Kite – What in the ever loving…?

Kite India Eisley

Kite is a live-action adaptation of the anime Kite, which had a dubbed American release with a lot of things edited out, but the uncensored version features lots of graphic underage nudity/rape and violence. That alone should throw up a bunch of red flags, but put your flags away for a moment because they released a trailer and preview (featuring several scenes) that make the American version look like a gigantic fiasco.

Kite is about a young girl whose parents are murdered, and she’s turned into an assassin by corrupt cops to take down other bad people, and to get revenge on who murdered her parents. Of course there are other teenage assassins running around, and almost every character is played by a white person but keeps their Japanese name. Except Sam Jackson’s character, who gets a name change.

It looks like they copied scenes almost exactly, leading to weird things like the over acting old lady and lots of funky anime hair colors. I’m sure someone saw Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass and decided that a whole movie on the concept would be golden.

But it is terrible! Don’t take my word for it, they threw up almost ten minutes of the film for you to make your own decisions. It’s called freedom of choice!

Samuel L. Jackson as Karl Aker
India Eisley as Sawa
Callan McAuliffe as Oburi
Russel Savadier as Old Boy
Jaco Muller as Kratsov
Liam J. Stratton as Sawa’s Father
Keci Eatock as Young Sawa

Kite is directed by South African director Ralph Ziman of Gangster’s Paradise: Jerusalema fame. I hope he has another project lined up already.

Django Unchained

Django Unchained

Written and directed by Quentin Tarantino
Django Unchained
There will be SPOILERS for Django Unchained below the fold. If you don’t want to get spoiled, please read one of our many other fine reviews and come back later. Thank you.
Django Unchained
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Robocop remake visuals

Robocop is awesome, so it is with great wariness that we approach the remake. Though we’ve already had a fair share of awful Robocop sequels and tie-ins, so something awful with Robocop in it isn’t that much of a shock any more. But regardless, the eye is still wary. The studio has responded with viral marketing to ease the pain away and to reassure the wary public that there will be familiar elements. Thus, the OmniCorp Website is up with a slick new video featuring an all new ED-209 blowing up a tank. OmniCorp being the new version of Omni Consumer Products from the original film. ED-209 is slicker and more modern, but still features the same basic design. The faux commercial on the site touts urban pacification tools such as the police drone that looks like a stealth flyer, hinting there may be larger issues broached with the new Robocop. Hopefully so, as the classic Robocop has a lot going on under the hood.

The cast is already geeked out, with Samuel L. Jackson playing a media mogul, Gary Oldman as one of the techs behind Robocop, and Hugh Laurie as the head of OmniCorp. Alex Murphy actor Joel Kinnaman is a practical unknown compared to them. José Padilha is directing, and we will be watching. Carefully.

The site also hints to the Robocop design under the TC-2000 heading. But no big reveal…yet! It does fit in with the rumor that the suit will be more CGI than a giant metal suit, so Robocop can be more mobile.

The new ED-209:
New ED-209

The Avengers (Review)

The Avengers

Written by Zak Penn and Joss Whedon
Based on characters created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Directed by Joss Whedon

ATTENTION: THIS REVIEW HAS SPOILERS for everyone, so don’t read this if you haven’t seen it or care about being spoiled and all that jazz. Because there is really no way to get into the meat of the issue without discussing everything. And just to keep people from getting too upset, I’ll throw everything under the Roll Call so you have to click a button to read it….

Tony Stark / Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) – Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist with a suit of armor and a billion quips. I was concerned his personality would be so large it would loom over the others, but he fits in nicely and has good chemistry with Steve Rogers.
Steve Rogers / Captain America (Chris Evans) – The World War II star-spangled man with the plan, frozen in the ice for 70 years to awaken in modern day. His experience helps turn him into the natural leader of the group
Bruce Banner / The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) – Genius scientist and expert on gamma radiation who is turned into a giant green rage monster due to an experiment gone wrong. Has learned to live with his condition. Then Nick Fury’s team comes calling needing some help…
Thor (Chris Hemsworth) – Norse God of Thunder and resident of Asgard, and brother of Loki. Has learned much about being responsible, but must still prevent his brother from causing problems on Earth.
Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) – Former assassin turned SHIELD agent. Expert at fighting and interrogation, and at having regrets that she wants to atone for.
Clint Barton / Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) – Expert marksman and SHIELD agent, and has the mutant power to have archery bows spontaneously generate in boxes of weapons.
Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) – The dude in charge of SHIELD who keeps popping up during closing credits, and brings together all of the above to deal with Loki and his whole alien invasion scheme. But was bringing together all these people a good idea?
Loki (Tom Hiddleston) – Adoptive brother of Thor and currently preparing to help aliens invade Earth. A crazed egomaniac wh delights in causing discord among the team.

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Snakes on a Plane (Review)

Snakes on a Plane

Samuel L. Jackson as Nelville Flynn
Julianna Margulies as Claire Miller
Nathan Phillips as Sean Jones (Red Bull Boy)
Rachel Blanchard as Mercedes
Flex Alexander as Three G’s
Kenan Thompson as Troy
Directed by David R. Ellis

“I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”

And with that, Snakes on a Plane became one of the greatest movies of all time. Cementing itself into cult status before it even finished filming. The above line was added in during reshoots, inspired by the fan buzz generated on the internet solely from the title of the movie. The producers wisely switched from a PG-13 to an R rating, giving the fans the line they wished for and some nudity and more gore to boot. Riding the Internet buzz even further, the producers went so far as to have a song writing contest where the winner would have his song played during the closing credits. This was an unprecedented example of audience participation in the making of a film. Samuel L. Jackson was one of the first to recognize the brilliance of the title, signing up for the movie after hearing it, and threatening to leave the project if they renamed it the proposed Pacific Air 122. The main question as the release date approached was would the movie live up to the Internet hype? The opening weekend where it barely edged into first place (thanks to some Thursday night pre-screenings) was called disappointing, but it should be noted that it is probably far more than the movie would have achieved under other circumstances. The hype inflated it’s box office numbers from dismal to “meh”.

The main good feature of the hype was the reshoots to R, which helped increase the cheesy factor and made the movie more fun. The gore comedy was hyped up, as PG-13 would have just looked horrible. Running a recap while the movie is still in the theater can be dangerous, as I might just overlook some important detail due to faulty memory and lack of notes. But we are going to soldier on regardless, and hopefully every major point and minor cheese is dually reported. That’s what Sam Jackson would do, and that’s what we’re gonna do! (Yeah, like Sam Jackson would be writing movie reviews on the Internet…) No promises will be made as the the amount of snake jokes, as this is a snake movie and puns are easy to write and will slither all over this recap like….snakes….on a plane! Continue reading

Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith (Review)

Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith

Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Natalie Portman as Padmé
Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker
Ian McDiarmid as Chancellor Palpatine/Darth Sideous
Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu

I didn’t want to go over this movie immediately after I saw it, I wanted to give it time to sink in. What is supposed to be the last Star Wars film ever (at least for the next twenty years.) After some disappointments with Episodes one and Two, disappointments meaning Episode One was HORRIBLE, and Episode Two could have been saved by some decent editing, we get the finale of the Prequel Trilogy, the end of the beginning. From the previews coming down before footage was released some signs were good, the rumors of it being dark, the rumors of the PG-13 rating, the knowledge of certain people dying because they just weren’t in the Original Trilogy. There were some bad rumors as well: Chewie helping birth the twins, Yoda farting, Jar Jar not being horribly killed, and Lucas still directing. The end result? It was actually pretty good, all things considered.

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