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Sex Tapes

Sex Tapes

Sex Tapes

Sex Tapes
2012
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by Eric Lacey

Sex Tapes

Videos of me? Having sex? On the internet???


Open relationship couples boning left and right while documenting every frame get into trouble when the tapes go missing and the accusations fly. Mainline Releasing drops another Cinemax softcore flick with Sex Tapes, a provocative title while the actual plot is far more dramatic than sensational.

Sex Tapes is another Tina Hawthorne script (who has by far become my favorite softcore script writer, even her wide misses are interesting!), you can expect a lot of talking and relationship issues to come to the surface. As characters stress over the missing sex tapes and their own relationship issues, the arguments get personal and circular, so a lot of the recap portion is just summarizing the arguments. But much of the talking feels real, like you would overhear at a coffeeshop while couples are arguing. Unfortunately, it sometimes feels a bit too real, while other sections are a bit too staged. This all combines with a lack of resolution that makes Sex Tapes disappointing, but an interesting disappointing.

Sex Tapes

My Sex Tape themed microbrew will bring the beer blogging community to its knees!


Sam and Lisa seem to have the perfect open relationship, they love each other and have gobs of money and are ringleaders and hosts to the other swinging couples. But things aren’t what they seem. Sam is in a secret affair with Alexis, a violation of the trust rules. Lisa suspects something is going on, but doesn’t have proof. Sam is very controlling, his video documentation of all the sex action is part of his need to be in charge of everything, including recording and editing things to perfection. It’s also why he feels he can cheat on Lisa, because Sam can do whatever he wants to do.

Carrie and Tyler argue constantly and have clear trust issues, which is odd because they’re also in open relationship which requires trust. But their fights never last long and always end in them making up. There is also a hint of Carrie having poor self image, which might explain some of the problems. Tyler is more sedentary, spending long portions of the film just sitting on the couch. His passiveness seems like it would cause Tyler to get upset about his lack of action, but that isn’t even discussed.

Alexis and Brent have the most damaged relationship in that their goals are completely opposite. Brent is becoming more important in his law firm and realizes the days of having sex on camera needs to stop. Alexis has no intentions of stopping, nor of stopping her affair with Sam. Brent is unaware of the affair, and seemingly unaware that Alexis has even had sex with anyone else, describing their participation as just watching others have sex while they as a couple have sex. Brent is no saint, he does cheat on Alexis before he has confirmation that she is cheating on him. But the fact his wife disappears for long periods with Sam should be a tip off even the blindest man would get.

With these three couples, the damage is already there, and when tapes go missing and all the secrets and lies get exposed in the open, it is not a pretty sight. Good thing there are Sex Tapes that recorded everything!

Sex Tapes

These sex tapes are BETA!


Sam (Jason Sarcinelli) – Intercourse recording aficionado, control freak, and ringleader of a group sex club. Sam and his girl Lisa have an open relationship, but Sam’s arrogance and need to control leads to trouble. Jason Sarcinelli is also in Sexy Assassins and Species III
Lisa (Angela Nicholas as Angela Davies) – Sam’s loving partner who becomes increasingly suspicious that Sam is having an affair, bolstered by Alexis constantly sniping at her. Angela Davies also appears in Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Sex Talk
Carrie (Chanel Preston) – Tyler’s partner who switches from arguing with Tyler to making up with him. Suffers from self-estem issues. Chanel Preston has starred in many films such as Rezervoir Doggs
Tyler (Sean Juergens) – Carrie’s partner and couch devotee. Looks like Jon Favreau and says “dude” a lot. Sean Juergens also appears in Insatiable Obsession and Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise
Alexis (Charmane Star) – Brent’s wife and Sam’s lover. Really hates Lisa because she has Sam, and doesn’t seem to like her own husband at all. Charmane Star also appears in Sexual Quest
Brent (Dennis Harkins) – Lawyer who is getting increasingly nervous about all the sex tape things going on while his career is set to take off. Also unaware his wife is cheating on him. Dennis Harkins has either not acted in anything ever, or he’s using an alias.
David (Mitchell Steinberg) – Local security guard of the gated community Sam and Carrie live in. Of course he’s the guy who ends up with all the tapes…
Sex Tapes

Virgin Vaginas lives!

RoboCroc ushers in the return of Saturday Creature Features on SyFy!

Robocroc

SyFy returns their creature feature films to saturdays, beginning this Saturday (September 14th) with RoboCroc! Yes, the plot is what you think: an alien space nanobot turns a crocodile into a cyborg killing machine. UFO International Productions is who to thank for this masterpiece. Corin Nemec and Dee Wallace star. The trailer is available on SyFy’s site.

As we reported back in the day about RoboCroc‘s plot (SPOILERS!):

When a top-secret unmanned spacecraft disintegrates on re-entry, its mysterious military payload crash-lands in the crocodile habitat of a place called Adventure Land, a combination water park, amusement land and world famous crocodile exhibit. Following its pre-programmed instructions, the payload – a next-generation nanotech-based combat
drone – finds a host in the form of the park’s prize twenty-foot Australian Saltwater crocodile, Stella. She is the largest Saltwater croc in captivity. Immediately upon infecting its host, the drone payload’s nanobots begin to transform Stella from an organic, living creature into a lethal killing machine with only a single directive: Survival!

