Desi Spiderman (Review)

Desi Spiderman

Desi Spiderman
2010
Written and directed by “Surendra Hinabar”???

Only Desi Spiderman can get your whites white!

Desi Spiderman is ridiculous, but it knows it is ridiculous, and some of the things that are crazy are intentionally done so for comedic effect. Other things are just weird and who knows why they are that way. That’s what you get when you get a film that is a very localized production that blurs the line between fan film and local production. Desi Spiderman was made in Ghaziabad, India, and brings to mind the Superman film from Supermen of Malegaon. So in that spirit we are happy to watch Desi Spiderman and the ridiculousness there in. Because it is ridiculous.

Desi Spiderman

Desi Spiderman: More Patriotic Than You!


Desi Spiderman’s costume makes him look like a luchador by way of Dr. Seuss. He wears a red turtleneck sweatshirt, white gloves, gold spider mask with eye holes cut out, black pants and brown belt, gold shoes, and white circle with text in the middle of the red sweatshirt. The text is “Kanha Milk”, which I think had a sponsorship deal to help fund the film. But I’m not 100% sure, because there isn’t a lot of information about Desi Spiderman in English.
Desi Spiderman

Suck on this, Spiderman 3!


Surendra Hinabar is the name I found listed for writer/director/song lyrics, so hopefully that’s correct because I’m running with it. I don’t have any other names for the cast list, but whoever plays the Desi Mary Jane does a hilarious job of ridiculous faces during the fantasy musical and wistful daydreaming sequences. PAL Films is generic enough I can’t find anything about it. If it wasn’t for YouTube, this would pass one without being known by the outside world, which would have been a shame. What I think is the director’s YouTube Channel (labeled Navneet Singh) promises another film, but hasn’t been updated in two years. Maybe someday…. But until then, Desi Spiderman!
Desi Spiderman

No one supports the Broncos in my town!


Desi Peter Parker (???) – A childish man who plays games with children all day, then accompanies Desi Mary Jane during her walks. She feels he is a failure at a protector, which saddens him until he’s given the power of Desi Spiderman!
Desi Spiderman (???) – The hero India needs. The hero Desi Mary Jane deserves. Desi Spiderman punches bad guy after bad guy after bad guy. And does the laundry! Thanks to his Desi Spiderman powers, he can now date Desi Mary Jane. Desi Spiderman’s greatest power is teleportation, which he does all the time because that’s what real spiders are known for. Be sure to drink your Kanha Milk.
Desi Mary Jane (???) – Local woman who falls for the only available young man who isn’t a criminal, Desi Peter Parker. That is, until that dreamboat Desi Spiderman shows up and saves her. Luckily, they turn out to be the same guy. Spends most of her time daydreaming musical fantasy sequences, walking, and getting sexually harassed by random goons. And for some reason, the director will randomly zoom in on her boobs.

Desi Spiderman

Hey, I just realized you’re not El Santo!


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Gulaab Gang is a pink flurry of awesome!


Women in pink saris being the crap out of harassing idiots? Count me in! Gulaab Gang is the semi-true story of the Gulabi Gang.

The Gulabi Gang was founded by Sampat Pal Devi in 2006 as a way to deal with spousal abuse, rape, and force marriages/child brides. The organization has since expanded its social justice role to taking on corrupt government officials and police. They wear pink saris and are often armed with lathis (a bamboo stick), though most of their action is support for victims, demonstrations, and public humiliation.

“Nobody comes to our help in these parts. The officials and the police are corrupt and anti-poor. So sometimes we have to take the law in our hands. At other times, we prefer to shame the wrongdoers,” says Sampat Pal Devi, between teaching a “gang” member on how to use a lathi (traditional Indian stick) in self defence.

Gulaab Gang is not based on Sampat Pal Devi’s life, but goes its own way with an original tale inspired by the Gulabi Gang. Gulaab Gang stars Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla, two actresses who were big in the 80s and 90s but have not been getting as many roles lately, nor have they ever acted together before. And neither will be playing characters similar to what made them famous. Madhuri Dixit is more physical as the heroine in the story, even doing her own fighting stunts. Juhi Chawla becomes a force of pure evil, and part of the fun will be seeing these icons in completely different roles.

This is Soumik Sen’s first directorial job, he has been writing films since the mid-00s.

It’s time to witness the power of pink! This Women’s Day, two icons of Indian cinema come together on the big screen to create a revolution… are you joining Gulaab Gang?

Here’s presenting the trailer of Gulaab Gang, presented by Bharat Shah, produced by Anubhav Sinha and directed by Soumik Sen, starring Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla in never-seen-before avatars. Releasing 7th Mar 2014.

