Ninja Academy (Review)

Ninja Academy

Will Egan as Josh
Gerald Okamura as Chiba
Kelly Randall as Gail
Seth Foster as Addleman!!!!!
Jeff Robinson as The Damned Mime
Directed by Nico Mastorakis!

Nico Mastorakis is back, this time with a new horror: Police Academy meets Enter the Ninja. The concept is just as bad as it sounds, in fact it’s even worse, as Nico Mastorakis is at the helm. Our previous encounters with Mr. Mastorakis include Glitch! and .com for Murder, though this is the first film I ever saw of his. This film also has one other aspect that earned Nico my ire for the rest of my days. Seth Foster plays a character named Addleman. As an Addleman, I was at first thrilled to see that there was a character somewhere in a movie with my name and spelled my way for once. That was before I saw the horror that is Seth Foster. Addleman is an overweight, cuss talking, sweaty oaf who backstabs, cheats, murders, and comes off as a second rate Joe Don Baker. Not that this is that inaccurate, but Nico Mastorakis made a fatal error, as I consider this a direct shot at me. This film was the first Mastorakis film I saw, and it laid the groundwork for the skyscraper of hate that has since been constructed against that man, ninety stories tall and climbing.

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.com for Murder (Review)

.com for Murder

Nastassja Kinski as Sondra Brummel
Nicolette Sheridan as Misty Brummel
Roger Daltrey as Ben
Huey Lewis as Matheson
Jeffery Dean as Werther
Directed by Nico Mastorakis!

After ten years of being banished to Greece directing TV shows that will thankfully only be seen by Greeks, Nico Mastorakis returns to bring us more horror. Not that this horror is scary in the way intended, but horror as we thought he was gone forever, but now we know we can never be free of Nico Mastorakis. The genius that brought you Glitch! and Ninja Academy returns from a long absence sans Will Egan, but now with someone even more disturbing, Jeffery Dean. Funny-but-sad disturbing? Nope, replace that with creepy stalkish emoish forgot-to-take-his-pills disturbing.

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Glitch! (Review)




Will Egan as T.C.
Steve Donmyer as Bo
Julia Nickson as Michelle
Directed by Nico Mastorakis

What should be a run of the mill lame sex comedy is instead a very bad sex comedy, thanks to Nico Mastorakis flubbing up what should be easy territory. Not surprising, in two years time he pulled off an even worse film with Ninja Academy. But we can cross that Grand Canyon of despair another day, for today we tackle Glitch!, a movie that has an exclamation point in it’s name. And Julia Nickson. That’s about the limit of the praise here, this is a trip of pure pain, for certain. Bring it on!

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