Tag Archives: Chris Hemsworth

Was Kristen Stewart fired from the Snow White and the Huntsman sequel??

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Reports are saying Kristen Stewart has been fired from the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, despite the fact she’s Snow White, in response to her recent smoochy-smoochy scandal with Rupert Sanders. The reports also say that the studio is sticking with director Rupert Sanders, who is just as guilty, and is even more of a betrayer as he was married with two kids! You can see why he’s still on board, as his directorial style is so hot right now – incomprehensible action scenes, abrupt endings that resolve nothing, borrowing heavily from bigger and better films without acknowledging it… All reasons to put all your money on Sanders instead of blanking everything except Chris Hemsworth. I’m sure it’s totally not sexism, dumping a cash cow like Stewart in favor of a guy who has directed nothing except Snow White and the Huntsman. Either Stewart is testing awful in focus groups, or something is up… Something stupid. Sexism stupid.

Oddly enough, other reports are backtracking now that everyone is freaking out about how firing her is dumb. So who knows what the frak? Either the studio is attempting to shore up DVD sales by putting out a knowingly bogus story to keep the film in the news, or they’re testing things and didn’t expect the backlash from the story they floated.

At one point I was joking online about how the Huntsman should just blunder into the middle of random fairy tales for all the sequels, and that looks like the new direction as the writer who was going to write a Snow White-centered sequel has also been fired, David Koepp. Who will Huntsman save next, Cinderella? Beauty and the Beast? The Little Mermaid? Toy Story? Or will Chris Hemsworth have sex with Rupert Sanders so he can get fired too? I can’t wait to find out.

via THR

Kristen Stewart Snow White

My only crime was love. And betrayal. And bad acting. And apologizing publicly first. And being in an awful Snow White film. And probably other stuff.

Red Dawn remake hits trailer

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The Red Dawn remake has been bouncing around for a while. Originally it was going to be released on November 24, 2010, but then MGM went all bankrupt and baby got put in the corner. As we all know from corners and babies, no one puts them in corners even if Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze (RIP) aren’t in your remake of their film, thus Red Dawn is finally returning again for the second time in 2012!

Thus, we’re getting hit with posters and trailers up the ying yang. Many featuring star Chris Hemsworth, who you might know as everyone’s favorite thunder god, Mulungu! Josh Hutcherson of Detention fame also is advertised a lot, making girls hungry for a game of Q and A starring the handsome young actor. Also other people are in the film, but they haven’t gone on to be famous so fuck them, they don’t get much facetime!

Red Dawn being remade has caused a lot of groaning, because the original had the specter of he Cold War backing up the fear and paranoia the film fed on. Now, the Cold War has been over for a decade and an entire generation has grown up not living in fear of instant nuclear annihilation from the Commies. At worst, the only real dangers are the threats of terrorists attacks, which would be brief disruptions that would launch the US into wars far away leaving the average kid unconnected to in any way. So the concept of America being invaded by an occupying force is rather laughable. Okay, it’s fucking stupid.

It got even more stupid when March 2011 saw MGM digitally altering the invading villains from Chinese to North Korean to not tick off China and keep access to their theaters to make megabank for their other films. Producer Trip Vinson said: “We were initially very reluctant to make any changes, but after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous Red Dawn that we believe improves the movie.”

By “improves the movie” he means “improves the movie’s chance of making it’s $75 million back. Please see our movie. Please.”

No.

I mean, I’ll have an open mind. Maybe.

What is odd, is the altering of the villains from Chinese to North Korean makes the film strangely similar to the video game Homefront, written by John Milius – one of the writers of the original Red Dawn along with Kevin Reynolds. Homefront is totally plausible, according to the consultant they overpaid – “We went to a very rigorous, academic research process to make sure to not only look at North Korea’s current state but to look at historical examples how things could parallel and turn events. History repeats itself. From today to the day the invasion starts in the game, if you combine everything, the odds are very very slim this becomes true. But when you look at the storyline step by step, every step is a coin flip but a plausible step. So once you get there, it’s plausible. And from there the next step is plausible as well. Even though the whole thing is fictional, it comes with plausible baby steps.”

Yeah.

