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Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Sex Talk

Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Sex Talk

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk
2003?
Written and directed by Jean-Jacques Lamore (pretty sure this is Alain Siritzky)
Loosely based on a character created by Emmanuelle Arsan

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

A rubdown is needed after enduring a lecture about all the various Emmanuelle series…


Every few years that is a new Emmanuelle series, each iteration becoming more and more removed from the source novel and films to the point where the only connection is the name. Emmanuelle has had all sorts of adventures all over the world (and like all good franchises, she both went to space and fought Dracula!) As it can get time consuming and expensive to track down all copies of all the Emmanuelle series, it’s often more efficient to just pick one to represent the whole group. Especially since the guy who has been churning out Emmanuelle series (and other similar softcore series), Alain Siritzky, sometimes makes the films so they can be edited into either half hour episodes or full movies.

Each Emmanuelle series has their own star as Emmanuelle. The original Emmanuelle was Sylvia Kristel, who was in four of the original Emmanuelle films and played an older Emmanuelle in at least on television series. Prior Emmanuelle series include the Emmanuelle 2000 run, which starred Holly Sampson as Emmanuelle (and we reviewed sample film Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise). The most famous series among cable aficionados are the Emmanuelle In Space films, which starred future Baywatch actress Krista Allen. The most recent series starred Allie Haze (as Brittany Joy), but you can rest assured that Emmanuelle will never die.

Natasja Vermeer played Emmanuelle in the Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series, of which Emmanuelle: Sex Talk is a member. Emmanuelle has been played as a brilliant super charismatic well-connected hero who swooped in to solve the problems of whichever couples were nearby. This Emmanuelle is less of a genius who solves problems, but she’s still considered the center of attention. We know this more because the film tells us, instead of us seeing it in action. From the way I explained it, you can tell that she doesn’t come off as very knowledgeable at all. In fact, Emmanuelle becomes more of a mystery as to why anyone even knows her. This is not helped by the subplot of giving Emmanuelle a mystery of her own to figure out (and I will freely admit it may be hurting the attempts to make her appear smart in my eyes.)

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Another Emmanuelle history lesson victim!


The Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series of Emmanuelle films are filled with vignettes that are told either by flashback, or by radio callers who tell them to Brittany O’Dell. These are scenes that have no connection to the film aside from sporadic narration, and were filmed with a different style of digital camera. The look of the actors and the lack of any spoken words leads me to believe the scenes are from overseas somewhere in Europe, and I don’t know if they were filmed specifically for the Emmanuelle films or were something the production company acquired and threw in to save some dough. I do know that they were rather weird. Something about them were just off, I can’t really explain it.

Natasja Vermeer recorded some of the songs that were used in the Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series, for those of you who are soundtrack trivia buffs.

Emmanuelle (Natasja Vermeer) – Never fear, Emmanuelle is here, and things are about to get sexy. Emmanuelle is on a journey for stuff to happen around her, and also she gets a mysterious letter and random sex nymphs visit her, but beyond that, much of the action happens outside of Emmanuelle’s worldview.
Brittany O’Dell (Angela Nicholas as Angela Davies) – Radio host who has a deranged stalker, which is somehow sexy and not incredibly disturbing. And she’s friend with Emmanuelle.
Lisa (Valerie Baber) – Emmanuelle’s massage partner (and more!) whose boyfriend wants to have a threesome. That eventually happens. Valerie Baber is now an author and sex journalist
 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Wait, HOW many different Emmanuelle films???

The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.

The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.


2007
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

The Girl from Bikini
I keep mine next to my Merry Marvel Marching Society card!

In TarsTarkas.NET’s quest to eventually get around to things, several Fred Olen Ray Bikini flicks are on the bucket list. So let’s begin to empty said bucket(which sadly had been buried beneath a pile of thousands of buckets filled with thousands of lists since 2004!) The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is the first of the Tanya X movies (so first that she’s called Tania X here!), which went on to have two sequels (Bikini Royale and Bikini Royale 2) and a webseries that I believe was edited into another film. But this is the one that started it all.

The Girl from Bikini
Attica! Attica!

The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I.‘s biggest problem is the date rape sequence. I’ve watched enough of these types of films that I know that slipping a woman some drugs that makes her super-horny is occasionally a thing, but here it’s done in an ultra-sleazy manner and Tanya wakes up with memory loss the next day. It’s disturbing.

