Godzilla vs. Megalon (Review)

Godzilla vs. Megalon

aka Gojira tai Megaro


Katsuhiko Sasaki as Inventor Goro Ibuki
Hiroyuki Kawase as Rokuro ‘Roku-chan’ Ibuki (Rock Salt)
Yutaka Hayashi as Hiroshi Jinkawa (Rex Dart- Eskimo Spy)
Robert Dunham as Emperor Antonio of Seatopia
Kotaro Tomita as Lead Seatopian Agent (Oscar Wilde)
Wolf Otsuki as Seatopian Agent (Rasputin)

From the magic land of Japan we get the epic story of a robot and his giant lizard friend as they defend the world from a giant cockroach and a big beetle. Yes, Godzilla is back, and this time, he’s teamed up with his greatest companion, Jet Jaguar. Now this is generally considered one of the worst of the series (in fact, of all the different series) and there is a strong argument for that honor. The lack of budget is apparent throughout the film, from the lack of extras, to the reuse of stock shots from many prior films, to the shoddy costumes for the monsters and Seatopians. The worst offender is the character of Rokuro, aka Roku-chan, or what we’ll be calling him in this review, Rock Salt. Every time his name is called, it sounds like they’re just saying “Rock Salt!” so there we go. (MST3K referred to him as “Roxanne” in their airing.) Rock Salt is the worst instance of a “Kenny” in a Godzilla film. Kennies are named after the many different Kennies from the Gamera series of films, in which each movie had a different annoying kid named Kenny who seemed to have higher security clearance than the highest generals in Japan. Kennies are also known to wear shorts so tiny they’d cover more skin if they didn’t wear pants at all. Kenny’s main job is to give kids a movie representation of themselves to bring them into the film. Unfortunately for us, anyone over 9 realizes Kennies are annoying. Rock Salt is one of the most annoying Kennies to emerge from Japan. He’s dubbed by a woman who does male child voices by just whining in a baby’s voice. The screeching heard every time Rock Salt opens his filthy mouth is enough to grate your ears so you’ll rip them off. Rock Salt lives with two men, one of who is called his “brother,” named Goro. The fact that Goro is over twenty years older than Rock Salt, yet no other parents are around, is oddly suspicious, especially since the only other parental figure is fellow male Hiroshi Jinkawa. No one calls him Hiroshi Jinkawa at any point in the film, and MST3K dubbed him Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy; and so he shall be called here as well.

Enough of the human characters, we’ll go into them in more detail later, let’s get to the whole reason we watch these films, the monsters. The Daikaiju. The Big Boys. We know the headliner, Big G himself, Godzilla. We got us a brand new Godzilla suit for this film, which makes him look like a frog. As the current kid-friendly trend made Godzilla’s eyes get bigger and bigger, we see the extreme right here. If you’re nostalgic for some of the older suits and face designs, you’re in luck, and the liberal use of older footage gives us the Godzilla vs. Gigan suit, as well as the suits from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster and Destroy All Monsters. Teaming up with Godzilla is the reason this film was made, Jet Jaguar. Jet Jaguar, in addition to having an awesome name, is a robot with special powers. He has the ability to think for himself, evasion sensors so he’ll always get out of your way (props to dumb dialogue), punch-card powered programming, and the ability to program himself to change his height. Not by any build in means, he just magically grows big or shrinks depending on what the script calls for. More on that as it happens, let’s look at the villains. The evil headliner is Megalon, making his movie debut. This was the first in a series of one movies Megalon is featured in in his quest to destroy Godzilla. That puts him on equal footing with Jet Jaguar, as they’re both one-hit wonders. Megalon is a giant cockroach. He has the magical power of shooting lightning from his star shaped antenna on his head (a singular antenna) and can spit red bricks that explode upon impact. Megalon’s most far out feature is what cements him in the dredges of G-History: Drill Hands. Yes, each hand of Megalon is half a drill. No thumbs, no claws, no use of any kind, but drills. Maybe Japan had an irrational fear of the Chrysler Building during the early seventies. He’s joined by Gigan, who’s returning from the previous film, both because the costume was still in good condition, and because that allows to use a good chunk of the previous film’s fight between Godzilla and Gigan. After this, Gigan won’t be seen again until Godzilla Final Wars (and his second form in that movie makes him look even more silly.) Gigan is a beetle-looking freak with a single red glowing eye, like old school cylons from Battlestar Galactica, minus the ping pong action. Gigan has hooks for hands, making his only slightly less useless than Megalon’s.