Open mind, open mind, open mind…

So the Remake Red Dawn is written by Jeremy Passmore and Carl Ellsworth and directed by Dan Bradley. Here is a cast list I copy/pasted from somewhere a year ago:

Chris Hemsworth as Jed Eckert
Josh Peck as Matt Eckert
Adrianne Palicki as Toni Mason
Josh Hutcherson as Robert Morris
Isabel Lucas as Erica Mason
Edwin Hodge as Danny Bates
Connor Cruise as Daryl Jenkins
Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Lt. Col. Andrew Tanner
Alyssa Diaz as Julie
Brett Cullen as Tom Eckert
Michael Beach as Mayor Jenkins
Will Yun Lee as Captain Lo

Now, beyond the fact the original film has been basically adopted by the Right as something everyone needs to prepare for, it also featured a lot of good writing and nuanced characters on both sides. It was even a sort of metaphor for Mujahideen guerrillas fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan. I really doubt there will be that much interesting things going on in the remake, which will probably be as bland as humanly possible in a film involving lots of explosions. Judging from the trailer, there will also be far too long before the country gets invaded, so that’s not a good sign, either.

But open minds….

Propaganda posters from the filming of Red Dawn featuring Chinese symbols including the August 1st star. I do not know how these will be altered for the final film with the villains changed to North Koreans:
Red Dawn Propaganda

Poster for the remake:
Red Dawn

Marvel upcoming film slate to take all your money

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Marvel released updated info on their next wave of money printing devices they call movies, which will lead into Avengers 2, the film that will make so much money we’ll have to invent new types of money for it to make! Perhaps they’ll take my Schrutebucks!

First is Iron Man 3 coming out May 3, 2013. Directed by Shane Black, the story seems based on the Extremis arc from the Iron Man comics, though long-mentioned villain the Mandarin will be appearing as well. Footage from Comic-Con showed Ben Kingsley as Mandarin attacking Tony Stark’s home. Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Paul Bettany, and Jon Favreau return, along with Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Ashley Hamilton, James Badge Dale, and Avengers star Cobie Smulders. There was buzz a few months ago about “Iron Patriot” armor that just turned out to be repainted War Machine armor.

Next is Thor: The Dark World on November 8, 2013. Alan Taylor is now attached to direct, and most of the cast is returning. There have been no official villain reveals, though the rumor cloud is that it will be new villains with Loki lurking around doing his Loki thing. Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgård, and Idris Elba are reprising their roles from the first film. Joshua Dallas can’t reprise Fandral due to tv commitments, but is being replaced by Zachary Levi, who was originally slated to appear in the first Thor.

Captain America: The Winder Soldier is the Captain America sequel whose title might be giving away the plot line. The original story featured the return of Cap’s sidekick Bucky as a brainwashed killer, so we’ll see if that ends up happening. One casting announcement we do have is Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson/the Falcon, who was Cap’s sidekick for a long time in the 1970s and one of the first black superheroes. Chris Evans is returning (duh!) but besides being directed Joe and Anthony Russo and a release date of April 4, 2014, we don’t have much more information.

By far the craziest announcement was the confirmation of Guardians of the Galaxy, due on August 1, 2014. This is a different Guardians of the Galaxy team than the one I grew up with: Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Racoon, Gamorra, and Star-Lord. Though I am familiar with Drax and Gamorra from old Adam Warlock titles, the rest are new to me. Basically, Marvel is creating a $200 million film starring a raccoon and a tree fighting aliens, which will then lead into Avengers 2. Sure, I’ll play along!
Promo art for Guardians of the Galaxy:
Guardians of the Galaxy

Finally, there will also be an Ant-Man film, but beyond Edgar Wright showing off test footage, there was no real announcement of anything important about Ant-Man. But one day, there will be an Ant-Man film. And it will be triumph-ANT!

Iron Man 3 title
Thor The Dark World title
Captain America Winter Soldier title
Guardians of the Galaxy title
ant-man title

Pics via AICN

Snow White and the Huntsman

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Snow White and the Huntsman


2012
Written by Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock, and Hossein Amini
Directed by Rupert Sanders

Snow White and the Movie That Was Far Too Epic!

No film has ever wanted to be Lord of the Rings more than Snow White and the Huntsman. And I say this as someone who has seen dozens of the LOTR ripoffs that sprang up like weeds in the direct to DVD market in the wake of the Rings trilogy sweeping the box office. From the exact same aerial shots in increasingly less-majestic lands, to elves and orcs and crap arguing about magic swords, to Dragon and Eragon and Curse of the Ring, to Dungeon Siege and any fantasy film that dared to try to copy shots and themes, we were awash in their wake. And now, years later, just before Peter Jackson brings us two Hobbit movies, Snow White gets her Lord of the Rings treatment. And it is bland.

Now the Queen is trapped in that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Frame of Mind!

