Hidden 2002 (Review)

Hidden 2002

aka แอบ 2002


TarsTarkas.NET is not a website to shy away from new and bizarre film experiences. We are also not one to shy away from bizarre softcore porn from various countries of the world. As we’ve seen odd examples from Hong Kong, the US, and India; we continue the globe-trotting and cart out an example from Thailand. Thailand has gotten somewhat big in the movie-making world due to the popularity of Tony Jaa, and has been seen here before with Brutal River. This time the only brutal thing is the plot, what little plot there is. Even though there are no subtitles, there isn’t enough going on for us to even bother caring about them. What is bizarre is most films have some sort of climax where lessons are learned or revenge is enacted following the weak storyline, in this case the story just wanders off and never resolves. That is one of the two big “Huh?” factors, the other is the life-size statue of Colonel Sanders that makes an appearance. I believe that is what we call some extra-crispy sex.

The problem with the production, aside from the lack of subtitles, is also the lack of clear pictures. Either shot with a very cheap camcorder (which I wouldn’t doubt) or transferred to VCD as cheaply as possible (which I also wouldn’t doubt) the picture quality is horrible. It is hard to get a clear view of the actors during the wide shots. Even many of the close-ups are out of focus or just blurry overall. Another fun aspect is the fact the film has many scenes shot in the street or public places, and you can clearly see people in the background staring at the camera, or watching the actors go about their business. This adds some unintentional hilarity to some of the scenes, and provides a nice distraction while waiting for the people to drop trough and start bumping uglies. It’s not like I know Thai and have any idea what they are talking about. There is some parts of the movie I do understand. That is the songs by Green Day, which are constantly playing in the background during all the outside scenes. As all the sound is dubbed in during post production, they just added Green Day songs for the times they are in downtown Bangkok or wherever they are. That way, you will associate Green Day with Thailand. Because. It is unknown what recent the recent coup in Thailand will do to the adult VCD industry, and from what little information I could find on these girls, it looks like some of them can be found in more adult fare. This seems to be pretty tame for an adult film, actually, so maybe they couldn’t even afford to pay the girls to show off more, or wanted to make their video still accessible to most video renters without them going into the back room (which doesn’t seem to have happened.)

But first the cast. All of the character names are guesses, and we are not sure of who the actors are. Based on one single website listing four cast members in English, and checking other films where those actresses are present, we have some guesses as to who is who, but it is not 100% accurate. Though it is unlikely most of the people reading this will be familiar enough with Thai softcore porn actresses to know if I am right or not, someone has to be far more well versed, and any input is appreciated. We do get some people from Thailand who stop by from time to time if the visitor logs are to be believed.

Leemae (Nong Tik?) – Has a star-design tattoo on her right shoulder, and enjoys some lesbian sex in addition to her normal sex with whatever is walking around at the time. She appears to be played by an actress named Nong Tik. Nong Tak and Nong Toe were unavailable.
Meifa (Nong Cat?) – Has a flower tattoo on her left breast, a design across the top of her back, and another design lower that looks like it is a quote or something (but between it being in Thai and the bad resolution it is illegible.) She appears to be played by an actress named Nong Cat.
Hanout (Nong Jenjira?) – Has a tattoo on her upper left arm, as well as another on her belly. Her character name is the biggest guess, because it doesn’t even look like a name, and has hardly any Google matches except for a spice. She appears to be played by an actress named Nong Jenjira.
Doorman (?????) – Possibly named Lumei, but the Doorman of the hotel is constantly looking at smut, constantly chatting up the patrons of his hotel, constantly peeping on the guests, and even able to slime his way into some of their panties. Yes, that’s right, you get to see this disgusting man have sex. No, this isn’t a horror film. No idea who the actor is.
Hong (?????) – Guy in the room next to the three girls, spends most of the movie video taping them in secrecy. Then he has sex with one of them. Law & Order: SVU would be all over this guy! No idea who the actor is.
Kung (?????) – Associate of Hong, usually wearing a suit and tie. Purchases most of the video tapes from Hong, but also seduces Meifa as well thanks to the power of Kentucky Fried Chicken. No idea who the actor is.

Open with a scene in the shower, where a girl we’ll never see again is scrubbing herself clean. A common theme in this movie will be us seeing the mountain peaks but rarely the fertile grasslands. She is also the only female cast member not covered with tattoos. I couldn’t find any on her body, and believe me, I looked! That girl may or may not be named Nong Yu, which would make her the fourth actress named “Nong” in this film, which is very odd… After the cleansing ritual, we meet our three female main characters, who are walking and talking outside a McDonalds. I am guessing the town they filmed it in is Bangkok, so we’ll go with that. The three girls are Leemae, Meifa, and Hanout; as mentioned above. We then jump to Doorman in the hotel front desk, doing what he does for half the movie: looking at pornography while making bizarre faces. This isn’t even that bad of porn, it is mostly girls in lingerie bending over and smiling. Doorman likes to lick his lips and say things that are probably the Thai equivalent of “I’d swipe my credit card through that slot!” What Doorman isn’t keen on is the overly large woman who comes in looking for a room. The two get into an argument as he tries to drive her off, him eventually succeeding. For we all know if someone ugly moved in, the soft core porn would be a large step grosser. Driving off the large woman also seemed to be a sound business move, as the next customers coming through the door are out three ladies. As three is more than one (or one and a half!) that means more money for the hotel. So, people, drive away any single person attempting to rent roomS!

