Booty Hunter (Review)

Booty Hunter

Booty Hunter
Written by ???
Directed by Count Matevossian

Booty Hunter

Just where is that damn booty at??

From the depths of late night cable comes Booty Hunter, a film about hunting booties, I guess. Actually, it’s about some women (one of which is a skipchaser for her bail bonds company) tracking down their old flame to warn him he’s in trouble. And many characters get some booty, and I don’t mean pirate treasure.

Booty Hunter is helmed by a crew of fake names. From director Count Matevossian to producer Mr. Acid to editor Sticky Fingers, the only real names are the actor credits (and even then at least one isn’t credited!) I have no clue who Eros Filmz is, there is no information that I was able to track down that wasn’t people talking about Booty Hunter, and they don’t seem to have any other film out. The entire production is a mystery, a mystery that maybe you can solve, if you like to solve mysteries or are someone who worked on the film and want to spill the beans. Me? I’m just going analyze and review, because I got a million other films to get through.

Booty Hunter

Booty delivery!

The weirdness of Booty Hunter‘s creatives hiding their names is amplified by the film having creative sections. There are two keen montages – a “life in the fast lane” montage and a chase sequence deliberately designed to be confusing. Both showed editing and creativity that softcore features often lack. A weirder quirk is the sex scenes having slow motion segments, something that was popular in the 90s but I haven’t noticed as much recently. The number of scenes is frequent, but their lengths are shorter, as Booty Hunter tries to rush through it’s plot while still delivering lots of naked people.
Booty Hunter

How did someone manage to hit the side of my car parked nearest to the curb???

Unlike other films that all seem to take place in the same two or three fancy million dollar homes, Booty Hunter‘s homes look more rustic, more working class dwelt in. They aren’t cleaned up, there is clutter everywhere, old furniture and appliances. They feel real, like the houses the characters would be at. Not everyone has the super expensive stuff, nor keeps the house largely bare. Many people have junk all over the place, and characters who spend all day having sex with random people aren’t going to stop to do some light vacuuming. That just gets in the way of the sex! The realness of the houses adds to the hotness of the sex scenes, because they shatter down the fantasy aspect and bring it back to the real. Booty Hunter could be happening in your living room this very moment. Are you sure someone named Maxx isn’t having sex on your carpet floor right now? Go check, quick!

I am an advocate of a diversity of film production companies in a niche, because that leads to more creativity and a stronger pool of films on the whole. One-off entries like this get my attention because they offer something different, even if it utilizes many of the same actors (who are familiar faces to watchers of Jim Wynorski or Mainline Releasing films) So it’s important to support Booty Hunter‘s existence. The film itself delivers some entertainment, but in the end, it doesn’t come together as well as I would have liked. But I would be interested in more Eros Filmz productions, decided the mystery group wants to continue the mystery…

Booty Hunter

Detective Booty Hunter, LAPD!

Nikki (Brandy Aniston) – A skip tracer for BH Bailbonds, hired to track down her old flame Maxx, and does a good job, locating his apartment only several days after she’s hired. Good thing the mob is even worse at their job!
Joanie (Angie Savage) – Joanie is one of Maxx’s former flames, who hires Nikki to track him down before the mob. Also she prioritizes having sex with Nikki to tracking down Maxx. And she knows more of what Maxx did than the mob people. Basically, she’s a mastermind, but not evil.
Maxx (Dale DaBone) – Maxx is this guy who has sex with a lot of women, but is so lovable that they all love him regardless. He just oozes charisma. Or so the film tells us. Maxx is emotionally immature and a criminal, but by the end of the film he reforms and becomes responsible. That’s our Maxx!
Heather (Alia Janine) – Heather is suggested to keep an eye on Maxx by Mob Guy, offering her a large sum of money. She decides the best way to do so is to seduce him. After sleeping with Maxx and explaining he “borrowed” her car, but being extremely unconcerned about it, she disappears from the movie.
Ashley The Pizza Girl (Ash Hollywood) – Ashley is the new pizza girl on the block, and increases her delivery time by spending far too long at Maxx’s apartment. Because they’re getting it on! I’d make a joke about not forgetting the bread sticks, but that would make no sense. In fact, why did I even write that? Ignore that writing about a bad joke!
Cowboy Hat Dude (Seth Gamble) – He’s a dude in a cowboy hat who thinks he’s gonna score with Nikki, until she reveals she’s bringing him back to jail! Dude, that’s why you should never have sex if you’ve missed a court date.
Mob Guy (???) – An angry mob man who has tracked down his former employee, Maxx, who stole a bunch of money. Except he didn’t really track down Maxx, because otherwise the film would be over before it began. No clue who plays this guy. Could he be the editor, Mr. Acid? Yes, let’s go with that.

