Metal Man (Review)

Metal Man

Metal Man
Written by Carlos Perez, Ted Chalmers, and Novin Shakiba
Directed by Ron Karkoska

Metal Man

Thrill as Metal Man checks his blind spots!

Metal Man looks suspiciously like another super hero who has a movie in 2008… Who could it be? I just can’t place it…Punisher? Metal Man actually is a mockbuster in the vein of the films from The Asylum, except I don’t know if that was the original concept. It looks like a fan film turned original production, and has all the hallmarks of a fan film. Bad acting, sound problems all over (you can’t hear a lot of the dialogue without turning the volume up a lot), pacing problems, the script seems made up as they go along, characters disappear, and characters go places just because they are required to by the plot. Overall, it is not very much worth your time, unless you are on a mission to track down all the weird low-budget super hero flicks that have popped up in the past decade.
Metal Man

Science, it’s so boooooring!

Kyle (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – Kyle is some video game dork who is chosen by a professor with an agenda to become trapped in a metal suit for the rest of his life. Poor Kyle, I feel sorry for him. Kyle has become…
Metal Man (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – He’s Metal Man, not made of Iron but of Metal! Don’t sue us, because he’s totally different! Just look at his face, designed at the Iron Man suit for alien Greys. Kyle can’t take off this suit, but the film doesn’t say how he pees. Expect Metal Man to be really rusty, really soon! Someone install a spigot!
Dr. Blake (Reggie Bannister) – His real name is Peter Hamilton, but Dr. Blake is one of the lead developers of the special metal helmet that gives people super powers. He wants to develop it as a non-weapon. Right. Has no qualms with trapping unwilling participants in the suit forever. Killed by a punch to the jaw, but downloaded himself in the computer of the Metal Man suit so he can annoy Kyle for as long as he lives. Totally not named after any Thor character you are thinking about. Not at all…
Sebastian (P. David Miller) – He’s evil! How evil? He looks like Kevin Costner…if he was EVIL! Imagine, if he was an evil Postman! An evil Waterworld! An evil Robin Hood! An evil Field of Dreams! Totally evil! Like all evil people, he is incredibly rich, and has advanced lab equipment in the basement of his mansion, along with many goons to kill whoever he wants.
Marissa Lee (Jill Shackelford) – Her research scientist father was killed, and Sebastian told her Dr. Blake did it. She later finds out the truth. Sebastian paid for her to go to grad school, then hires her to examine a captured Metal Man helmet. Later becomes trapped in a helmet as well.
Mecha-Terror M48 (???) – With a name like Mecha-Terror M48, you’d think this would be a cool villain, not a gimmick brought out for a quick fight with no back story. You’d be wrong. Mecha-Terror M48 wishes he was the ED-209 of Metal Man, but fails to even be those Robocop 2’s that killed themselves.

Metal Man

My mom’s washing the rest of my costume!

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Ardennes Fury is in the tank for Asylum!

Brad Pitt has an upcoming World War II tank movie called Fury, thus Asylum has their own World War II tank movie – Ardennes Fury!

As the Battle of the Bulge rages on, an American tank unit gets trapped behind Nazi lines. With just hours before the bombs of Operation Ardennes Fury fall, the tank’s commander makes the risky decision to rescue an orphanage.

Tanks and orphans! They even got some World War II rein actors to help, and have a M36 Jackson Tank Destroyer running around. Nazis at the Center of the Earth director Joseph Lawson helms this mockbuster, and contributed to the story along with newcomer writer Stephen Llorens. Ardennes Fury stars William Thomas Stedham as Sgt. Lance Dawson, Bill Voorhees, Tino Struckman, Lawrence Garnell Jr., and Lauren Vera. The street date is November 11, but you’ll probably be able to find it on different distribution channels before that, depending on how it’s rolled out across America.

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via Asylum

Ardennes Fury Asylum

Yes there is an Asylum Hercules!

Everyone else is doing Hercules, so why not Asylum? Theirs is called Hercules Reborn, featuring an aged Hercules returning from banishment to be a hero again. It’s called keeping yourself busy while in retirement!

When a young man’s bride is kidnapped by an evil king, he turns to Hercules for help. The fallen hero has been living in exile, banished for killing his family, but the young man’s courage inspires Hercules. Together, they fight to rescue the bride and reclaim Hercules’ honor.

Hercules is played by WWE’s Johnny Nitro himself, John Morrison. Costarring Christian Oliver, James Duval, Christina Ulfsparre, and Dylan Vox. Hercules Reborn director Nick Lyon has helmed Bermuda Tentacles, 4Closed, Species 4, and Grendel. Writer Jim Hemphill has written and directed two prior films, including the horror film Bad Reputation. I’m not sure which Jose Montesinos is the cowriter, but I think it’s this one.

