Rina Takeda is Kunoichi

Rina Takeda has been cast in Alien vs. Ninja director Seiji Chiba’s upcoming ninja film Kunoichi.

UPDATE: Read the review of Kunoichi!

NipponCinema sez:
Takeda will play a female ninja named Kisaragi who attempts to rescue a group of women being held captive. It’s set sometime in the Sengoku period, during a time of fierce fighting between the Koga and Iga ninja clans.

Here is a kicking people in the head trailer also thanks to NipponCinema, who you should probably follow on Twitter to get news first, or wait a day until it shows up on everyone else’s website.

In addition, I’ve gotten a few episodes of the Ancient Dogoo Girls series with Rina Takeda in it and….my God. Japan is on crack!

Kunoichi

Monster King Godzilla DVD Cover

Monster King Godzilla (Review)

Monster King Godzilla


1980 (yeah, right!)

Directed by Who the Frak Knows!

It’s March of Godzilla 2011, so let’s get right into it with some weirdo Godzilla flicks you probably haven’t heard of!

Monster King Godzilla is a Godzilla movie mashup that is a very truncated version of the movie ESPy mixed with fight scenes of Godzilla from a bunch G flicks randomly inserted. Part of a couple of films (2, really) supposedly from a Hawaiian TV station that edited them for broadcast. Whether or not that is true, I am not convinced at all (this is discussed more in the upcoming Attack of the Galactic Monsters review) but it is probably just a clever fake. Good job trying to make this look like it came from a VHS tape, it might even have been copied onto one. FYI, the title Monster King Godzilla comes from the Japanese name for the 1956 Godzilla, King of the Monsters recut when it was released in Japan in 1957.

The best piece of research I have found on this is a blog entitled Monster King Godzilla that has one post, entitled Monster King Godzilla, that is just a scan of the supposed VHS jacket the bootleg is from with the same text you see everywhere. Huzzah!

Here is the text that accompanied this film:

“Very rare Godzilla film made for Hawaiin TV in 1980 by Filmways TV USA, 99% stock footage and a bizare wrap around plot involving physic powers make this a very strange film. AVI is from a VHS purchased at the Chiller Theatre convention in the mid 90s. I have never found any record of this film anywhere else.”

Ignoring all the misspellings, either this guy purchased what is probably a hoax and released it himself, or he just made up this story after creating the hoax and is feigning ignorance about the film ESPy.

Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter, as this is a frakked up Godzilla film so we’re gonna review it for March of Godzilla 2011!

First of all, since ESPy is used as a template for all the Godzilla mashup footage, let’s take a brief look at the 1975 Toho ESP/spy flick. It was part of their “mutants” series of films, back when Toho was making wacked out 1970s films that are rather freaky to watch today. The UN sets up an organization called Espy filled with psychics and ESP people, to stop a group called Counter Espy, who are evil psychics and ESP people. Why Counter Espy is named first I have no idea, having not seen the film, but I am guessing because they are psychic! Being psychic probably explains all sorts of plot problems with ESPy. How convenient! Counter Espy tries to kill the Prime Minster of Baltonia:

Prime Minster of Baltonia


Espy stops them, and newbie Espy agent Jiro Miki (Masao Kusakari), his dog Cheetah, veteran Espy agent Yoshio Tamura (Hiroshi Fujioka), and girl Espy agent Maria Harada (Kaoru Yumi) must do battle with the evil Counter Espy leader Ulrov/Wolf (Tomisaburo Wakayama) to save the world from evil people who have special powers. No heads explode, which is a failing of the ESPy series, all one entries in it. Jun Fukuda directed this film along with War in Space, the other source film used in a Godzilla Mashup.

Godzilla flicks used in this film include
Godzilla vs. Megalon
Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
Revenge of Mechagodzilla
Godzilla vs. Gigan

There are lots of quick edits and huge portions of ESPy is skipped as the film moves in in order to throw in all the Godzilla footage. So there will probably be some vary confusing things mentioned in the plot section, but it is accurate. Having not seen ESPy, I was at an even worse advantage, but I persevered because I’m awesome. You can be awesome too, all you need to do is read this review!

Who cares about the crappy humans, it’s Monster Roll Call!

Godzilla – Godzilla is the King of Monsters, and spends this whole film ruthlessly slaughtering all these throne pretenders.
Megalon – Megalon is a drill-handed lame-o cockroach who gets what’s coming to him.
The Smog Monster – Hedorah is all about the pollution and trying to kill Al Gore. Run for it, Gore!
Mechagodzilla – Godzilla’s robot double is also trouncing around. Why doesn’t Espy use their ESP powers to go all ESP on him? Lazy Espy stock footage scenes.
Titanosaurus – Titanosaurus proves you can be in more than one Godzilla film if some guy edits you into a fan film mashup. Keep dreaming the dream, Titanosaurus!
King Caesar – Hail to the king, baby! Oh, wait, we already got a king… Hm…
King Ghidorah – Hail to the.. We got way too many kings here! Jesus ain’t being born, we only got room for ONE king here, not three! Luckily, King Ghidorah gets beat up again! We’ll give King Caesar a pass because he’s awesome.
Gigan – Gigan is a loser who sucks. I hate you Gigan. But not as much as your mom hates you.
Anguirus – Yes, this blob is Anguirus who wasn’t quite edited out entirely. So now he’s in the Roll Call.

Zone Fighter

March of Godzilla 2011

March of Godzilla 2011 is the theme month for March 2011. After skipping a year due to difficulties, we’re back, and there will be some weirdo Godzilla films reviewed this month! Along with some classic Godzilla films, and a few surprises.