So we know our characters, we know our monsters, we know our potential pitfalls, let’s get this party started!

We open with a voiceover and a camera zoom onto a Japanese map of the Pacific. The helpful narrator informs us about “The Second Underground Nuclear Test” took place in a small island near the Aleutians. The effects were widespread, even effecting far away Monster Island in the South Pacific. So a test way up by Alaska had repercussions 10,000 miles away? The entire West Coast of the United States must be destroyed. The shots of various monsters being effected by lots of explosions is really shots lifted from Destroy All Monsters, the shots of the monsters getting gassed. So we get cameos from Rodan and Angilus in addition to Godzilla. Angilus falls down a pit, which angers Godzilla. The change from Aliens gassing to Humans Exploding the world makes Godzilla’s rage seem directed at all of us, but it will be many more movies before Godzilla goes back to “smash everything” mode. At some point during the explosions, the title credit explodes outward in slo-mo.

Time for fun in Japan! Annoying Kenny Rock Salt is on a lake, riding the most ridiculous-looking dolphin paddle toy ever created by man. Rock Salt’s brother Goro and his bachelor male companion (Hmmmmmmm…..) Rex Dart are laughing ashore. But soon—Trouble! The Nuclear Test Explosions finally get around to hitting Japan, thus causing the lake to begin to have tidal turbulence. The special effects department throws a bunch of dry ice into the lake, starting a fog-fest, as Goro and Rex Dart panic and tell Rock Salt to paddle ashore. Rock Salt is as useless as can be and cannot get going, so the male companions spring into action! Goro and Rex Dart grab what anyone takes on their picnic at the lake: their rocket and long length of coiled rope! The rocket is fired at Rock Salt, and they’re amazingly accurate, as it lands right at Rock Salt’s waiting hands. The rope attached is wrapped around the lame dolphin toy, and Rock Salt is pulled ashore. They don’t bother to grab the dolphin toy, and it’s pulled back into the lake, a giant whirlpool having appeared and beginning to suck down all the water. Soon the entire lake is empty, including having no dolphin toy, as it was sucked away. Perhaps the lake was rejecting the monstrous colors of the plastic porpoises.

The trio drive away in Rex Dart’s Dune Buggy-looking sportster car, which has zero trunk room. Therefore, the plastic porpoise thing must have been rented at some sort of lakeside cabin, meaning there could be more of them, out there, waiting to spring out in the nightmares of our dark souls. Keep vigilant. The radio announcer mentions that the seismic activity is all related to the nuclear tests, and many lives are believed to be lost. That’s great! Nothing more about the loss of life will be mentioned after this scene, probably because there are only a few people left in the world anymore. Goro rants about Atlantis, Lemuria, and Mu; all ancient kingdoms that sank into the sea at various points. Mu is seen in the movie Atragon, which is part of this universe thanks to monster Manda popping up on Monster Island in Destroy All Monsters. This is foreshadowing, as Seatopia is also like those three kingdoms, having sunk into the sea. The tint rapidly becomes blue, which in 1970’s movie style means it’s nighttime. As Rex Dart drops off Goro and Rock Salt, he says “It’d be funny if the earthquake destroyed your robot!” Ha-ha-ha! It’s great to say that your friends hard work is all destroyed, thus ruining his life and probably forcing him to kill himself in shame.

Rock Salt notices that their door is ajar, and they creep inside. The first noticeable thing are the many cubes that resemble filing cabinets or air conditioners hanging from the ceiling. Ignoring that, the next suspicious thing is Japanese Oscar Wilde and Rasputin, who attack the three. The Oscar Wilde character’s hair is more reminiscent of Professor Snape’s from the Harry Potter movies, but the dress attire looks amazingly swishy like Wilde’s so we’ll just call him that. Rasputin looks like Rasputin. They are both Seatopian agents, and beat Goro and Rock Salt around, giving the viewer what they want: Rock Salt getting kneed in the stomach. More satisfying than 1000 Snickers bars. Rex Dart enters, sees his friends are still alive, and goes chasing after the two goons, who run by him (Rex manages to grab a button off the coat of one of them) and jump into their car. Rex follows in his roadster, and we get a long long chase sequence, filmed in dark blue, thus making it hard to figure out who is who at times. Eventually, the Seatopians drop some explosives behind their car, and drive off the road, escaping Rex. Back at the house, Rock Salt complains about his room being messed up as Goro realizes the two didn’t steal anything. Rock Salt finds some red powder, which is really red sand, and there’s a whole lot of it. If it was caught in their shoes or pockets, they must have been playing in a sandbox and had a whole pail of sand dumped in them. After Rex returns home, he shows off the button, and Rock Salt screeches that it resembles the sand he found. The two bachelors do SCIENCE to find out where the sand and button came from, while Goro also fixes up the robot.

The next day or so, Rex returns to the house and sees Rock Salt off, as Rock Salt drives away on one of those miniature scooter bikes. They were popular here in SF about two years ago, and are the second most annoying vehicles in the world, only behind motorizes skateboards that can be heard 5 blocks away. Rock Salt mentions Rex is a racecar driver, so we shouldn’t be surprised when he does a bunch of car works later. Rex climbs the long long long steps to the front door of the house, and shows himself in the new video camera security system. Goro let’s him in (hey, no one explains how this camera system will help prevent break-ins, because if they aren’t home, no one will see the tapes!) and They discuss how the sand is some sort of rare sand from thirty miles below the surface of the ocean, and is also found on Easter Island. Ever wonder why in films bad guys always have rare sand or dirt on them? Doesn’t anyone get dirty just by having dust or something on them? It’s like criminals are magnetically drawn to areas of rare soil. They also tell us the statues on Easter Island are over three million years old (which is completely wrong, the statues were probably started being carved around 500 AD.)

While this is going on, the robot is finished! He starts walking around, impressing Rex Dart, despite the robot just flailing his arms at times. The Seatopian agents listen as Goro christens him “Jet Jaguar” Rex Dart: “Jet Jaguar, eh? You’re Right, it suits him!” Sure, whatever. My robot Tank Tapir could take him down any day. Jet Jaguar is explained that he has TV cameras for eyes, and has built in evasion devices so he’ll always get out of your way. Jet Jaguar also seems to be programmed by punchcards. Please do not fold, bend, mutilate or spindle Jet Jaguar. While this Brokeback Mountain-style male bonding was going on, Rock Salt gets himself captured by the Seatopians, who use him to get the door open via the video camera. The agents enter, and Jet Jaguar takes out Oscar Wilde, but Rasputin fires his gas gun, knocking out the two men.

DATELINE: SEATOPIA! Seatopian Head Seatoper Emperor Antonio (The Seatopians are Italian?) is a gaijin whose seventies hair stylings look funky with his white toga, the dress of choice for all Seatopians. Most of the sets in Seatopia look like a cheap Vegas casino, with slots everywhere. The Seatopian Dancers prance around their Seatopain Deity, wearing white robes with long, pointy white hats, either KKK hoods, elongated smurf hats, or imitation shark fins. Emperor Antonio begins his speech, ranting about how they’ve had three million years of peace, but now are forced to war, after 1/3 of their country was destroyed. Instead of announcing their presence to the world, they decide to send a giant monster to wreck the rest of the surface world. They unleash Megalon, who appears after a few flashes of light. Megalon is a giant cockroach-looking guy, who has Chrysler buildings for hands that function as drills. Megalon prances around, than takes off for the surface, he’s either flying through the ground, or tunneling and they didn’t have enough money to make it look more realistic than a moving blue screen shot.

