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Metal Man

Metal Man (Review)

Metal Man

Metal Man
2008
Written by Carlos Perez, Ted Chalmers, and Novin Shakiba
Directed by Ron Karkoska

Metal Man

Thrill as Metal Man checks his blind spots!


Metal Man looks suspiciously like another super hero who has a movie in 2008… Who could it be? I just can’t place it…Punisher? Metal Man actually is a mockbuster in the vein of the films from The Asylum, except I don’t know if that was the original concept. It looks like a fan film turned original production, and has all the hallmarks of a fan film. Bad acting, sound problems all over (you can’t hear a lot of the dialogue without turning the volume up a lot), pacing problems, the script seems made up as they go along, characters disappear, and characters go places just because they are required to by the plot. Overall, it is not very much worth your time, unless you are on a mission to track down all the weird low-budget super hero flicks that have popped up in the past decade.
Metal Man

Science, it’s so boooooring!


Kyle (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – Kyle is some video game dork who is chosen by a professor with an agenda to become trapped in a metal suit for the rest of his life. Poor Kyle, I feel sorry for him. Kyle has become…
Metal Man (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – He’s Metal Man, not made of Iron but of Metal! Don’t sue us, because he’s totally different! Just look at his face, designed at the Iron Man suit for alien Greys. Kyle can’t take off this suit, but the film doesn’t say how he pees. Expect Metal Man to be really rusty, really soon! Someone install a spigot!
Dr. Blake (Reggie Bannister) – His real name is Peter Hamilton, but Dr. Blake is one of the lead developers of the special metal helmet that gives people super powers. He wants to develop it as a non-weapon. Right. Has no qualms with trapping unwilling participants in the suit forever. Killed by a punch to the jaw, but downloaded himself in the computer of the Metal Man suit so he can annoy Kyle for as long as he lives. Totally not named after any Thor character you are thinking about. Not at all…
Sebastian (P. David Miller) – He’s evil! How evil? He looks like Kevin Costner…if he was EVIL! Imagine, if he was an evil Postman! An evil Waterworld! An evil Robin Hood! An evil Field of Dreams! Totally evil! Like all evil people, he is incredibly rich, and has advanced lab equipment in the basement of his mansion, along with many goons to kill whoever he wants.
Marissa Lee (Jill Shackelford) – Her research scientist father was killed, and Sebastian told her Dr. Blake did it. She later finds out the truth. Sebastian paid for her to go to grad school, then hires her to examine a captured Metal Man helmet. Later becomes trapped in a helmet as well.
Mecha-Terror M48 (???) – With a name like Mecha-Terror M48, you’d think this would be a cool villain, not a gimmick brought out for a quick fight with no back story. You’d be wrong. Mecha-Terror M48 wishes he was the ED-209 of Metal Man, but fails to even be those Robocop 2’s that killed themselves.
Metal Man

My mom’s washing the rest of my costume!

Portrait of Love Hallmark Channel

Portrait of Love paints a picture on Hallmark Channel!

Portrait of Love Hallmark Channel

That’s not a portrait, that’s a sculpture!


Hallmark Channel’s new movie Portrait of Love (formally known as Heart of the Matter) is that old chestnut about a woman from the big city who returns all successful to her small town and yet suddenly is pulled in by that love junk and may end up throwing it all away for some dude she dated in high school. Just take a look at your high school dates on Facebook and where they are now to see how likely that prospect is (YEESH!)

A prominent fashion photographer returns to her small town roots at the request of a friend. Surrounded by both memories and loved ones, she must consider a choice between a successful future and rekindling both the love of her life and of her home.

Can’t women have both? Nope, you gots to be choosing one or the other, sorry. Them’s the rules!

Portrait of Love stars Bree Williamson (A Beginner’s Guide to Snuff) as April Littleton, Jason Dohring (Prehysteria! 2) as Luke Dwyer, Frances Fisher (Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta!) as Doll Dwyer, Ella Thomas (Surrogates) as Julia Robbins, Corbin Bernsen (Christian Mingle) as Tyler Mason, Caitlin Carmichael (Wiener Dog Internationals) as Jess Dwyer, Cassius Willis (Lakeview Terrace) as Frank Robbins, and Cissy Wellman (Jane Doe: Vanishing Act) as Karen Waverly.

Portrait of Love is directed by K.T. Donaldson (High Plains Invaders). It is written by Michael Votel, Jr., Matt Marx (This seems to be the first film written for both), and Jennifer Notas (Christmas Under Wraps) It premieres March 14th on Hallmark Channel!

