The Canyons trailer has Lindsay Lohan go grindhouse

[adrotate banner=”1″]The trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s flick The Canyons has hit, and it’s all retro grindhouse seventies exploitation. This neonoir flick is directed by Paul Schrader and written by Bret Easton Ellis, but let’s be serious, people have only heard of The Canyons because Lindsay Lohan stars in it, and her costar is porn star James Deen. The only suspense is if it will be a trainwreck or not. I personally don’t have anything against Lindsay Lohan, but it is obvious to everyone that her life is on a downward spiral, and there is no one who can stop it except Lindsay Lohan. Watching the same thing happen over and over with various young actresses and singers becomes tiresome. But maybe something will happen that pulls Lohan away from the abyss. I am rooting for her in that aspect, but I think it’s best if she wasn’t starring in movies or doing anything fame related. Though I doubt that will ever happen by choice. Then again, she’s an adult and capable of making her own decisions in life. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but check out the trailer, anyway.

Lindsay Lohan

Check out the canyons outside the window! Well, you could if the shades weren’t down. The Canyons!

D-War (Review)


aka Dragon Wars: D-War

Directed and written by Shim Hyung-rae

D-Wars aka Dragons Wars is the film that was announced years ago and everyone though it was crazy. Writer/director Shim Hyung-rae sounded pretty insane with his talk of an epic Korean movie set in LA with dragons blasting everything, and rumor was this was a giant money pit. But investors were hooked, film was created, and soon a trailer emerged that showed dragons and lizard armies marching around LA while a giant snake thing slithers around. This created instant buzz, but it would be another year before D-War hit theaters. Internet weirdos like myself were salivating at the thought of a big-budgeted extravaganza that would either be incredibly awesome or incredibly terrible. Little did we know that we would be getting both in the same movie! For fifteen glorious minutes D-Wars becomes the best movie ever made. However, those fifteen minutes are stuck in the dead center of some of the crappiest writing, acting, logic, and cinematic efforts of the decade. But that’s a good thing, as it makes this review more interesting.

We got Korean dragons. We got subtitles. We got American second rate actors. Shim Hyung-rae is the man responsible for the remake of the Korean daikaiju film Yonggary which became known as Reptillian. The love for this man of giant lizards trashing cities would seem weird were it not for Japan. Still, the concept for D-Wars sounded pretty far out. It depends heavily on Korean myth as well as some random new things. Yuh Yi Joo, Imoogi, Bochun, Atrox, Buraki, Dawdler, the vocabulary you need to learn for this movie reads like some second rate Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh crap! The amount of plot-related alphabet soup words is above and beyond the norm for a giant monster movie. It is distracting, and leaves the audience confused and angry. I don’t want to be angry when watching a monster movie, I want to see giant lizards f-ing things up!

And boy do things get f-ed up! The level of utter chaos here during the money sequence is beautiful. Shim Hyung-rae manages to take to school a squad of previous genre failures. Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla only wishes it had this kind of great monster sequences. For those of you upset over the lack of helicopters vs. dragons the posters for Reign of Fire promised us, despair not, for your cup runneth over in D-Wars! Did you wish that the Gungan army in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was really an army of metal-clad badasses who blow the crap out of innocent villagers? You better start believing in the Blue Fairy because we got there here as well!

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