The 33D Invader (Review)

The 33D Invader

aka The Fruit Is Ripe 33D aka 蜜桃成熟時33D aka Mi Tao Cheng Shu Shi 33D

Directed by Cash Chin Man-Kei

33D Invader is like a 1990s Hong Kong Cat III comedy time traveled to 2011 and unleashed itself on the public. And because time travel plays a part in the plot of 33D Invader, perhaps that was the subtle message they were going for. The male characters are direct out of an 80s American sex film. We have the Nice Guy (Lawrence), the Nerd (Danson), the Fat Guy (Stephen), and the Other Guy who has no real personality but is there to fill out the group (Felix). The female characters range from blank slate to blank slate to blank slate with slightly bigger boobs. And though we’re given a quick introduction to them, it is hard to remember which one is loose and which one is a virgin when they’re all running around naked. Only Future and Jeana get any sort of personality, even Xucker No. 2 is nothing but a generic villain.

Granted, the audience isn’t people who care about the plot, it is people who care about seeing naked girls be naked.

It is hard to determine exactly what is going on, because 33D Invader is all over the map. Every sex scene is completely different in tone, from the sensual and erotic, to the rough and filthy, to the rape rape rape, to the gross, to the woman on woman, to the man drugged for sex by a woman, to the guy is so gross you want to hit fast-forward.

33D Invader was originally called The Fruit Is Ripe 33D, betraying its namesake origins as the next The Fruit is Ripe film. Like almost all of the prior films, it has nothing to do with any of the others and was given a namechange makeover. The first film was 1993’s Crazy Love, which featured Loletta Lee being naked. 1997 gave us the second film in the series, which was given the English title The Fruit Is Swelling. It featured Jane Chung Chun as a character named Peach who was given the Big treatment and grew up overnight in a universe where everyone seems to have sex at the drop of the hat. By 1999, they just literally translated the Chinese title of the next sequel, and thus we had The Fruit is Ripe 3, which was confusing for people like me who saw that at the video store (while renting everything in the Hong Kong section) and wondered where the other two parts were, not knowing that I’d already seen them (as there was little information available on Hong Kong film at this point.) The third film features actress Jay Fong Ching as an angel named Peach who has come to Earth to help some loser with his love life, and many people are naked.

The 33D part of The 33D Invader is the lost promise of it being in 3D like 3D Sex and Zen, which at the time of announcement was pouring in the dough. But when The 33D Invader showed up in theaters, it was as flat as a pancake. Coincidentally, some of the actresses…

But let’s hit the cast, and then dive into the plot!

Future (Macy Wu Qing-Qing) – Future comes from the year 2046 and is here to save the human race by getting knocked up by the guy with the best genes. She just has to avoid alien rapists and horrible gened humans who might get her preggers first. Future has magic powers, which are just computer implants of the 2046 equivalent of the iPods. I did like that they pointed that out instead of trying to make her magical. This is model Macy Wu Qing-Qing’s first film
Lawrence (Chen Jyun-Yan) – Lawrence is our good guy with excellent genes who will soon become a deadbeat dad when he deposits sperm into Future’s vagina. Chen Jyun-Yan is a Taiwanese actor
Jeana (Akiho Yoshizawa) – Jeanna likes Lawrence, he sort of likes her, but he doesn’t love her. She becomes jealous of Future. Akiho Yoshizawa is a Japanese pornographic actress and is nicknamed AV Stephy, because she sort of looks like Stephy Tang. If you squint. A lot.
Xucker 1 (Kato Taka) – The lead alien sterilizing bastard Xucker No. 1 has followed Future to the past in order to rape the baby-making-ability out of her. Kato Taka is a Japanese porn star known as Goldfinger, and he is said to have appeared in over 5000 productions. You can buy replications of his hand to use for sexual activity if you want to.
Xucker 2 (Hsueh Ya-Wen) – The other evil time-traveling alien. I can find sadly absolutely no information about Hsueh Ya-Wen online.
Hawk (Law Kar-Ying) – Law Kar-Ying shows up for some reason playing Hawk the Bald Detective, which looks like some sort of throwback to old school Hong Kong cinema or something. I’m not sure what is going on here, but having a bald singing noir detective being forced into service of alien time travelers fits right in with everything else going on. Law Kar-Ying is also in Kung Fu Cyborg, Future X-Cops, and Adventure of The King.

