Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana are Swindle!

Joe Swindle! No, wait, they’re plural and they’re chicks… Mary and Carrie Swindle! So now female heist movies are in for some reason, thus Paramount is pushing forward a script called Swindle and are teaming up Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana to rob money from blue Transformers or something. Since they won’t tell us what the script is about, my guess is a legitimate as any other. Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana are getting producing credits, so feel free to blame them if this sucks in the future, people who will be reading this years from now. Also LOL for you not investing in whatever thing got real big between now and whenever you are reading this. You sure got swindled! Scott Wilson and Enzo Mileti wrote the script that’s so good no one will talk about it. Instead we’re all just talking about this film as an excuse to post pictures of hot actresses and get cheap hits. Speaking of that…

Megan Fox

I have been swindled out of my clothes...

Zoe Saldana

I swindled that Jake Sully sucker to help us and dumped him the next day!

via Deadline
Megan Fox photo via
Zoe Saldana photo via my hard drive so long ago I don’t remember

The Lohan vs The Fox – Which Carrie Will Reign Supreme?

Megan Fox and Lindsay Lohan are in a war of bad casting decisions to become the next Carrie, in the remake of Carrie, about a girl named Carrie, who is so very fly oh my, it’s a little bit scary. Actually, Carrie isn’t supposed to be fly at all! But I’m sure glasses and a pony tail will make Megan Fox look unattractive (yeah, right!) The real question is why Lindsay Lohan is up for any part in anything except Inmate #12319418012343?

As this Carrie will likely be PG-13 and not contain scenes of girls pelting each other with tampons, I think I’ll pass.

It's totally believable that I'm unattractive and unpopular!

Transformers (Review)


Directed by Michael Bay

Transformers were the pinnacle of 1980’s toys. They had classic characters and endure to this day. Transformers are among the first toys I remember getting for Christmas (of 1984, where I got toys including Megatron) and are toys I still have stored away in the attic. Even my favorite toy line (Battle Beasts) are just a spin-off of Transformers. I saw the original movie in the theaters and cried when Optimus Prime died. So to say I was interested when it was announced there would be a live action film is an understatement to say the least.

However, the interest soon waned when I found out Michael Bay was to be the director. Problems also arose when preview art of the Transformers showed them to be very ugly-looking. I realize this is not the Generation 1 line but a new universe. I don’t expect tape-recorder robots. I do expect writing that matched Beast Wars at the least, not writing that pales in comparison to the original cartoon. A cartoon where and entire episode revolved around a girl falling in love with Powerglide (who subsequently beat her around a bit). How hard can it be to write something that doesn’t suck? All you had to do was just be average and let the robots do the rest. Instead, we have 2 ½ hours (way too long) where robots don’t do much of anything until the last 25 minutes. And also the robots pee. Seriously. It’s a disgrace. Not to Transformers, but to audiences everywhere. The movie thinks the audience is stupid. The army regularly endangers civilians for no reason. There is a plot about hackers. Every piece of modern technology came from a frozen robot. The sun seems to be stuck at the edge of the horizon (or setting every five minutes) giving every shot an orange glow. More Transformers are killed by humans than Transformers. The robot fight sequences are cool, but were needed earlier. The movie is more than meets the eye, more terrible than the eye could ever meet.

Continue reading