Before Chief Zoo Keeper Tim Duffy and reptile biologist Jane Spencer are able to figure out what’s going on, they find the park taken over by the government team responsible for the secret project. As the crocodile continues to transform, it escapes the crocodile exhibit and enters the water park, running amok, killing dozens of patrons.

The park is evacuated, but a handful of teens are trapped behind – including among them, Duffy’s estranged son. Duffy and Jane set out to rescue Duffy’s son while the government team and military personnel scramble to stop the rapidly evolving croc but nothing works. After their best efforts fail, the now fully-evolved ROBOCROC escapes the park and rampages further forcing a massive military deployment to stop it. Still following its prime directive: RoboCroc enters the city sewer system. With time running out, only Duffy has the knowledge and experience that will allow him to get close enough to the croc to destroy it.

In a desperate gambit, Duffy enters the sewer system armed with his knowledge of crocodile behavior and a tactical Electromagnetic Pulse Generator. Finally, after a terrifying confrontation in the bowels of the city and with his own life on the line, Duffy detonates the EMP and destroys RoboCroc and the nanobots once and for all.

Robocroc

Silent Rage – New RiffTrax VOD!

There is a new RiffTrax VOD! The bad news it is another Chuck Norris vehicle – Silent Rage. It follows the standard pricing of $9.99 and feature the DRM-free goodness we all know and love.

Silent Rage stars noted racist homophobic bigot Chuck Norris, noted cool director Stephen Furst, and noted dead guy Ron Silver. It also features a lot of confusion at just what kind of movie it is:

Take Chuck Norris. Pair him up with the guy who played Flounder in Animal House. Quickly ball that screenplay up into a wad and toss it into a garbage can where it lands next to a half-eaten ham sandwich because that is obviously a terrible idea and what have you got? Silent Rage!

Silent Rage has trouble deciding what type of movie it wants to be. For some scenes, it’s a really, really bad action movie about doctors reanimating a serial killer’s brain. For other scenes, it’s a really, really bad comedy about a bumbling deputy. And in others, it’s a really, really bad romantic love triangle between Chuck Norris, an ex-flame, and his mustache. But when you add all these disjointed elements together, the results are magic! (One of those crappy plastic magic tricks that you ordered from the back of a comic book when you were seven and even you knew it pretty much sucked but you had to pretend you hadn’t wasted your parents’ money so you bothered your dad with it when he was trying to watch football until he told you to go outside.)

The plot is fairly standard. Guy kills innocent people, doctor revives him, biker gang invades town, Ron Silver plans a surprise party for his sister, doctor goes mad with power, guy kills again, doctor ignores warnings, Ron Silver breaks his wife’s heart by telling her her cinnamon cake is no good, guy keeps killing, Chuck Norris kicks some guys. And at one point the guy who played Flounder in Animal House tells an anecdote about a dog that is so wildly misplaced and tone deaf you’ll wonder if just maybe he should be kicked in the nads in real life thirty one years after filming it.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you probably won’t be so silent about the great deal of rage you’ll feel. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Silent Rage!

Contains a few brief scenes of nudity. No gorilla-grams are provided.

Silent Rage RiffTrax

Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets
2013
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Barber

Dark Secrets

That’s not how you tell secrets!


Relationships relationships relationships. And also hot sex. Mainline Releasing drops another cool script from Tina Hawthorne that takes another softcore film on a deep introspective journey to look at the relationships of the people who are its subjects. The dissection is so complete that a major character is a group couples therapist, who helps the various pairings with their issues. Some things can be dealt with, and some relationships aren’t worth saving.

Be warned, audience, Dark Secrets might actually make you think for a bit! Sure, it’s got naked people being nude with each other, but also people talk and learn give and takes of relationships. Thus becoming stronger as they learn to work with each other. Sure, a few of the compromises get simplified to just boning each other, but there is a quota of sex scenes we need to fill here, people!

Two relationships have problems in that both members each have their own little things that need to get ironed out. So the therapy session helps because they have a chance to discuss it, instead of just getting angry and exploding at each other. The group couples therapy would seem to be advantageous because you can see similarities to facets of your own relationship when you hear others talk about theirs. But you might also learn things you don’t really want to know about your friends, so I don’t suggest jumping right into group couples therapy with all your friends. And every group has that one friend’s significant other that everyone hates. Yes, he’s in this film as well.

Dark Secrets

I hate this painting. HATE!!


David doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the group because he’s said to be older and doesn’t really care for Marisa’s going to school or doing much of anything except living off of him. David always seems to have the right line to compliment all the other girls, but rarely bothers to connect with Marisa. It is apparent to everyone that Marisa is on her last legs in that relationship, fed up with David’s crap and attempts to control things. David ticks off the other guys at therapy with his empty platitudes, coming out at a disadvantage while Marisa becomes more empowered by the sessions. It’s clear that being around other people helps give Marisa confidence, something David isn’t too keen on, as confidence means she won’t be doing what he says. David’s personality is more complicated at first, but by the end of the film he becomes cartoonishly evil. A switch goes off once Marisa becomes free, and David can’t handle it, can’t handle the being out of control. The Dark Secret of David is he’s a violent sociopath!

