Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Grizzligator & Arachnaconda join the combo-animal world!

Rhino Rooster

Where’s my SyFy film???


Somehow I missed this January 2012 article about new production company Monster Machine and their promise of some more combo-animal SyFy creature features. It’s mid-2013 and the films have yet to surface, but here is what we know so far:

Founder Stephen Niver and Robert James Roessel of Mexico-based banner Arte Paneo Prods. are working with genre scribes Matthew Chernov and David Rosiak (“Shark Swarm”) to develop and produce a slate of creature-themed projects for video, cable and VOD. “The fact that we had so much public interest in “Sharktopus,” even during production, shows that there’s definitely an untapped market for fun monster movies on this scale,” said Niver.

Stephen Niver helped produce such SyFy hits as Shark Swarm and Sharktopus, and Monster Machine looks like his baby. Four films are promised so far – Arachnaconda, Grizzligator, Sea Scorpions, and Maneater Mountain.

Niver is credited as writer/directer of Arachnaconda, and Maria Conchita Alonso, Héctor Jiménez, and Brett Wagner are attached. Lou Diamond Phillips was also attached at one point (to star AND direct!), but he doesn’t seem to be listed via IMDB any more. All other information is hidden behind IMDBPro walls.

With how long it can take new companies to get concepts launched, it isn’t a surprise we haven’t seen much yet. But if the films don’t show up in 2014 at the various film markets, then we might just have to close the book on these. Which is a shame, as the creature feature viral marketing is only getting stronger thanks to Sharknado, Roger Corman returning with Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda and Sharktopus vs. Mermantula, and Asylum reclaiming their throne with Sharknado 2 and Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark.

Speaking of Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, they have a contest you might be interested in.

Monster Machine Twitter
Facebook

Penguin Shark

Someone from SyFy please return my calls!

Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Beware the Zombeavers!

Zombeavers

The beaver shot takes on new dimensions in the 21st Century…


Zombeavers is one of those titles you throw out when dropping potential SyFy channel puns, but now it’s going to be a real film. Comedian turned writer/director Jordan Rubin made a concept trailer edited out of other horror films and nature documentaries, which proved effective enough to score up some funding of his own for Zombeavers. The under $2 million budget allows for flexibility on how to distribute, but don’t fret, first they’re going to try the traditional market with Sundance and SXSW screening attempts to shore up interest. Even if that doesn’t pan out, the budget is low enough they could probably make most of it back via the traditional markets for films like SyFy and international distribution.

Zombeavers has what it suggest, zombie beavers that got a knack for devouring a bunch of teens and teen-like humans. Bill Burr and Cortney Palm are listed on the IMDB as some of the stars, though no idea how big their roles are.

Tagline? “Next summer, you will all be dammed.”

Time via DreadCentral

Godzilla Marvel 16 cover

Godzilla #16 (November 1978)


Godzilla Marvel 16

Swud is my new favorite sound effect word. Suck on that, snuh!


Godzilla #16 – The Great Godzilla Roundup! (November 1978)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin
Godzilla Marvel 16

Jackass in the age of Pacific Rim


When last we left Godzilla, he was about to be hunted down by a posse of cowboys because they thought he was eating their cattle (even though it is an evil ranch owner that is stealing the cattle!) Things werre threatening to get very Valley of Gwangi/The Beast of Hollow Mountain, and now, they’ve gone full Gwangi! Who will win in this battle of Cowboys vs. Godzilla? Well, they certainly weren’t going to rename this series “Cowboys”!

If you need a Marvel Godzilla catchup, check out the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and don’t forget to check out all of March of Godzilla 2013, which is now the entire year long!

A ranch owner rallies the troops, and yells at the evil guy who has been trying to buy his land for years (and is secretly the one stealing his cattle!) The cowboys hunt for Godzilla and begin Big G rustling. Including one idiot who ropes Godzilla and then rides his head like a bucking bronco. Somehow this guy isn’t immediately squashed and murdered, or even just falling to his death.

Godzilla goes into the canyon where the stolen cattle are, exposing that the cattle aren’t dead, just missing and now found. The evil rancher and his goons start a gunfight with the good ranchers over the cattle. The villains lose, because good will always win when Godzilla is around! The evil rancher tries to assassinate his rival, but Godzilla kills him.

Big G then wanders off into the sunset, having saved the day.

A cowpoke wonders “Who was that masked lizard?”

The comic ends before he’s presumably pelted with garbage. Tune in next time as Godzilla is done with this Western-themed nonsense and is about to embark on a story arc where he fights most of the Marvel universe. And a rat!

