Sherlock Gnomes will soon solve your garden mysteries

Sherlock Gnomes is the sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet, which I haven’t bothered to watch, but I did see a gigantic poster for it at the mall that was like two stories tall. So I got that going for me, and that pretty much makes me a Gnomeo and Juliet expert. So I can safely say that Sherlock Gnomes will be more of the same Gnomeo and Juliet niche. If you liked the original, you’ll like this sequel. If you didn’t, then there is always that killer garden gnome film that is in the works. The real question is what would David the Gnome think of all this? Had he not died and turned into a tree, that is. I cried. We all cried.

Writers Andy Riley and Kevin Cecil return, and the new director will be John Stevenson, who is best known for Kung Fu Panda. Elton John’s company is producing again and he’ll be writing more music. The plot involves Gnomeo and Juliet hiring Sherlock Gnomes to help them sole the mystery of disappearing gnomes from across England.

via Deadline
Buy the Gnome at This Etsy Shop!

Flamethrower Gnome

Elementary is how easily your flesh burns, my dear Watson!

Starman Super Giant

Starman – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 14

Starman Emerald Council

The Fantastic Four reboot failed to please comic book purists


Starman, a question a child might ask, but not a childish question. Because it’s a children’s movie! Nine of them! Combined into four American versions! Confused? Well, don’t be, because Tars and Todd are back again with another edition of the Infernal Brains Podcast to teach you all you need to know about Japan’s first cinematic super hero. He’s like Prince of Space, except better, because Prince of Space stole from him. Join us for the leaping and the long punching fight sequences and children being chased by witch women and corndog alien costumes and dance numbers. And find out why his girlfriend calls him “Super Giant”!

As usual, we got so many listening choices that even someone who is sickened by Salamander Men interpretive dancing can find a way: downloadable mp3, embedded flash with slideshow, embedded audio player, and iTunes feed link. So many choices, you’ll wave your arms randomly in the air as the Emerald Council decides to send Starman to save you once again!

Download the mp3 (right click, save as)

Watch in slideshow form:

Subscribe to the Infernal Brains on YouTube!

Films Discussed:
Starman – Atomic Rulers
Starman – Attack From Space
Starman – Evil Brain From Outer Space
Starman – Invaders From Space

Super Giant (スーパー・ジャイアンツ)
Super Giant Continues (続スーパー・ジャイアンツ)
Super Giant – The Mysterious Spacemen’s Demonic Castle (スーパー・ジャイアンツ 怪星人の魔城)
Super Giant – Earth on the Verge of Destruction (スーパー・ジャイアンツ 地球滅亡寸前)
Super Giant – The Artificial Satellite and the Destruction of Humanity (スーパー・ジャイアンツ 人工衛星と人類の破滅)
Super Giant – The Spaceship and the Clash of the Artificial Satellite (スーパー・ジャイアンツ 宇宙艇と人工衛星の激突)
Super Giant – The Space Mutant Appears (スーパー・ジャイアンツ 宇宙怪人出現)
Super Giant Continues – The Devil’s Incarnation (続スーパー・ジャイアンツ 悪魔の化身)
Super Giant Continues – The Poison Moth Kingdom (続スーパー・ジャイアンツ 毒蛾王国)

Some source images from BlackSun

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Starman Super Giant

Starman is Buffalo Bill?!?! It all makes sense..


Prior Infernal Brains:
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 1
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 2
Polly Shang Kuan
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 1
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 2
Dara Singh
Infernal Brains Podcast – 07 – Insee Daeng
Infernal Brains Podcast – 08 – Worst Podcast Ever
The Mummies of Guanajuato – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 09
Jane Bond – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 10
Daigoro vs Goliath – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 11
Down the Rabbit Hole with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 12
Through the Looking Glass with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 13

The Invincible Yuanyang Swords (Review)

The Invincible Yuanyang Swords

aka 無敵鴛鴦劍 aka The Matchless Pair Swords

1963
Written by Fung Kam-pui
Directed by Mok Hong-See


It’s time for an old school Cantonese wuxia flick, and there are only two reasons to watch: The choreographed swordplay and the low budget effects. And the swordplay is brought, but the low budget effects are what brings The Invincible Yuanyang Swords to our attention. Particularly one low budget effect. Godzilla. Yes, Godzilla. Okay, he’s not really Godzilla, he just looks suspiciously like a dimestore Godzilla, complete with stolen audio of the Godzilla roar! Yes, a dragon the main character fights is pretty much Godzilla. Also there’s some complicated plot involving treasure map pieces and an evil gang that the hero thwarts, but MAN IN SUIT MONSTER!!!

Director Mok Hong-See directed 160 films in his long career, most of which are so old they probably don’t exist any more. His career is largely done by the end of the 1960s, but he is notable for helming many of Connie Chan’s Lady Bond films (which exist, we just can’t ever see them!!!) Hong Kong Film Archive also notes this is child star Lee Tsi-yeung’s screen debut. I can’t find out any more information about the kid actor, but I guess he’s important enough and will probably show up in other old wuxia films I watch. Maybe he won’t even be a brat in them!

The film’s choice to portray the dragon as a Godzilla-looking creature instead of a traditional Chinese dragon is an interesting one. It shows the popularity of Godzilla films in 1963 (who would have been fresh off his third feature, 1962’s King Kong vs. Godzilla) and how the iconic imagery can even creep into places that were filled with people who still harbored much hatred towards Japan over what they did during the war.

There are several different old Cantonese wuxia flicks with dragons and other giant monsters, the problem is there is so little information about these films in English, finding one is just luck. I know there is one other one I saw clips from (though I don’t know the name) with a different dragon monster. We’ve also found ape costumes are surprisingly common, so there are probably other cool fantasy things running around just waiting for me to write a long rambling review about! Luckily, I have a stack of vcds with a few looking very promising. I hope this costume was used again and again.

Yau Hei-sing (Walter Tso Tat-Wah) – Kung fu master who has a bratty son that gets his family involved in secret treasure maps and evil kung fu gangs. He fights a very familiar looking dragon, and later loses his kung fu. Next time, use a club so no one takes it, dude!
To Fei-yin (Law Yim-Hing) – Yau Hei-sing’s wife and a martial arts master herself. Easily provoked to jealously, but also loves her husband very much. Comes from a long line of increasingly grim sifus. Law Yim-Hing was one of the major starlettes of the post-war boom, becoming very prolific from the late 1940s until the late 1960s. He was only lured back for one film after her 1969 retirement, 1988’s Love Me and Dad. She did both martial and Cantonese opera roles, and was a well-respected dramatic actress.
King Thief Wong Ng (Leung Sing-Bo) – The greatest thief in all of China and a master of disguise. Also is a good thief, sort of like Robin Hood with a stick. I’m sure the thief’s name of Wong Ng being very close to master thief Wong Ang the Heroine is a complete coincidence!
Cheung Tai-fu (Cheung Chi-Suen) – Good government official who wants to use a treasure to help out a lot of poor people. But the evil Diu Lung and his Three Monsters are causing problems and have most of the map.
Diu Lung (Ho Ging-Fan) – Greedy official who lives by the rule that you can never have too much money. Hired the Three Monsters to find a treasure before some do-gooding idiot uses the money to help people. Can you believe it? Money belongs in vaults that you swim in!
Three Monsters Guy (Sek Kin) – Not sure of the name of Sek Kin’s Three Monsters character, but he likes to scowl.
Kwai Kin-hook (Ling Mung) – Member of the Three Monsters with prominent eyebrows. Is the de facto leader of the group.
Kwai Kin-shou (Chu Yau-Ko) – Fat member of the Three Monsters who I think is supposed to be humorous, though the comedy isn’t that physical.
Not Godzilla (man in suit!) – The King of Monsters sired some sort of bastard child while vacationing in China, and the poor monster gets killed dead. Actually, it’s a “dragon”! Because traditional Chinese dragons look like that.

Metal Gear Solid, Oogieloves, and interactive cinema

The big news in the geek universe this week was the announcement of a Metal Gear Solid movie. Talk of the movie threatened to envelope threads in every message board as fans of the franchise began talking about the games and how they are beyond the normal video game and become a truly interactive experience. The main point many of them rightfully attest is that it will be difficult if not impossible to duplicate the anything can happen as the fourth was is shattered to dust feelings as you desperately try to piece together what is going on and what crazy thing you will have to do next. Cinema is largely a one way interactive environment, what happens on screen will happen whether you are paying rapt attention or are dozing off or making out in the back row. I see you back there. Continue making out.

Aside from a few random films mostly on DVD (or that Futurama episode where you can watch Calculon double-check his paperwork!), what happens next is largely out of your control. There are no buttons to push, and no matter how loud you yell at that dumb girl in Friday the 13th Part 17, she’s going to take a shower in the haunted cabin built on the zombie graveyard. All that means is, can Metal Gear Solid survive if it’s not the type of story telling device people expect from it? Sure, many video game to movie adaptations have largely ignored key parts of the original game in order to tell a tale in a new medium (read: graft the franchise onto an existing mediocre script in an attempt to save money!), but most of them are terrible. Metal Gear Solid is one of those franchises that if it is screwed up, whoever directs it will be the new Uwe Boll, even if they go on to direct Gone With the Kane. Hideo Kojima is a literal rock star, I’ve personally seen people wait all day in lines to briefly see him (I saw him get out of the limo and everyone screamed and cheered!) He will not be blamed for it if it fails. That blame will fall on the eventual director and the producer Avi Arad. Arad already appears as an executive producer on all of Marvel’s films due to his ties to the company’s movie studio’s beginnings. He’s running his own production house now, and he has multiple projects in development, including films based on the video games Mass Effect, Uncharted, and inFAMOUS.

Making a Metal Gear Solid movie is not that difficult in theory, the Metal Gear franchise openly borrows from cinema and actors. The key problem arises in making a film that has the same type of feel as the original games. Regardless of how well the eventual film (if any) does, you can be sure people will complain about the smallest details imaginable.

Interactive film does have one more entry, a recent entry. As in this week is the opening weekend entry. And it’s making cinema history! Because it’s bombing so bad! Yes, we’re talking about the Oogieloves! The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure opened Wednesday in 1,500 theaters and made $60,000. Total. That’s $40 per screen. Ouch. Excuse me…Oogieouch! The reason I bring up the Oogieloves film (aside to join in the pile on!) is that the film promotes interactivity among its target audience of 2-5 year olds, having sections where they are prompted to get up and dance and talk to the screen. So there is interactivity in cinema, even if the kids can’t change things. And while it’s occasionally funny wo watch productions of Peter Pan where the audience doesn’t clap for Tinkerbell and she dies, the Oogieloves will never die, and they’re coming for you. With their balloons! The prior record holder for worst film for a major release is Creature, which opened on 1,507 screens for a $220 average.

Could the Metal Gear Solid flick feature sequences where you have to get up and dance? I sure hope so, because I want to read people arguing about it on the internet. Come on, Avi Arad, don’t let me down!

via G4TV

Oogieloves Goobie

A name means nothing on the battlefield...

Doggie B is a movie that exists and opens Friday

Doggie B

I’m sure you are as shocked as I am to hear about Doggie B, a film about dancing with dogs, and how it opens Friday August 31st. As this is Thursday August 30th, it’s time to raise our glasses to the stellar marketing department! I guess TarsTarkas.NET will do the press for you, Doggie B!

When aspiring vet Cassie finds out that her Uncle Peter’s dog dancing studio is in danger of closing, she enters her devoted pup Pijo in the Dog Dancing Championships. Standing between the grand prize and the glory is ten-time champion Gertrude and her dancing canine Chaos, who will stop at nothing to win. With the help of family and friends, Cassie and Pijo lace up all six dancing shoes, raise the woof, and take on the competition tail on.

That sounds…dog gone hilarious!! Did you get it? I made a dog pun!

Just watch the damn trailer…

I did manage to find the official site. On wordpress. Romanus Wolter is the man with the plan who directed Doggie B. He has a rather long writeup here. Originally the film was called Doggie Boogie!

Doggie B stars Jesse Draper, Bettina Devin, Jane Wiedlin, Patrick Alan Davis, Scott Cox, Barbara Tintori, Erica Gerard, and Constance Hasapopoulos. But if you ask them, they will deny it. Keep asking them!

We all know dog dancing is a thing, because of that King of the Hill episode that was pretty good.

Doggie B

The love story of our time...


Doggie B