name: Major Moose
Japanese Name: Wave-Moose
Ruler of Country: King of Eras
Position: Supersonic Mountain Combatant
Weapon Name: Wave-Mooser (Brass Antler Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Moose (Brown w/ Light Blue Armor)
Major Moose and Colonel Bird are the military ranked Beasts. They sit in their war room and come up with strategies to send hundreds of young Beasts to their deaths. Thanks to kickbacks from the Military Industrial Complex, Major Moose can retire a millionare. Too bad for him Pirate Lion won’t let him retire, and is forcing him to personally lead a land assult on a heavily fortified base. Alone. At twelve noon. Dressed like a clown. Armed with three tomatoes and a carrot. Who’s making money now, Major? Seriously, this guy is the Supersonic Mountain Combatant, which sounds ridiculous, and even his weapon is called a “Wave-Mooser” meaning it might shoot sonic waves or something. Just ignore that it looks like a menorah.
Number: 34
Name: Delta Chameleon
Japanese Name: Green Chameles
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Onomis
Position: Camouflaged Offensive Soldier
Weapon Name: Magna-Leon (Brass Two-Tined Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Chameleon (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Here he is. The main villain from the Blackthorne Battle Beasts comic. Delta Chameleon. Just called Chameleon by Blackthorne, probably because his real first name is the delta character, not delta spelled out, and they thought he was just called “Chameleon”. In the comics, Chameleon could change his symbol to either Fire, Wood, or Water at will; and masterminded the villain characters, basically plunging the world into a land of chaos and destruction. With his camouflage ability, Delta would be a formidable opponent. Usually set up as a hidden warrior who was hard to see during playtime, he was easily exposed by throwing mud or flour on him, allowing the main character Beasts to defeat him easily. Delta was usually one of the bad Beasts, on the playground, in the comics, and in Japan (being a Decepticon) making him a universally recognized Evil Mastermind of Evil Evilness. He’s so bad, he probably uses the Powerglove to play Super Mario Brothers 3. Delta plays by his own rules, and even defies the Beasts on his side, working against them if it’s in his own interest. He is a rival of Puzzelcolor, and craves stealing his Shield Battler for himself. One day he will succeed, but how many Beasts will be hurt in his attempt?
Number: 35
Name: Kickback Kangaroo
Japanese Name: Jungaroo
Ruler of Country: King of Chibara
Position: Jumping Combatant
Weapon Name: Garoorang (Brass Boomerang Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Kangaroo (Gray w/ Aqua Armor)
“Jumping Combatant”? Way to stereotype. The wonder from down under, the king of the ring, Kickback Kangaroo will hop his way into your heart! Like all kangaroos, Kickback enjoys boxing, hopping, boomerang throwing, and kicking it with his homies. Kickback is not to be confused with Laser Beast Kickback (a grasshopper) or the Insecticon Kickback (an Insecticon). Perhaps Kickback should get a less common name. Like Kickbutt! Kangaroo has a boxing glove over his left hand, allowing him to punch his way to victory. Kangaroo was a cool Beast, and was always near the top of the heap fightwise. His boomerang sword allowed dramatic moments like him throwing the sword, getting cut down by a foe, and then the sword spinning back and impaling the foe in the back. This made good imaginary cinema for 9 year olds.
Number: 36
Name: Octillion Octopus
Japanese Name: Red Octo
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Tamalaham
Position: Sea Mine “Explosives” Soldier
Weapon Name: Octo-Anchor (Brass Double-Headed Arrow Spear)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Octopus (Red w/ Blue Armor)
Red Octo manages to have another unimaginative name from Japan. Far more interesting is that Octillion Octopus was bought by my sister, and she subsequently made Octopus into a girl. So whenever I see Octopus, I think of her as a her. So she is the Emperess of Tamalaham. She is an Explosives Soldier. She is a Decepticon. What is with the name Tamalaham? It’s like Lama-rama-ding-dong! Maybe it’s named after the President Tamalaham Lincoln. Octopus’s got 8 arms, thus being an octopus. Exciting, but Octopus was outclassed by Cutthroat Cuttlefish as far as the tentacle-brigade goes.
Number: 37
Name: Wolfgang Walrus
Japanese Name: Sea-Iron
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Chibara
Position: Underwater Maneuvers Unit
Weapon Name: Sea Saber (Brass Harpoon Axe Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Walrus (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
