Geisha vs Ninjas (Review)

Geisha vs Ninjas

aka Geisha Assassin

Directed by Go Ohara

Having read Memoirs of a Geisha years before it became a terrible film, I am an expert on the Geisha and their generational war with the ninja, and am glad a film finally sheds some light on this dark mark on Japanese culture. The geisha has been underrepresented in movie culture because of the firm grip of ninja clans in the film producing world. Ninja master Godfrey Ho has spammed countless video rental businesses with ninja propaganda, to the point where the geisha are all but forgotten. Only in recent years have they made a move on mass culture, and now the Geisha/Ninja war gets it due on the big screen. And by big screen I mean your DVD player.

Do you like ninjas fighting geishas? Then you will like the first twenty minutes or so. after that, the ninjas are no more and the film becomes Geisha vs. _______, with “_______” being each new opponent she faces. Instead of one big film, just view it as a bunch of fighting shorts tied together by a loose narrative. That does mean the Geisha vs. Ninja title is misleading, thus probably why it was changed by the American distributor. The film looks like it should be a cheaply produced junkpile with terrible fights, but the action sequences have a lot of work put into them and are entertaining. I was impressed. Geisha vs. Ninja certainly wasn’t highly financed, but they wisely threw all their money into the action choreography, and that saves the film.

Kotomi Yamabe (Minami Tsukui) – Saw her father murdered before her eyes when she was a young child, and now seeks revenge. Minami Tsukui is a newcomer to Japanese cinema, but she’ll probably show up in some more genre pictures at least.
Female ninja (Nao Nagasawa) – We shall add one of the ninjas in the Roll Call because it is Geisha vs. Ninja. Nao Nagasawa is an actress, singer and model. She was on some Sentai show so I’ll probably get lots of hits from Power Ranger fans. Since she poses for billions of pictures we collected a bunch of them in a gallery. Hey, that stuff gets us ad revenue!
Ainu woman (Kaori Sakai) – So many other random enemies could be here, but let’s continue with the hot chick theme. Oddly enough, there is little information about this hot chick. Google searching for “Japanese Pocahontas” produces a surprising amount of porn, so I can’t even make a good joke.
Katagiri Hyo-e (???)- The samurai guy who killed Kotomi’s father in front of her and who she pursues. Has a bunch of lackeys he sends after her one by one. Also, there is a twist. It is twisty. I don’t know who played him.
Shugoro Yamabe (???) – Kotomi’s father who was killed in front of her by Katagiri Hyo-e. Very concerned over who will inherit the Yamabe Sword. Maybe you should have had a boy, dude. Not what he appears. I don’t know who played him.

Continue reading