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More info on the real Gulabi Gang –
Official Gulabi Gang website
Story at AsiaSociety
There was a 2010 documentary film
and also a 2012 documentary

via Twitch

Gulaab Gang

Gulaab Gang

Dhoom 3

Dhoom: 3

aka धूम 3 aka Blast 3
Dhoom 3
2013
Story by Aditya Chopra and Vijay Krishna Acharya
Screenplay by Vijay Krishna Acharya
Directed by Vijay Krishna Acharya

Dhoom 3
Dhoom 3 is a Bollywood thrill ride that hits all the notes needed for a satisfying big budget spectacle while keeping the flaws to a minimum. Because it is so big budget, you can expect the same types of goofy plot logic that the typical American big budget spectacle has. Dhoom 3 scored a semi-mainstream US release, which is really rare for a Hindu film. Going to see it in theaters and being the only non-Indian in the audience is one of those things you can’t pass up, especially if you don’t live near a theater that regularly shows Indian film.

The big budget razzmatazz has some of the typical Bollywood hurdles, and does some other things a bit weird. Things begin to drag in the second half during some of the character development scenes, especially Abhishek Bachchan looking awkward as Jai Dixit goes undercover.
Dhoom 3
The opening sequence is just plain weird. Jackie Shroff as Iqbal Haroon Khan, Sahir’s father, desperately putting on a show of The Great Indian Circus to convince the bankers led by Anderson to get a bit more time paying back the mortgage. It’s doesn’t work (because they’re bankers, and thus inhuman monsters!), but blowing your brains out in front of your child is pretty much the worst response.
Dhoom 3
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Commando – A One Man Army

Commando – A One Man Army

Commando a one man army
2013
Written by Ritesh Shah
Directed by Dilip Ghosh

Commando a one man army
Imagine if an action movie fr0m the 1990s fell into a time tunnel and popped out in 2013 India, and was given modern fight choreography. Thus, Commando – A One Man Army, which is both a mirror to the past and a painting of the now. Remember the name of star Vidyut Jamwal, whose silent but charismatic and handsome Karan character gives the film the intensity and martial arts skills it needs. Jaideep Ahlawat replies with the supernaturally evil AK 74, who isn’t happy if he’s not telling jokes and doing something totally totally evil.

Commando is very much a man’s movie, Vidyut Jamwal is basically Superman without the suit, and Jaideep Ahlawat is a maniacal gang leader who sends dozens of goons off to do violent things with a flick of the finger. Pooja Chopra’s Simrit Kaur, however, is basically useless. She does little more than be an object of desire of the villain, and the target of rescue of the hero. Simrit flips back and forth between being horribly shocked at the violent things Captain Dogra does, to being incredibly turned on that this handsome man is being all physical in front of her. Simrit’s tiny bit of rebellion – not wanting to get married and running away – simply results in major tragedy. That also lends towards the 1990s feel of Commando, as many of the women are little more than rescue prizes in the low budget action films Commando appears to copy.
Commando a one man army
I don’t want to turn this into a whole essay on how women are treated in modern Indian film (a discussion better suited for many other films), but I won’t shy away from pointing it out. Her character could be eliminated entirely from the plot with little consequence, as it would be easy to frame AK chasing after Dogra because of spilled coffee or something. In fact, I read about a test concept for this by Kelly Sue DeConnick called The Sexy Lamp Test: If the main female character could be replaced by a lamp with no adverse effects on the story, then the writer is a hack. This leads to some wonderful visuals, as heroic action heroes spend an entire movie defending the honor of the leglamp from A Christmas Story – itself nothing more than glowing sexuality that doesn’t further the plot and provides only visual stimuli.

Commando does excel with the action. This is Vidyut Jamwal’s first starring role as a hero, and he shows off his martial art skills. Jamwal is so far above everyone else in the starring rolls that even Commando knew that Jaideep Ahlawat wouldn’t be a realistic challenge to fight – Jamwal just pushes him around when they do confront each other. Instead, they bring in a rival, an Evil Commando, who has to do very evil things himself to be accepted as a villain (he has the most ridiculous introduction scene I’ve seen in a long time!) Yet Evil Commando only shows up so there can be a dramatic fight, his character doesn’t do anything for the plot, either. I blame this on another weakness of the writing, why not just make Evil Commando the villain’s cousin or something? Or he could be a different abandoned commando who decided to be evil instead of helping random women like our hero.
Commando a one man army
Commando features one other thing that we won’t be seeing much of in modern American cinema – Chinese villains! Every Chinese character is presented as evil torturers who just want to humiliate India because they can. US films have practically decided China can do no wrong, studios are very afraid of offending the Chinese censors losing out on their films being screened in the huge huge Chinese theater market. It leads to weird things happening in films, such as the Red Dawn remake being reedited so everyone is North Korean, or weird extra scenes added to the Chinese cuts of films. Commando – A One Man Army doesn’t give a crap about offending the Chinese. It’s sort of refreshing, even though the scenes are ridiculous.