The child prodigy who became the greatest composer of the Classical age. The apparent simplicity and clarity of his music belies its enormous difficulties, and he is especially famous for his piano concertos, operas, string quartets and wild sense of humor. Oh, wait, that was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! Wolfgang Walrus is a Battle Beast who isn’t full of blubber, despite being full of blubber! Wait, that doesn’t work….but we’ll go with it anyway! Ruling Chibara with Kangaroo (that is an odd pairing) Walrus is a tusk above the rest. Wolfgang Walrus has brilliant white tusks, unlike his brother, Ludwig. Wolfgang further shows off his pearly whites by added white highlights to his armor, thus bringing out his brightness more. Wolfgang earns $51,500 a year from Crest doing advertising.
Number: 37
Name: Ludwig von Walrus
Japanese Name: Sea-Iron
Ruler of Country: The Other Emperor of Chibara
Position: Underwater Maneuvers Unit
Weapon Name: Ludwig von Sea Saber (Brass Harpoon Axe Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Walrus (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
This is the Grey-tusked version of Wolfgang Walrus, his brother, Ludwig. Ludwig is not a big believer in Oral Hygiene, thus he has never cleaned his tusks. Ludwig vows to only clean them when “the enemies of my people are vanquished forever!” As new enemies keep popping up, Ludwig’s tusks have taken the same dirty-grey color as he is. Ludwig’s main distinction from his brother is his green eyes, which he gets from their father, Johann Sebastian Walrus. Ludwig has, in turn, added green highlights to his armor, where his brother uses white. They weild identical weapons.
Number: 38
Name: Powerhouse Mouse
Japanese Name: Scout Mouse
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Ganborujia
Position: Special Reconnaissance Soldier
Weapon Name: Scousaber (Brass Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Mouse (Gray w/ Red Armor)
Mickey’s little brother Powerhouse fell into a timewarp and emerged on Plant Beastia. He was at first shunned, but soon learned the Way of the Warrior and became a great fighter. Soon, he developed Beast Symbol powers, and designed his weapon, the Scousaber. Powerhouse was always greedy and looked out for himself, despite Mickey’s teachings. He turned to the dark side, and joined the Decepticons. Powerhouse’s skill of sneaking around came in handy during many important battles, such as the Battle of Bison Hill, and the Battle of Bodonia. Powerhouse took over leadership of Ganborujia, but it cost him his left hand, which has been replaced by a shovelhead. This new hand aides Powerhouse in digging tunnels beneath enemy bases, furthering his sneaky ways.
Number: 39
Name: Dragoon Raccoon
Japanese Name: Dark Raccoon
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Madora
Position: Explosives Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Dark Fire (Brass Pinetree-Shaped Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Raccoon (Tan w/ Green Armor)
Dark Raccoon is an actual good Japanese name. Amazing. Too bad it doesn’t make much sense, as Dark Raccoon is an Autobot, aka a good guy! Maybe Dark means something different in Japan. Dark Raccoon likes to blow stuff up, just like real raccoons. Dark Raccoon would blow more stuff up, but he’s too busy washing his food before he eats it. He washes his food all the time, constantly. He misses fights, important events, epic battles, the birth of his firstborn son, everything, because he must wash his food. He even forgets to defuse bombs because he has to wash his food, the resulting explosion killed Slasher Seahorse’s father, turning him evil.
Number: 40
Name: Antic Anteater
Japanese Name: Power Nozzle
Ruler of Country: King of Tamalaham
Position: Vacuum Offensive soldier
Weapon Name: Nozzle Arm (Brass Three-Pincered Club)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Anteater (Red w/ Aqua-green Armor)
Power Nozzle? Now that’s two cool Japanese names in a row! Japan seems fixated on Anteater’s oral ability, christening him a Vacuum Offensive soldier. This is because he sucks! Wait, not that kind of suck. He does the non-sucking sucking. Anteater shares rulership over Tamalaham with Octopus, as that country like rulers who are red. Anteater’s greatest nemesis was Attacking Ant, and they fought a duel for three weeks at the top of Mount Madora, until Anteater plunged his club into the skull of Attacking Ant, slaying him. Anteater performed the Ritual of the Twelve Nights, fasting over his defeated foe except for the pieces of Attacking Ant that he ritually ate. This gave Anteater added powers, which aide him in battle. Attacking Ant’s brother, Avenging Ant, vows that he will bring the killer of his kin to justice. For the time being, Antic Anteater is still large and in charge.
Series 1, Part IISeries 2, Part II