Something that is interesting is the scene where Mong Lee (played by white actor Evan Stone), a sort of white warrior servant who wears mixed Asian combat garb, dresses in yellowface as a super stereotypical Asian person, right down to greasy black hair, ridiculous Coke-bottle glasses, and buck teeth. He wears the disguise over his own clothes, which bulge out from underneath, and it is insanely obvious that he is not what he appears to be. Needless to say, the disguise works. The thing is, is this disguise racist, or is the character using Asian stereotypes that the heroes fall for to his advantage to do his job, despite not being Asian? And if so, would that make the heroes racist, and Mong Lee someone who takes advantage of the ignorance of the masses? These are the questions asked by so many people watching these Skinimax flicks at 2am!

The Girl from Bikini
Mission: Impossible 5 was almost as bad as Mission: Impossible 2!

While the problems all go away by the next Tanya X adventure, we must discuss them, because them’s the rules. The spy genre’s campy nature makes it a ripe ground for parodies, allowing the adding of fantastic elements in addition to the expected hot babes in little clothing. The genre’s mainstream acceptance also means there will be spy erotic parodies for decades to come. Heh-heh-heh, I said “come!”

Tania X (Beverly Lynne) – Secret agent of B.I.K.I.N.I., put on the case to track down who is interfering with the Sensible Satellite Radio signals.
Mr. Whatley (Brad Bartram) – The boss of B.I.K.I.N.I., at least until the next film…
Mark Ten (Voodoo/Alexandre Boisvert) – Agent of the CIA who becomes part of the case as he’s tangentially related with his bodyguard duties.
Samantha Rhinehart (Rebecca Love) – Heir to the Rhineheart family that owns Sensible Satellite Radio, is a nymphomaniac (the best kind of maniac!) Was being guarded by Mark Ten, who brought her along when he teamed up with Tania X to find out what’s going on.
Patty Mercury (Nicole Sheridan) – Stripper who knows of information concerning the jamming of agent satellite feed. All strippers are well versed in satellite communications information. That and clear high heels.
Mong Lee (Evan Stone) – Fay Wong’s servant Evan Stone’s wacky costume this movie is vaguely Japanese warrior garb. How did this warrior come into service of Fay Wong? That is a tale that is for you to write!
Fay Wong (Gianna Lynn) – Tong warlord and secret mastermind behind the plot to control agent radio signals. Not sure why, because this plan won’t make any money and will just put a target on her back from every spy agency in the world.
Randolph Davis (Randy Spears) – Rich businessman who is up to nefarious deeds for cash. He’s also a date rapist, so fuck this guy!
Kim Chee (Lacie Heart) – Fay Wong’s lady friend that she does lady friendly things with, those lady friendly things being sexual in nature.
Nikita (Anthony Hardwood) – That show Nikita is pretty good, and the other, earlier show was also good. And the movies are various levels of good. This Nikita isn’t a show or movie, but is a Russian agent who gets caught in Tania X’s web of seduction. And then caught in her right hook.
The Girl from Bikini
The Mime from BIKINI!
Bewitched Housewives

Bewitched Housewives (Review)

Bewitched Housewives


2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Bewitched Housewives is a take off of Bewitched except as a softcore flick. As a Bewitched movie came out around the same time, that may have been the inspiration for the script getting made. This is not the only Retromedia take off of old TV shows as erotic entertainment, Erotic Genie being another example. I would rather these old shows get made as parody softcore flicks instead of terrible big budget films that bomb at the box office.

The TV series Bewitched actually spawned three Turkish movies, one of which was Tatli Cadi (The Sweet Sorceress), and it was followed by the sequel Tatli Cadi’nin Maceralari (The Adventures of the Sweet Sorceress). Minik Cadi (The Cute Witch) turned the main star into a little girl and went cute, in contrast to the Sweet Sorceress films which tended to emphasize women in skimpy clothes. I am sure we are all familiar with the remake with Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman, so let’s leave well enough alone.

As we’ve done a whole bunch of these Fred Olen Ray bikini films, I’ll just list them all here instead of over and over again in the Roll Call: Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, and Bikini Airways. Yes, more will be on here soon!