Doorman is very pleased the three ladies have arrived, and shows them the spacious suites. By spacious, I mean Motel 6-style rooms, but that’s better than sleeping in your car. The girls are very impressed and take the place. We then cut to two guys watching lesbian porn lit by a red light bulb. The porn just happens to star Leemae and Meifa! At first this was confusing, as to if these girls are actually porn stars or something. But I’ll tell you now, the plot of the film involves these two men, Hong and Kung, secretly taping the girls doing various sex acts. So the choices now are: Leemae and Meifa were so frustrated from their journey to Bangkok that they had to relieve some tension with some lesbian sex (and the two guys filmed it) OR Leemae, Meifa, and Hanouit are playing “themselves”, aka actual softcore stars, and Hong and Kung just happened to be watching one of their movies. The prior seems to fit in with the rest of the movie, so we are going with that. No word on to what Hanout was doing at the time, probably figuring out how she could topple the government. This scene treats us to the most explicit shots of the ladies, as you can clearly see parts of them you probably would have to go on many dates to see thanks to some angles, views we won’t get again in the film. I guess the red light filter makes it okay in their book!

The lesbian sex scene also gets us our first look at some of the tattoos our ladies will be showing off throughout the feature. I remember seeing one movie on late-night Skinimax where there were like 10 girls, every single one had a tramp stamp tattoo. That spirit is recreated here, except the tattoos are at random places. Anyone who saw some of the Asian4You or 88Square porn will know that Thai nude models (some of which might actually be these women!) have tattoos like dogs have fleas. Anyway, these two girls are going at it like rabbits (lesbian rabbits) and then finish up, at which point the two en have a conversation. Yes, exciting, get back to the lesbian sex, please!

Later, Meifa is on the bed reading, and Leemae is sitting in a chair reading (is this post-sex reading?), while Hanout brushes her hair. They chat for a bit. Hong is going back to his room having went out somewhere, and he overhears their conversation. The walls of the hotel must be thick as paper. Meifa has said she is going to take a bath, which excites Hong as he dashes back to his room to start the video equipment recording again. The TV he uses to check the signals from the hidden cameras has a ridiculously tiny screen considering it is a big, bulky piece of equipment. It reminds me of an old-school tricorder from the original Star Trek. Now you know why Spock was always checking it, he had a camera in the girls’ shower! That green-blooded pervert! Pon farr was just a cover for his perversions! So now we get to watch Meifa try to clean the lesbian sex off of her body, and in doing so gives us the full body treatment, albeit briefly. Yeah, so she washes herself, as we notice the tattoo design on her back mentioned above.

At the local fast food place (later determined to be KFC), Hong sells the tape of the lesbian-fest to Kung. Back in the hotel room, Meifa is sad, so the other two girls talk to her for a bit, but she’s still sad. The Doorman is still looking at porn, when the three girls come downstairs to go out for the night. Doorman stops them to chat, as he does everyone who goes in or out of the building. They mention “Asi eo” repeatedly so maybe that means something. The girls then go out for a night on the town, all whored up.

The best place to hang out in Bangkok is the strip, where such awesome hangouts such as “Strip Club 2” can be found. Thankfully, the constant Green Day music helps give the nightlife an atmosphere of party time. I’m 100% positive that they paid for the rights to use the music. The street life is real, and our three actresses go walking in the middle of an actually Friday night. They end up in a bar, where at least one of the patrons in the background stares directly at the camera as the three girls talk to each other. Also of note in the background is a 60-year-old-ish white guy at the bar desperately trying to get phone numbers off the 20-year-old Thai women at the bar. Anything with a skirt walking by, he lunges at desperately and makes the “phone” hand gesture. Hong and Kung also happen to be at this bar, and Hong goes up to the girls to try to get them to sit at their table. Because they are three hot Thai girls on a Friday night, no one is talking to them except the nerdy Hong, so they agree to walk over. On the journey over, the aforementioned Old White Guy decides to try to hit on these women, who promptly ignore him and just go to the table Hong and Kung are at. Take that, sleazy 60-year-old White Guy!

The girls introduce themselves to the men, allowing me to get everyone’s names as best I could hear them. The men proceed to do their job, buy rinks for the women so they get hammered. Thus, Meifa is smashed and goes home with Kung, while her two friends just let her go, shrugging. Hong must have been shot down by both of the drunken loose Thai girls, as he just wanders off shortly afterwards. This entire section of the scene also has the 60-year-old White Guy staring at the table in the background, for added zaniness.