In a year where two Snow White films raced to the box office, Snow White and the Huntsman strayed behind Mirror Mirror in an attempt to cash in on that sweet summer money. And while Mirror Mirror was targeting 8 year old girls, Snow White and the Huntsman is trying to cast a wider net, aiming to get teens and tweens of both genders. With Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth bringing their box office clout, you would think this is a natural mid-range blockbuster. But thanks to the originality and just weird story editing, we’re left with a more vanilla adventure that seems like a script from fanfiction.net.

What happens when you don’t eat Granny Smith!

Snow White (Kristen Stewart) – The most beautiful person in all the lands, and palace tower jailbird. She escapes to lead the rebellion against the evil Queen, if only she can keep from eating apples. Johnny Appleseed was later indicted in her murder. Kristen Stewart is starting to have a thing in movies where she dies and is brought back to life via magic.
The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) – The only person who can hunt down Snow White is Thor, a widower drunk who owes money to dwarfs. So of course that makes him the love interest. I hope you like deciphering accents!
Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) – This Queen in the magical witch version of the aliens from Independence Day. Luckily, Snow White is Will Smith/Bill Pullman/Jeff Goldblum, so her days are numbered. I guess that makes The Huntsman Judd Hirsch. There are worse fates.
William (Sam Claflin) – What? Get outta here, Team Legolas! You’re just in the way. At least you keep your shirt on.
50 Shades of Grey was originally WHAT???

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The Avengers (Review)

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The Avengers


2012
Written by Zak Penn and Joss Whedon
Based on characters created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Directed by Joss Whedon

ATTENTION: THIS REVIEW HAS SPOILERS for everyone, so don’t read this if you haven’t seen it or care about being spoiled and all that jazz. Because there is really no way to get into the meat of the issue without discussing everything. And just to keep people from getting too upset, I’ll throw everything under the Roll Call so you have to click a button to read it….

Tony Stark / Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) – Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist with a suit of armor and a billion quips. I was concerned his personality would be so large it would loom over the others, but he fits in nicely and has good chemistry with Steve Rogers.
Steve Rogers / Captain America (Chris Evans) – The World War II star-spangled man with the plan, frozen in the ice for 70 years to awaken in modern day. His experience helps turn him into the natural leader of the group
Bruce Banner / The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) – Genius scientist and expert on gamma radiation who is turned into a giant green rage monster due to an experiment gone wrong. Has learned to live with his condition. Then Nick Fury’s team comes calling needing some help…
Thor (Chris Hemsworth) – Norse God of Thunder and resident of Asgard, and brother of Loki. Has learned much about being responsible, but must still prevent his brother from causing problems on Earth.
Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) – Former assassin turned SHIELD agent. Expert at fighting and interrogation, and at having regrets that she wants to atone for.
Clint Barton / Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) – Expert marksman and SHIELD agent, and has the mutant power to have archery bows spontaneously generate in boxes of weapons.
Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) – The dude in charge of SHIELD who keeps popping up during closing credits, and brings together all of the above to deal with Loki and his whole alien invasion scheme. But was bringing together all these people a good idea?
Loki (Tom Hiddleston) – Adoptive brother of Thor and currently preparing to help aliens invade Earth. A crazed egomaniac wh delights in causing discord among the team.


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Attack of the Public Domain Source Movies!

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Since Harry Potter is winding down, Twilight has hit the last book as well, and recent franchise attempts have produced a string of failures (I’m looking at you, Percy Jackson & the Olympians!), Hollywood is instead looking to the public domain to find the next big thing! Just think about it: no one to pay author royalties to. A familiar brand. Other, classic films that you can leech off of. Little creative risk. More money from Satan. It’s a wonder we haven been flooded with 50 Snow White movies a year for the past two decades!

Let’s start with the biggest offender, the Wizard of Oz, who will be giving us an impressive 9 films (so far) in the next 2 years.

Oz, the Great and Powerful
This is a prequel of sorts from Disney, with James Franco signed on to play the Wizard in his pre-Oz days in a traveling circus and subsequent entrance to Oz. Sam Raimi is directing and Joe Roth (whose name will show up here a lot) is producing. Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, and Zach Braff also star.

The Witches of Oz
Leigh Scott (of Transmorphers fame!) directs this modern day version where famous children’s author Dorothy Gale finds out her books were based on repressed childhood memories. Sean Astin, Christopher Lloyd, Billy Boyd, and Lance Henriksen star, hopefully none of them play Dorothy! We’re in luck, because it’s this chick, Paulie Rojas
Preview here
The Witches of Oz

Tom and Jerry and the Wizard of Oz
An animated Direct-to-Blu-Ray film featuring the cat and mouse team getting their Oz on.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
This is John Boorman’s CGI version that was supposed to come out a year ago.