Mary Corwin (Beverly Lynne) – A fan of big, throbbing vegatables, Mary Corwin is whisked away from certain death at the hands of witch hunters to modern day LA where she has a husband, friends, and corporate espionage intrigue… Beverly Lynne is a pretty big star in these Skinimax softcore films, but those of you who got here by Googling her name already know that.
Angelique (Nicole Sheridan) – Angelique is a member of the Sisterhood of Witches and spends her time rescuing persecuted witches back in time and taking them to modern times. Nicole Sheridan is in almost every Bikini movie made this decade, also stars in adult films, and runs her own website. Plus she’s married to Voodoo. Check out her wonderfully titled films If the Balls Fit, Suck ‘Em!, The Adventures of O-Girl Trapped in Time, and Eruptions: Pink’s My Favorite Color.
Derek Simmons (Brad Bartram) – Ad agency man who becomes the set up husband for rescued witch Mary Corwin. Brad Bartram has a large contingent of fans of the search engine referrals are to be believed.
Barry (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Barry is Derek’s coworker, and is jealous because Derek comes up with all the cool ideas. Martin’s plan is to steal Derek’s latest idea, which would have worked had Derek bothered to write any of it down (which must make powerpoint presentations interesting!) Barry is played by Alexandre Boisvert, who continues his policy of making goofy faces and being hilarious.
Linda (Rebecca Love) – Barry’s girl and his point woman for Operation Steal Derek’s Ideas. Spends most of her time rummaging though underwear drawers and having sex with Derek to cover her tracks. Adult actress Rebecca Love is also featured in the finely titled films Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, When Things Get Rough She Gets Filthy, and Itty Bitty Cheerleaders vs. the Big Boob Squad 2.
Martin (Evan Stone) – Martin is Angelique’s wife, and is one of the few roles where Evan Stone plays a more subdued, normal guy. He can’t always be in elevator shoes with goggles and giant gloves and named Kronkor.
Brother Hopkins (Ted Newsom) – A Witch Hunter who tracks down those who would dare use magic, even though one of his tools looks to be magic. Not adverse to traveling to the future to track down his prey. Occasionally yields to temptation.
Mr. Beatty (Don Donaldson) – Derek’s boss at the ad agency. Don Donaldson is barely in this movie, but has larger roles in a few of the other films.
Jailer (Eric Spudic) – The Jailer shows up at the end to assign Brother Hopkins (now Sister Hopkins) his (her) fate. Eric Spudic was also in The Ghost in the Teeny Bikini. If you are in Van Nuys, visit Spudic’s Movie Empire!

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (Review)

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
Now this is good scifi! And good softcore! Finding a movie that has both is a rare feat, indeed. And this one is a blast! The plot is the standard Mars Need Women/Devil Girl From Mars fare, except it is Female Aliens Need Sperm. Thus…the softcore. We applaud Fred Olen Ray for this one! Sure, we have done a lot of these films by now, but as every entry is its own different genre, things keep from getting boring. The films are generally entertaining as well, putting them light-years ahead of some of the snooze-fests from Seduction Cinema such as the similarly named Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet or the lethargic thriller-type movies that also show up all the time on Skinimax yet rarely never giving a satisfying viewing experience. These films are fun for everyone! So bring on the fun.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet

Kim Read (Nicole Sheridan) – Your average college student with a libido overdrive, Kim realizes meeting two alien girls can probably get her higher grades at school, and maybe even fame. My favorite line of hers is bragging about her C-average to the two alien girls right after meeting them, it seems ad libbed and hilarious. Nicole Sheridan headlines a lot of these films, see her also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Gary (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Kim’s man whose method of study doesn’t translate well to making good grades. For some reason Voodoo has a goofy fauxhawk this time, which distinguishes his character from all the other Voodoo characters in these films. Said films are Super Ninja Doll, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Annie (Syren) – Subordinate officer of the mission to Earth. Needs to be educated about males, but soon gains an enthusiasm for learning. Keeper of the milk jug. See Syren here as well in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, and Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle.
Commander Danow (Christine Nguyen) – Commanding officer of the mission sent to get some Earth jizz. Helps educate her colleague as to the vile habits of the Earth male. Then she has sex with her. Oh, yeah! Do you get the joke in the name of the two Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet? Because it is the reason I listed them in this order. I’m not going to explain it, so there! See Christine Nguyen in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Professor Thomas Quatermass (Brad Bartram) – Professor of Astronomy who gives his students extra credit. He also works with the MIB agency for the government, because all astronomers fight aliens as well. We got a name drop to the British character who has been appearing since the 1950s. Brad Bartram is also in Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, and Bikini Airways.
Decker (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone camps it up again, this time as a MIB agent assigned to go after the two alien girls. He also has time to get some tail on the side. Name drop is from Blade Runner, for the two of you who didn’t get it. See Evan Stone in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Queen Morganna (Rebecca Love) – Leader of Aqua-Terra, planet of women who love women. You don’t wear shirts when you are the queen. You may have seen Rebecca Love in Itty Bitty Cheerleaders vs. the Big Boob Squad 2 or Debbie Does Dallas: East vs. West, or even # Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, but you probably did see her in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Audrey Wagner (Michelle Lay) – Audrey Wagner is the 4H teacher at the university. Because all universities need 4H! Michelle Lay is also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Hobart (Ted Newsom) – Leader of the MIB who orders Decker to take down the Bikini Girls. That’s all he does. Ted Newsom does bit parts in several of these bikini films, see him briefly also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini and Super Ninja Doll.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
You wouldn’t know it, but this is the filthiest picture on this site!

Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (Review)

Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes


2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes
We got x-ray specs that work (unlike those ripoffs in the back of comic books when we were kids) as the basis of another entry into Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini films. The rest of the film falls into a secret agent category that is also visited in Bikini movies The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. and Bikini Royale. I guess spies and bikinis go hand and hand. The title refers to the film The Man with the X-Ray Eyes, and Fred Olen Ray has also directed The Kid with X-ray Eyes starring Justin Berfield.

We remember late night Cinemax fun time as kids, a tradition still alive even with many Cinemax channels to chose from. Kids these days are too spoiled with their 15 Cinemaxes upping the odds of seeing boobs before 3am. Plus, they have the Internet for instant access. Still, movies like this have their charm, and the best thing is, they are entertaining. Too bad so many other films don’t meet that one little requirement of entertainment. For shame.
Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes
Let’s get down and dirty, shall we?

Taffy (Nicole Sheridan) – A stripper with a heart of gold and a brain the size of a walnut. Luckily, she has her man Eddie to watch out for her. Accidentally winds up with the x-ray glasses, which gets her tangled in the middle of spies, creepy dudes, Las Vegas, threesomes, and sinister vixens. Nicole Sheridan has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Agent Richardson (Brad Bartram) – A secret government agent who procures the x-ray glasses, only to lose them by accident. He spends the rest of the film making up for his mistake. Brad Bartram was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini and Bikini Airways.
Eddie (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Eddie is Taffy’s man, and the brains behind the partnership. Is also known to dress as wealthy Middle Eastern men with ridiculous accents. A fan of Vegas. Voodoo’s hair seems to changer every movie, but this one is the most ridiculous so far, with a highlighted fauxhawk or something. I am waiting for him to show up in a complete Mr. T do. He has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Mao Myx (Shannon Kelly) – Mao Myx is the evil mastermind who conspires to steal the x-ray glasses to sell to the highest bidder. To keep from losing out on Ebay fees, she just brokers the deals herself. Shannon Kelly is not the world’s best actress, but looks to be having fun when she is saying the evil dialogue. One of her adult film titles is Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom!, which the title alone justifies listing here.
Largo (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is once again in a goofy costume, this time with goggles and mismatched gloved. He actually looks pretty darn creepy, but luckily sheds some of the creepy gear when he is getting it on, because otherwise the film would veer into scary German porn territory. And no one wants that. There should be a movie where Evan Stone plays all the weird characters he has played in the Bikini films, but such a film would be so crazily awesome the universe would implode.
Kelly (Christine Nguyen) – A blackjack dealer met in Vegas. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas. What goes in Kelly leaves and enters Kelly rapidly because they are body parts of Taffy and Eddie. Christine Nguyen was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen again soon!
Natasha Rubikoff (Demi Delia) – Russian agent who delivered the x-ray glasses to Agent Richardson, and was thus imprisoned in Mao Myx’s basement dungeon. Aides in the escape, then skedaddles. Demi Delia is also an adult actress.
Massage Girl (Daisy Marie) – When you are an evil mastermind chick, it is tense, so you need to relax. And there is no better way to relax than a massage followed by lesbian sex. Enter the Massage Girl. You are probably not surprised to learn that Daisy Marie is yet another adult actress.

Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (Review)

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Here we go with another amazing Bikini film from Fred Olen Ray (once again directing as Nicholas Medina) that has a fun time spoofing genre movie conventions and making the production look like it was make for ten times the cost. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini diverges from one of the classic plots of bikini films. Normally a relative dies and leaves a business to be saved by bikinis and boobs, but here the dead relative just leaves a bunch of money, and the plot springboards to a murder mystery with a surprise musical thrown in for good measure! In addition, we get the titular ghost in the teeny bikini (played by Nicole Sheridan) running around amidst the over acting. The film itself is a lot of fun and entertaining, but if you were watching for a quick fix of naked chicks, you’d have to put up with distracting plot elements in between, and I can realize how that would turn off people at 3am flipping back and forth between Cinemax channels looking for a flash of skin. Bikini films are known to be chock full of terrible puns, but the puns in this film are the thickest that I have seen yet.
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

We have a return of many familiar faces. In fact, I have seen so many of the more recent Bikini films that when I watched a few older ones, I was disappointed that most of the actors were different. Yet, there is no clear line jump between generations, as the casts blend into each other, a continually evolving mesh. Thus some older people run around with newer members all the time. It’s like the Circle of Life, except there isn’t a gay lion tossing Darth Vader off a cliff. That’s in Bikini Lion King, due out in 2011. The title obviously refers to the movie The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, this is so obvious I won’t even point it out.

First, the cast. ROLL CALL!

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) – Yes, Muffin Baker is really the name of her character. Christine Nguyen heads the cast of this Bikini Epic as actress Muffin Baker, who has to go attend the reading of a will of a dead rich uncle, only to be the target of….MURDER!!!! Christine Nguyen was seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Tabitha the Ghost (Nicole Sheridan) – Our title ghost in a teeny bikini, is listed here second because she is sadly only in a small portion of the film. Nicole Sheridan is in so many of Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini movies that she had to give someone else a spin, and it let her be a cool ghost character who can make sarcastic comments. Nicole Sheridan was also seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen here again.
Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – I wonder what person Ted Wood Jr. could be a reference for? Obviously acclaimed director Ted V. Mikels. I’m good at getting references! Director of B-movies and boyfriend of actress Muffin Baker. Victim of drugged sex. Voodoo is married to Nicole Sheridan, and stars with her in a bunch of these film.
Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram) – The evil Archibald Weisenheimer is evil, which you can tell from his evil name, evil accent, evil mustache, evil daughter, and evil evilness. And he’s evil. So that’s bad if you aren’t evil, like Muffin Baker, who evil Archibald has decided to kill to get lots of money. That’s what evil people do. See Brad Bartram be not evil in Bikini Airways.
Marsh (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is in so many of these movies playing goofy characters, you spend time watching them just waiting for him to show up in a ridiculous costume. And here he is, in some sort of emo butler role. Stone breathes life into the role of Marsh, who seems like a simple butler following Archibald’s orders at first, but soon blossoms into a full-fledged independent man. Who gets it on with the maid and the psychic. Boo-yah! Evan Stone was also in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Evilyn (Rebecca Love) – Hey, where is Skeletor? Evilyn has warped over from Eternia and is now posing as the daughter of Archibald Weisenheimer, who is no better of a schemer than the old Filmation Skeletor. Rebecca Love is another of the parade of adult actresses in Bikini films. How can she not have back problems? That’s all I’m saying.
Madame Zola (Syren) – Madame Zola is the psychic brought in to try to contact Uncle Cyrus from beyond the grave. No contact takes place, but Madame Zola’s private parts make contact with Marsh’s after she is possessed by Tabitha looking to score a quick booty call. Syren has become a fixture in the later Fred Olen Ray bikini films, and has been seen her before in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Fuscia (Michelle Lay) – The maid at Uncle Cyrus’s estate. Very enthusiastic about getting it on. Michelle Lay shows up again in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini