Buh? That’s what I say when a film needs an almost 6 minute long trailer to vaguely explain what the frak is going on with Cloud Atlas. There is high concept, and then there’s Lindsay Lohan concept. Still, it looks like it could be brilliant. I’ll go on record now and say Cloud Atlas will be a masterpiece. Because it will…or it will be the most ridiculous film of all time. But probably a masterpiece. Based on a 2004 book by David Mitchell I’m now adding to my reading queue, Cloud Atlas took three directors to make it to the big screen – Tom Tykwer and the Wachowski siblings, and the three also did the screenplay.
The cast of awesome actors includes Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Jim Sturgess, Keith David, Jim Broadbent, Zhou Xun, Bae Doona, Hugh Grant, and Susan Sarandon. Many look to be playing multiple roles spread out over different time periods, each person’s past and future affecting their other lives.
Transformers were the pinnacle of 1980’s toys. They had classic characters and endure to this day. Transformers are among the first toys I remember getting for Christmas (of 1984, where I got toys including Megatron) and are toys I still have stored away in the attic. Even my favorite toy line (Battle Beasts) are just a spin-off of Transformers. I saw the original movie in the theaters and cried when Optimus Prime died. So to say I was interested when it was announced there would be a live action film is an understatement to say the least.
However, the interest soon waned when I found out Michael Bay was to be the director. Problems also arose when preview art of the Transformers showed them to be very ugly-looking. I realize this is not the Generation 1 line but a new universe. I don’t expect tape-recorder robots. I do expect writing that matched Beast Wars at the least, not writing that pales in comparison to the original cartoon. A cartoon where and entire episode revolved around a girl falling in love with Powerglide (who subsequently beat her around a bit). How hard can it be to write something that doesn’t suck? All you had to do was just be average and let the robots do the rest. Instead, we have 2 ½ hours (way too long) where robots don’t do much of anything until the last 25 minutes. And also the robots pee. Seriously. It’s a disgrace. Not to Transformers, but to audiences everywhere. The movie thinks the audience is stupid. The army regularly endangers civilians for no reason. There is a plot about hackers. Every piece of modern technology came from a frozen robot. The sun seems to be stuck at the edge of the horizon (or setting every five minutes) giving every shot an orange glow. More Transformers are killed by humans than Transformers. The robot fight sequences are cool, but were needed earlier. The movie is more than meets the eye, more terrible than the eye could ever meet.