Let's all increase movie prices because you don't like 3D!

That’s the predicted future of movies, increased ticket prices as the 3D and non-3D prices merge, causing 3D to cost less and non-3D to cost more. An article by Joe Paletta makes the prediction, and it makes sense, because movie studios and theaters are just dumb enough to do it! I expect they’ll be emboldened by increased attendance this year due to Hunger Games, Avengers, and Batman 3, and then try to ram the price increases down our throats as a “discount” to 3D purchasers. Except the only 3D action I’ll get is watching my bank account get vacuumed away…in 3D!

But don’t worry, you can make up for the extra costs by buying overpriced steak dinners or something. Now, I’m all for theaters having a bigger menu, I just know the food will be out of my price range, because I’m a cheap bastard.

Now, I’m no economist, but I am a guy who sees movies and has a budget, and one thing the ever-increasing price of films has done, is make me see less films in the theaters. I don’t even bothere with 3D, partially because 3D does little if anything to make me more immersed in the film (it is usually wasted or rarely used in many of the films I have seen it with) and partially because it just costs too much for too little of a return. I don’t really want to pay extra money to bail out theaters because the 3D gimmick is turning out to be the gimmick everyone said it was, and the easy way to counter that is to not go to theaters that initiate this price increase.


Poor Leela even hates 3D!

Uwe Boll attempts to ruin films made before he was born

We normally don’t talk about Uwe Boll anymore, because, fuck Uwe Boll. But this latest news is the kind of news you don’t want to hear, because it can do nothing but spread and ruin things faster. It seems Uwe Boll is partnering up with a production company that is converting Charlie Chaplin films into 3D. This is horrific, terrible, and awful. And also bad. The 3D gimmick needs to die again, and die hard. Someone call Bruce Willis to blow it the fuck up before Boll gets his Nazi gold hands on The Great Dictator! Currently, they’ve already done Chaplin 3D – Little Tramp´s Adventure
Uwe Boll

Editor’s note: Uwe Boll is not entirely financed by Nazi Gold.

The Fruit is Ripe 33D

UPDATE: Click here for a FULL REVIEW of 33D Invader!

The Fruit is Ripe 33D – 蜜桃成熟时33D – is the first of the parade of 3D category III films that will hit theaters in the wake of 3D Sex and Zen. (Category IIID?) If the title sound vaguely familiar, that’s because you’ve probably seen the VCD/DVD/VHS for The Fruit is Ripe 3 at your local video store years ago.

The Fruit is Ripe 33D ramps up the confus-o-vision by having a second title already, The 33D Invader. Lead actress is newcomer Macy Wu Qing-Qing (who also goes by either name), and the other touted female talent is AV Stephy. That’s the Japanese adult actress Akiho Yoshizawa, who vaguely looks like Stephy Tang if you squint, but gets billed as AV Stephy nevertheless. She’s been billed as such since at least 2009, and is not to be confused with the actress in the fake Stephy Tang sex tape, because this story can’t be anything but more and more confusing. 72 Tenants of Prosperity even makes fun of this.

Want to be more confused? Good, because all these The Fruit is Swelling/Ripe sequels are sequels to Crazy Love (which starred Loletta Lee as Loletta Lee – naked!)! Cash Chin Man-Kei knows one thing, and that’s how to make weird films with naked chicks in them. (He even helped direct 3D Sex and Zen!) The Fruit is Ripe 33D’s plot features a magic girl named Peach who goes back in time from 2046 to “find the best seed of mankind”. And I don’t think she means sunflower seeds! 2046 is the most popular year ever in Hong Kong cinema.

The Fruit is Ripe 33D

Sina via HKMDB

A rare photo of Akiho Yoshizawa clothed (partially) and not covered in body fluids or dongs:
Akiho Yoshizawa

Macy Wu Qing-Qing pics are hard to find, so here are two:
Macy Wu Qing Qing
Macy Wu Qing Qing

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

Looks great! NPH is back, Santa is real, and the 3D is all over the place. But I’ll probably skip out on 3D as I hate it. Still, will be going to the theater for this one!

November 4th Christmas comes early!

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas Claymation

Theaters have gone dark…

3D glasses

Not that they’ve shut down, they’re just not bothering to take out the polarized lenses from 3D films when projecting 2D digital films, causing the films to be much much darker as the polarized lens absorbs 50% of the light. Why are theaters leaving in the lenses? Because it is difficult as frak to take them out. As the article says…

The answer is that it takes time, it costs money, and it requires technical know-how above the level of the average multiplex employee. James Bond, a Chicago-based projection guru who serves as technical expert for Roger Ebert’s Ebertfest, said issues with the Sonys are more than mechanical. Opening the projector alone involves security clearances and Internet passwords, “and if you don’t do it right, the machine will shut down on you.’’ The result, in his view, is that often the lens change isn’t made and “audiences are getting shortchanged.’’

It’s like theaters don’t want us to come to them! Okay, if you say so, theaters…

3-D Sex and Zen

It looks like Asia isn’t immune to the 3D Remake craze, and they have decided to turn up the heat! We will get a 3D remake of the Category III classic Sex and Zen! Is this Category III-D? Because that is the obvious joke.
Variety reports

Lensing will begin in April on what its producer claims will be the world’s first erotic movie to be made in stereoscopic 3-D

Producer Stephen Shiu Jnr, chair of One Dollar Production, says his company will make “3D sex and Zen,” a sequel to the 1991 title “Sex and Zen” produced by his father Stephen Siu Yeuk-yen.

According to newspaper reports Shiu says pic will be made on a budget of HK$30 million ($3.9 million)

The small problem is that this isn’t the first erotic movie in 3D (perhaps he is referring to the newest methods of 3D, but whatever) There is even porn in 3D! We also have an upcoming 3D porn system from Nvidia and Glacier Media Systems. Probably perfect timing!