Booty Hunter

Just checking your teeth for booties!

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Naughty Reunion

Naughty Reunion

Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Nichols

Naughty Reunion
I’m too cool for school, and too cool for school reunions!

It’s high school reunion time! Remember your high school reunion, when it was basically a big orgy… Oh, wait, no high school reunion is like that. Except the one in Naughty Reunion! If you’re like me, then you already keep in contact with people you liked from high school thanks to the magic of Facebook and email, thus making high school reunions something to not even bother caring about. I don’t really care how bald and fat everyone I didn’t like got, because high school is high school and I’m an adult.

There is a recurring fantasy of people returning to high school reunions as successful and finally getting that hot girl who is somehow still hot and yet strangely single years later. Naughty Reunion brings that up to 11, as everyone is back to get with someone from high school, even if they don’t outright say they are (and the majority of the characters just say it out loud and proud!) Naughty Reunion does try to say a few things about how people are more than the stereotypes they were in high school. Jax is a bad boy, but also a master mechanic and autocad specialist. Dale is the popular jock with massive insecurities about not accomplishing anything on his own. Kelly is the popular girl who just wants to be popular….okay, maybe everyone doesn’t escape their assigned role. In fact, the general roles helps because everyone will begin to associate themselves with some of the characters or see their friends reflected in them. That’s one of the reasons stories have such diverse friends who wouldn’t associate in real life.

Naughty Reunion
Slightly Bad Knievel!

Jax plays the part of an amoral narrator in addition to his sleazy bad boy act. This allows him to both riff on the various other characters while still being charming enough to be a believable personality. It has the added effect of making a tough personality like his more likable as we spend more time with him. Jax’s boning of so many women also gives him a big brother advice role for the other two guys who each have a particular woman in mind. Much of the dialogue in Naughty Reunion feels like a play. Characters get all expositional at times, almost figuring out their life as we do. And there are random saxophone blasts to punctuate certain emotions, sort of like a gut laugh track. While Naughty Reunion will never be on anyone’s favorite list, it does have enough “will they or won’t they?” that we can’t be quite sure who will end up with who.

Naughty Reunion
There was trouble when Dale insulted the circle cushion couch!

Jax Whitley (Dale DaBone) – Bad boy gone bad who also designs high end street bikes. Is bad, and just wants to go to the reunion to pump and dump Marley Clark as revenge. Acts as our unofficial narrator. Is bad. Dale DaBone was Alex Trebeck in This Ain’t Jeopardy! XXX
Marley Clark (Jayden Cole) – Smart girl who didn’t socialize much with anyone in high school. Reacts to being called frigid by being the total opposite of frigid. Is seemingly the only person who came to the reunion without the intention to have sex with someone. Jayden Cole is also in Bikini Frankenstein and Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros.
Kelly Ellis (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – Former cheerleader and popularity queen. Keeps up the popularity by getting it on with everyone she can. She must be popular, and declares as much. Melessia Hayden is also in Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders and the classic film Execs Snared in Rope and Silenced with Tape.
Dale Camden (Gino Santos) – Football jock and popular student, who has since moved on to owning his own tile store that is basically run by his dad while he does nothing. Is frustrated about all that, but doesn’t bother to do anything about it until he monologues at the reunion.
Taylor Cassidy (Erika Jordan) – The quiet girl who comes out of her shadow to go after he old crush Dale. She’s also conspiring with Chester to try to turn him into Kelly dating material. Erika Jordan is also in Baby Dolls Behind Bars and Dirty Blondes from Beyond.
Chester Ford (Ryan McLane) – Ryan Styles?? No, wait, this is Ryan McLane. A geeky kid from woodshop who spent the past decade turning into a normal person so he can snag Kelly as a girlfriend, thanks to tips from Taylor. As required by law, his nickname is “the Molester.”
Sonia (Daisy Marie) – Her boyfriend Mike is taking her to Hawaii, so she misses the reunion. But she does manage to give Jax a goodbye session for old times sake.
Naughty Reunion
So I was like, that back seat was stained when I rented the car, buddy!