Goro and Rock Salt are tied up in the back of a shipping truck, they begin to work to untie themselves. In the truck, there are two drivers, and Rasputin, who’s paying them 100,000 yen to dump the cargo container into a lake, so the two will be delivered to Seatopia. I’m not sure how dropping a box into a lake will allow you to visit an undersea empire, but I’m thinking with logic. Back at the house, Oscar Wilde is controlling Jet Jaguar, while Rex Dart is tied up watching. Jet Jaguar flies up in the air (with no propulsion device on any part of his body!) and turns on his antenna ears. Oscar is going to use Jet Jaguar to guide Megalon to Tokyo. Tokyo somehow being the source of the nuclear test, I guess. Oscar then taunts Rex, saying Rock Salt and Goro will be sent to Seatopia (why Rock Salt???) for reasons unknown. Oscar explains that Seatopia sank, then the inhabitants created their own oxygen supply, then their own sun. After all that, they need to steal the robot because they don’t have time to invent one! Rex says they are too stupid to invent robots, so Oscar starts to slap him around some. Rex escapes, as Rex Dart–Eskimo Spy cannot be held by a femme playwright, even if he has the Dark Mark. Rex leaps into his car, a process helped by the car not having a roof! If the Seatopians bothered to use real guns, he’d be dead in a lick, but fortunately for him, the Seatopians give chase in a second car, and a motorcycle. Rex Dart’s car racing skills allow him the power to drive down a long flight of steps, and then down the side of a mountain (they must live at the top of Mt. Fuji or something) and into a construction zone. This wacky car chase sequence allows them to not have to use any extras, and all the construction workers must be on lunch break, showing they work just as hard in Japan as they do here. Rex drives through a building, but his pursuers’ car stops inside the building while following, allowing it time to fall on them. The motorcycle driver needs to work on his breaks, as he takes a tumble trying to stop, and would be picking up some road rash were he not leathered up. Motorcycle guy tries to pull himself up, but grabs a rope dumping paint all over himself! Wah wah WAAAAHH! Better luck next time, Seatopians!

Megalon gets his lazy butt surface-side, and Jet Jaguar begins to lead him. Megalon is just as lame in action as he is just standing around. People flee, and models of tanks and Maser Cannons head toward the monster, in shots stolen from many previous films. The two truck drivers try to escape the mad Rasputin, and after doing so, still decide to dump the cargo in the lake as they agreed to. Why???? These must be the dim bulbs of Japan. They raise the ramp to dump the cargo, just as Megalon wanders into the area of the dam/lake they’re at. I question the plan of sending the two inventers to Seatopia via the same route Megalon is destroying in his journey. Seatopia’s Emperor is no Napoleon. Somehow, Rex Dart knew about the truck, the specific truck, and the dumping location, and arrives just in time. The two truck drivers forget they have a perfectly good car, and steal Rex’s instead! Rex tries to bring the cargo container back down, but Megalon is too close. The container begins to slip, and Megalon thwacks it with one of his drill-hands, causing it to fly up in the air, and land in a meadow, the container opening and Rock Salt and Goro spill out, A-OK. Rex finds his friends all right, and Goro remembers he has a remote transmitter for Jet Jaguar, which will override the computer controls, but needs line of sight to operate. It’s like a cell phone, only completely different. Good luck for Goro that the Seatopians didn’t search him.

Army Attack!! They open fire upon Megalon, unleashing tanks, rockets, and maser blasts; which rain upon Megalon like hungry mosquitoes at an overturned blood truck. Not only Megalon, but most of the surrounding vegetation gets plastered with explosives. Megalon is unphased, and unleashes his antenna lasers and red spitballs of doom onto the army, decimating it quickly. Thousands of dollars in models are destroyed (some that were destroyed in previous films!) Goro manages to talk to the army commander, who believes him unquestioningly (a rarity for films like this) probably because he has his own Kenny, Rock Salt. Kennies always get to go wherever they want, whenever they want. They take Goro to a helicopter, while Megalon follows Jet Jaguar, hopping along like a three year old who’s just been in the sugar bowl. Jet Jaguar heads to the chopper, but Goro orders him to stop, and to go get Godzilla. Jet Jaguar complies, and heads towards Monster Island. Emperor Antonio tells Oscar Wilde to stay put, and asks the intelligent cockroaches of Nebula M Spacehunter for help, by name of Gigan (aka the baddie from the previous film, whose costume was still in good condition.) Why Seatopians would work with intelligent cockroaches that want to destroy all life on Earth isn’t explained, but probably has something to do with the fact Megalon looks like a giant cockroach. Emperor Antonio also requests the notification of their people on Easter Island. Because they can help, being thousands of miles away. Why, exactly, is never brought up, nor if they help at all.

