Glitch! (Review)




Will Egan as T.C.
Steve Donmyer as Bo
Julia Nickson as Michelle
Directed by Nico Mastorakis

What should be a run of the mill lame sex comedy is instead a very bad sex comedy, thanks to Nico Mastorakis flubbing up what should be easy territory. Not surprising, in two years time he pulled off an even worse film with Ninja Academy. But we can cross that Grand Canyon of despair another day, for today we tackle Glitch!, a movie that has an exclamation point in it’s name. And Julia Nickson. That’s about the limit of the praise here, this is a trip of pure pain, for certain. Bring it on!

Bo and T.C. look to be peeping Toms, spying on a very very rich couple about to leave for vacation. But they are robbers, not perverts (yes, they are also perverts, just not this time) and they prepare to rob the place blind, deaf, and dumb. Bo is a overstrong buff idiot, while T.C. is the smaller smarter love interest guy. Neither character is that likeable, and Will Egan as T.C. is not something I really want to watch for ninety minutes. Alas, there is no alternative except going outside or changing the DVD, and we are far too lazy for that. The worst Ricky Ricardo impression in the known universe follows, and Our Bumbling Heroes enter. Suddenly Mexican Ethnic Stereotype and Chinese Ethnic Stereotype show up to rob the house as well! Bo accidentally knocks out Asian Ethnic Stereotype, while Mexican Ethnic Stereotype gets TV Fu’ed. And there is a prominently displayed helicopter model named Pink Thunder that will play a part later in the movie.

NINJA ATTACK!!! Unfortunately the Ninja is just a gay bodyguard who mistakes T.C. for the producer who actually lives at the house. Suddenly T.C. and Bo are going to hold auditions for the new movie the producer is making, and Annoying Cop arrives to bother Bo and T.C. (and the audience) for a few minutes that feel like days. Then the babes arrive! Many of the babes are crazy, several are What the @#%^? crazy, and some get naked, redeeming part of the film. But not enough. Enter Julia Nickson as Michelle, the babe of the movie, and she well earns the babe title. The movie has gone from terrible to terrible with some good parts. Michelle despises the producer’s work and tells T.C. as much, storming out.

Enough of that plot, time for the naked women set to a bad 80’s song sequence. Hey, some of those breasts aren’t homegrown. I call foul!

T.C. begs Michelle to come back, while a weird black psychic hypnotist comes to the house, and hypnotizes Bo into becoming smart. Another man emerges, Isaac from The Love Boat! Except he isn’t Isaac, he is Mr. Dubuois (French pronunciation, please), he has a scar and wants money that was laundered by the producer. Mob goons attack, but the gay ninja bodyguard defeats them soundly. Michelle finally returns giving us some decent eye candy, and Mr. Dubuois is chased off by Pink Thunder! Gay Ninja Bodyguard fights a mob lady and cuts off her clothes.

T.C. wins Michelle’s heart by confessing he is a burglar, a tactic I haven’t yet tried on the ladies. The real producer shows up, the Ethnic Stereotypes from earlier in the film are arrested as the burglars, Our Heroes dress as women, and the Real Producer likes it that way!

The heroes hatch a plan to make the Real Producer famous by creating more and more terrible terrible films. Thankfully the movie ends here, before we are subjected to any further disgraces.

The DVD is part of the “Nico Mastorakis Collection” collected together so all these horrible films produced by him can be safely disposed of at one time in a concrete container dropped onto the bottom of the ocean, hopefully forgotten forever.

The Good: Julia Nickson, nudity

The Bad: Pink Thunder

The Ugly: Everything else!!

Rated 2/10 Opossum Skateboard Shirts

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