This Petition Can Kiss My Jurassic!

Dino Storm
[adrotate banner=”1″]Jurassic Park 4 is nothing more than a date on a Facebook page, but that hasn’t stopped the dumbest petition in Jurassic Park history from showing up on the White House site:

Require Jurassic Park 4 to film with practical effects and animatronic dinosaurs
America was built on determination and imagination and dreams. We innovate, we create opportunity, we inspire. But our country has fallin into a pit of darkness. Depression and acceptance, day after day after day. We have learned the truth about despair. Hope. But we cannot climb to the light on our own. Like shipwrecked men turning to seawater from uncontrollable thirst, many have died trying.

In 2014 we will be given Jurassic Park 4, and unless strict action is taken, we will see more of the same, cgi dinosaurs. We cannot let this pass, not again. We need a reminder of what genuine hard work can accomplish. We need to give our children the same gift we were given twenty years ago – what it means to be an American. We mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger darling

Yeesh! I don’t know what’s worse, the ignorance that there was CGI in the original Jurassic Park, the dumb “official” language the paragraphs use to sound important, or the insinuation that CGI artists are lazy. Bleh.

But then again, maybe we can get a cool response like this one!!!:

Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.
This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For
By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
* The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
* The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
* Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

I do demand a Jurassic Park 4 that is the Weaponized Dinosaurs. Make it happen, Hollywood.

image via Dino Storm, an actual game you can play.

Billionaire drunk on own power, watched too many movies

[adrotate banner=”1″]With all the talk of violence in movies influencing people lately, has anyone stopped to think what else in movies influence morons? Because we’re learning first hand that the danger is bigger than we think. Especially if the moron is a crazy billionaire.

Australian billionaire Clive Palmer has declared his intention to clone dinosaurs like in Jurassic Park and set up his own dinosaur theme park located at his Palmer Resort in Coolum, Australia. Now, anyone with even a small amount of biotech knowledge knows that cloning dinosaurs is impossible, and Jurassic Park skipped and hopped around steps needed to successfully clone animals (very important steps!) in the interests of writing a dinothriller. But that doesn’t matter when you have billions of dollars to waste. Remember, according to morons, rich people are your betters!

Clive Palmer’s name might be familiar because he was recently in the news announcing he’s building Titanic II, a replica of the Titanic. Titanic II will be designed not to sink, but I think we’ve heard that before… There is no connection to the Asylum movie Titanic II, except to say that they’ve successfully predicted the future. I hope it’s the only time, because I don’t want to live in a future where the Transmorphers come…

I support any and all efforts that cause dumb rich people to waste all their money.

In non-wasting your money news, would you like to buy some Jurassic Park bugs? Well, too late, because they’ve all been sold from Erin Pearce’s Etsy store, but maybe if you jingle enough money you can get yourself a custom job!

Jurassic Park Bugs
Sam Jackson bug

You can get them to celebrate Jurassic Park 4 being fast-tracked into development! Sadly, it won’t be that awesome weaponized raptors script…

Dino Riders