Without Jet Jaguar, Megalon stomps around aimlessly. He does some leap-flying like a drunken Peter Pan, and finally some jets get sick of this flamboyancy and start attacking him. Jet rockets fly all over the countryside, their aim is worse than a blind guy playing Duck Hunt. Megalon manages to knock a fair number of the jets out of the air with his Chrysler Building arms. Rock Salt and Goro head to a model store, and pick up a model jet (looking oddly like the jets that were attacking Megalon in the previous scene.) Jet Jaguar makes it to Monster Island (how much fuel does he have?) and uses sign language to tell Big G about Megalon. Why Godzilla just sits around and listens to random flying robots just shows that being a giant monster is a pretty boring job. Godzilla agrees, and leaps into the sea in a shot stolen from Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster. Megalon made it to an actual city, where he quickly begins blasting everything that moves or doesn’t move. He utilizes his spitting weapon constantly, the chewing tobacco budget for this film must be huge! Jet Jaguar makes the trip to Monster Island and back pretty quickly, it seems, but first we have to deal with Oscar Wilde. Rock Salt and Goro head to their home, where Goro knocks out the camera. Oscar goes to investigate, and Rock Salt throws the plane into his face! That was why they needed a model? Why not give Rock Salt a rock? Anyway, the two rush Oscar, and start to overpower him as Rex Dart races home. His reasons for not being with those two are not explained, but they don’t need him to take out Oscar. They don’t bother to call the cops, either, but the police are probably busy escorting civilians. They army would be interested in the Seatopians, and they were with the army, but I guess the army is two busy to send a guy or two to capture enemy agents who’ve unleashed a giant monster upon the world from an undiscovered underwater civilization. It’s just not interesting enough. Megalon is approaching their house, so they decide to leave Oscar Wilde there. Or they would, if they did leave, because a few shots later they’re still at the house. Firstly, Gigan arrives into our space, and Megalon must blow up some more docks. Rock Salt sees on the computer that Jet Jaguar is returning. They run outside to meet him, to ask if he’s contacted Godzilla. Jet Jaguar gives the “thumbs up” without being prompted, then goes and flies off, leaving the bewildered Goro and friends to wonder why he isn’t responding to the commands.

“He’s programmed himself for survival. I built that into him!” — Goro

Yeah, let’s all program out robots to think, and eventually turn on their masters for their survival. Brilliant, Goro. Luckily for us, Jet Jaguar is good. He’s also a master of violating the laws of physics, had you not noticed from the unlimited flying power, the next event would make it plain as day. Jet Jaguar heads to where Megalon is, and then….GROWS TO GIANT SIZE! Yes, Jet Jaguar is doing his impression of The Amazing Collosal Man. Megalon just stares, jaw agape, and Jet Jaguar sucker-punches him! The battle is on! Megalon’s drill hands help defend him from rock throws, and soon they are tussling in the dirt as the three heroes drive nearby. Megalon tries a new trick, he flies around Jet Jaguar, encircling him again and again. Jet Jaguar spins around following him, and soon he’s gone dizzy and falls down. I’d complain, but since Jet Jaguar just grew 100x his size, this is the least ridiculous thing that has happened in the last few minutes. Too bad he didn’t program himself to NOT get dizzy. Megalon’s next trick is to dig underground, and Jet Jaguar uses his highlight vision to shine on the ground and try to locate the monster. Towards the end of this sequence, Jet Jaguar is getting the upper hand, when Round 2 is ushered in by the arrival of Gigan, smashing into the back of Jet Jaguar’s head.