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 27, 2006 at 7:15 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Series 1, Part 2

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 1, Part II!

Number: 15
Name: Gruesome Gator
Japanese Name: Alligatoron
Ruler of Country: King of Lenonia
Position: Commander in Chief
Weapon Name: Allistretcher (Gold Axe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Alligator (White w/ Olive Armor)
Gruesome Gator was the leader of the Decepticon faction of the Battle Beasts in the Japanese storyline, where he went by the name Alligatoron. He was even killed off, so this guy is dead. Well, not quite dead, as his transparent ghost version returned later. We’ll get to that in a bit. Storyline-wise his family were slaves of the Lion family, which would make him some sort of Spartacus character. His evilness gives him a bad rap, what is Pirate Lion doing having slaves? Inexcusable. In the British comic, Gruesome Gator was a gross guy who loved nasty-smelling things. He wasn’t evil, just gross. Because I was a child who was weird, I gave my Gruesome Gator a garbage bag twist tie belt that doubled as a helicopter backpack. This sentence is probably one of the nerdiest things ever mentioned on the Internet. Please note that I’ve since gratuated to an adult who writes articles about toys on the Internet. Wait, that didn’t help…
Number: 16
Name: Sly Fox
Japanese Name: B-Fox
Ruler of Country: King of Ringostan
Position: Reconnaissance Combatant
Weapon Name: B-Star (Golden Compass Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Fox (Tan w/ White Armor)
“B-Fox”? What the Pirate Lion is a “B-Fox”? Why not “A-Fox”? Does B stand for something? Badass? Bonga? Beast? Bibliography? Even odder, his weapon is the B-Star, yet isn’t shaped like a B or a Star. It’s a D on a stick! He should be D-Fox with the D-Stick weapon. Sly Fox, as us Yanks call him, has white armor for his fox stylings. His name is far less stupid in America, but he still isn’t that interesting of a Beast. B-Fox is on the B-List. Born in Star City, the city is famous for being the hometown of Starman from the Super Mario Bros. games. His card helpfully tells us that “His hatred for the Destron Beasts is unrivaled; sometimes his attacks are sneak attacks.”
Number: 17
Name: Hardtop Tortoise
Japanese Name: Black Turtle
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Halas
Position: Amphibious Soldier
Weapon Name: Black Spark (Golden Fleur-de-lis Shaped Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Tortoise (Black w/ Orange Armor)
Hardtop Tortoise’s greatest feature is his cool green robot claw replacing his left hand. It’s big enough to grab onto arms and necks, as well as bigger weapons and guns from unrelated toy lines. Hardtop Tortoise himself looks pretty cool, and he’d be a tough fighter to take down with all his armor and robotics. In Japan he’s Black Turtle, I’ll ignore my biologist instinct to say that turtles and tortoises are different things. Black Turtle makes me wonder if he is supposed to be Black. African-American Black. Just imaging Hardtop talking like Jazz from Transformers, or maybe like Samuel L. Jackson. “I got Mother F–king Wood, Mother F–ker!” That would be cool. Plus, he could fight Triple Threat Snake on a Plane! Black Turtle is an enemy of Bad Shark in addition to the Autobot Beasts.
Number: 18
Name: Rubberneck Giraffe
Japanese Name: Yellow Giraffe
Ruler of Country: King of Gunmarino
Position: Military Intelligence Combatant
Weapon Name: Low-G Bar (Golden Antler Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Giraffe (Yellow w/ Blue Armor)
Rubberneck Giraffe continues the tradition of the American Beasts generally having better names. At least Yellow Giraffe doesn’t suck. Rubberneck is one of the taller Beasts, but height isn’t that great of a variation in this world. Yes, Rubberneck just turns out to be another Beast who is good, but not great, and fails to make the A-List. Rubberneck does have a neat weapon, with it’s antler-shaped design. It looks like a tree branch turned into a sword. It would have been cool had it been a real tree (a sapling) that Rubberneck used to beat Beasts with. More toys need to have people who use trees as weapons. His card claims that “He has knowledge like an encyclopedia. He is the oldest, but destructive power still is enormous!” Well, too bad for him.
Number: 19
Name: Prickly Porcupine
Japanese Name: Hedgehog
Ruler of Country: King of Hogland
Position: Special Forces Combatant
Weapon Name: Hegrinder (Dark Silver Trident)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Porcupine (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Ah, Prickly Porcupine, you spine-covered bastard! How hard you are to kill, your spikes stab anyone who gets close. With yellow armor molded around the spines, you are a danger to all who come near you. Your Japanese name calls you a Hedgehog, but you are a Porcupine of Doom! Your Hegrinder weapons betrays it’s function: “HE”-grinding, the grinding of your male enemies. Sonic ain’t got nothing on you! Born in Hogs Town in the country of Hogland, they really want him to be a hedgehog. Well, too bad. Once a porcupine, always a porcupine. Porcupine sells his quills to women to use for sewing clothes, the garments are then stitched very strongly.