Sex! Meifa and Kung are getting it on, Hidden 2002-style! Hong sneaks into the room with the video camera, taping the entire spectacle! Meifa even looks in his direction several times during the scene, meaning she must have noticed him and not cared. Either Kung is that good, or she is that wasted. I’m voting intoxication. World music plays during the sex. The sex scene does allow us to get a better look at Meifa’s tattoos, despite the bad camerawork fighting against us getting a clear look at anything. After the two sex birds have finished sharing bodily fluids, Hong shakes his head like he ashamed to be part of the action. Whatever, sex-taper!

Doorman is looking at porn, for a change. A guy comes in and gives Doorman some white powder, and he and Doorman talk for a bit. Doorman keeps the powder, even though Powder Guy seems to be reluctant to give it without anything in return. Powder Guy is as close as we’ll get to a character name for him, but he isn’t albino and bald, so don’t get that impression. Powder Guy then goes upstairs, walking past the girls’ room where he runs into a smitten Hanout. After laying his charms on her (so hopefully he can lay pipe later in the film) he heads to his room. The other two girls then tease Hanout for a bit. Kung congratulates Hong on his video work.

Meifa gets all dolled up, and on her way out Doorman takes a break from looking at his porn to check her out. He then looks at the powder he acquired and thinks to himself. Doorman goes up to the girl’s room with some food, giving it to Leemae and Hanout. The girls are grateful, and eat up. They instantly get horny as all get out, and lesbian sex commences! It’s like spontaneous combustion, except it’s spontaneous lesbian-ustion. Not that I’m complaining. We get Doorman peeking through the window as lots of lesbian sex happens, complete with boobs and world music. Later, we see Kung waiting at the local Kentucky Fried Chicken (which has a giant Colonel Sanders statue.) Meifa arrives, and now we know what the story is. The inside of the KFC is filled with balloons, and we get to see the entire ordering process when Kung buys Meifa a Pepsi, including the cashier ringing up the order. Did KFC pay for sponsorship? Is the producer the owner of the KFC? We may never know. Meifa doesn’t even touch the drink, and soon the two leave. For the record, Kung was drinking some bubble tea, something else not found at KFCs in America.

Watch the date at the KFC here!

As you can see, KFC does chicken, and Thai softcore, right!

Hanout is bathing topless in the motel pool! Hong notices and is soon taping away as water glistens off her perky breasts. Soon she is back in her room giving Doorman some trash. Doorman gets an idea, and knocks on the door of Powder. Doorman gets Powder to go visit Hanout, who is wearing her swimsuit bottom and a towel. At first, he says things to tick her off, but soon makes up for it, and a few seconds later she has the “oops, my towel dropped” moment. Thus Hanout and Powder Guy are soon getting it on like only some people who just met in a sleazy hotel can. The same world music plays as they get it on, and we even have some reverse cowgirl action, for your viewing pleasure. They don’t bother shutting the door, so Doorman lets himself in, and enjoys it so much he must smack down his boner. Maybe Thai men don’t get turned off when sex is interrupted by an old guy hitting his own erection.

Hong and Kung talk, then head to their room, but run into Doorman. Doorman is all done smacking his boner down, so it back to sitting at the front of the hotel. Hong and Kung then head to the girls’ room, where all three girls are hanging out. They as the girls something, and the girls agree, in a badly rehearsed, cheesy agreement pose. It turns out to be a beach get-away, and Doorman evens out the sex ratio. The three girls go to play in the ocean for a bit, so they can be wearing wet bathing suits. The men just stay onshore in the lounge area and talk (all while random people in the background notice the camera and stare for a bit.) The girls return, and soon it is time for a night on the town. the musical stylings of Green Day are used once again to represent the banging Bangkok nightlife. They head to a bar, where one by one the characters pair off. Kung and Meifa go off together. Leeme and Hong then leave together. Doorman and Hanout are alone, and she gets drunker and drunker, thus….

Kung and Meifa have sex!

Leemae and Hong have sex!

Doorman and Hanout have sex??? NAAAAUUUUURRRGGGHH!!! YUCK! That’s something I didn’t need to see. I guess Powder Guy is out of the picture now. The closing sex sequence rotates between the three sexual encounters, each getting their time to shine in the sun. After all that, we close with quick shots of each of the girls walking topless on the beach. Thus we end, Hidden 2002 is at a close. Nothing was really that hidden, except maybe a resolution. Did the girls ever find out that Kung and Hong had been taping them? Did they ever find out Doorman drugged them with sex drugs? Could the girls sleep with any more people? I guess we’ll have to track down Hidden 2003 to see. But, according to the one site with adult Thai DVDs I found, this is the only one in the series they stock. So we will never get our loose ends cleaned up. Not that I care as a consumer of the media, I just don’t like it when stories end without any resolution, or even acknowledgment of major plot points. Plus, there wasn’t a sex scene in KFC, and that is something the world needs. I know what I’ll be filming when I make my movie…

Until next time I find a Thai softcore film, we’ll just have to settle for Thai ice tea. Remember to not watch too much of this, before you find yourself drinking Red Bull and trapped on the Lifetime Network!

Rated 3/10 (Product Placement, You’re telling me she can’t see that camera guy?, Background person watching them film)

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!