Photo via Hallmark/Bryan Sheffield

Batman Assault on Arkham

Batman: Assault on Arkham (Review)

Batman: Assault on Arkham

Batman Assault on Arkham
2014
Written by Heath Corson
Directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding

Batman Assault on Arkham
DC Animated has hit some sort of weird divergence where the films are either really good or really bad. Batman: Assault on Arkham fits in the really good category, even though it reduces Amanda Waller’s character to too simplistic of a bully villain. That’s a shame, as Waller is one of the greatest comic book characters, a high-ranking official who runs her own show outside of the normal good and evil duology, and is capable of standing up to the greatest heroes and villains.

Assault on Arkham becomes unlike a lot of the animated super hero fare because it features a team of scummy villains, who have no qualms about killing people and spend half the film trying to betray Waller and each other.

the Suicide Squad is a group of criminals with heavy sentences who are sent on dangerous missions in return for time being shaved off their terms. As the teams are largely made up of sociopaths, they don’t get along and have trouble working in teams. The fighting and backstabbing just adds to the fun of watching the villains work as they push towards their goal. Waller uses the team to take down threats that can’t be dealt with by normal means and need to be off the books, often ignoring what may be bigger problems to achieve her own goals.
Batman Assault on Arkham
This is as much a Batman film as a Suicide Squad film, so Batman runs around looking for a dirty bomb the Joker has to try to stop it from exploding. That means he crosses paths with the Squad more than once, especially since Harely Quinn is part of the team, despite her insistence that she and the Joker aren’t together any more. As the Squad has to break into Arkham to retrieve a flash disk and the Joker is interred in Arkham, he does end up becoming part of the story, especially when things begin to go haywire.

The Suicide Squad consists of Deadshot (who is concerned only with getting out so he can spend time with his young daughter), throwing expert Captain Boomerang, Harley Quinn, ninja Black Spider, ice queen Killer Frost, Killer Croc ripoff King Shark, and guy not to get too attached to KGBeast. Deadshot serves as the alternate main character, who keeps the team focused on the mission despite their various distractions like ex-boyfriends and marksmen rivalries. The Deadshot presented here is just professional enough to make a compelling main character. Captain Boomerang serves as his less moral counter and constant thorn in his side as Boomerang’s competitive and antisocial streak causes him to see Deadshot as an enemy.
Batman Assault on Arkham

Cleveland Abduction Lifetime

Cleveland Abduction is ripped from the headlines on Lifetime!

Cleveland Abduction Lifetime

Lifetime had a Cleveland Abduction-like with Kept Woman, but theyalso have an official Cleveland Abduction flick with Cleveland Abduction! They’ve upped the ante with a few bigger named stars and have started the hype train six weeks out, meaning they have a lot of confidence in the film and the ratings it will garner. I threw their press release below. The actual story is a crazy nightmare scenario, so expect this to be creepy as heck!

Cleveland Abduction stars Taryn Manning (Hustle & Flow), Raymond Cruz (Broken Arrow ), Pam Grier (Jawbreaker ), Joe Morton (Speed 2: Cruise Control ), Katie Sarife(Teen Spirit ), and Samantha Droke (Princess Protection Program). It is directed by Alex Kalymnios (EastEnders) and written by Stephen Tolkin (the 1990 Captain America)

SAG Award winner Taryn Manning (“Orange Is the New Black,” “Hustle & Flow,” “8 Mile”) stars as Michelle Knight and SAG nominee Raymond Cruz (“Breaking Bad,” “Major Crimes”) portrays Ariel Castro in the Lifetime Original Movie “Cleveland Abduction,” produced by Sony Pictures Television. Premiering Saturday, April 25 at 8pm ET/PT, the film explores the true story of Michelle Knight, a 21-year-old single mom whose life was irrevocably changed by a chance encounter with an unsuspected criminal.

On August 22, 2002, Knight was abducted by Castro in Cleveland and held captive in his home for more than 11 years. Finding strength through her belief in God and determined to be reunited with her son, Knight refused to be broken by the twisted Castro. Soon thereafter, he abducted two teenagers, Amanda Berry (Samantha Droke, “Eastwick”) and Gina DeJesus (Katie Sarife, “Supernatural”), and imprisoned them alongside Michelle, who then became a friend and sister figure to her fellow victims.

When Berry became pregnant with Castro’s child, it was Knight who delivered her baby, even performing CPR on the infant girl under the threat of Castro while he told her, “If the baby dies, you die.” Despite enduring more than a decade of brutality, Michelle’s spirit would not be broken, and her unshakable faith in the face of a seemingly hopeless situation was a testament to the human spirit. On May 6, 2013, Michelle was rescued from the home that was her prison for nearly 11 years, and finally given the chance to reclaim her life.

Golden Globe Award nominee Pam Grier (“Jackie Brown”) portrays Carla, a nurse who helped care for Knight in the hospital, and Emmy Award winner Joe Morton (“Scandal”) plays Solano, an FBI agent in charge of the investigation.