Number: 20
Name: Sawtooth Shark
Japanese Name: Badshark
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Sheepnia
Position: Underwater Soldier
Weapon Name: Backspin (Dark Silver Trident)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Shark (Light Blue w/ Blue Armor)
Sawtooth Shark swims his way to victory, devouring his enemies in a feeding frenzy of death! I got two of these dudes as one was packaged with a vehicle. One of those Sawtooth’s managed to lose an arm, which was promptly replaced with a blue radar stand with a red dish from some unknown toy set. It fit right into the hole, so all was saved. He became “Cyber Shark”. Sawtooth has a decent Japanese name with Badshark, and a decent weapon with his trident, though why it’s named “Backspin” I shall not know. Sharks aren’t known for backspinning. Backfins, yes. There is a shark base, the Shocking Shark, which my two Sharks were always involved with. An army of Sharks would be a forminable opponent. Several Sawtooth Sharks appeared in the Blackthrone comics fighting along the shore when Ruhin arrived, but they didn’t say much more than “Raarg!”
Number: 21
Name: Danger Dog
Japanese Name: Bowdog
Ruler of Country: King of Bodonia
Position: Scientist Combatant
Weapon Name: Dog Fighter (Dark Silver Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Dog (Brown w/ Green Armor)
There’s no need to fear, Danger Dog is here! When criminals in this world appear, And break the laws that they should fear, And frighten all who see or hear, The cry goes up both far and near for Danger Dog, Danger Dog, Danger Dog, Danger Dog. Danger Dog and his freaky weapon put the “wow” in bow-wow! The first of four dogs in the Battle Beast Cast, Danger Dog shows that to him, danger is no stranger. As for Japan, all they get is Bowdog, the dog who bows before everyone. We totally outclassed them. Born in Dog City. Those Beasts sure need to come up with better names for their cities, what’s next, Frog City? Hog City? Cock City? Someone needs to stop this brazen city naming.
Number: 22
Name: Hare Razing Rabbit
Japanese Name: Rabbit Kid
Ruler of Country: King of Rabihos
Position: Communication Combatant
Weapon Name: Rabbit Spear (Dark Silver Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Rabbit (Aqua w/ Teal-green Armor)
Rabbit Kid might actually be a cool Japanese name. Perhaps the makers of Battle Beasts could see into the future and read the Redwall novels and their crazy Hares of the Long Patrol, and thus they wanted to import that craziness into their rabbit character. Or, maybe they were ripping on Bucky O’Hare, from the short-lived cartoon series. Maybe even those rabbit aliens from the Star Wars Marvel comics. The one true thing is that Hare Razing Rabbit was the inspiration for Matt Groening to draw rabbit characters, and eventually The Simpsons. Thank you, Hare Razing Rabbit. He’s the King of the Rabihos. No, they aren’t Rabbit Ho’s, but it’s a combination of Rabbit and Horse. Still, they probably got some ho’s. Cheap.
Number: 23
Name: Sir Sire Horse
Japanese Name: Bluehorse
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Rabihos
Position: High-Speed Combatant
Weapon Name: Tomahorse (Dark Silver Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Horse (Aqua w/ Blue Armor)
A Blue Horse? I know Blue is a popular horse name, but there aren’t any real blue horses, until now. Sir Sire Horse was knighted at some point, giving him an air of snottery, instead of the cool knight feelings it’s supposed to give you. SSH’s weapon is a big freaking axe, cleverly called the Tomahorse. Still, he’s just a horse, and a horse is a horse, of course, of course. This horse is unexceptional, but not terrible.
Number: 24
Name: War Weasel
Japanese Name: Giada
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Saitan
Position: Land Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Lenskia (Dark Silver Scythe-ish Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Weasel (Red w/ Blue Armor)
War Weasel was a bad looking dude. He’s got himself a gas mask, and a machine gun for a left hand! As a child, it was hard to tell just what the heck he was supposed to be, so we just called him “Badger”. I still call him Badger out of habit. In Japan, he’s named Giada, which means that the host of Food Network’s Everyday Italian, Giada De Laurentiis, may have been the inspiration for his name. His oddly shaped weapon, a nasty looking thing, is named the equally perplexing Lenskia. His perplexing name and perplexing appearance, in addition to his machine gun, made him pretty popular. Versions of War Weasel included with vehicles was made out of a pinker plastic, so he has a pink variation. Pink works out well for him, with his big gun and huge weapon, no one would dare say anything.