After the Chinese are all killed off, the villains become the Indian politicians. It’s the system that fails Captain Dogra, abandoning him in China, and attempting to smear him when he escapes and resurfaces. The coverup becomes a twisted parody, and fuels Captain Dogra’s disdain of politicians and people not standing up to wrongdoing. Dogra even lectures the townspeople near the end of the film for being so passive and letting bad guys take over. Commando is suddenly spouting American conservative dogma, including killing your enemies. I’m not so familiar with India’s political structure to know if there is a party that is an analogue of the Republicans, but if there is, they’d be fans of Commando.
Commando a one man army
The retro feel of Commando comes from the blend of mindless action and old school attitudes about women and politics. Many of the positions Commando – A One Man Army takes are reprehensible, but not too surprising. Commando does one thing well, and that’s have awesome action sequences. The entirety of Commando‘s awesomeness is Vidyut Jamwal and his martial arts work. Jamwal practices a variety of martial arts, including jiu jitsu and kalaripayattu, an Indian martial art from Kerala. The stunts feel real, and even the few times they dive into Indian action cinema ridiculousness, they quickly snap back to more realistic. When Captain Dogra is fighting, he is in a class far beyond the average goon, so much so that the Evil Commando brought in is the only real threat (well, that and guns!) The battle with Evil Commando shows Dogra being injured and meeting his equal. Strangely enough, if the Evil Commando had been the main villain, the plot would have been more unbelievable. I can really only think of two films where the mastermind villain was just some wimpy guy who wasn’t even a slight physical threat to the hero, the other one being Eric Bogosian in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. Jaideep Ahlawat’s villainy as AK 74 was fun to watch, and he threw in enough quirky things that AK was a legitimate threat without being a physical equal.

Commando – A One Man Army is a fun blast of the past that suffers whenever nonaction is happening on the screen. The few musical sequences feel out of place (except for when AK is randomly slapping people in one song) and Pooja Chopra is wasted. But all is forgiven when people start getting punched, kicked, and punch-kicked by Vidyut Jamwal. And I hope Vidyut Jamwal goes on to punch-kick in dozens of films. Maybe even ones that don’t make you dislike every other aspect of them!

Captain Karanvir Dogra (Vidyut Jamwal) – Elite commando crashed and abandoned in China, escapes after 1 year of torture and promptly gets involved in a local dispute involved a thug and his gang of thugs. Commando soon is beating the crap out of them.
Simrit (Pooja Chopra) – Daughter of a local influential household and the object of AK 74’s desire – not because he loves her, but because he loves what the power and notoriety of her family could do for his bigger ambitions. She flees and bets Captain Dogra for help, which he complies.
AK 74 (Jaideep Ahlawat) – Local thug Amrit Kawal Singh calls himself AK 74 because all villains need cool nicknames. Has no pupils but can see. Legend has he was born on a no moon night, his father was a tyrant, and they call him devil son of a devil. Is a drug dealer and murderer, even cough syrup distribution! So that means he wants to be a politician, which is even worse! AK 74 is constantly on his phone, either playing Angry Birds or getting joke texts that he reads to his goons for laughs.

Spoilers below!
Commando a one man army
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Rajinikanth goes digital for Kochadaiiyaan!


[adrotate banner=”1″]Remember superstar Rajinikanth from the crossover hit Enthiran (Robot) that introduced the rest of the world to the Tamil film legend? Well, now he’s back in CGI motion capture form! Yes, while Rajinikanth the man is 62 and in and out of hospitals, Rajinikanth the megastar has a nice new young CGI body with which he can kick the crap out of all sorts of dudes.

Kochadaiiyaan is compared to Avatar in the marketing, though with the older actor given a younger body and entire motion-capture framework, it is most similar to Beowulf. Rajinikanth will play three roles, and teaser footage has been released to show off some of the effects work. The female lead is 27 year old Deepika Padukone, which means Rajinikanth is only 35 years older than her. Rajinikanth plays father and son Kochadaiiyaan and Rana, and Rana is a character that Rajinikanth was set to play in a postponed film, of which Kochadaiiyaan is now considered a prequel. Other cast members include R. Sarathkumar, Shobana, Aadhi, Rukmini Vijayakumar, Jackie Shroff, and Nassar

An interesting note on Kochadaiiyaan is the director is Soundarya R. Ashwin, Rajinikanth’s younger daughter! When your dad is one of the biggest stars in Asia, glass ceiling shatter themselves. There is a nice interview with her at Times of India. This is the second attempt to do a motion-capture Rajinikanth film, the first was called Sultan: The Warrior, but that project fell through.

