Troll Gets a Remake

Belay your Nilbog jokes, this is the original Troll, not Troll 2. The one with Harry Potter. Not that Harry Potter, the original Harry Potter. Look, this is all very confusing, except that it isn’t confusing. You get it?

Anyway, so the Original Troll film is getting a remake, and they’re going to keep the Harry Potter Jr and Harry Potter names because they want buckets of money from dumb people. I mean, to respect the artistic integrity of the original film. But mostly for buckets of money from stupid people. Start your guesses on which actors from the Harry Potter franchise will get random roles here!

Troll movie

The best part of this news is how douchey the producers of the original Troll sound:

Movie spokesman Ed Lozzi tells WENN that the producers and lawyers behind the film feel they can press on with the project without fear that the movie bosses behind author J.K. Rowling’s Potter empire can shut it down.

Lozzi says, “The original movie was conceived, written and directed by John Carl Buechler in 1986. The film chronicled the adventures of Harry Potter, Jr. after his sister Wendy is attacked and possessed by an evil wizard, posing as a troll in the Potter family’s new apartment complex.

“This film is not a continuation of J.K. Rowling’s intrepid boy wizard. It is about everybody’s other favorite boy with magical powers – Harry Potter Jr. – and his father Harry Potter.”

And the producers have signed top Los Angeles lawyer Thomas Girardi to make sure their project isn’t hampered by the movie executives behind the other Potter films.
Yes, too bad almost no one knows anything about the original Troll or Harry Potter Jr. But forget all that, the next paragraph makes the producers sound like real winners:

He states that Troll producers actually considered suing Warner Bros. over the Harry Potter name some years ago: “While some of the films’ themes might seem familiar, Troll’s owner decided not to sue J. K. Rowling or Warner Bros… because of a family tragedy at the time. They just put it on the back burner… and delayed matters until now.

“There is no problem with doing a remake of Troll because you can remake your own stuff. Everybody knows it was our material. We made the movie years before Rowling came out with her book.”

We were gonna sue, but we had family tragedy for a decade. Right. And I bet they were gonna sue Trollhunter as well, but had headaches from eating ice cream too fast. Just wait until all those Troll Doll movies also come out at the same time, this will be a clustertroll of epic proportions.

Troll Julia Louis-Dreyfus

The only part of the film most people remember...

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