Number: 25
Name: Bloodthirsty Bison
Japanese Name: Violet Horn
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Bodonia
Position: Supernatural-Strength Combatant
Weapon Name: Tomahorn (Dark Silver Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Bison (Brown w/ Purple Armor)
Gray Ox? He’s obviously a bison! That’s just a terrible name. Plus, he’s not gray in the slightest, he’s brown with purple armor. I think someone was asleep at the switch when Bloodthirsty Bison’s Naming Day approached. He’s a larger Beast, and has a big axe with hooks on each end of the blade. He gets another Tomahawk pun for his axe’s name, maybe someone in Japan is obsessed with American Indians, or the Atlanta Braves. Indians were said to have used every part of the bison (they actually wasted a lot), but we had no real use for Bloodthirsty Bison in the winner’s section of the Battle Beasts tables. What the heck is a “Supernatural-Strength Combatant”? Is he ghost-powered? Because that would be a good way to get energy independent. Maybe it’s some sort of reference to Indian Spirit Guides or something.
Number: 26
Name: Bighorn Sheep
Japanese Name: Bomb-Sheep
Ruler of Country: King of Sheepnia
Position: Supplier
Weapon Name: Bomb Scissors (Dark Silver Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Ram (Blue w/ Gray Armor)
A big blue ram to smash through the enemies, that’s what Bighorn Sheep promises. Too bad sheep aren’t that exciting. Bighorn Sheep still manages to get his own ride, which is the only ride with big guns sticking out of it. For some reason Bighorn has Metal Armor over his mouth and nose, maybe he has hoof and mouth disease. Or maybe he hates brushing his teeth. Whatever it is, it’s freaking weird. In Japan, he’s Bomb-Sheep, perhaps he works with Snake Bomb in Bomb Land, where every day is Bomb Day! You’d think with this obsession with bombs, one of those two would have some sort of bomb accessory. We don’t even get a suicide bomb suit for them! Bighorn’s Bomb Scissors weapon looks like a robot claw on a stick. It fit nicely around various Beasts’ heads, but Bighorn’s lameness kept him from becoming a big power. His combat job is just Supplier, though a vital role, it doesn’t sell action figures.
Number: 27
Name: Webslinger Spider
Japanese Name: Deathspider
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Hogland
Position: Special Forces Soldier
Weapon Name: Deathbinder (Dark Silver Lyre-shaped Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Spider (Gray w/ Violet Armor)
Now this is a cool Beast! Webslinger Spider just looks like an badass. He’d kick you butt, then spin you up in web and eat you for dinner! Deathspider in Japan, his name is fitting, and his Deathbinder Weapon with webbing decoration looks keen. He was featured in the last issue of the Blackthorne comics as the First Mate to Pirate Lion, speaking in garbled English similar to pirate speak. Thanks to seeing too many Mothra and Godzilla films, Webslinger gained the ability to shoot webbing from his mouth at playtime. With extra arms shooting out of his shoulders, more eyes than you can count, and a hungry looking mouth, Webslinger is set to be a force in the Beast world. Plus, he’s just creepy! Imagine this toy, at night, wandering around your room, teaming up with He-Man’s Webstor to trap and devour your sister’s My Little Ponies. GI Joe is put on the alert, but cannot stop the Webbed Duo from snack-time! Soon, even Barbie herself falls prey. This nightmare is only brought to an end when Optimus Prime breaks out a giant can of Raid and sprays the entire room, killing Webslinger, Webstor, and the entire Insecticon hive (including the Delux Insecticons!) Fare thee well, Webslinger. If anyone knows why he’s Emperor of Hogland and not King of Spidernia or something, please explain.
Number: 28
Name: Crusty Crab
Japanese Name: Crab-Hit
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Sandtoria
Position: Underwater Offensive Soldier
Weapon Name: Crab Scissors (Dark Silver Crab-Claw)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Crab (Red w/ Brown Armor)
Crusty Crab? Ha ha ha! He’s so crusty! Crusty Crab just likes to complain. He complains about his red appearance. He complains about that wierd think on his head that’s either a floodlight or a laser. He complains about his weapon being just a giant wrench with serrated edges. He complains about the ending of Matrix Revolutions. He complains a lot. With his hard skin, which is his exoskeleton, he’s a tough opponent. None of the Beasts are armed with a nutcracker, so that option is out. Luckily, he’s mouth is wide open like a slack-jawed fool, so it would be easy to just stab him there, or throw some dirt in there, and call him a dirt eater, and then take his lunch money. Dirty dirty Dirt Eater! Crusty Crab will complain about eating dirt. A variant packaged with the vehicles came in pink plastic, which may be his wife, Crustette Crab! It’s crab love.