“Cleveland Abduction” is produced by Sony Pictures Television. Executive producers are Judith Verno (“Masters of Sex,” “Lizzie Borden Took an Ax”) and Frank von Zerneck (“The Elizabeth Smart Story,” “Left to Die”). David Rosemont (“Bonnie & Clyde”) produces. The film is written by Stephen Tolkin (“The Craigslist Killer”) and directed by Alex Kalymnios (“Becoming Human,” “Hollyoaks”).

Cleveland Abduction premieres April 25 on Lifetime!

Photo via Lifetime/Bob Mahoney

Cat Beast

Cat-Beast – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 18

Cat Beast
Just when you thought it was safe to stalk the night, The Infernal Brains Podcast has returned to give you a healthy dose of world cinema knowledge in women dressed as a cat form! Yes, we’re tackling the braintastic Pakistani flick Da Khwar Lasme Spogmay aka Cat-Beast aka essential cinema! Pakistani cinema is a world unto itself, and it’s time for this world to get explored. But that’s not all, there is a brief overview of the different types of Pakistani cinema and discussion of other films from the country, both similar and less than similar. It’s definitely the greatest podcast about a Pakistani film that features a woman who turns into a cat monster to slay Mad Max rejects for revenge directed by a woman that you will listen to this week, so you best not delay!

As usual, we have a kitty litter tray full of ways to listen:

Download the mp3 (right click, save as)

Watch in slideshow form:

Click here for iTunes Feed
Don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel!

Check out the Infernal Brains Facebook Page!

Or else!!

Films Discussed:
Da Khwar Lasme Spogmay aka Cat-Beast
**Todd’s Review
**Tars’ Review

Adam Khor
Haseena Atom Bomb
Maula Jat
Hitlar
Adam Khor
Loor Da Bala
Balaa

Shanee
International Gorillay aka International Guerillas
**Tars’ Review
**Todd’s Review

***Todd’s book!!!!!!!***
Funky Bollywood: The Wild World of 1970s Indian Action Cinema

Other topics:
Use Adblock to block those Around the Web sites (Outbrain, Taboola, Zergnet)
TheHotSpotOnline Archive.org link
dishoomDISHOOM

Prior Infernal Brains:
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 1
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 2
Polly Shang Kuan
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 1
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 2
Dara Singh
Infernal Brains Podcast – 07 – Insee Daeng
Infernal Brains Podcast – 08 – Worst Podcast Ever
The Mummies of Guanajuato – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 09
Jane Bond – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 10
Daigoro vs Goliath – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 11
Down the Rabbit Hole with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 12
Through the Looking Glass with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 13
Starman – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 14
The Brainiac – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 15
The Secret of Magic Island – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 16
Space Ladies from Outer Space – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 17

Click the graphic for Podcast Feed:

Infernal Brains Podcast

Wurthering High School Lifetime

Wuthering High School gets detention on Lifetime!

If you thought high school sucked, just be glad you didn’t go to Wuthering High School! I’d rather be stuck at that high school where everyone sings! How much the new high school version will follow the novel Wuthering Heights remains to be seen, but if we don’t have a high body count from people making themselves sick out of spite, then what’s the point?

In this modern retelling of Emily Brontë’s classic novel Wuthering Heights, Cathy Earnshaw is an outcast at her wealthy Malibu high school, where she struggles to cope with her mother’s tragic death. Sadness turns to exhilaration when her father brings in Heath, a troubled kid whose mother, a long-time employee of Mr. Earnshaw, is suddenly deported. Cathy and Heath are irresistibly drawn to each other, desperately filling the voids in each other’s lives. But theirs is a destructive love, they rarely show up to class, and when they do it’s chaos. As Cathy’s friends mock the unconventional, arrogant Heath, she feels even further isolated. Finally, Cathy caves to social pressure and breaks up with Heath for a more popular boy. Heath can’t forgive her betrayal, and the two lovers start down a tragic path spurred by jealousy, pride, and their undeniable, consuming passion.

Wuthering High School will live and die based on the chemistry of the leads, if they can pull off that forbidden romance angel. The film stars Paloma Kwiatkowski (Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters), Sean Flynn (Return of the Killer Shrews), Francesca Eastwood (True Crime), Andrew Jacobs (Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones), James Caan (The Godfather), and Rachel G. Fox (Zombie Night). It’s directed by Anthony DiBlasi (Last Shift) and written by Delondra Williams (Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators).

Wuthering High School premieres Saturday, March 14, on Lifetime! Maybe I’ll get to make an “Emily Brontësaurus” joke about it!

via Lifetime

Wurthering High School Lifetime