Godzilla Marvel 16

50 Shades of Godzilla

Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Sex Talk

Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Sex Talk

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk
2003?
Written and directed by Jean-Jacques Lamore (pretty sure this is Alain Siritzky)
Loosely based on a character created by Emmanuelle Arsan

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

A rubdown is needed after enduring a lecture about all the various Emmanuelle series…


Every few years that is a new Emmanuelle series, each iteration becoming more and more removed from the source novel and films to the point where the only connection is the name. Emmanuelle has had all sorts of adventures all over the world (and like all good franchises, she both went to space and fought Dracula!) As it can get time consuming and expensive to track down all copies of all the Emmanuelle series, it’s often more efficient to just pick one to represent the whole group. Especially since the guy who has been churning out Emmanuelle series (and other similar softcore series), Alain Siritzky, sometimes makes the films so they can be edited into either half hour episodes or full movies.

Each Emmanuelle series has their own star as Emmanuelle. The original Emmanuelle was Sylvia Kristel, who was in four of the original Emmanuelle films and played an older Emmanuelle in at least on television series. Prior Emmanuelle series include the Emmanuelle 2000 run, which starred Holly Sampson as Emmanuelle (and we reviewed sample film Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise). The most famous series among cable aficionados are the Emmanuelle In Space films, which starred future Baywatch actress Krista Allen. The most recent series starred Allie Haze (as Brittany Joy), but you can rest assured that Emmanuelle will never die.

Natasja Vermeer played Emmanuelle in the Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series, of which Emmanuelle: Sex Talk is a member. Emmanuelle has been played as a brilliant super charismatic well-connected hero who swooped in to solve the problems of whichever couples were nearby. This Emmanuelle is less of a genius who solves problems, but she’s still considered the center of attention. We know this more because the film tells us, instead of us seeing it in action. From the way I explained it, you can tell that she doesn’t come off as very knowledgeable at all. In fact, Emmanuelle becomes more of a mystery as to why anyone even knows her. This is not helped by the subplot of giving Emmanuelle a mystery of her own to figure out (and I will freely admit it may be hurting the attempts to make her appear smart in my eyes.)

 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Another Emmanuelle history lesson victim!


The Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series of Emmanuelle films are filled with vignettes that are told either by flashback, or by radio callers who tell them to Brittany O’Dell. These are scenes that have no connection to the film aside from sporadic narration, and were filmed with a different style of digital camera. The look of the actors and the lack of any spoken words leads me to believe the scenes are from overseas somewhere in Europe, and I don’t know if they were filmed specifically for the Emmanuelle films or were something the production company acquired and threw in to save some dough. I do know that they were rather weird. Something about them were just off, I can’t really explain it.

Natasja Vermeer recorded some of the songs that were used in the Emmanuelle: The Private Collection series, for those of you who are soundtrack trivia buffs.

Emmanuelle (Natasja Vermeer) – Never fear, Emmanuelle is here, and things are about to get sexy. Emmanuelle is on a journey for stuff to happen around her, and also she gets a mysterious letter and random sex nymphs visit her, but beyond that, much of the action happens outside of Emmanuelle’s worldview.
Brittany O’Dell (Angela Nicholas as Angela Davies) – Radio host who has a deranged stalker, which is somehow sexy and not incredibly disturbing. And she’s friend with Emmanuelle.
Lisa (Valerie Baber) – Emmanuelle’s massage partner (and more!) whose boyfriend wants to have a threesome. That eventually happens. Valerie Baber is now an author and sex journalist
 Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Wait, HOW many different Emmanuelle films???

golem Sleepy Hollow

Goon Blogs from Cinema Discusso

Cookie Monster eating movie reel

Goons have blogs, and Something Awful’s Cinema Discusso goons have movie blogs! Here is a list of known sites, any additions feel free to bug me and I’ll get around to adding them whenever. Thanks to CloseFriend for compiling the alpha version of this list.

Turban Decay (CloseFriend)
TarsTarkas.NET (Tars Tarkas)
Pre-Code.com (Sheldrake)
ShotContext (penismightier)
Matthew Clark (echoplex)
Alcohollywood (Hewlett)
The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour (ProfessorClumsy)
A Visual Medium (Vargo)
—automaticcinematic (Jeff Wiiver)
Wag The Movie (BigBudgetSequel)
Club Parnassus (Maxwell Lord)
Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews (FitFortDanga)
Comics Chat (Dickeye)
NickRob.Tumblr.com (NeuroticErotica)
the film ghost (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY (timeandtide)
Umney’s Alley (ClydeUmney)
chewable newt (wyoming)
Ryan Swartz (Bugblatter)
Old Glory On Film (Jay Dub)
Turn Off The Limelight (TrixRabbi)
Movie Musings (Criminal Minded)
Ghost Hack Uplink (Twisted Ladder)
matt mcdaniel (Aorist)
thereptilereviewer (Benny the Snake)
Game and Watch Reviews (axleblaze)
How did I get here? I am not good with blogs (Adrianics)
10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Geekboy)
Nerd Kryptonite (Geekboy)
Political Theater (Vargo)
LondonCityNights (Mr. Flunchy)
Arm Flailing Techniques (Uncle Boogeyman/Lt. Ken Frankenstein)
Secret of the Sailor Madness (unknown but goon guests)