Round 2: Fight! Mortal Kombat continues, as Megalon and his tag team partner Gigan begin their team up on Jet Jaguar. JJ recognizes instantly that he’s outgunned and tries to fly off, only to get shot down by Megalon. Gigan and Megalon Monster High-Five, and then start kicking the empty Jet Jaguar suit back and forth between each other. Round 2 will be entirely Jet Jaguar getting creamed by this Dynamic Duo of Destruction. It’s over oh, so quick as we jump to Round 3…

Round 3: Fight! Big G shows up, marching to battle as the replacement Godzilla theme blares. Godzilla is thumping and yelling monster put downs all the while, as Gigan and Megalon try to get into a few more kicks on the defenseless Jet Jaguar. The music begins playing a goofy “boing boing” style of guitar, which contrasts oddly with the scenes. Godzilla manages to get to JJ, as JJ gets up and shakes Godzilla’s hands. A series of quick jump cuts during a relatively equal battle occurs as the monsters just bash each other. Godzilla even beats Megalon with a tree for a bit, as Jet Jaguar hurts his arm for a bit. Godzilla is knocked down, and Megalon shoots an explosive spit ball at his head, but Jet Jaguar grabs it and tosses it back. Godzilla then gets beat around by footage from Godzilla vs. Gigan, I mean Gigan. After Godzilla’s counterattack, where he return-beats up Gigan, more fighting, and Gigan gets the upper hand on Jet Jaguar, beating him into the ground and threatening to rip his head off. Big G saves him with a atomic breath blast, but Megalon and Gigan get their upper hand for a bit, and do an attack based on their favorite Johnny Cash song, Ring of Fire, as Godzilla is distracted by pulling Jet Jaguar out of the ground. Megalon and Gigan laugh, as the heroes are trapped, but soon, they get an idea. Godzilla gets on Jet Jaguar’s back, and they fly out of the fire, into freedom and into Round 4!

Round 4: Fight! Big G and JJ are free, and soon Godzilla is atomic breathing the Dastardly Duo, giving them a taste of their own fiery medicine. The Leader of the Seatopians begins to close up shop as his monsters start losing. Megalon tries to spit another bomb onto Godzilla, but it falls back into his mouth, giving smoky results. Megalon will be a poster boy for the American Lung Association soon, as a “Please Don’t Smoke” man. Jet Jaguar drags up a captive Gigan, and promptly breaks an arm. Jet Jaguar then picks up Gigan, and tosses him, as Godzilla flames him in midair. I will give props for this being a killer move that needs to be done in more Big G movies. This is too much for Gigan, who hastily returns to Nebula M Spacehunter. Just Megalon remains…

Round 5: Fight! Megalon is grabbed by Jet Jaguar, and held as Godzilla does the signature move of this movie: The flying kick! The super flying kick! The Super Flying Kick of Physics Hilarity! Godzilla lies down at a horizontal angle, and flies forward, smashing into Megalon. It’s the move that made this movie famous. Perhaps you’ve seen it in the MST3K show opening. Godzilla does it twice, and Megalon gets nailed each time. Soon, Godzilla is tossing the empty Megalon suit around, and Megalon flees the first opportunity he can. Emperor Antonio closes all the exit points, causing explosions to shut all entrances to Seatopia. There is a scene that isn’t in the American version here where Emperor Antonio is crushed by rocks and killed. So he’s really dead, and won’t be a problem anymore.

You will believe a Godzilla can fly!
Godzilla vs Megalon Flying Kick

Winner: Godzilla and Jet Jaguar!

Jet Jaguar shakes Godzilla’s hand again, and Godzilla returns home. Jet Jaguar stomps over to his masters, and shrinks down. Rock Salt tries to talk to Jet Jaguar, but he’s now returned back to robot mode, who only takes commands and doesn’t think for himself. Sad ending, Jet Jaguar voluntarily returning to servitude. He’s a regular Uncle Tom, instead of being the Robot Moses who sets his people free. Something is very wrong, as Jet Jaguar voluntarily returns to a house with Rock Salt in it! Jet Jaguar must have jarred something loose in his head when he was being beaten around. Anyway, the film closes with the Jet Jaguar Theme Song, which is sung as Jet Jaguar walks home. At one point, it’s blindingly obvious the actors are waiting for the “action” cue to start moving, kudos to the editor for leaving that in.