This film looks pretty ridiculous, but Rajinikanth is very popular and the teaser footage shot up in views like wildfires. So maybe it will be a smash hit. I personally don’t care if it is ludicrous, as long as it is entertaining, I will be there will bells on!

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Kochadaiiyaan

Kochadaiiyaan

Hate Story

Hate Story

Hate Story
2012
Written by Vikram Bhatt and Rohit Malhotra (dialogue)
Directed by Vivek Agnihotri

Hate Story

Folger’s Crystals, really?


India serves up an erotic thriller that manages to not be much of either. But don’t fret, Hate Story has plenty of bad acting and spite against women to make up for it! The best part of the anti-woman themes is how much of it just seems automatic, as if director Vivek Agnihotri had bad things happen on autopilot. Characters are simply stereotypes, traced from the numerous late night cable thrillers Hate Story liberally cribs from. The only interesting aspect is the class warfare angle, as those with money are presented as corrupt and moral-less monsters. So, you know, pretty accurate. It’s that film where I agree with half of what it is saying, and am opposed to the other half. Total complication! ::shakes fist::
Hate Story

We can’t both be skins during this basketball game!


There has been the increasing trend in US politics to divide everyone into two camps, liberal or conservative, blue or red, Democrat or Republican. It stems from the two major US political parties, and a lot of issues involving teams and groups that would take thousands of words to explain. But basically, dividing issues sometimes demands a black and white look at issues. Hate Story is complicated, and smears the black and white into an ugly shade of grey. Don’t expect housewives to eagerly embrace this shade, what with the terrible views on women. Just because something is good in one aspect, but bad in another, doesn’t mean we should immediately disavow it. But you need to look at which points will have the most impact, and make your decisions based on your priorities. The problems in Hate Story destroy what would have been a cool film about socialism taking down corrupt capitalists, and flies in the face of the “treat everyone equally” aspect by making the women the punching bags. That’s not the kind of the world I want to endorse, so it’s time to tell the message of Hate Story, that the woman was ruined because she had “sex” and is now “barren”, to go fuck itself.

Hate Story is a flashy mainstream film, and makes no bones about being more pretty images than actual depth. And if Hate Story is honest about anything, it’s honest in the areas that aren’t flashy. The lines the prostitute says to Kavyah about how Kavyah is educated, so she must have already had sex, tells more about views on sexuality in India than all the sensual dance and seduction sequences throughout the film. Despite the not very explicit (by US standards) scenes here, actress Paoli Dam previously caused a stir due to a very explicit sex scene in Chatrak (which was deleted from the Indian version of the film, but has been leaked online and proved rather popular). Dam herself has spoken about how her passion for cinema gives her the strength to do scenes most Indian actresses wouldn’t dare. Her bravery is the kind of thing that should be breaking down walls, walls built up by some of the themes in Hate Story.

Hate Story

This is Folger’s Crystals as well??


One thing Hate Story excels at is terrible actors. Beyond Gulshan Devaiya hamming it up every time he talks, some of the minor characters are just awful. A security guy named Major that Sid hires to bug Kavyah’s apartment says some of the dumbest things in the dumbest ways, my favorite being “Beautiful bitch, you’ll be finished!” Of course, the signature line of Hate Story is “I fuck the people who fuck with me!”, yelled by Sid several times in increasingly maniacal manners, and later repeated by Kavyah in increasingly taunting manners.
Hate Story

Hate Story: Sponsored by Mr. Bubble

Kavyah Krishnan (Paoli Dam) – Intrepid journalist turned capitalist turned play toy turned scorned and violated woman turned fountain of revenge.
Siddharth Dhanrajgir (Gulshan Devaiya) – Arrogant executive at Cementic, a company his father gave him, who uses his power to get even against people who “fucked” him. When Kavyah helps embarrass his company, he hatches a revenge plan that ends in destroying her life, but causing her to seek greater vengeance. Gulshan Devaiya shows good acting when playing the stuttering son being yelled at by his father, but turns into maniacal cheese when playing the villain.
Vicky (Nikhil Dwivedi) – Kavyah’s longtime friend and fellow journalist, who watches her rises and falls until the point where he has to give her a big lecture about how it’s just horrible that she’s sleeping with all these dudes when he secretly loves her yet has said nothing ever.

And SPOILERS below…

Hate Story

I’ll get you, Folger’s Crystals, if it’s the last thing I do!


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