Hercules Reborn officially releases July 8th. It certainly won’t be the worst Hercules movie of the year!

via Asylum
Hercules Reborn Asylum

Asylum takes us to the Age of Tomorrow!

When it comes to busting mocks, Asylum is there, because we all know that busting makes you feel good! Now the sights are set on The Edge of Tomorrow with Age of Tomorrow! Despite the similar title and the plot involving an alien invasion, the films are distinct beasts, with Asylum’s being more of a conspiracy theory mystery alien invasion film.

When the sun strikes an altar hidden within the ancient Pyramid of the Sun in Mexico, it creates a beacon that triggers an alien blitzkrieg. Within hours, their ships destroy all the military infrastructure on earth. One anthropologist knows how to repel the invaders, but this secret is buried under the ruins of the Pyramid of the Moon–directly underneath the mothership.

Kelly Hu and Robert Picardo star, along with Matt Mercer and Laura Alexandra Ramos. No trailer has shown up online yet, despite the film’s June 10th release date. We’ll keep you up to date, assuming things look interesting. At the very least, Robert Picardo is always awesome, and there should be shots of alien fleets blowing things up.

Airplane vs Volcano codirector James Kondelik is in the director’s chair, and the writers are Jacob Cooney and Bill Hanstock (both from Apocalypse Pompeii)

If you are unsure about going to an Age of Tomorrow, then you can just visit the World of Tomorrow, which is an alternate title for some overseas markets.

Via Asylum
Age of Tomorrow

Android Cop – Asylum strikes again

You knew it was coming, but you wouldn’t believe it! Yes, Android Cop is Asylum’s mockbuster of Robocop, and might be good enough to satisfy everyone who is making angry noises about the new Robocop remake. Or not. Or maybe the remake will be good. It is a mystery that can only be solved by watching both films.

Android Cop will star Michael Jai White as Android Cop, and also feature Charles S. Dutton and Kadeem Hardison! This is an awesome cast list.

In this futuristic, action-packed thriller, a cop and his robotic partner enter the Zone, a forbidden section of the city inhabited by a diseased stricken populace. Together, they discover the real reason everyone is sick, and attempt to stop the illness – with the help of the machine’s powerful technology and weaponry.

This plot has nothing to do with either Robocop plots, which is good.

If all else fails, you will be able to buy this for a dollar…in the Wal-Mart discount DVD bins!

via FCS

Android Cop Asylum

Invasion of the Pod People

Invasion of the Pod People

Story by Ron Magid and Jay Marks
Written by Leigh Scott
Directed by Justin Jones

Invasion of the Pod People
I seriously have to be scared of this root?

Invasion of the Pod People asks the question: “What if the Bodysnatcher movies made everyone lesbians?” Well, buckle up, because we got lesbians and plant duplicates out the yin-yang! Another mockbuster from The Asylum, and one of the last efforts by Leigh Scott as writer before he cut and run. Leigh Scott’s Asylum films Dragon and Transmorphers have been reviewed before, and feature a bunch of the cast also in Invasion of the Pod People. Director Justin Jones has done a lot of assistant director work (and possibly was basically the real director on a few of those flicks!)

Invasion of the Pod People
All the asteroids from all those movies have teamed up to destroy Earth once and for all!

Invasion of the Pod People was to be a mockbuster for The Invasion, a film so bad it got delayed for months, forcing Pod People to go it alone on the video store shelves. Some would say that was a blessing in disguise for Invasion of the Pod People

Invasion of the Pod People
The guy the pod people never bothered to replace!

Melissa (Erica Roby) – Our heroine, an up and coming talent agent who will spend part of the film depressed or uninterested in anything, and the other half freaking out because space plant people!
Samantha (Jessica Bork) – Boss of Melissa and Billie, under Vickland, who becomes a lot more close to her coworkers after getting podded. Jessica Bork was also in Dragon and Transmorphers, because she’s awesome like that.
Taylor Michaels (Shaley Scott) – Bitchy almost client model for Blackthorne who suddenly becomes a super nice lesbian after being podded.
Billie (Danae Nason) – Coworker of Melissa who manages to not get podded long enough to become a main character. I’m sure you will shocked to know she was in Transmorphers!
Detective Pete Alexander (Marat Glazer) – Detective who is one of the few people who figures out something creepy is going on. Marat Glazer played Veers in Transmorphers.
David Vickland (Michael Tower) – The head of Blackthorne Agency and a very intense dude. Michael Tower was in Transmorphers.
Space Ginger Root (Itself) – The alien invading plant is ginger root in a pot. Seriously. That’s the threat to America. Ginger root. I had some of this last night! I guess I’m doomed to become a lesbian pod person. Oh, well…
Invasion of the Pod People
I’m in an Asylum film!

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