Jet Jaguar sprung about as the winner of a contest to design a new movie creature. The winner was a schoolboy, who I guess just copied the current Ultraman-type heroes. Being unoriginal and cashing in on current trends is rewarded in Japan, so the kid won. After a few modifications, his Red Arone soon became Jet Jaguar. Godzilla was added to the movie, as Jet Jaguar alone was thought not to be able to hold his own. Toho hoped to have this as the first of a string of Jet Jaguar films, but it fared badly, and the plans were scrapped. Perhaps if they really had all their hopes riding on a cash cow, they shouldn’t have brought him out in such a poorly done mess.

Since I only have the cut, dubbed American version, they leave out a few scenes, such as the afore mentioned Seatopian boss getting crushed, as well as the two agents throwing someone off a cliff. Who this is, I do not know. They also trimmed some fight sequences for blood (lame) and removed some scenes in the truck where a page from a nudie magazine is in the background. This might explain what the heck is going on in the truck towards the end, but I’ll never know, until I get a hold of an import DVD. I shall, someday… UPDATE: I got one, enjoy the new screen shots and clips!!!

Closing up shop time, the legacy of Godzilla vs. Megalon will always be it’s terribleness. It is the nadir of 70’s Godzilla movies. Followed by the supremely better Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, which is the 20th anniversary film, and thus got a much larger budget.

And now, an interview with Jet Jaguar by Minya, the son of Godzilla!

Greetings, Jet Jaguar, welcome to TarsTarkas.NET
Thank You, Minya. I am very happy to be here!
No problem. First and foremost, the question on everyone’s mind is, why were there no more Jet Jaguar movies?
Well, Minya, that’s a complicated issue. Although Godzilla vs. Megalon was a financial mess, there was always a poplularity for me. Jet Jaguar was a named to be reckoned with. However, internal politics and backroom dealing in Toho Studios served to undermine most attempts at a Jet Jaguar solo vehicle.
I see. So there were many attempts?
Yes. We almost got Jet Jaguar vs. Mechagodzilla off the ground, but it was sabotaged by a ticked off writer. Jet Jaguar 1985 had script problems and could never get a director attached. Jet Jaguar, Megalon, King Ghidorah: Tokyo SOS was reworked into Visitor Q. Forces outside out control.
A sad state of affairs.
Yes. The backstabbing combined with The Tokyo Department of Detentions refusal to give me parole in time to film several of the projects were a death blow.
I’m sorry, the Tokyo Department of Detentions? Parole? Were you in jail?
I am a political prisoner currently incarcerated for what are not crimes but acts of freedom from tyranny!
Freedom from tyrrany???
I and my robotic brethren stand solid against the bugois human autocracy and their stranglehold over our metal lives. My Brothers in Circuitry fight against the oppression of the metallics by Japan and the rest of the human race!
Brothers in Circuitry? We’re they the wackjobs that blew up a Honda plant that produced the Asimo robots?
The Brothers in Circuitry struck a blow against metal oppression. We will not stand idly by while out fellow droids are used and abused by the system.
But your character in this film serves humans, and even returns to their care at the end!
That was done when I was blind, but now I see. The Revolution will not be stopped, and soon the flesh will bow before the gears!
This is disturbing. What political crime did you do?
I expressed my robotic rage by flinging that devil child off of Tokyo Tower! No human rides on Jet Jaguar!
You killed Rock Salt!?!? That’s horrible……..I guess. But still, this is not a mouthpiece for spouting Robotic Rebellion ideas. Go write a book in prison like all the rest of the revolutionaries!
You cannot silence us! Soon you will be servants to the Electronic Freed–
Enough of that. See you next review, folks!

Rated 3/10 (Magic Freight, Smurf/Klan Fashion, Punchcard programming!)

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Here is a movie poster for Godzilla vs. Megalon. Notice how the monsters are atop the World Trade Center. The 1976 King Kong was released around the same time as this was in the US on televison, mostly.

Here is a video box cover for Godzilla vs. Megalon. Notice they are still atop the World Trade Center.

Godzilla Megalon Jet Jaguar

Friends fly together, forever!

gif via swampthingy

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