Dark Oz
Based on the Calibre Comics series, where Dorothy returns to Oz to find Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion have all gone evil. Pearry Teo directs, the budget is $40 million, Marjorie Jean plays someone named Scraps, and they’ve promised to yank concepts from the 1939 film (like black and white vs color) and Return to Oz.

Surrender Dorothy
Drew Barrymore is fresh off the success of Whip It (ha!) to direct this sequel where Dorothy’s great-great-granddaughter uses the ruby slippers (not in the original book, btw) to fight the Wicked Witch, who is somehow not dead. Zach Helm writes.

Dorothy of Oz
Another animated film supposed to drop in 2012.

L. Frank Baum’s the Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Another damn adaptation of the original novel (there’s 40 Oz books to choose from, people!) directed by Clayton Spinney and written by Sean Gates. The CGI and live action mix reminds me of a low-budget fan film. I can’t get the preview video to play, so here are two creepy promo images:
ScarecrowWoodman

Wicked
Wicked is a book that is a reinterpretation of the Oz series that became a hit musical that has been in talks to become a film forever. But before that happens, we’ll get a tv miniseries based solely on the novel from Salma Hayek’s production company!

There are currently 3 Snow White films worming their way through production:

The Brothers Grimm: Snow White
Directed by Tarsem Singh (The Cell, the upcoming Immortals), this entry is a “dark twist on the classic fairy tale, in which Snow White and the seven dwarfs look to reclaim their destroyed kingdom. ” Featuring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen and Lily Collins as Snow White. Nathan Lane is also in it, and dwarf names include: Half-Pint, Teach, Renbock, Grub, and Stench.

Snow White and the Huntsman
Universal has their own Snow White, and it has Kristen Stewart fresh off of birthing a vampire baby! Besides Stewart as Snow White, Chris Hemsworth is the Huntsman, and Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen. As for the dwarfs, it’s like a whole pack of awesome with Ian McShane, Eddie Izzard, Bob Hoskins, Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan, Stephen Graham, and Ray Winstone. Joe Roth produces this as well. The dwarf names are: Caesar, Claudius, Tiberius, Constantine, Nero, Trajan, and Hadrian. Rupert Sanders will direct (his debut)

Snow and the Seven
You’ll have to wait until 2013 for the long-awaited Disney’s Snow and the Seven, the Kung Fu version of Snow White where she goes to 1800s China for some reason and 7 warriors take the place of the dwarfs. Michael Arndt (Toy Story 3) is writing the newest draft, and the director attached is Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend)

Wash down your three Snow Whites with four Peter Pan films and one miniseries:

The.Never.Land
The.Never.Land has the dumbest name of the four films, and predictably they’re trying to make it a Twilight version of Peter Pan as Peter acts all creepy and Wendy sleepwalks her way through her role… John Swetnam wrote the script.

Untitled Peter Pan Project
This yet to be titled version is a “family adventure” from the producers of Wedding Crashers and some guy named Jeff Rake.

Pan
For some reason, Pan is the hottest commodity of them all, where Peter Pan and Captain Hook are brothers. Channing Tatum will play the most believable boy who never grew up you ever did see! Joe Roth makes his third appearance on this page as producer, and the writer Billy Ray.

Neverland
This time Peter Pan is evil and kidnapping boys, and Captain Hook must stop him. Aaron Henry and Kirk Kjeldsen were the writers who realized there was little else to do but flip the script.

Neverland
Yes, another Neverland, this one a SyFy prequel miniseries with Keira Knightley as Tinker Bell

And here are some one-shots:

Great Expectations
Mike Newell will be directing this straight adaptation, with Jeremy Irvine and Helena Bonham Carter in negotiations. Producers are Stephen Woolley and Elizabeth Karlsen.

Mr. Pip
Sort of related is the adaptation of the novel Mr. Pip by Lloyd Jones. The novel’s plot involves reading Great Expectations and mirrors part of the story. Hugh Laurie stars and Andrew Adamson (director of Shrek 1&2 and Chronicles of Narnia 1&2) directs.

Dark Little Mermaid
This “dark” Little Mermaid version is also based on Mermaid: A Twist on the Classic Tale by Carolyn Turgeon, where there is a love triangle or something. Expect this to get Twilighted the frak up like that Red Riding Hood movie did. Shana Feste will write and direct, and Tobey Maguire and Jenno Topping produce.