Monster King Godzilla
Attack of the Galactic Monsters
Son of Godzilla
Destroy All Monsters
Zone Fighter – Episode 01 Kyoujuu Misairu Bakuhase-yo! (Destroy the Terror-Beast Missile!)
Zone Fighter – Episode 02 Yattsukero! Desutorokingu (Beat Destro-King!/Attack! Destro-King)
Zone Fighter – Episode 03 Tatake! Garoga-no Chitei-kichi (Defeat Garoga’s Subterranean Base!/Strike! Garoga’s Underground Base)
Zone Fighter – Episode 04 Raishuu! Garoga Dai Gundan – Gojira Toujou – (Onslaught! The Garoga Army: Enter Godzilla!/Invasion! Garoga’s Grand Army – Godzilla Appears – )
Zone Fighter – Episode 05 Kingugidora-wo Mukaeutsu! (Blast King Ghidorah at Point Blank!/Attack King Ghidorah!)
Zone Fighter – Episode 06 Kingugidora-no Gyakushuu! (King Ghidorah’s Counterattack)

Bonus Items:
Godzilla vs. Megalon comic book
Zone Fighter Splash Page

Zone Fighter

Sex and Zen 3D star Vonnie Lui Hoi-Yan loses iPhone, naughty pics therein…

Although news reports are claiming these photos are circulating around the net, I have found no evidence of that. Newspapers are also trying to whip up hysteria like it is Edison Chen part 2, but even if she did have explicit pictures on the phone of her with other guys, they are most likely businessmen and not famous actors. That’s assuming this isn’t just a giant publicity stunt for 3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy or whatever the title is this week. Which it probably is. Damn, suckered in again…

Have you seen my phone? Also my shirt? I'm so forgetful!

Busty Hong Kong porn star Vonnie Lui Hoi-Yan claims she has lost her iPhone 4 and about 100 explicit photos that were in it, all of which are being forwarded around the world on the Internet, according to Sohu and Apple Daily.

The Girl From Chicago (Review)

The Girl From Chicago


1932
Written and directed by Oscar Micheaux

Oscar Micheaux was one of the greatest film directors who ever lived. And I don’t make that statement lightly. His films might not be the greatest films ever made (okay, many of them are terrible!), but for what he accomplished, and for so long, and at what time he did it, Micheaux deserves recognition. Micheaux was an outstanding businessman, had he been born fifty years later he’d be one of the richest men in the country powered solely by his own awesome business skills. As it is, he did amazingly well considering he was a self-made man through and through who did almost every aspect of his movies by himself. For an independent operator to survive for as long as Micheaux did cranking out films and getting funding for the next round is a miracle most filmmakers with far fewer obstacles cannot accomplish nowadays.

First, some history lessons. All-black films were known as “Race films” or “Colored pictures”, usually played in segregated all-black theaters, or all-black showings of films (usually matinees or midnight shows – and, yes, there would be whites that showed up for this shows, many eager to see the black nightclub sequences!) Most of the films were outside of the studio system, done with ultra-low budgets, and many films no longer survive.

Some parts of Micheaux’s early biography is guesses, speculation, and even legend. So don’t be all angry if dates don’t seem exact. Oscar Micheaux was born the son of two freed slaves near either Murphysboro or Metropolis, Illinois, in 1884, the fifth of 13 (or 11) children. The exact pronunciation of Micheaux’s name is up for debate, as was the spelling for the first few decades of Micheaux’s life before he settled on Micheaux. He also spent time growing up in in Great Bend, Kansas, where he was eventually buried. Around age 16, Micheaux moved to Chicago with an older brother to find work. After getting ripped off by an employment agency, Micheaux vowed to become his own boss so that wouldn’t happen again. He then set up his own shoe shine business in a white suburb – thus avoiding competition from all the bootblacks downtown. He learned much about the business world and how to save money during that period.


After spending time doing farmwork and then porter work on a Pullman car, Micheaux at age 24 went west, young man, to South Dakota and an all-white farm community of Dallas. All-white except Oscar Micheaux, that is! Micheaux’s business sense increased his acreage to over 500 acres he had enough time to write his first novel (of seven known and possibly as many as 10 or more), dubbed The Conquest: The Story of a Negro Homesteader. As you may have guessed, the story is pretty much the story of Oscar’s life, the main character is even named Oscar Devereaux. Micheaux’s next two novels wereThe Forged Note (1915) and The Homesteader (1917) – Micheaux’s most famous novel. In it, Oscar Devereaux leaves the Scottish lass that is the love of his life because she isn’t black and moves to the midwest as a farmer to find his fortune. He married the daughter of a preacher but ends up getting framed for their murder. His Scottish love hires private investigators to prove his innocence, and also conveniently finds out she has a very distant black relative and therefore can marry the hero without either of them shaming their race. Definitely a product of the time, and except for the magic one-drop rule cop out at the end, it probably takes a lot from Micheaux’s real life as well. Micheaux sold copies by going door to door selling copies to the farmers in the all white community. Micheaux would go on publicity tours after each book was finished, throughout the bible belt, met with local community leaders, lectured at schools and churches. He became well known both among blacks and rural white farmers.

His last four novels were written in the 1940’s: The Wind from Nowhere (1941), The Case of Mrs. Wingate (1944), The Story of Dorothy Stanfield (1946), and Masquerade, a Historical Novel (1947)

Return of the Moonwalker

Good Lord, what the heck is this? Zombie Michael Jackson may be a viable plot, but when gay sex dwarfs and awful awful awful pot jokes enter the equation, things go from bad to garbage bin. Think Return of the Moonwalker looks bad? You are not alone. This movie will not be a thriller, but something that will make audiences beat it to another venue. These smooth criminals forgot the ABCs of good movie making. Remember the time movies were good, like Ben? Billy Jean Black or White Man in the Mirror Scream.