Marisa (Jayden Cole) – Young student dating the much older David, who seems like he knows all the answers, but really doesn’t know much, especially about Marisa. But he does know how to be disturbingly violent if Marisa brakes up with him… Jayden Cole is also in Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, Bikini Frankenstein, and Naughty Reunion.
David (Billy Chappell) – Oh. That guy.
Felicia (Heather Vahn) – Marisa and Bree’s friend, her boyfriend Max spends all his time working on his laptop and being passive aggressive when she tries to drag him to group couples therapy. Felicia is worried about the time Max spends not paying attention to her and her needs. As this is pre-boob job Heather Vahn, it also helps date how long ago this was filmed vs. being released. Heather Vahn also stars in the political thriller Grab and Bind: Heather Vahn, Political Prisoner
Max (Michael Vegas) – Felicia’s boyfriend who is probably very busy with work right now, though if you are a naked Felicia he can pause a bit to have sex with you. Does not like David. At all. Michael Vegas sweeps the leg in The Karate Kid XXX: A DreamZone Parody.
Bree (Victoria White) – Marisa and Felicia’s friend who helps convince Marisa to bring David to therapy. Defends some of David’s statements (because they compliment her) though eventually makes up with her boyfriend. This relationship only seems to need therapy because Brian is angry 24/7. Victoria White also appears in Sexual Quest.
Brian (Richard Lounello) – Bree’s boyfriend. Is constantly angry. About everything. Has HUGE ears. Does not like David. At all. Richard Lounello also appears in Battledogs.
Dr. Serena Daniels (Kelli McCarty) – Therapist who hosts group couples therapy sessions, which are as exciting as you think they would be to be in. Despite being a trained psychologist, she’s not above having sex with her patients. Let’s hope the California Board of Psychology doesn’t watch this movie! Kelli McCarty is also in The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad
Dark Secrets

How dare you criticize my Naruto/Pokemon slash fic!

Bounty Killer DVD giveaway! (Ended)


EDIT: The contest has ended. Congrats to the winner and thanks to all the entrants, more than I expected! There will be more contests soon!

Who wants free stuff? Sure, we all do. And you can win a free DVD of Bounty Killer by just following the simple rules laid out below. We’ve been given this opportunity to give away a DVD provided by PartnersHub in exchange for posting the Bounty Killer blog app you see above. Bounty Hunter is on VOD and limited theatrical release now, and the DVD comes out in October.

It’s been 20 years since the corporations took over the world’s governments. Their thirst for power and profits led to the corporate wars, a fierce global battle that laid waste to society as we know it. Born from the ash, the Council of Nine rose as a new law and order for this dark age. To avenge the corporations’ reckless destruction, the Council issues death warrants for all white collar criminals. Their hunter’s – the BOUNTY KILLER. From amateur savage to graceful assassin, the BOUNTY KILLER’S now compete for body count, fame and a fat stack of cash. They’re ending the plague of corporate greed by exterminating the self serving CEO and providing the survivors of the apocalypse with retribution. These are the new heroes. This is the age of the BOUNTY KILLER.

That sounds pretty trippy. Like a reality show wild west mad max revenge of the 99% film. Or a comic book. I have not seen the film so I can’t attest to if it is any good or not.

To win the DVD, all you have to do is email me ( tarstarkas [at] tarstarkas.net ) with your name and address by the end of September 15th, 2013. I’ll pick a winner at random (via random.org) and send that info in and a DVD should arrive by magic. Or the mail service (USPS or FedEx) Confirmed from the company that US and Candada entrants only please, and they don’t accept PO Boxes. I will not use any of the names/addresses I get beyond picking a random winner (I can’t promise what PartnersHub will do with the winner) Any other questions feel free to ask below or via email. This is the first time I’ve worked with PartnersHub, but hopefully this can be a semiregular thing when the films are of-interest to the readership here. The Bounty Killer DVD is supplied by PartnersHub/Bounty Killer, at no cost to TarsTarkas.NET.

Bride with White Hair Part 2

Tom Yum Goong 2 trailers and posters


Media for the upcoming Tom Yum Goong 2 has begun appearing online. First up was a first trailer, followed by the above-embedded second teaser. In addition, the Tom Yum Goong 2 facebook page has been posting character posters, which are posted below. There are posters for Tony Jaa as Kham, Jija Yanin as Pingping (who uses flying needles), Petchai Wongkamlao as Sgt. Mark, Ying Ratha as No. 20, RZA as Mr. LC, and Marrese Crump as No. II. The stunts look amazing, and I hope this troubled production pulls together and turns into something magical. Really pulling for this one.

via WiseKwai

Tom Yum Goong 2 Tony Jaa

Tom Yum Goong 2 Ying Ratha

Tom Yum Goong 2 Jija Yanin

Tom Yum Goong 2 Petchtai Wongkamlao

Tom Yum Goong 2 Marrese Crump

Tom Yum Goong 2 RZA