Felix (Justin Cheung Kin-Seng), Stephen (Tsui Ho-Cheong), Danson (Andrew Kwok) – These three dudes spend the entire film trying to get it on with the three ladies below. They sort of succeed in the end.

Mia (Lee Ko-Chu), Ceci (Chen Chih-Ying), Jane (Monna Lam) – Jeanna’s roommates. Mia is the virgin, Ceci sleeps with anything that moves and gets naked all the time, Jane “has fierce mouth”, but no real personality. Lee Ko-Chu and Chen Chih-Ying are Taiwanese actresses, while Monna Lam is a Hong Kong model

33D Invader is a college sex comedy, as the guys rent out a house for when they take their school exams. They rent a place right next to a quartet of hot babes, who are also at school taking their exams. The male characters spend a large amount of time trying to see their female neighbors naked, which the girls find only slightly annoying. Much of these adventures involve dressing up in wacky costumes (like Avatars, ghosts, etc) and then being humiliated by the women. Of course, good guy Lawrence doesn’t participate, being too focused on studying. He is sort of in love with Jeanna, but not in love, if you know what I mean. Things change when naked girl Future materializes in his bed, and she wants his genes to save the human race. Lawrence is too good to even take advantage of the situation in a pervo fashion. By the next day he and his friends are trying to help Future score a man whose genes are healthy enough to save the species. But as women will tell you, it is hard to find a good man, and no one else measures close to Lawrence.

Future is not alone in her time traveling shenanigans. She’s been followed by two aliens, Xucker No. 1 and Xucker No. 2, who want nothing more than to rape her sterile in order to kill the human race. You see, the Xuckers have been irradiating the planet to make humanity extinct, and if they have sex with you, you become a brainless sex zombie. Which is a bad thing. So Lawrence and his buddies must protect Future as well as help her, and Lawrence realizes he may not have feelings for Jeanna, but might have feelings for Future. Will things be straightened out? Is the human race doomed? Will they every explain why Xucker No. 2 was drooling gallons of clear slime out of her mouth during her lesbian/hermaphrodite sex scene? What do you, the viewers at home, think?

I felt that 33D Invader was much better than 3D Sex and Zen, it was a much more fun movie, even if parts of it were ridiculous or creepy disturbing. It definitely didn’t take itself too seriously, something I think 3D Sex and Zen suffered from (though how a film where a hermaphrodite spun a wheel around on her fake dong took itself seriously, I’ll never know…) The 33D Invader certainly isn’t a good movie, but it is a fun movie. It’s also a weird movie, going in places that are just goofy, and throwing in cheap sight gags that somehow work because of how the film is set up. It’s odd that the fat guy basically plays Stephen Chow (down to the name), but as if Steve Chow had decided to double his weight and play the Flounder characters in college sex comedies. And though he isn’t even on the same planet in terms of being as funny as Chow, the fact Cash Chin decided this was the directed he wanted to go is hilarious. The film’s retro tone help the special effects to seem to fit better, had it tried to be more proper, they would have stood out more.

While The 33D Invader may not be the type of cinema Hong Kong wants to be known for exporting onto the world, judging from search engine queries, it will be among the most popular 2011 films in terms of people who have seen it. As I liked it better than the film it is stealing thunder from (3D Sex and Zen), I have no shame in officially supporting any and every cash in on the Category III genre. It’s the film Hong Kong deserves, but not the film it needs right now.

Rated 6/10 (future surfing, light time travel, twisted tongue, infected with STD moss!, Donald Duck has a rich history in Cat III films, the films plot)

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  1. Pingback: 3DD Invader | Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit

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