Posts tagged "Todd Jensen"

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (Review)

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan


1989
Starring
Todd Shaffer as Jim Miller
Tiffany Paulsen as Suzi Donaldson
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees
Jensen Daggett as Rennie Wickham
Kelly Hu as Eva Watanabe

Jason Voorhees is an icon of horror movies, one of the most recognizable movie monsters in history. His popularity has adversely affected the quality of the sequels, as fans have seen Jason kill and kill again hundreds of times, why would they pay to see the same thing over and over again? The solution seems to be to provide a gimmick for each film. In a previous review (but later release), Jason took to the stars for Jason X. Here, Jason’s gimmick is a trip to New York. However, the gimmick is short-lived, as most of the movie takes place just getting to New York. It’s Jason on a boat! A boat full of high school punks just aching to die. Only one homicidal madman can put them in their place! Sadly, Jason on a boat just isn’t gimmicky enough. Most of the movie is “Been there, done that,” with little new to add, even when Jason gets to New York, most of the time is spent not killing New Yorkers but chasing after the teenagers. This movie should have been set up like The Warriors, except in addition to the freaky gangs chasing the Warriors, Jason is chasing them as well. That is the masterpiece that is yet to be created. One day, a visionary will rise from the ranks and produce that opus. Until then, horror films will continue to feed sites like mine with cannon fodder by the truckload.



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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 22, 2005 at 2:31 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , ,

Raging Sharks (Review)


Raging Sharks


2005
Starring
Corin Nemec as Mike Olson
Bernard van Bilderbeek as Harvey
Corbin Bernsen as Captain Riley
Vanessa Angel as Linda Olsen
Todd Jensen as Mr. Stiles

Boy, these sharks sure are RAGIN’!!! The title does not lie, the sharks do go for a rage. Why are they raging? Red-orange alien crystals. Yes, aliens cause sharks to go bonkers. Like sharks need an excuse. Thrill to the horror of Parker Lewis himself, Corin Nemec, battling stock footage from the Discovery Channel. Shutter in horror at how low Corbin Bernsen’s career has fallen. Stand in awe at Vanessa Angel’s complete lack of emotion acting-wise. This film sure makes me rage! I’m like a shark on the prowl, I’ve sniffed blood and shall soon tear this film to pieces.

Like all decent shark movies, this one opens up in outer space as ID4 reject aliens crash an star cruiser into a space station at 3 miles per hour. I guess the aliens haven’t invented space-brakes. The explosion hurls what looks like a Bajoran Orb from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine into deep space, where it lands on Earth a few seconds later. The Orb is a good shot, and manages to land right on top of some Russian cruiser that’s in the Bermuda Triangle, being that the Bermuda Triangle is Russian’s number one port. The cruiser goes to the bottom of the ocean, with the orb aboard. Now we know why everything keeps disappearing in the Bermuda Triangle: Alien car wreck garbage keeps crashing into them. Somebody call Space-Geico! Look out for the Raging Gecko.



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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 24, 2005 at 4:10 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , ,