Get Hellified!

Hellified is the Dirty Dozen invade Hell! To save the world from the End of Days, a group of prisoners are sent to Hell to kick some demon butt! Michael Finch (writer of Predators, another flick featuring a cadre of bad dudes who team up to fight monsters) is doing the latest rewrite of the spec script from Andy Burg picked up in 2009. There is no current director attacked (Red Dawn remake director Dan Bradley was attached, but has since left) If the new script works, expect that to change soon enough. Michael Finch is also writing Lego Hero Factory along with writing partner Alex Litvak.

Hellified has the potential to be awesome as hell (pun intended!) so don’t fuck this up, Paramount! Do you think they will mess it up? Hellified know!

Jeez, I keep writing puns like those, and I’ll be one of the guys they send to Hell…

via THR

Bat Outta Hell 2

This except more giant hell bats, please!

The Brainiac

The Brainiac – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 15

The Brainiac

The Infernal Brains are back in Black and White…Okay, the movie they watched is! Tars and Todd take on the Mexican horror classic The Brainiac (El Baron del Terror)! It’s the Mexican horror film with the best costume ever created in the history of cinema. And also a monster! An evil baron returns after 300 years for revenge against the descendants of the people who burned him as a heretic. Luckily for him, everyone has just one decedent who also looks exactly like their ancestor! And he kills a bunch of random people for no reason and eats brains, but revenge! The cast is a virtual mother load of Mexican cinema talent. The Brainiac is an awesome flick and we talk about it awesomely with awesomeness.

As usual, we got so many listening choices that even someone who has been trapped in a comet for 300 years can find a way: downloadable mp3, embedded flash with slideshow, embedded audio player, and iTunes feed link. So many choices, you’re head will inflate and deflate randomly!

Download the mp3 (right click, save as)

Watch in slideshow form:

Subscribe to the Infernal Brains on YouTube!

Films Discussed:
El Baron Del Terror / The Brainiac

The BrainiacThe Brainiac>

Click the graphic for Podcast Feed:

Click here for iTunes Feed

Prior Infernal Brains:
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 1
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 2
Polly Shang Kuan
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 1
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 2
Dara Singh
Infernal Brains Podcast – 07 – Insee Daeng
Infernal Brains Podcast – 08 – Worst Podcast Ever
The Mummies of Guanajuato – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 09
Jane Bond – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 10
Daigoro vs Goliath – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 11
Down the Rabbit Hole with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 12
Through the Looking Glass with Pearl Cheung Ling – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 13
Starman – Infernal Brains Podcast Episode 14

Infernal Brains Podcast

Smurfs 2 Hits Trailer!


Smurfs 2 has hit trailer! Yes, Smurfs are back and running around New York again due to things not explained in the trailer. Gargamel makes evil grey Smurfs called The Naughtes played by Christina Ricci and JB Smoove to do his evil bidding. The plan is to convert Smurfette back to the dark side by making her naughty again. (If you remember from Smurf lore, Smurfette was originally created by Gargamel to cause trouble and then became a Smurf later thanks to Papa Smurf) It looks like the producers are banking on the popularity of Katy Perry to give them the big bucks. As I mentioned for the last film, the scenes in the Smurf village were awesome, so hopefully there is more Smurf village time. Neil Patrick Harris and Sofia Vergara also return.

Smurfs 2 Evil Smurfette

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison!

And if you are wondering if Azrael is in the film, yes he is, therefore Smurfs 2 will be not terrible!

Smurfs 2 Azrael

Make no LOLcats jokes here!

Birthday Sex

Vin Diesel loves ya, baby, in the Kojak remake!

Kojak

Soon every 70s detective show will have their own film. Welcome to the future. Universal is who you can credit for getting the ball rolling on the Kojak film, which is not only starring Vin Diesel, but he’s also producing. Neal Purvis and Robert Wade are writing, they wrote Skyfall, so you can expect Kojak to face off against a knockoff Joker.

The original Kojak series ran from 1973 to 1978, with two tv movies in the 80s and five in the 90s. Fans may remember that Ving Rhames also played Kojak for one season on USA.

via Deadline

Birthday Sex

SyFy wants to remake Waterworld!

Flare out your gills and begin your search for dry land, because if SyFy gets their way, Waterworld will be back as one of their original movies! Waterworld is famous for being a gigantic flop, even though it’s not really that bad and is sort of charming. However, it’s also a property no on wants to touch at all. Thus, SyFy sees a way to easy money. And I have no doubt that SyFy could easily make a cheap version of Waterworld that not only pulls a profit, but also kicks but. And it probably will involve a giant monster or two (just like the original!) Though I think Kevin Costner is probably out of their league for a cameo. I’m hoping Tina Majorino shows up, because no one realizes the little girl was also deb in Napoleon Dynamite. Or maybe Jack Black, he was in the original.

This is far from a done deal, but if there is one thing we learned from Waterworld, is that myths can become reality when they are tattooed on the back of a small child. So get out your tattoo devices!

On a sad note, the Exxon Valdez is also no longer with us. Also Dennis Hopper and William Preston (Who was also a Late Night with Conan O’Brien regular) But they will all be turned into dirt to grow tomatoes for the next generation.

via Forbes

Waterworld

That’s not Dry Land….it’s a giant turtle!

Shaolin Traitorous

Shaolin Traitorous

aka 大太監 aka Traitorous

1976
Written by Cheung San-Yee
Directed by Sung Ting-Mei

Shaolin Traitorous
In the 1970s, the most dangerous occupation in Taiwan was being Polly Shang Kuan’s father in a movie. And once again, Shaolin Traitorous involves Polly playing a character that is avenging the deaths of her parents. But, shockingly enough, Polly isn’t the focus of the flick, it’s Carter Wong as Shang Yung, who survives the massacre of his family as a child and then trains at Shaolin Temple and eventually go get revenge.

Story wise, Shaolin Traitorous is a by-the-numbers revenge flick. But the choreography makes it rise a bit above the crowd. There is an obsession with array attacks, and there are multiple scenes with many guards stacked on top of each other in a huge human fence formation. Though fun to look at, I’ve never really understood how these attacks do anything except present a bigger target. But maybe that’s the trick…
Shaolin Traitorous
Aside from the many guards stacking, if you’ve seen one of these films, you know the score. If they’re your thing, then you will enjoy the crap out of Shaolin Traitorous. If you’re just seeking some kung fu thrills, it will do the trick. But it’s not going to be a film you rave to everyone about on Twitter.
Shaolin Traitorous

Shang Yung (Carter Wong Ka-Tat) – His parents were killed when he was but a lad, and after intense Shaolin training he’s back for revenge. Luckily the guy is so evil he wasn’t killed and didn’t die of natural causes in the meanwhile. Because that would be anti-climatic! Wears his slain mother’s bracelet as a necklace.
Hsiao Yun Erh/Tso Yun Lan (Polly Shang Kuan ) – Another victom of Tin Erh Keng wiping out her entire family, whe was even adopted by him (though randomly everyone thinks she’s a dude for a while, despite no disguise at all!) Now she wants revenge for her slain family.
Tin Erh Keng (Chang Yi) – Evil jerk whose favorite hobby is slaughtering all the members of a family except a young child who will then hunt him down for revenge. Eventually that hobby comes back to have consequences. Who knew???
First Head (Sammo Hung Kam-Bo) – Guard of East Gate who has a ridiculous name and he’s evil. EVIL!!!

Shaolin Traitorous