Series 1, Part 1

Series 2, Part 1

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

2 comments - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 19, 2006 at 8:56 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beast Files – Series 1, Part 1

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!

Number: 1
Name: Pirate Lion
Japanese Name: White Leo
Ruler of Country: King of Beastrom
Position: Supreme Commander
Weapon Name: White Beamer (Silver Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Lion (white w/ Blue Armor)
Pirate Lion was the first Battle Beast, Numero Uno, Number One. The king of the beasts became the symbolic Battle Beast. Pirate Lion sports Blue Armor and an eyepatch, showing he’s one tough mug. Pirate Lion was a winner, and was a popular Beast in many circles. In Japan, he was the leader of the Autobot Faction, and later the Battle Beasts in general when they fought the Lazer Beasts. Pirate Lion’s main flaw was the white plastic was prone to limbloss, and more than one Pirate Lion is now sitting armless in someone’s toychest. My particular Pirate Lion lost both of his arms, but currently has them glued on with superglue applied sometime around 1990. Pirate Lion is the Supreme Commander of all the Autobot-allied Beasts. He’s also the King of Beastrom, his family rules over all of Planet Beast (or Beast Star) and he will become the Sunburst Warrior (more on that in that section.) Pirate Lion is the spokesperson for the Battle Beasts, and is their most recognizable symbol. He keeps an eye out for dangers, and his other eye…..well, let’s just say someone got indigestion.
Number: 2
Name: Deer Stalker
Japanese Name: Big Serow
Ruler of Country: King of Saitan
Position: Aide/Adjutant
Weapon Name: Big Boomerang (Silver Bat’leth-style weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Deer (brown w/ Green Armor)
Deer Stalker is a cool mother freaker. He’s got the red shades, the Drill left hand, a cannon over one shoulder, and what we as kids used as lasers on each hip. He even has his own ride, the Deer Stalker Chariot. Deer Stalker was a popular dude on the playground, and was usually in the second tier at least in the storylines played by my sister and I as kids. His nasty Bat’leth (or Boomerang as it’s named) would slice the crap out of any opponent. Deer Stalker also bucks the trend of having armor on the lower legs, he’s too cool for that school as well. If he was in a cartoon, you’d imagine he’s have the same voice as Chester Cheetah. It’s pretty neat how the King of Satan is a good guy…wait? Saitan? Ooooooohhhhh!
Number: 3
Name: Ferocious Tiger
Japanese Name: Goldar
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Gunmarino
Position: Land Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Baton-Gol (Silver double-sided Mace)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Tiger(Yellow w/Brown Armor)
Awesome awesome Beast. Was one of my favorites growing up, almost always a main character. With his triple-rockets stacked on his shoulder, and the fact he’s a freaking tiger, he’s a winner! Ignore the fact he has what looks like a baton for a weapon, something he should be twirling around in the middle of a high school band halftime show performance. It can still break some bones. Tiger likes art and war together, okay? Also, his Japanese name is Goldar? Like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ Goldar? How unfortunate! The Tiger also has his own ride, the Tearing Tiger. Always a winner. The Emperor of Gunmarino, birthplace of Dan Marino. Tiger is secretly the most awesome Beast, but he lets Pirate Lion rule because he doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with being the leader of the world, as Tiger is worried it will corrupt him. He is fiercely loyal to his boss, but is a true patriot at heart and would oppose anyone who would dare hurt Planet Beast, even if it was the entire group of his allies.
Number: 4
Name: Colonel Bird
Japanese Name: Flykick
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Beastrom
Position: Air Combatant
Weapon Name: Flying Typhoon (Silver double-sided Axe/Halberd Thing)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Eagle (White w/Light Blue Armor)
Colonel Bird (or “Flykick”) is a mean bird. He’s usually called an Eagle by those who didn’t know his name for years, or still don’t. His blue armor and white body went well together, so much so that one of my schoolmates thought he was the only one worth having. Then my Colonel Bird promptly disappeared. Coincidence? I think not. Luckily Ebay helpfully reacquainted me with the Colonel Bird Fun Club, and also got me a copy of his weapon for the first time, as mine was packaged with Triple Threat Snake’s weapon! Since this guy is supposed to be the Emperor of Beastrom, and Pirate Lion is the King of Beastrom, does this make Colonel Bird the Number 2 Autobot Beast? Then why is Big Serow always pictured as a Number Two Guy? Probably because he is, and Colonel Bird is just Number 4 or 5 or even lower.
Number: 5
Name: Killer Carp
Japanese Name: Killer Fish
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Lenonia
Position: Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Killer Anchor (Silver Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Carp (White w/ Pink Armor)