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Baby Dolls Behind Bars (Review)

Baby Dolls Behind Bars

Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Actual police uniform!

Once again we step into the wonderful world of films from late night Cinemax! And once again, it’s a Fred Olen Ray joint! Yes, Baby Dolls Behind Bars is more 2am camp for your viewing pleasure. Even though the company name on the door is now Synthetic Filmwerx LLC as opposed to Retromedia or American Independent Productions, the cast is the same gang and the locations and music are all familiar elements. These erotic parody Bikini flicks are the ultimate rep theater, reusing plots and actors to come up with interesting scenarios and B-movie inspired plotlines at a rapid pace that would kill many big money Hollywood production companies. It’s modern day movie magic, even studios like The Asylum or some of the SyFy Channel companies don’t reuse sets and actors so efficiently, nor are they as creative.

Of course, since these flicks feature people bumping uglies as their main attraction, they aren’t going to get all the high praise from the critics. But we here at TarsTarkas.NET will high praise whoever we damn well please! You can take your Tomato-meter and toss it out a window! Because the point of these films is to have a good entertaining time while also providing naked people engaging in recreational activities that involve nakedness, the added imagination and fun are a welcome addition and the reason it is so much fun to watch each installment.

And Catwoman fan fiction has hit the big time!

This time we jump into the world of Women in Prison flicks. Remember, this is a Bikini flick, so don’t expect one of them dirty, gritty women in prison flicks. This is a bubblegum camp women in prison flick style similar to Bikini Chain Gang. It’s still low budget. In fact, outside of the main actors, there are no extras at all, not even other prisoners or even guards at the prison! Must be minimum security. All the familiar elements that make these films so charming are there, including a plot that I expect Law & Order: SVU to rip off next season!

We have an entire collection of Fred Olen Ray Bikini flick goodies for you to also check out: Bewitched Housewives, Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, Bikini Airways, Bikini Royale, Bikini Frankenstein, Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite, Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, Bikini Chain Gang, Bikini Pirates, and Dirty Blondes From Beyond. They feature the entire gauntlet of B-film scenarios and wacky goofiness, which means an actual plot to go along with the softcore shenanigans.

I’m just so….evil! I love it!

But enough about other films, it’s time to check out these Baby Dolls Behind Bars!

Sissy Dunlop (Jazy Berlin) – Ditzy police officer who does the right thing even if it angers the mayor’s family. She stands up to power and doesn’t let them get off above your fellow man. And she probably doesn’t even know they’re powerful. Her family is a poor mountain family like all police officers everywhere.
Matron Grell (Christine Nguyen) – Matron of the jail who will be giving Sissy a hard time while she’s doing hard time. Also possibly evil…
Maggie Grey (Erika Jordan) – The famous cat burglar (who probably enjoys being on hot tin roofs, if you know what I mean…) who has been caught but is somehow still stealing things. It is a mystery!
Jack Randolph (Voodoo as Alex Boisvert) – A defense attorney who becomes obsessed with freeing Sissy from her bonds and from her clothes.
Inspector Bill Hartford (Michael Gaglio) – Cop in charge of the undercover program to send Sissy to find out about Maggie’s dealings and thievings. I’m sure he’s on the level.
Judge Raymond Bean (Dale DaBone as Dale Rutter) – The most casual judge in the universe, and also one of the most crafty.
Baker (Jenna Presley) – She may seem like just a court stenographer, but she’s also a great planner and comes up with the megaplot to expose corruption!
Security Guard (Jade Starr) – The crafty security guard who takes down one of the world’s greatest thieves and still has some fun…
I’m no expert, but I think they should be wearing flip-flops in that communal shower…

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