Here are the links in a format that will let you easily copy/paste onto a forums post
[url=http://turbandecay.blogspot.com/]Turban Decay [/url] (CloseFriend)
[url=http://tarstarkas.net/]TarsTarkas.NET[/url] (Tars Tarkas)
[url=http://pre-code.com/]Pre-Code.com[/url] (Sheldrake)
[url=http://shotcontext.blogspot.com/]ShotContext[/url] (penismightier)
[url=http://clarksworth.tumblr.com/]Matthew Clark[/url] (echoplex)
[url=http://www.alcohollywood.com/]Alcohollywood[/url] (Hewlett)
[url=http://professorclumsy.wordpress.com/]The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour[/url] (ProfessorClumsy)
[url=http://avisualmedium.blogspot.com/]A Visual Medium[/url] (Vargo)
[url=http://automaticcinematic.wordpress.com/]—automaticcinematic[/url] (Jeff Wiiver)
[url=http://wagthemovie.net/]Wag The Movie[/url] (BigBudgetSequel)
[url=http://evanwaters.blogspot.com/]Club Parnassus[/url] (Maxwell Lord)
[url=http://martinteller.wordpress.com/]Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews[/url] (FitFortDanga)
[url=http://comicschat.tumblr.com/]Comics Chat[/url] (Dickeye)
[url=http://nickrob.tumblr.com/]NickRob.Tumblr.com[/url] (NeuroticErotica)
[url=http://thefilmghost.tumblr.com/]the film ghost[/url] (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
[url=http://gonetostrangecountry.blogspot.com/]GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY[/url] (timeandtide)
[url=http://www.clydeumney.net/]Umney’s Alley[/url] (ClydeUmney)
[url=http://chewablenewt.blogspot.com/]chewable newt[/url] (wyoming)
[url=http://www.ryanswartz.com/blog]Ryan Swartz[/url] (Bugblatter)
[url=http://oldgloryonfilm.tumblr.com/]Old Glory On Film[/url] (Jay Dub)
[url=http://turnoffthelimelight.blogspot.com/]Turn Off The Limelight[/url] (TrixRabbi)
[url=http://mymoviemusings.wordpress.com/]Movie Musings[/url] (Criminal Minded)
[url=http://clumsyghosthack.tumblr.com/]Ghost Hack Uplink[/url] (Twisted Ladder)
[url=http://film.thatmattguy.com/]matt mcdaniel[/url] (Aorist)
[url=http://thereptilereviewer.wordpress.com/]thereptilereviewer[/url] (Benny the Snake)
[url=http://gameandwatchreviews.blogspot.com/]Game and Watch Reviews[/url] (axleblaze)
[url=http://adrianbwilson.tumblr.com/]How did I get here? I am not good with blogs[/url] (Adrianics)
[url=http://northofaverage.tumblr.com/]10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself[/url] (Geekboy)
[url=http://nerdkryptonite.tumblr.com/”]Nerd Kryptonite[/url] (Geekboy)
[url=http://politicaltheater.tumblr.com/”]Political Theater[/url] (Vargo)
[url=http://www.londoncitynights.com/]LondonCityNights[/url] (Mr. Flunchy)
[url=http://armflailingtechniques.wordpress.com/”]Arm Flailing Techniques[/url] (Uncle Boogeyman/Lt. Ken Frankenstein)
[url=http://secretofthesailormadness.blogspot.ie/]Secret of the Sailor Madness[/url] (unknown but goon guests)

And if you can’t get enough CineD goons (and who can’t?!), then here is the CineD Twitter list!

golem Sleepy Hollow

Sharknado 2: The Second One – Official Sequel Name!

Yep, the second Sharknado will be called Sharknado 2: The Second One! What will the tagline be? “Enough said….AGAIN!” is my vote, but who knows. The title was crowdsourced via twitter from over 5000 entries and revealed on EW.

No further information at this time, so enjoy this fan poster I got from Tumblr:
Sharkcano