One of the two first Beasts I ever bought, Killer Carp is the King of the Fishes! Ignore the Pink Armor, he’s tough enough to wear pink! Killer Carp was even the bad guy in the British Battle Beast comic, where his plan was to melt the polar ice caps and flood the world, so only the Beasts who live in water would be surpreme fighters! This evil genius idea gains him a few points. Plus, he just looks neat! Killer Carp was so popular, that he got two additional versions in Japan, the Clear Ghost Carp, and the Striped Ghost Carp (will be reviewed individually.) Is the Emperor of Lenonia while Alligatoron is the King of Lenonia, so Carp would be the Number Two Decepticon Beast. His card claims that he “is always angry because of an old wound that was inflicted by Deer Stalker that still occasionally hurts.” Maybe he should have ducked. Dreams of having Golden Armor, which give a +3 defense to Fire, Ice, and Nuke.
Number: 6
Name: Triple Threat Snake
Japanese Name: Snake Bomb
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Baraki
Position: Demolition Reconnaissance Soldier
Weapon Name: Bomb Saberer (Silver Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Snake (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Triple Threat Snake is a Triple Threat! Sorry, I had to make that joke, as I must do this one: Snake Bomb is Da BOMB! What kind of name is “Snake Bomb” anyway? At least “Triple Threat” acknowledges that TTS (that’s what us cool people call him) has a snake as each hand! Triple Threat Snake is a solid Beast, and the other of the two original Beasts I first purchased. At least some of the Japanese boxes TTS was packaged in came with a hologram card of Sabre Sword Tiger. His weapon is the Bomb Saberer, which has too many “-er”s for my taste, and should have been called the Triple Threat Smackdowner. TTS also has two laser guns built into his armor which came into play. When TTS isn’t arguing among himself, he’s fighting with anyone he comes across, or attempting to eat Powerhouse Mouse.
Number: 7
Name: Horny Toad
Japanese Name: Drillfrog
Ruler of Country: King of Baraki
Position: Underwater Offensive Soldier
Weapon Name: Log Driller (Silver Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Frog (Green w/ Red Armor)
Horny Toad! MuHAHAHAhahaha! He’s the Horniest Toad of them all! What an unfortunate name! That’s even the English name, his Japanese name, while nonsensicle, at least isn’t provocative. Drillfrog, the Drilling-est Frog of them all! As a biologist I must point out that frogs and toads are different things. Sorry to bore you there. Horny Toad was the leader of the good guys Beasts in the Blackthorne comic series that lasted a whole 4 issues. He was sign water, for those of you keeping score at home, and they basically made him like Kermit in Battle Beast form, except not in love with a pig (as far as I know.) Mr. Frog was never high up in my Battle Beast collection, which is the one that counts. In Japan, the evil Horny Toad shared ruling duties with Snake Bomb in the country of Baraki. Actually, that’s not exciting at all. Plus, Snake Bomb would probably just kill him and become the Emperor King or something.
Number: 8
Name: Sledgehammer Elephant
Japanese Name: Elephan
Ruler of Country: King of Shutoru
Position: Transportation Combatant
Weapon Name: Elehammer (Silver Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Elephant (Lavender w/ Black Armor)
Elephant is in the HOUSE! For some odd reason, Sledgehammer Elephant is a nice shade of lavender, giving him a girlish property. Though his tusks denote him a male, it makes one wonder why they didn’t have any grey plastic on hand. Many grey Beasts exists, but the answer probably is that the lavender plastic was cheaper. This is evidenced as my Sledgehammer Elephant lost himself an arm due to joint wear. He has a hammer for a left hand, giving Sledgehammer the mystic of an Iron Worker slaving away at the forge. Perhaps Sledgehammer is the God Hephaestus in elephant form, which would probably make him Hindu or something. My entire knowledge of Hindu is from Apu on The Simpsons, so don’t take this as gospel. Sledgehammer has a neat-looking sword. Oddly enough, his Battle Badge is placed at his crotch (due to his massive trunk being in the way of his chest) which is oddly perverted. Expect no less from Japan.
Number: 9
Name: Rocky Rhino
Japanese Name: Graysharp
Ruler of Country: King of Petora
Position: Land Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Sharpener (Silver Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Rhinoceros (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Rocky Rhino was one of the more popular kids on the playground when he first came out. He’s a tough-looking dude with his hand replaced with the end of a mace. Rocky looks like he could kick most of the other Beasts’ butts. After more and more Beasts were release, Rocky started dropping down in popularity. Soon he became just another Beast in the middle. It’s a lesson for the times, that you need more than a spiky ball for a hand to make your mark in the world. Rocky is dedicated to protecting the image of Rhinos in popular media, he has protested against the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the movie Ace Ventura 2, and Traditional Chinese Medicine.
