Posts tagged "James Marsters"

Dragonball Evolution (Review)

Dragonball Evolution


2009
Directed by James Wong
Written by Ben Ramsey


Dragonball is a famous manga and anime series from Japan that has fans all over the world. I am not one of those fans so I don’t give a crap how they deviated from the source material. If you just want to read a review that complains about that stuff, then I am sorry, this is not the review for you. If you want to read a review that complains about other stupid stuff and yet still gives the film a fairly positive review, then you have hit the jackpot. Also, there is a monkeyman in this movie, and a CGI dragon. Just saying.

Dragonball the anime is about some dudes who spend 99% of the show charging up for the 1% where they fight and someone gets blasted only for them to fight next week after more charging up. It is the most popular show that has ever existed in the world. The movie decided to ignore the charging up and instead do some sort of “Find the Dragonballs!” plot. Fine with me. The film then basically becomes a low-rent Star Wars ripoff, or at least that same stupid farmboy mythology that everyone does. Sure, that legend has been around forever and Star Wars is known for borrowing elements wholesale from other myths itself, but all of those stories now just end up being compared to Star Wars, like it or not.


And where were the fistcams we were told about? I don’t remember any fistcams in the film. Maybe they realized it looked stupid.

Justin Chatwin does a good job with the normal teenager parts, but the sections where he is vowing revenge, questioning people about stuff in the dragonball mythology, or calling upon dragons to resurrect his master all come off as very badly acted. He just isn’t a good genre actor at this point, but he would be find chatting up some girl on 90210 or something.

Goku (Justin Chatwin) – Goku is the grandson of Master Gohan and your average American teenager who has a martial artist grandfather and is the heir guardian of a mysterious Dragonball that is sought by evil warlords. And he is secretly an evil monkey. Justin Chatwin is the annoyingly not-killed son from War of the Worlds. Here, he is less annoying.
Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) – Master Gohan’s friend and mentor to Goku. Master Roshi is a creepy dude who enjoys some good porn and robots and being a slob. But he cleans up his act to teach Goku. You should know who Chow Yun-Fat is so I am not going to explain it.
Bulma Briefs (Emmy Rossum) – Bulma wants to use her father’s dragonball to develop a new energy source, but the dragonball is stolen by Mai and Bulma runs into Goku while tracking it down. Bulma Briefs was named by a guy, in case you were wondering. Emmy Rossum is enjoyable and graduated high school at age 15.
Chi Chi (Jamie Chung) – Chi Chi is not only a celebration of food, but is Goku’s love interest. She is a secret fighter and also a child of a super rich family and her parents are never around. Jamie Chung likes being on reality shows and drinking and driving. My wife was friends with her sister so that makes me totally famous! And we got cheesecake pics!
Lord Piccolo (James Marsters) – Lord Piccolo was trapped for 2000 years or some crap when he and a monkey failed to steal all the dragonballs long ago. They never mention how he escaped, nor how he got his zeppelin. Zeppelins are cool. Piccolo is green. James Marsters was on Buffy, but I don’t watch Buffy.
Yamcha (Joon Park) – Yamcha just shows up in the middle of the film as a semi-criminal guy who joins our heroes in chasing balls. Joon Park was a member of the music group g.o.d. in Korea.
Mai (Eriko Tamura) – Mai is Piccolo’s servent who just steals all these dragonballs and does other stuff while barely saying anything and looking like Bai Ling should have played the role. Eriko Tamura was in Heroes and the great film Surf School.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 10, 2009 at 1:32 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

SciFi Channel upcoming crap

Before SciFi Channel becomes SyFy, they must make us watch garbage. And after they become SyFy, they STILL must make us watch garbage!

Sand Serpents sounds like someone liked Dune a little too much and decided to turn that into a SciFi Channel creature feature. So they did. Directed by Jeff Renfroe and starring Jason Gedrick, we have US soldiers chasing the Taliban, who find out they are now the ones being chased by the Sand Serpents! Watch it July 11th.

Hellhounds is directed by Silver Spoons himself, Rick Schroder. It involves hounds that are in Hell, because some dude in ancient Greece has wandered into there to go get his girlfriend. I guess he brings other people with him, otherwise the Hellhounds won’t have any doggy snacks. Will Cerberus show up? Find out July 19th.

Malibu Shark Attack is next on July 25, it used to be Goblin Shark Attack and is about a Goblin Shark that attacks. In Malibu. Peta Wilson will defend people from goblin sharks that are released after an earthquake opens an underground lake. Chelan Simmons also costars, she has fought giant bugs, ogres, chupacabras, and snakehead fish before on SciFi Channel, so freaky sharks should be no biggie.

Infestation will premiere August 8th. The official site has stuff for you to check out.

Fast and Ferocious shows up August 11th. No one knows anything about this film yet, so it is probably something else renamed. Hopefully it involves Vin Diesel racing cars against mutant cheetahs.

High Plains Invader then arrives August 30th. It used to be called Alien Western and stars James Marsters vs a bunch of giant bugs in the old west.

SciFi Channel will also be showing a bunch of stuff from The Asylum, with Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus airing August 29th, Transmorphers 2: Fall of Man airing August 1st, and The Terminators airing August 15th.

Sand Serpents

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 20, 2009 at 11:32 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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