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Troll Gets a Remake

Belay your Nilbog jokes, this is the original Troll, not Troll 2. The one with Harry Potter. Not that Harry Potter, the original Harry Potter. Look, this is all very confusing, except that it isn’t confusing. You get it?

Anyway, so the Original Troll film is getting a remake, and they’re going to keep the Harry Potter Jr and Harry Potter names because they want buckets of money from dumb people. I mean, to respect the artistic integrity of the original film. But mostly for buckets of money from stupid people. Start your guesses on which actors from the Harry Potter franchise will get random roles here!

Troll movie


The best part of this news is how douchey the producers of the original Troll sound:

Movie spokesman Ed Lozzi tells WENN that the producers and lawyers behind the film feel they can press on with the project without fear that the movie bosses behind author J.K. Rowling’s Potter empire can shut it down.

Lozzi says, “The original movie was conceived, written and directed by John Carl Buechler in 1986. The film chronicled the adventures of Harry Potter, Jr. after his sister Wendy is attacked and possessed by an evil wizard, posing as a troll in the Potter family’s new apartment complex.

“This film is not a continuation of J.K. Rowling’s intrepid boy wizard. It is about everybody’s other favorite boy with magical powers – Harry Potter Jr. – and his father Harry Potter.”

And the producers have signed top Los Angeles lawyer Thomas Girardi to make sure their project isn’t hampered by the movie executives behind the other Potter films.
Yes, too bad almost no one knows anything about the original Troll or Harry Potter Jr. But forget all that, the next paragraph makes the producers sound like real winners:

He states that Troll producers actually considered suing Warner Bros. over the Harry Potter name some years ago: “While some of the films’ themes might seem familiar, Troll’s owner decided not to sue J. K. Rowling or Warner Bros… because of a family tragedy at the time. They just put it on the back burner… and delayed matters until now.

“There is no problem with doing a remake of Troll because you can remake your own stuff. Everybody knows it was our material. We made the movie years before Rowling came out with her book.”

We were gonna sue, but we had family tragedy for a decade. Right. And I bet they were gonna sue Trollhunter as well, but had headaches from eating ice cream too fast. Just wait until all those Troll Doll movies also come out at the same time, this will be a clustertroll of epic proportions.

Troll Julia Louis-Dreyfus

The only part of the film most people remember...

Trolls get a movie

Not the Trolls from the movie Troll or the Goblins from Troll 2, but those Trolls that are naked with big hair your weird coworker has on her desk and you probably had one as a kid (I had a yellow one that was one inch tall with 2 inches of black hair that I used with my Battle Beasts because he looked ridiculous) I guess they are called The Good Luck Trolls, which sounds like a company trying to save the copyright after everyone has ganked it and made their own naked weird people with big hair. And I am right, according to this summary from the THR article that was probably ganked from Wikipedia:

The troll doll was created in 1959 by Danish fisherman and woodcutter Thomas Dam, when he carved a doll based on Scandinavian trolls for his daughter Lajla. The toy line gained popularity in Europe and the U.S. during the early ’60s, becoming a fad embraced by kids and the counter-culture.

Because Dam Things, the Scandinavian company that produced the toys, lost control of its copyright after failing to comply with U.S. laws, imitators flooded the market in the ’70s and ’80s. However, as a result of a 1994 Congressional law that restored copyright protection to a number of foreign works, the Dam family regained authority.

They mention the 2005 cartoon series, but there were also two other series from the late 90s that might have only been pilots. I remember they aired during a “special week” where KLJB Fox-18 aired a bunch of weirdo cartoons in the morning, the two troll cartoons being two of them. One of them was based on a Troll line for boys that had come out at the time.

Anyway, Dreamworks is doing this crap so expect it to be awful CGI with breakdancing trolls. Maybe they’ll even throw in a Matrix reference, as that is so current. Plus, Trolls love Starbucks!

This awful awful screenshot was all I could find...I am sad now... =(