Number: 10
Name: Roamin’ Buffalo
Japanese Name: Gray Ox
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Petora
Position: Amphibious Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Okron (Golden Anchor-Shaped Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Buffalo (Gray w/ Dark Green Armor)
Roamin’ Buffalo is another Also-Ran Beast. Unaware of his name, we just called him “Bull” on the playground. With one hand replaced by a yellow clamper, he was useful for pretending to choke other unfortunate opponents. Musky Ox has some sort of lights put into his horns, which may or may not be lasers instead. Nevertheless, he was useful for quick goring action, but usually didn’t figure into long-term play plots. Those were left to flashier Beasts. He and Rocky Rhino ruled Petora together, which must be like ruling Nebraska or something. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Roamin’ Buffalo wasn’t turned into a Warrior in a day, it took three weeks of intensive training. His favorite pastime is getting his okr on.
Number: 11
Name: Grizzly Bear
Japanese Name: Battle Bear
Ruler of Country: King of Sandtoria
Position: Mountains and Forest Combatant
Weapon Name: Great Battler (Gold Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Bear (Brown w/ Blue Armor)
Grizzly Bear has a name that’s far too obvious. At least his Japanese name switches it up a bit, what with Battle Bear. Bear has no particular characteristics that made him very interesting, despite being a bear. He was normally packaged with Bliztkrieg Bat, but that’s not exciting, either. His weapon also fails to excite, despite being a heavily ornimated gold axe. He is much better than Pillaging Polar Bear, but is outclassed by Hustlebear. Poor Grizzly. At least he’s a good fighter in the war against the Decepticons, even being featured in the TV episode. Grizzly is constantly getting caught in honeypots.
Number: 12
Name: Blitzkrieg Bat
Japanese Name: Devilbat
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Ringostan
Position: Land and Air Soldier
Weapon Name: Devil Waver (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Bat (Tan w/ Brown Armor)
I’m guessing Blitzkrieg Bat got his name because Toy People thought that America wouldn’t go for a bat with “Devil” in it’s name. So instead they name him after a Nazi German attack method! Ignoring that gaffe, Bat is a neat Beast. He’s got a green hook replacing one of his hands, plus has wings, allowing flying attacks. One of his eyes is replaced by some sort of telescope device, which could possibly be called a monocle for great hilarity. Blitzkrieg Bat was featured in the Comic Book series from Blackthorne as a villain, the rival flyer to Knight Owl. Is the Emperor of Ringostan, not to be confused with Ringo Starr.
Number: 13
Name: Gargantuan Gorilla
Japanese Name: Bonga
Ruler of Country: King of Halas
Position: Land Offensive Commander
Weapon Name: Bonga Saber (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Gorilla (Black w/ Red Armor – Orange Armor variant)
Bonga? Bonga??? BONGA??? Awesome. Us Americans get Gargantuan Gorilla, but Japan gets Bonga. Who’s the winner on that deal? His weapon is even called the Bonga Saber, making it have one of the coolest names in the Battle Beasts Lore. Sadly, Bonga himself is not that interesting, though he scored a slot as a main character in the Blackthorne Comics as one of the good guys. They used the gentle giant template for his character, much removed from his British Comics appearance where he was a warthirsty bloodmonger. Bloodmonger=Bonga? I think so… There’s a varient where Bonga’s armor is orange instead of red, this was probably from when Beasts were included with vehicles in the American packaging, as many of them were oddly colored. Orange Bonga is worth more money, because he contains more Vitamin C.
Number: 14
Name: Swiny Boar
Japanese Name: Wild Thunder
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Shutoru
Position: Land Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Thunder Bar (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Boar (Purple w/ Blue Armor)
Wild Thunder! Japan once again has the cooler name! Swiny Boar is more of a Swiny Bore, as he’s not that interesting. He’s a wild boar wearing a gas mask, and for some reason is purple. He and Sledgehammer Elephant must belong to the same cult. Mr. Swiny has a neat-looking lightning bolt shaped weapon, but he was never a top-tiered Beast. Probably because he loves to roll around in his own filth. It stinks. Decepticon Beasts could smell him coming a mile away. Finally, Pirate Lion had to transfer him to the Rear Guard, along with Pillager Pig. Moving on…

Series 1, Part 2

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 13, 2006 at 9:07 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Battle Beasts-like toys — Zuetron Defenders

Zuetron Defenders

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 4, 2005 at 12:55 am

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

Bootleg Beasts

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 12:55 am

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

« Previous PageNext Page »